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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair... Part 18
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, July 31st (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKGirl: I am so sorry about your dog and about everything else on top of it too. When it rains, it pours, right?
My dog died almost 2 years ago - I still have his pic in my kitchen & I'd say it took me at least 1 month to stop thinking about him on a daily basis - it's so hard, they are such a BIG part of our lives.

Tryn:

Also, when I jog, I always think about infidelity. Today, I ran 5 miles and my thoughts… I thought that maybe I would see OM tonight and I would brush up against him…bump him.. so maybe he would hit me…

This is one of my guilty pleasures when I run as well. 2 recurring themes: the 1st is me running off my mouth at OW so she strikes 1st - then I kick her ass & since she started it she gets locked up & probably loses her job as well. (This is my favorite). The 2nd is me & H are broken up & he is with OW but sees me at a party & we hook up and she catches us. Man, I like that one too...
HS - immature - maybe... but I really don't care. It's a great work out. And - should the opportunity arise - I will have it all thought out in advance...
Peace out all.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, July 31st (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeh. Peace out to the Tribe. I'm wrung out. Better tomorrow, perhaps. Although I'll hear her snuffling and shuffling outside my door.

Night. (((Tribe)))

ETA. It was d-day too.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 4:22 PM, July 31st (Saturday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, July 31st (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ukgirl: i am so so sorry for your loss, and on such a downer day too...i hope this doesn't across ill meant..but on the other side at least its only one date as opposed to another date in your future to feel the sadness and sense of loss....

i dread the day when my stupid dog dies...i love her, she has an amazing personality, and her stupidity has kept us in stitches...i really am amazed that she is still alive, she is not old old for a dog her size which is midsize..she is 8...but the stress she puts herself into, well she is in a tizzy almost daily from something...she is afraid of everything...and she gets nuts like its the 4 th of july...


fantasies about the op's...what we'd like to do to them...well i want them to end up hurt and alone..no harm, no violence...just hurt and alone...all of them...

allgood: how'd did your son's party go?


roses: wow, you thinks me is smart??? and clever too???? ....

hey dip did you catch that???

now roses you will have to share, because as smart and clever as you seem to thinks me...i havent figured out about what??... at least not the particulars...so share please!!


(taking a deep breath) i took manchild out driving to day....i still don't quite have all of my bearings yet...i had to grab the wheel twice, scream for him to hit the brakes...and what does he have to say...he thinks he did really good, and "mom, hey video games helped me drive as good as i did today"...well then i am guessin just guessing that he didn't do too well on those games.. ...but we didn't hit anything, came close, but since this is not horseshoes, it doesn't count...


((((tribe))))


oh and dd17 is taking her road test on monday...need lots of si mojo...so please send some...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, July 31st (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle: teaching your kids to drive.... omg. I am sending you mojo.

My son's party went very well actually. I was concerned because it was a pool party & I had to supervise them while dealing with boss lady - but it turned out just fine.
Part 2 - the family is here now. But, all in all, I'm relaxed.
I do wonder sometimes what my husband's family would think if they knew about the A. I wonder if they would be surprised. Despite the blood is thicker than water biz, I still think they would ream him for it.
Doesn't matter really - just a thought.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, July 31st (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nofun: You and your WH are in my prayers. I am so sorry and truly understand the pain and worry you are going through. Please keep posting here for support.

UKgirl: I am so sorry about the loss of your dog. Pets become a true part of the family and we truly feel thier loss. When our dog died 2 years ago, even our family cat missed him. Please try to hang in there and post. As to the geneology research, this is so triggery!! I would suggest taking a break from it for a few weeks or more, especially at this hard time for you. {{{{UKgirl}}}

Allgood and Tryn: I get it about exercising or doing something and all you can think about is the A. (Trying to go to sleep is also hard with all the intrusive thoughts!)
Funny thing, I don't blame OW so much as my WH. I know he must have pursued her and I know how he can be. <sigh>

Miracle: I did not register for the test yet, but got some study aids and practice tests and am working on them.

Been having a real tough couple of days. Maybe I'll post about it in a few days.

{{{{tribe}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
Paper Roses
♀ Member
Member # 19336
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, July 31st (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Again,
What IS buffing my sunnies?

Sorry to hear of those who are having difficult days...it was only a few weeks ago that most of my days were very, very sad and now I am not sad every day. It is really a nice change.

I still feel that it really helps me to have frequent support..so here I am.

The reason...I am no longer sad...every day? Hard to explain..but if you are really interested..PM me and I will try.

I had a very good day today with H. We just got along exceptionally well and I could not help but notice how much more supportive of each other we are becoming. In general..we are being nicer to each other and well...sort of almost friendly!

After at least eleven years of abuse and abandonment and anger and despair...could this be true?

Six years of lying, cheating and covering up a double life and then five years of me NOT dealing with it well AT ALL and he handling it poorly at times and better at times but overall a pretty miserable five years until the last few weeks...could it be getting better?

Time will tell I suppose.

Miracle, well I do not know what to say!

Am I odd..in the nicest of ways possible..which I suppose could mean unusual !

I believe I just might be a bit unusual in that I have had a very difficult life. I have overcome a lot of hardship and sometimes that makes one a bit different. Perhaps that is what you are sensing?

Am I strong yet fragile? I think yes, the above also may speak to that question as well. "Strong at the broken places" they say. I can be easily bruised though.

I do remember teaching my son and daughter how to drive. WHAT FUN!

I have some questions...if you do not mind..for you? I am a little confused..it sometimes sounds as if you left FWH..sometimes sounds as if you reconciled? I am not sure if you are raising your children on your own now...remarried..or in R?

Well off to dream good dreams I do hope!


Me-50-FBW-
He-45-FWh- sober 4 years

Self-deception- is literally a matter of deceiving oneself- and thus raises unique questions.
How can one deceive himself-unless he already knows-what it is that he is deceiving himself about?


Posts: 623 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Los Angeles
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, August 1st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

roses: ask me questions upon questions if you need..

I am a little confused..it sometimes sounds as if you left FWH..sometimes sounds as if you reconciled?

i have not left him nor have i thrown him out...i have made the choice to stay married to him...BUT (a really big big but) in name only...i have opted to stay for my kids...which comes to the second part of your question:

I am not sure if you are raising your children on your own now...remarried..or in R?

we are raising the kids together, they are all teenagers...15, 16 and 17 at the moment...

pfm (prayformiracle) has done quite a bit of damage to my kids, most of all to the 16 yo ds...the emotional abuse and verbal abuse were huge...and the toll it took is still happening...thank god my kids do not do drugs, alcohol or into sex...but manchild (ds16) has been having academic issues...not huge ones, but still issues...he also does not deal with reality too well, and overall doesn't deal well....not over the top, but not well...he has huge issues on being his own person, he completely a follower and is easily swayed by others, and hugely influenced by his peers....anyways, the damage is there, but some of it if not most of it can be reversed...he is young enough...so i told pfm in no uncertain terms that he could stay but only if he did what he needed to do to step up as a father...to do what he should have been doing all along to hopefully repair what he has broken...i made this decision for several reasons...the biggest one is my kids...i know at the age they are now if pfm is out of the home and they know why...his relationship with them will be lost,...and more damage will now be added to what is already there...and with manchild i worry that at his age and his ability to be bigtime influenced he will turn to other more serious acts that will have even stiffer consequences...i have been worrying about this kid for years...and i have been on pfms case for it for about 6 years now, easy....but thats another story another post...

anyways...we are not reconciling...my choice, he wants to but never did what i required for that to happen so i am now done where he is concerned as a husband...the problem with that is everything still hurts, i am still trying to completely detach, not an easy task after loving someone so deeply for so long...but i am in process....and when the kids are older, through college as long pfm behaves and keeps his end up (sooner if he fucks up) i will then divorce him....my boys will be told why, my daughter already knows...she found an email he had written to me last mothers day (2009) and is currently having some as she calls it "daddy issues"...yet something else i hope he fixes...(for her sake for her future relationships)

so roses that is the gist of it...longwinded gist at that....if you have any more questions on any of it, feel free to ask and i will go more into depth if needed...and pfm posts here too btw....makes it difficult for me to be completely open on some issues, so i use the pm feature for those...he reads everything i post in the hopes of getting into my head and into my heart....

your buffing sunnies question is one for ukgirl...she tried to explain it to us, but i still didn't understand completely!!


and don't panic we are on the last page and we will only go to 999 posts and will need a new thread....we just ask a mod over in general and the mods are great about it and usually speedy to help....


your "oddness"...i was not referring to your personality at all...you are so far out, appear to be so strong and together so to speak...yet i sense your heart being almost tenuous...best word i can use is fragile...like there is this delicate balance at the moment within you...and if this balance is somehow put into unbalance your sense of being this strong woman will be crushed....and you have any amazing capacity for compassion for your husband...almost protective, yet you still very much feel the sting of his betrayal...i could go on and on, but i am afraid i will only confuse both of us...and like i said before i could be off base...


honest: post when you are ready...and DO POST...you need to not withdraw, we are here for you...and after i finish this post i will be pm'ing you...so check your msgs..

allgood: i am glad that all went well, and i so understand the anxiety around having a pool party with kids...been having them every year since we moved to this house over 10 years ago....when we got the inground pool though i got really nervous and went out and bought a "hook"...so i could save anyone without having to worry that i am not a strong swimmer....having that here gives me a small sense of security, very small...but there nonetheless..


but no matter what counting heads is the most important tool...and i use it even now....it becomes habit...


and allgood i will so take the driving mojo....today was an experience..


((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Paper Roses
♀ Member
Member # 19336
Default  Posted: 1:17 AM, August 1st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miracle
"we are raising kids together"
That is a very unselfish thing to do and it makes sense to me now. I have read some of your H's posts and I know he wants to R very much. I am certain it must be very difficult to detach while in the same house and home...I have attempted as much myself. I was able to have some success but it is hard to do. I do admire your committment to your children...many ae not as committed and the children deserve every chance they can get, I wish you the best with them.

Still not sure what you men but perhaps PM me if you need to be more specific? I do not feel very protective of H but perhaps a bit lately? You have read my posts over the years and I have been pretty hard on him.

I do hold back some...will never give my heart as I did before..just can't . I am sure most here are the same.

do you hang out in any of the other "I can Relate places?

I do not have thoughts about ow very often but it has been a long time for me. Also I do not really blame her,as someone else said (sorry it is late and I forgot who said it) I blame my H not the stupid drunken women who were sitting on bar stools next to him. They did not know me or owe me a thing. Not too bright in my opinion and their own lifestyle will be its own reward. So, so happy I am not them!

Good Night again


Me-50-FBW-
He-45-FWh- sober 4 years

Self-deception- is literally a matter of deceiving oneself- and thus raises unique questions.
How can one deceive himself-unless he already knows-what it is that he is deceiving himself about?


Posts: 623 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Los Angeles
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 1:35 AM, August 1st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Tribe,

honesttoafault it is nice to see you posting. allgoodnamesgone I am glad the party went well and the family visit is going OK too. UKgirl, I am sorry you have so many negatives right now. iwantamiracle good luck with the driving lessons. Our last one starts in October. Paper Roses you are really settling in well, nice to have you here in LTA.

I managed to turn a great day into an awkward night, and now cannot sleep. FWW is doing so many (every?) things right, why can't I trust her and just enjoy us. So many have realy problems, I seem to need to create them in my life.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, August 1st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle: a hook for the pool? Lol. I think it's great that you thought of that, I can't stop laughing thinking of you wading thru the water with a giant hook.

Ats: I'm sure you don't create problems for the Hell of it. What's reallygoing on?

Honest & PaperRoses: Good for you for not blaming OW. PaperRoses - if they were random women who didn't know what was going on - that's one thing. Honest - God Bless You you are too sweet. I'd do plenty of blaming - she knew exactly what was going on.

I realize that as between the 2 of them, my H is the one that broke his vows, OW owed nothing to me. She was a stranger to me until my H brought her into my life. (To update some of you - she became a client of mine). So, I don't have any good feelings for her - all I know of her is that she knew he was married, knew I was pregnant & carried on with him anyway. THen, she sought my services professionally, that stupid biatch even called me once crying about some repurcusions of her prior stupid actions and I consoled her. (That really pisses me off). Plus - since she was a "friend" of my H - I gave her a break on the bill too. (Argh!)
But, the icing on the cake, and I had told this to my H too - was when she broke NC and gave him the secret phone. This is the beginning of the end for them both. I was willing to start fresh - to accept certain things that went wrong in our M, certain misconceptions, etc. - but in the aftermath of DDAy - my H supposedly opened his eyes and saw what a grave error in judgment he had & broke NC anyway. And, as for the biatch - she just wouldn't back off & got him the phone. PLUS, she had the nerve to contact me after DDay regarding her case (after I made it very clear that she should get another attorney)!
And, in reality, I continue to hate her because I remain threatened by her. She is nearly 10 years younger than me with a fantastic body & she is quite the party girl -I'm sure she & my H had a fantastic time together & combine that with the fact that they share mutual friends & I fear that they may see each other again, etc. Anyway, you get the idea.

But, the point is, you 2 are correct and I am not. But, my heart, not my head, is calling the shots these days.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, August 1st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

good morning tribe,

roses: i have not read any of your posts from previous years, when i went to your profile this morn the only posts from then are in "those in the dark", and i am too tired to go through all 38 pages to see what you wrote.... ....i only know of you from here and a bit in the "r" forum...i dont venture into that forum unless a catchy title pops up on the home page....

as for the other icr threads...no..i ventured in a bit in multiples..but it was a thread that was not very busy at all, the postings seemed to be far and few between....i tried to ask questions of the ws...no one could answer them seeing as pfm is truly so unlike most of them, if not all of them....

i got very attached here in lta very early on....it has great people, mostly the same people..and if feels like family in here...we have some oldies...those who are still here since i have been here and those who pop in now and then, and still those who pop in very infrequently usually filled with "happy"...those are the ones too that kind of reaffirm humanity to me...those are the ones who succeeded....not all have complete trust in their mates...but enough trust to keep them there...they each seem to have a plan for a just in case and each have let themselves go enough to be happy...they trust themselves now where they may no longer completely trust their partner....and it is wonderful to see.....


allgood: i do not have to be in the pool with the hook ....thank god...i am way to short to navigate that one...its on a 8 foot pole to go into the deep end.....i am still laughing at the picture you conjured up of me...


But, my heart, not my head, is calling the shots these days.

this jumped at me...it is a combination of both i think that we need to be happy with whatever sich each of us has chosen...to listen completely to either one i feel would be a mistake...for the heart does not always follow what is good for you and the head may not always give the heart what it needs....i think in each case, in each instance depending on what the instance is, the 2 must find a compromise...and the only time one would over ride the other would be in times of danger...danger even to your very well being..not necessarily danger physically but also a danger to who you are...if your needs cannot be met, or if the very essense of who you are has to be compromised...these are dangers to you and your soul and must not be tolerated....so the head need to rule on those issues....

if leaving the relationship will cause you possible regret a year from now, that is your heart and that is where your heart would need to rule...

and so on and so on...

ats: i think it a matter of fear...i think you are afraid to trust her and when you feel like you might you pull back in fear...so instead of looking at it from the perspective of trusting in her again...how about looking at it from the angle of trusting yourself...it will take practice for sure...everytime that edge shows up you need to talk to yourself and tell yourself where to trust "YOU"...so that if she does mess up you have a plan and you know what will be accepted and not accepted....perspective plus intention will give you reality....

hoping all have a good day today....

bbl


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, August 1st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A lazy Sunday morning makes life better. iwan, you certainly have insight. This morning FWW and I started talking to process last night. At one point we were holding each other and I was trembling. I told her I felt fear, I did not know from where, but that is what I felt. We taled a lot about trust and fear. We both have old scripts playing that we need to move past. She remembers how she felt about me and her mis-perceptions. She does not trust that the new feelings are real or will stay. I remember all the things she told me back then, things designed to prevent intimacy. I spent a fumbling 15 minutes trying to explain why I love her and how I know I need to work on being able to articulate that better. She is asking, because she is looking to me to teach her how to love.

Still, I am disappointed to have had the toad OM#2 in bed with me last night, and that he was only there with me.

And, in reality, I continue to hate her because I remain threatened by her.

allgoodnamesgone, I understand this and feel the same about OM#2. He is not a younger party animal, but he has money and the things that brings along with a smooth salesman's tongue. That is attractive to many women, including FWW.

--Ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, August 1st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood - I understand how you feel threatened about OW. I felt threatened for the longest time. And I still can't get OW out of my mind. I am actually embarrassed to admit this. I don't know why she takes up space there every single day. I wish her every possible horrible fate on a daily basis. I guess it's my own insecurities.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, August 1st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NJgal480, FWW is almost finished reading PISD, then maybe I can take a better look

While we were talking last night, she equated reading it to a twisting knife in her chest, but that it is really helping her to go back to early issues and to understand why I am behaving as I am. She says that it is a benchmarks for her in our R.

Thank you for the suggestion.

Great brunch with FWW and both kids today. Oatmeal and sourdough dough is rising, later she and I are going to hear bands at a fund raiser for cleaning the oil soaked birds. Tonight DS18 is having friends over for a cookout with us. I wish we'd had more of these days before, I cherish each one now.

--ATS


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Paper Roses
♀ Member
Member # 19336
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, August 1st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Long Tribe,
I don't know if the tribe has a name so I think I will try some on for size...do not worry I will not call us Affair Tribe!

Maybe... Who Are we Tribe? As we are looking to find ourselves in all of this?

Thanks ats for saying I am fitting in..I like that...fitting in! I really sort of need a place to hang out once in a while..thanks!
glad you and W talked this morning and I am impressed that she is reading PTID! That will help you and she a lot!

All Good..I HATE your FWH's ex-ow too! She sounds horrible and if I had been ..had to deal with her...she went out of her way to humiliate and destroy you..while you were pregnant? She sounds like an evil horrid vicious bitch ..beyond redemption!

That being said...the women that my FWH tended to find his thrills with ...I guess I have convinced myself are not very threatening to me...they were at times..the one he fell in love with in particular of course! She can even slip into my head or a nightmare now and again..I think I had a nightmare a few months ago and then looked her up on My Space and decided she looked good and felt bad for a few days...but..overall...they are just not worth my time.

They were alcoholic bimbo's with no morals, not very bright. Some were pretty..prettier than I and younger and no doubt more fun...especially since the affair...since I tend to be sort of mood swingy since the affair! BUT...how can I really compare myself unfavorably...with someone who is willing to steal another person's husband?

Someone so ugly inside that she was willing to take an unborn child's father from him/her? She has no respect for herself or for life in general. Pathetic!

Iwanta..I seem to remember seeing a lot of you..so it may have been on WS? Anyway, I get what you mean by being tenuous...a little bit fearful of what the future may hold. I am always a little worried.

Got to go now.


Me-50-FBW-
He-45-FWh- sober 4 years

Self-deception- is literally a matter of deceiving oneself- and thus raises unique questions.
How can one deceive himself-unless he already knows-what it is that he is deceiving himself about?


Posts: 623 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Los Angeles
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, August 1st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i do not have long...so i may have to sign off before i can finish...so if i disappear it means my sil has arrived and i need to go...so now i need to vent:

AAAARRRGGGHHHH...manchild...why does this child never beleive me, his dad and now even my mom whom i know he adores and respects beyond all...pfm's emotinal abuse sure has played a role in who this kids is...the stupidity and absolute stubborness to understand when we tell him something is wrong...damn him...my throat actually hurts from screaming at this child....the story is too long to go into, but the short of it is he is so hell bent on what his job supervisors seem to do, that whatever they do is just ok...and we keep telling him that its illegal if they do what he claims they will do...but he doesn't believe it, thinks we dont know jack about the "real world"...that we need to bend for everyone...aaarrrgghhh...i want to pummel him and i want to pummel pfm, this is all his fault...it is so clear to me how impressionable this kid is, how no matter what it is about we, his dad and i don't know jack about anything...he believes in everyone else, no matter how insane it seems...i worry about this kid so much...i used to fret over him...i really used to believe he was prime pickins for a pediphile..i used to argue with pfm about it all the time....i actually threatened pfm over it a long long time ago..that if our son was ever touched in that way i would cavbe his heart out...and hand it to his parents...i think if this child finds out about his daddy before he is ready its gonna be so damned ugly...and worse i am not so sure what he might turn to for solace...i really need to stay the course and that idiot i am married to better stay the course and not give me reason to end it all and throw his ass out....

i am so fucking fustrated right now....arrgghhh...when when is this kid ever gonna learn, when is he ever gonna start thinkin for himself and believe that we truly do know better on certain crap...when...i am beginning to hate that word almost as much as time...when and time....and its over something so inanely stupid, stupid stupid....

my sil was here earlier today and is coming back...more issues there...

found out through another sil that her daughter (my niece) might have an autoimmune disease...my mil, loving woman that she is could only respond with "well no one on our side of the family has anything like that,so she didn't get it from us"...

this is where pfm came from....

i am al over the place, sorry, so much going through my mind.....mostly though about manchild....he is them, he is so much like my inlaws....and it scares me...

my son is basically a good egg, i am trying to see the good in what he is arguing...how he is pushing my other son to be a stand up guy and take his responsiblity in his volunteer position seriously...which means his work ethic is spot on...however its too much...over the top....he is holding srawny boy responsible for the big bosses responsilbity, not realizing that there is a chain of cmmand and that they are all responsible

i know i am not explaining well at all....am actually not explaining at all...i will get into it later on...its just too long...bottom line he thinks that the bosses at his job do not need to be held accountable for making sure the camp is covered at all times...that leaving for a doctors appt...well leaving at an unconvenient time should take place....that the adults do not have to step up and be held accountable...he claims that what is supposed to be and what is are 2 different entities...and that is fine but inform us when these things happen so we can make the necessary phone calls to to take care of it...

nooooo...it just is and we need to leave it be otherwise scrawny boy will be fired....which make 0 sense!!!! we keep telling him what the legal responsiblities are and he says it doesn't matter, these people just do what they do anyways...so i tell him then tell us when it happens and we can take care of it, you have rights...and then it starts all over again...he cannot admit to any of it...then he pushed me over the top trying to tell me that when my dad died, even then when he had to leave to go to the wake, noone was sent to cover him with the kids...3 years later this is the first we are hearing it...i told him that his bosses could have been held responsible...

gotta go


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Paper Roses
♀ Member
Member # 19336
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, August 1st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((miracle)))))


Me-50-FBW-
He-45-FWh- sober 4 years

Self-deception- is literally a matter of deceiving oneself- and thus raises unique questions.
How can one deceive himself-unless he already knows-what it is that he is deceiving himself about?


Posts: 623 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Los Angeles
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, August 1st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

o.k. i feel a bit better now, throat still sore though..

and thanks roses..

manchild apologized to me for his attitude and screaming at me...but still stands by his idiocy...i cannot say this to him but i can say it here.. ..he is just like his father..2 idiots in a pod...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 12:51 AM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{{{{Miracle}}}}}

I truly understand what you are saying, but also, it is part of being a teen that they believe Mom and Dad don't know anything!

Don't give up, though. Calm yourself, and try to talk again with your DS. And listen. It's very hard sometimes not to interrupt our kids,when we want to scream at them "how could you???".
I am so sorry to hear about your niece. I will keep her in my prayers. Sometimes the doctors are wrong. DS 34 had a cancer scare a few months ago. The doctors swore it was cancer, and then more tests and it wasn't. They triple checked and it wasn't.

Our kids are the products of us. Unfortunately, DS 34 got the best of his father and me in looks, but the worst parts of us in personality!!! On the other hand, DS 30 has the best parts of our personalities!!( the joke is that DS 30 looks like a clone of his uncle and I had nothing to do with him )

Hang in there, Miracle. The teen years are very hard. When WH and I were dating, he never had kids and mine were already 12 and 16. I didn't know if I wanted to start over again because I didn't want to go through the teens again!!! But, I will tell you this, when they get in thier 20's, it will be worth it. They will actually want to have conversations with you, they will actually call you and ask for your advice!!!!

Vent all you want Miracle, we're here for you.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle - I know exactly what you are talking about when it comes to manchild. My son is 25 and I still worry about him. It does get better. I remember when he thought I was so stupid that he wouldn't talk to me.

That all changed and it is getting better. My son also is a product of his father's personality. God help us if he follows in his father's footsteps. I have talked to him at great lengths about this. And one day "manchild" will listen when you talk also.

Part of our M problems stemmed from our teenagers. My H was verbally abusive, demanding, controlling and when the kids decided they didn't want to hear it anymore, they shut him out. They basically used to yes him to death so they wouldn't have to listen to him. Heck I shut him out too and that is when the problems started. There is only so much one can take. He wouldn't go to counceling so he went to OW instead.

The rest is history. my son loves his dad because he is his dad but he is very angry at him and how he chose to live his life and treat his mother. the whole family dynamic changes once the kids know about the A.

Hang in and try not to stress out too much (I know easier said than done). It does get better, honest!

((((miracle))))


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
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