Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: amanda123 (43207)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts 5
TooManyYears
♀ Member
Member # 26108
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, December 7th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bamboozled1,

I'd also like to thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to share something so painful and private with others in the hopes that they will experience growth from it. I still experience shame when I think about the acting out that my H did. I still cannot share my story freely, and some days I struggle with the idea of serenity, although I am making progress.

It is so nice to hear that you have healed. It gives others hope.


Me- 40
H, rSA- 46
2 young adult children
Married 21 years
Last D-day 9/19/09 (Many before this)

Posts: 496 | Registered: Nov 2009
MoreThanMe
♀ Member
Member # 25451
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, December 7th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'll repost them for reference:
1. "I am basically a bad, unworthy person."
2. "No one would love me as I am." (Or, "If you knew me, really, really knew me, you would leave me!")

I apologize for not posting- Iam reading.
I don't "get" the above quote. My WH seems like I am lucky to be in the same room with him. That he is heaven sent. I don't thinkmhe thinks he is worthless......
But I and he and his CSAT think he ia def. A SA.

Thoughts?


Brevity, typos & misspellings provided by my ipad and fatigue.
It's been 4 years, SA husband sober. We're doing okay. Today.

fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on Ashley.com. 08/25/2009


Posts: 694 | Registered: Sep 2009
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, December 7th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MoreThanMe,

This is not always easy to see. In my WS's case, he presents as full of himself. He brags a lot, pretends not to care what anyone in the world thinks of him. He self-aggrandizes a lot. I can now see through some of it, but it wasn't always something I saw and understood.

Compartmented


Posts: 1059 | Registered: Aug 2010
FmrLIer
♀ Member
Member # 29784
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, December 7th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you guys for your continued advice. I feel like I've been drowning the last two days. Thanks to people on here, I've been able to maintain my sanity and stay focused on MYSELF.

I had my eyes opened yesterday on just how bad WH's SA truly is. But, I'm glad it's all coming to light now and I thank God that I was a member here when it happened or I would have been lost.

WH's OA is climbing. When questioned he says he can't recall everything. I want to say that I remember reading on here (I think in the Healing Library) that this is quite common. I have to go back and re-read it because at the time I didn't think he was SA or had multiple OA.

I've also learned that he's been a member of several free adult sites and have emailed back and forth with several women on them.

7 - Words cannot express how thankful I am to you. Your words of wisdom have carried me through the last two days. Thank you!!

I am now more aware. I haven't decided 100% what I will do just yet. The only thing I let him know as far as boundaries is that if he doesn't continue to seek treatment AND IC AND MC - I'm gone. I'll be done. That I can say with certainity. Boundaries for porn haven't been set yet because I'm not real sure what the consequences should be. But, I'll figure them out. Another OA and I'm done too. I'm not speaking of any from last year, but new ones. I'm pretty sure that TTing and fog are going on with him right now.

[This message edited by FmrLIer at 5:03 PM, December 11th (Saturday)]


Me (BS)
Him (fSAH)
OA/PA

Ignorance was bliss but it wasn't the reality of my marriage...


Posts: 427 | Registered: Oct 2010
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, December 7th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MoreThanMe
Those are the CORE BELIEFS of the SA. Core. Inner. Not something he would necessarily show you or say to you. It's important to understand that that is what most SAs FEEL all the time, whether they outwardly express it or not.

My rSA always has to be right and presents himself as very confident. He's not.

TooManyYears,

Basically, we're in agreement and even if we weren't, that'd be ok too. You are very eloquent and I think we're both giving good advice. She needs professional intervention and she needs to choose it.

Fmr

Hang in there. I'm glad I've helped.

7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
Godsgirl
♀ Member
Member # 27521
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, December 7th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So Wh came over tonight and confessed that he has been in an active A this whole year with unprotected sex and no birth control. And all I feel at this moment was that I knew I wasn't crazy. My gut has been screaming this whole time.

I am married to a very out-of-control SA, and I don't believe he is a pediaphile (spelling?) just a sick, sick man whose addiction has center stage in his life even above the well being and safety of his kids and wife. No, he will not be living with us. Yes, my kids come first. Yes, they are my priority along with my own healing and recovery. Yes, my marriage is over.

I feel very scared and alone.


Me-BS (38)
Him-SAWH (38)
4 precious kiddos
Multi DDay's,False R
4 Ea's, 1 ONS, 3 STA's, & 2 LTA's & 1 OC

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!


Posts: 836 | Registered: Feb 2010
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 11:50 PM, December 7th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Godsgirl
I'm sorry. I know you're hurting.

You're going to have to legally protect your kids in the divorce. You're going to have to report the MB in front of your daughter. They will give him unsupervised visitation if you don't. And it doesn't sound like he's seeking treatment.

Protect yourself and children.

Keep up your recovery (read, see a CSAT) so that you don't choose another addict down the line. (It's way more common than you think!)

7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
torn2bits
♀ Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You all have been so helpful to me in understanding this horrible situation. My SA is going to IC weekly but doing nothing else. He says he loves me, does not wnat divorce but here we are over a year later and he is still contacting and seeing the OW. He has been TT and is very teary eyed at times then he serves me my dinner,etc. We had a talk and he says he can't have unconditional love right now I guess. He says we can't tongue kiss or have sex. I ask why, he says we can just cuddle. He says I am here and won't leave the house because that's abandonment.

We both don't want a divorce but I filed and we won't be married any longer this weekend. I have learned from you that I have to come first and that I need to surrender the outcome. It is hard when I still love him, he loves me and he won't leave. I'm scared to be without him, of my future with my kids alone. He says heks lonely. I said I am lonely too. The stupid thing is that he is still sexting her but is checking my bb and has recently accused me of cheating. I am sad over the loss of my dreams with this man. He still talks about our retirement,etc. What do I do now?


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
FmrLIer
♀ Member
Member # 29784
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, December 9th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH has an appointment Monday with a CSAT for his initial evaluation. Our MC said he felt like his use of porn and other sexual stimulation was an addiction and was able to recommend a CSAT in our town. I have no doubt that he's and SA, and neither does he.

I just don't know where to go from here. It's so overwhelming to know that's an issue he has to tackle along with just finding out today about the additional OA's and about the PA's. It's alot to process.

He also told me how many hours a day he actually surfed/cybered online and masturbated. I was floored.

I can't believe I was so naive to the whole thing.

I'm concerned because he thinks that taking the online course, seeing a CSAT is going to make things all better. I'm not sure he understands how tough this road is going to be.

This is a bit personal and slightly embarrassing, but, I wonder if we'll ever be able to have a "normal" sex life again? I mean, right now, because of the hurt and anger I can't stand to be near him, let alone be touched or naked in front of him. So, will it ever be normal again?



Me (BS)
Him (fSAH)
OA/PA

Ignorance was bliss but it wasn't the reality of my marriage...


Posts: 427 | Registered: Oct 2010
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, December 9th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I recommend seeing a CSAT for yourself, for your healing. I travel to one, about once a month. I have an IC as well, where I talk about all sorts of things, but at the CSAT's office, we talk SA stuff specifically. She's been very helpful to me.

I'm so sorry for all of us to be in the shoes we are in. I had no idea my life would take this path. I'm overwhelmed. Almost a year out and I'm still scared, hurt, confused, and I still can't believe him.

FmrLier, I've been wondering the same thing about a sex life in the future with ANYBODY!!! WTF?

Compartmented


Posts: 1059 | Registered: Aug 2010
HIDINGFROMCRAZY
♀ Member
Member # 27592
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, December 9th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, is there such a thing as SA lite?

I read some of your stories and am completely appalled. After talking briefly to one MC (that we ultimately didn't use because of cost) and my IC (whom I've only seen 3 times) - and describing what I know of FWH's affairs, both have "gently suggested" that this may be a case of SA.

The first D-day, 3 years ago, I found he had registered online with multiple dating sites (yahoo, match, Ashley Madison). I found a large file of downloaded porn pics. I found emails and some saved chats. He confessed when I handed him a copy of one of the emails, cried & apologized profusely, swore that "nothing had happened, it was just talk" (although I had proof that he had met at least one for lunch - she sent a rather curt follow up email saying she didn't date married men). He promised to take everything down and stop all activity. As far as I could tell he did (hadn't found SI at that point, so didn't know all the methods to follow up! We reconciled and had HB, and I thought things were actually going well.

Fast forward to last Christmas. Some time during the holidays I went to the computer (a new laptop - the old machine used previously is still upstairs but doesn't get internet) and found he had left open his email. On it were emails from the OW, with whom he had engaged in a long term affair, around 2 1/2 years at the time. I outed him again, said he could have a divorce (there emails seemed friendly and genuine, I was more than ready to let him move on) but that I wanted to keep it quiet until the end of March because our daughter was getting married. Once again the tears and apologies. This time he claimed that she was a "leftover" from before. That she had saved his email address and wrote him, he responded just trying to be friendly, one thing led to another, etc. Of course he had to drive across state lines to meet with her. Then he claimed that she knew he was married and threatened to blackmail him, and that is why he kept it up for all these years. Folks, I'm not making it up - he has stuck to this story all year. Found out from OW that they had met from his profile on POF (which I'm pretty sure I didn't see any evidence of the first time, but then I was a novice at sleuthing.)

Just before Thanksgiving I found another series of emails going back and forth with another OW, these about the time he was hooking up with LTA OW. When confronted he said he had no idea who that was.

So - question for the experienced here - does this sound like he is a SA? Definitely or just possibly? I have my suspicions that there was probably activity prior to what I uncovered starting 5 years ago, but I don't know.

I've have asked him repeatedly to go to IC, but he hasn't made any effort to do so. We went to a crappy MC for a few sessions, but stopped - it was really a waste of time. As I said, I'm now in IC. Obviously I don't trust my own judgement, since the last time I thought things were SOOO much better, only to find they had continued unabated. He seems to be "behaving", but I question whether he is just white knuckling, and will start up again when he thinks the coast is clear.

Does it matter that we don't have sex? He stopped with me when his LTA heated up (early 2008), and even though it ended in January of 2010, still nothing, although he likes/insists that we sleep together and spoon every night. I'm moving away from wanting to R, because I'm beginning to see that I'm really not getting much of anything out of this relationship. Not sure what he gets, although after the Thanksgiving meltdown he did cry and say he didn't want to spend the rest of his life alone. Seems to me like he's got plenty of women to take care of that, but I do believe he wants the fairy tale family life.

So, good chance he's a SA, or just a philanderer with a lot of issues. Is there a difference?


Me: BS 58
Him: FWH - 60
Dday #1 - around Feb, 2007
Dday #2 - around Christmas, 2009
3 children - 30,26,23

I cannot prevent the Birds of Sorrow from passing over my head, but I can keep them from building a nest in my hair.


Posts: 470 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: GA
openedupmyeyes
♀ Member
Member # 27871
Exclaimation  Posted: 6:02 PM, December 9th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all, I don't know where to start. For all of you who are unfamiliar with my story feel free to read my profile.
Bottom line, my H has not been diagnosed as a SA but.. he has ALLOT of porn. He like to edit the scenes he enjoys ,and make a new movie. Over the past 20 years he's had thousands. As of today I stopped counting at 101. There weren't that many left, but damn. To make a long story short he hasn't been looking at them since DDay, with 1?? slip up?? He didn't think I would mind him looking. My problem ??? well the main one is it takes time away from us. After that:
A)I believe his use of porn escalated in an affair.
B) His AP looks like the chicks in the porn flicks.
C) So, I feel like when he masturbates and is aroused and or spending time amusing himself with this pastime he is cheating on me again, and again.
He knows how I feel.
Yesterday he went to IC, and talked to the Dr about all of the stresses he is under right now. No job, sick daughter,her kids living with us. Tight money,Basically... our life right now. How much he misses his movies.
The Dr suggested he ask me how I felt about coming to a comprimise. Perhaps he could watch when I'm out of the house or asleep.
Now... ofcourse...he didn't want to ask me but, "I" asked how the session went, and even though he was uncomfortable with the subject, he's glad he put it out there.Because it would relive some stress for him.

Now I've got a knot in my chest. WTF
He knows what will happen if he cheats again. He is remorseful. BUT... OMG I don't
know if I can do this, and my story isn't as horrific as some that I have read. But...I'm just sick about this. whats wrong with me?


Me:53 BS
Him:53 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:35
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.

Posts: 759 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: The Great State of Texas
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, December 9th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hiding,
So, is there such a thing as SA lite?
No.
So - question for the experienced here - does this sound like he is a SA?
YES
Definitely or just possibly?
DEFINITELY! and it's not "lite." Read my profile. My husband possibly had sex with more women but other than that their behaviors are the same. Porn and online profiles and affairs.
he is just white knuckling, and will start up again when he thinks the coast is clear.
Yes, if he seems to have stopped cold turkey, he is white knuckling it and it WILL NOT LAST.
So, good chance he's a SA, or just a philanderer with a lot of issues. Is there a difference?
Yes there is and your husband is a sex addict.

List of resources for Spouses/Partners of SA
This is the advice and list of resources I give to all members newly dealing with a possible or confirmed SA partner. This is all good advice even if you don't stay together. If you don't educate yourself about SA and codependency you're very likely to end up with another addict partner.

~~
Educate yourself about sexual addiction.
First and foremost you should read these books:

"Mending a Shattered Heart: A Guide for Partners of Sex Addicts" by Stefanie Carnes.

"Deceived: Facing Sexual Betrayal, Lies and Secrets" by Claudia Black PhD

and

"Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal" by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means
~~~~
His best hope for recovery is for him to seek treatment with a CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) Here is a resource to find CSATs by zip code:
http://www.iitap.com/find_csat.cfm

You might also want to start on that website to find a good therapist for yourself. He has to work his recovery on his own and even if he doesn't get help you'll need counseling to recover from the trauma of being married to a sex addict. And believe me, it IS a trauma. You need to find counselors who are experts on SA otherwise you're in for a world of confusion and pain. (This is my opinion based on experience)
~~~~
Online resources:
http://www.sexhelp.com
This is Dr Patrick Carnes' website. He is *the* expert on SA.

http://www.sa.org
Sexaholics Anonymous
If your husband faces his sex addiction and seeks treatment he'll most likely be directed to a 12-Step group. This is the one I recommend. If you look at their site you'll also find information for yourself that may be helpful. (I personally recommend SA not SAA because SAA is too lax in their definition of healthy sexual behavior. This is my opinion.)

http://www.recoverynation.com is an excellent online community with online recovery workshops for both the SA and the spouse. (This should not replace seeing a CSAT (see below) and going to SA meetings (see above) for the sex addict but is a great addition to those things.)

http://www.candeocan.com This is an excellent source of information. They focus on what they call "porn addiction" however, there is no such thing, it is ALL sex addiction. The info on their site is so good that I still recommend it with the explanation that "porn" addiction is in fact "sex" addiction.
~~~~
To fully understand SA you both need to do some reading. If he doesn't face his addiction you should still do the reading to help yourself and decide what you want. I don't advise women to stay with SAs who are not in recovery and who are not sober.

I recommend for the partner (in addition to the 3 above):

"Don't Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction" by Patrick Carnes (I recommend you read this after you've read "Mending a Shattered Heart" and the others, but not before.)

For the SA:
"Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction" by Patrick Carnes
(I don't recommend you read this book, but it would be an excellent read for your husband to start if he's willing to face his addiction, while you read "Mending a Shattered Heart")

Most SAs have a serious porn habit, this book "Porn Nation" by Michael Leahy, would be a good book for the SA. Mr. Leahy is a recovering sex addict who had a serious porn addiction that cost him pretty much everything before he finally hit bottom. (I don't recommend that wives read this book at first. It's too triggery for "just found outs")
~~~~
Sadly, a really helpful post regarding boundaries and consequences has long since been lost. Here is a link to a website with good info on it:
http://joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm

This is going to be vital for you going forward. You cannot force him to seek treatment and you cannot control him but you do have a right to set boundaries to keep yourself safe.

7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, December 9th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

openedupmyeyes
The Dr suggested he ask me how I felt about coming to a comprimise. Perhaps he could watch when I'm out of the house or asleep.

IF (and this is a BIG IF) the so-called "doctor" said this, he is a fucking moron! He's telling you to enable the addict. Your husband needs to stay away from this idiot. FAR, FAR away. The reason I say "if" is because it's also possible that the "doctor" said no such thing and your sex addict husband is trying to bamboozle you. Either way, it's WRONG. He needs to see a CSAT and you both need to go to the first session so that you can be sure he does not lie about his addiction. He IS a sex addict. I have no doubt.

I just posted the list of resources in my reply above. Please use it.

7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
openedupmyeyes
♀ Member
Member # 27871
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, December 9th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its felt wrong to me.


Me:53 BS
Him:53 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:35
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.

Posts: 759 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: The Great State of Texas
openedupmyeyes
♀ Member
Member # 27871
Shutup  Posted: 9:58 PM, December 9th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It just felt so wrong to me. I don't know what I'm going to do... The $$$ for a new Dr is daunting. But this is not going away., and I am certainly NOT going to give him permission look at porn to relive his stress. Hell... I've got stress too.I told him he just wants his drug and he'll do what he needs to to get it.

Thanks 7, you gave me the courage to come and post here.


Me:53 BS
Him:53 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:35
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.

Posts: 759 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: The Great State of Texas
HIDINGFROMCRAZY
♀ Member
Member # 27592
Default  Posted: 12:29 AM, December 10th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks 7,

I've been trying to keep the blinders on, but think I have to admit that this is the case. Since he won't even consent to IC (and that is honestly the ONLY thing I have asked him to do, other than cut it off with the OW), I can guarantee he won't consider a CSAT. I even mentioned to him early on that he was showing a lot of the earmarks of a sex addict, and he just huffed and dismissed it.

I had a terrible day at work and came home and kind of spilled my guts, hoping I might at last get some kind of support, but he just looked at me like a deer in the headlights, poured himself a glass of wine, and went upstairs to watch tv. That is the answer to the question my IC asked me last week - what are you getting out of this marriage? Answer I now know is "absolutely nothing". End of story.


Me: BS 58
Him: FWH - 60
Dday #1 - around Feb, 2007
Dday #2 - around Christmas, 2009
3 children - 30,26,23

I cannot prevent the Birds of Sorrow from passing over my head, but I can keep them from building a nest in my hair.


Posts: 470 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: GA
cafeaulait
♀ Member
Member # 29173
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, December 10th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a bit personal and slightly embarrassing, but, I wonder if we'll ever be able to have a "normal" sex life again? I mean, right now, because of the hurt and anger I can't stand to be near him, let alone be touched or naked in front of him. So, will it ever be normal again?

It had been mentioned in this forum before, but your SA should work out an Abstinence Contract with his CSAT for 90 days of abstinence from any sort of sexual activity (with you, with himself etc). I cannot tell you how much this helped both my husband and myself. One - it gave us time to help build intimacy - real intimacy not involving sex - on a level that had not been present in our relationship before. The CSAT for both of us helps this as well - but taking sex "off the table" - gave us real relationship stuff to focus on.
My SA also told me the 90 days really "changed his head" and that his thinking process seems so different now. Granted that he is working a recovery program fully - Individual and Group CSAT sessions, SAA meetings 3x weekly etc.


Me- BS 40
Him- WH 45 - SA
DD1 - 4/3/09 DD2 - 7/15/10 DD3 - 8/10/10 The truth and details of his Sexual Addiction
Married 16 years 1 child - 16y.o.
Reconciled and working recovery

Posts: 65 | Registered: Jul 2010
FmrLIer
♀ Member
Member # 29784
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, December 11th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you cafe. I kinda figured that he would have to stop MB but it didn't even occur to me that he'd have to abstain 100%. But, it makes total sense. If he can remove that from the table it will give him time to focus.

I'm doing my boundary letter today and then plan on reading the 25 pages in this thread from start to finish so I'm not asking questions that have already been answered by everyone.

Lord knows, I'm full of questions right now.


Me (BS)
Him (fSAH)
OA/PA

Ignorance was bliss but it wasn't the reality of my marriage...


Posts: 427 | Registered: Oct 2010
torn2bits
♀ Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, December 11th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hiding from crazy:
I know exactly what you are talking about with the M. How long should we wait. My SA becomes violent when I talk about not being with him anymore. He called the police on me today because I told him we need to be apart. He played victim and said I was threatening him and pushing him. He threw a bag of canned goods at me.

He recently told me we can't have sex and we can just cuddle.

What the hell kind of life is this? For me its been over a year of therapy, rage, police calls and he is STILL in contact with the OW!

Like another poster said that they don't want us;only bad girls. They can't form an emotional bond with us. This forum has helped me see so many things and know that I am not alone.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.