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User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts 5
cleo
♀ Member
Member # 9000
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, January 17th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like progress to me, good for you that you stuck to your boundaries.

As far as my email fiasco...you are more restrained than I for not responding...the OW said she did not understand why I was emailing her.....I replied that I was suprised she did not understand as she had slept with my husband. Then I told her I would not be contacting her again. I am sure that is the end of that.

Oh well, I actually feel better today, at least I am no longer obsessed with contacting her. Not really looking forward to going home, although I do miss my son.

Hugs, Cleo

[This message edited by cleo at 2:25 PM, January 17th (Monday)]


BS(me)54
WS(him)52 - diagnosed SA in 2011
Filed for Divorce 11/12 - he is still chasing women
Disclosed 14 affairs beginning 1 year after our marriage in 1986

Posts: 748 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: Texas
torn2bits
♀ Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, January 17th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know all of you have given me a little hope. My SAWH is not living with me and ya know what he does that I just can't get over?

We met at my son's violin concert and there was a young teen that looks exactly like the OW. After the concert he goes up to her to ask her directions back to the parking lot. He has tears in his eyes like he misses OW and then when he sees that I see him, I get so hurt that I walk off. Just the way he was looking at her. She even wore her hair the same.

This is what is so painful for me to think that I can't R with thim. He was in an EA with here besides physical, probably still going on. He is out because I can't stant to watch him pine over another woman in front of me. This is torture for me.

All of you seem to have SAWH's that are working a program or something. This guy is sending me scripture saying the truth has been told and to forgive him and he doesn't want a D. What the hell am I supposed to do with that! I love the man, my kids are suffering and he told me before he moved out that we couldn't have sex or kiss for a while.

We are both in IC but have not started MC yet. I am in a terrible depression where I can't even clean my house. I feel like its DDay all over gain for the last months since he left.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Hit_By_A_Hammer
♀ Member
Member # 30849
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, January 17th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure if I'm in the right thread - I was very kindly pointed this way. Below is what I posted in the "just found out" section of this forum:

Hello all, I'm new to this site, so sorry if I don't get all the abbreviations, etc! Also bear in mind that I've been appallingly thick in some respects.
I'm 33, as is my other half. We met at university in London when he was 18, and I was 19, became friends over a year, then started going out. We started living together in November 2007, when he was 19 and I was 20. We have a 5 year old son, and still live in London, where I'm from.

Asked a month ago, I'd have said that we were mutually very deeply in love, that he was a sincere, kind, compassionate and honest man, a person with genuine integrity. I'd once caught him exchanging somewhat flirtatious emails with a woman he'd randomly met, who lived in another country. I'd never suspected him of cheating.

Then just short of a month ago, I found out completely by accident that he'd met a woman at a hotel in another city 6 weeks earlier. He'd gone there for work, and stayed one night, it could have been 4-5 nights, but the matter finished early.

He told me that evening that he'd met her twice, once that night, once about a year earlier, and that he'd spent the night with her but they'd not had sex. (Yes, yes, I was stupid enough to believe that, but not for long). The next day, when my sceptical side finally woke up, he admitted that they had had sex both times.

That was a Saturday. I was astonished as to why, and asked several times if this was the only affair. He wrote to her, by email, saying that they wouldn't be in touch again, ever.

5 days later he went away with a mater on a pre-booked holiday. I encouraged him to go, for 4 days, because I felt a breather was important to me. While he was away, I found that without him there I simply didn't believe him about this being the first-and-only. I wrote him a letter, saying that I simply didn't accept his account, and that he either came clean or he got lost.

He was then stuck overnight in an airport hotel on his way home, and wrote a long letter to me which admitted to a lot more. Some of the details came out since, but the major points were there.

In summary:

Woman A – in about 2002. Had sex with her twice, a few weeks apart. Never seen / heard from her again.

Woman B – a friend of a friend. Met up with her 4 times over a couple of months for sex at her flat. Occasional emails to this day, including one sent just after Christmas. No other contact – she moved to the other side of the world years ago

Woman C – A close friend of one of his closest friends. He met her in 2004, when I was pregnant, and they kissed. When our son was 5 months old in 2005, and he went ski-ing with his mate, she was in the group, and they had sex over that trip. A year later, 2006, the night before he went ski-ing with his mate again, they nearly had sex in her flat but didn't quite. In May 2007, they met up at the friend's birthday party. They met twice in London after that, innocently, and several times in various overseas locations, as all the other meetings have been, on each occasion when my dearly beloved was staying with his mate. Once they met up when the friend was staying with us in our flat, and they all met up together in London one evening. They continued to text and email in an inappropriate way from time to time.

Woman D – Met while on a ski-ing trip with the above mate. He spent the night with her, they didn't have sex but nearly did so, he can't remember her name, no contact details exchanged.

Woman E – A friend of yet another friend of his. The friend didn't know about it, unlike the other two “friends” above. She lived very close to us in London (still does, actually). They had a very flirtatious email correspondence, met up several times for coffee / lunch, and ended up twice in her flat during the day, and almost but didn't have sex. This was 2008. They continued to email / text from time to time, a lot of it was very iffy.

Woman F – This is the long-term partner of the friend referred to under Woman B above. And the mother of friend's two children. He had sex with her once, while the friend was there.

Woman G – the one I first found out about.

So it's quite a long list. There was not much emotional involvement from his side, although a certain amount of manipulation on his part to hint at it. He didn't particularly like any of them, some of them he found quite irritating. He didn't find any of them particularly drop-dead-gorgeous, either. When I asked several times what attracted him to them, his answer was that they were available.

He continued in some sort of contact with almost all of them until he told me, whereupon he's cut it all off.

I don't know what to think. I've not read anything that similar to this – he's neither visiting prostitutes / just one-night stands / internet dating sites / etc, nor is he having particularly emotional affairs, as the women's characteristics seem not that relevant to him.

I'm shocked, bewildered, and obviously very, very hurt. He's not the man I thought he was. So much of what I read about affairs and re-building the relationship afterwards talks about reconnecting, talking more, rebuilding a sex life, doing things together – this isn't that relevant to us. Because we've always had a very active sex life, loved each other's company, enjoyed things together, etc. There didn't seem, to me, anything wrong. Nor to him either, he says. Of course we went through the odd iffy patch, who doesn't? But nothing that really stuck out, then or in retrospect.

He says that he will never do it again, can't imagine why he did, can't imagine what he was thinking of. He has described it as "appalling behaviour" and "acting like a monster". We have seen a marriage guidance therapist 3 times, and he is taking responsibility for his behaviour.


BS (me) 33, WH 33,1 son aged 5
OW 1 - sex twice, autumn 2000
OW 2 - not quite sex, Nov 2000
OW 3 - sex 4 times, c. 2003
OW 4 - sex on holiday, 2006, again, 2007
OW 5 - brief sexual relationship, 2008
OW 6 - sex once, c.2008
OW 7 - sex x 2, 2009/10

Posts: 482 | Registered: Jan 2011
cleo
♀ Member
Member # 9000
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, January 17th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hit_By_A_Hammer -

So glad you found us, I posted in JFO and Recon for years and just now found out my husband is an SA, so you are ahead of the game by coming directly here so soon after the discoveries.

Read old posts, keep posting and I will pray for you to find healing. I just wanted you to know you are heard!

Cleo


BS(me)54
WS(him)52 - diagnosed SA in 2011
Filed for Divorce 11/12 - he is still chasing women
Disclosed 14 affairs beginning 1 year after our marriage in 1986

Posts: 748 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: Texas
cleo
♀ Member
Member # 9000
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, January 17th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am heading home tomorrow after a three week trip away from my SA. I took this trip to try to give my emotions a rest after finding out about more OW and porn and my husband getting an SA diagnosis.

He has started SA meetings and is seeing a counselor, but I have to be honest, after all the false reconciliations and lies throughout the years, the counseling, the Christian mens retreats and programs, then more affairs, and now SA and more counseling - I am just having a hard time dealing with returning to him and deciding what to do.

I really am not sure how I want to proceed. He has hurt me so deeply with his lies and the false reconciliations that I just don't believe anything anymore.

I am really dreading having to deal with this...I told him I still wanted him to live upstairs. I am no where near wanting him in my bed....not by a long shot.

I don't want to hurt his recovery as he is now going to SA meetings with a sponsor and other counseling weekly, says he is in recovery, but I just don't feel like I can make any commitments to him at this time.

I just dread going home. I am working on my recovery and going to counseling, but it is so hard and awkward to live with your husband of 25 years like he is a stranger.

I know he wants me to make it normal and all ok again cause he is hopeful, relieved after some of his confessions and getting treatment, but I just can't make it ok for me and don't know if I ever will be able to.

I am not even sure if he is really over his "love" for his last OW. I can't even imagine having sex with him......It is just too much to handle. I wish I could be gone forever.

Thanks for listening. I am trying to focus on my healing - going to a recovery group for partners of sex addicts if I decide to stay, or other counseling to heal if I decide not to.

I am praying for all of you to have some peace in your lives. I am so sorry any of us are here.

Cleo


BS(me)54
WS(him)52 - diagnosed SA in 2011
Filed for Divorce 11/12 - he is still chasing women
Disclosed 14 affairs beginning 1 year after our marriage in 1986

Posts: 748 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: Texas
Tal
♀ Member
Member # 3300
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, January 18th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would really appreciate some feedback on something. Forgive me if it is TMI.

In 2003, I discovered a PA. My WS and I separated, attended IC and MC for approximately a year before living together again. I had an concern in the back of my mind that he might have a porn addiction, but my WS and the counselors minimized my concerns and focused on reconcilliation issues.

Present time: although my WS has not been diagnosed (he's not seeing a an IC, much less a CSAT and is no longer attending SA meetings) I am quite sure that he is one.

Fairly typical stuff: porn, mb, lingerie & high heel shoe fetish, and inappropriate friendships with women that have morphed into affairs (EA & at least 1 PA).

For years, when we were younger, I went along with the lingerie/high heel thing. I didn't really care for it that much and didn't like the emphasis my WS put on it. Over time, the fetish grew more extreme over time. I was getting older & felt less and less comfortable with the whole thing.

After the first D-day in 2003, my ego was extrememly bruised up. I went through a phase when I did a make-over (new hair cut, contact lenses, a few new outfits and some nice underwear).

My WS has actully made the statement that I "manipulated him" with my underwear. Apparently, he believes that I purposely bought nice underwear back them in order to trick him into reconcilliation.

Whaaaaat????


Posts: 2145 | Registered: Jan 2004
Hit_By_A_Hammer
♀ Member
Member # 30849
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, January 18th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

that sounds absolutely nightmare-ish for you!


BS (me) 33, WH 33,1 son aged 5
OW 1 - sex twice, autumn 2000
OW 2 - not quite sex, Nov 2000
OW 3 - sex 4 times, c. 2003
OW 4 - sex on holiday, 2006, again, 2007
OW 5 - brief sexual relationship, 2008
OW 6 - sex once, c.2008
OW 7 - sex x 2, 2009/10

Posts: 482 | Registered: Jan 2011
1Forward1Back
♀ Member
Member # 11057
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, January 18th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tal,
Many SA wives get into the porn/fantasy etc. for their husbands even though they do not feel comfortable with it. I look back on some of the stuff I did throughout our marriage and I just shudder.

Your H/SO is just manipulating you with that statement. It's a protective move, I think. Owning their own crap, let alone owning how it affected their spouse is just too much for them, especially if they have not been in recovery for some time. He's full of it, pure and simple.


Me: 60 Yrs. (BS)
Him: 60 Yrs.(FWH- life long sex addict)
-2 ONSs followed by an A-2005/06
-cheated while we were engaged
-seems to stray every 30 years or so
D-Day-June 10, 2006
Working on own recovery. His is his!
Married: 37 yrs. Grown ch

Posts: 966 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Canada
unicornsearcher
♀ Member
Member # 912
Cool  Posted: 6:41 PM, January 18th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS has actully made the statement that I "manipulated him" with my underwear. Apparently, he believes that I purposely bought nice underwear back them in order to trick him into reconcilliation.

The fact that he thinks underwear can manipulate him is a red flag he's got a major problem with his thinking process, & sexual issues.

Does your underwear manipulate him into doing housework too?

That's a really odd way to consider the gift of reconciliation & I'm sorry he's hurting you throwing it up that way to you.


11/02 Busted WH 4+ cheating yrs, 11/06 Busted [Month Long Lustfest]. 2/1/08 admits false version of betrayals, so no full disclosure / "whole truth" yet. '09 Together, great work in progress. '12 Still gladly united.

Posts: 14209 | Registered: Jan 2003 | From: Calif
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, January 18th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your H/SO is just manipulating you with that statement. It's a protective move, I think. Owning their own crap, let alone owning how it affected their spouse is just too much for them, especially if they have not been in recovery for some time. He's full of it, pure and simple.
Exactly.

Present time: although my WS has not been diagnosed (he's not seeing a an IC, much less a CSAT and is no longer attending SA meetings) I am quite sure that he is one.
What are you doing for you? What boundaries and consequences are you setting? Are you willing to live with an unrecovering SA and continue to be a co-addict, playing dress up in his porn fantasy lingerie and heels? You need to focus on YOU and what YOU want. You cannot force him to seek recovery but you must seek recovery for yourself. Set boundaries. Do not engage in behaviors that make you feel uncomfortable in order to please him and enable his addiction. See a CSAT, if you're not. Read the books, if you haven't... read them again if you have. Focus on you and don't let him manipulate you.

You did nothing wrong. You did the best you could in the situation but now you know better. You can do better.

{{{hugs}}}
7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
Tal
♀ Member
Member # 3300
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, January 18th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does your underwear manipulate him into doing housework too?

Yeah, I WISH!

Are you willing to live with an unrecovering SA and continue to be a co-addict, playing dress up in his porn fantasy lingerie and heels?

For now, I'm willing to live with him in the context of an in-house separation. I am not willing to even have him sleep in the same room, much less have sex, much less dress up to cater to his addiction.

Most of the time, I see the right through the manipulations & attempts to put me on the defense. This one had me second-guessing myself for awhile.

Thanks for the validation. I thought it was bullshit when heard it. It was just more of that "best defense is a good offense" attempts to deflect from his behavior.

Yes, I'm reading the books and going to meetings for myself. Part of my recovery is to look at my part and be honest about my own motivations. Maybe a small part of my motivation to look well back then was to try to save my marraige. If I WAS targeting his addiction in some way, I wasn't consciencly aware that I was trying to manipulate.

[This message edited by Tal at 9:46 PM, January 18th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2145 | Registered: Jan 2004
Tal
♀ Member
Member # 3300
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, January 18th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It really is a red flag & twisted thinking, isn't it?

Either that or my undewear has super powers.


Posts: 2145 | Registered: Jan 2004
ifeeldeadinside
♀ New Member
Member # 30833
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, January 18th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I first discovered proof that my WH was cheating, he attempted suicide. In the hospital, he was diagnosed with depression and as a sex addict. He's been on multiple medications to treat his depression (and which have done so quite successfully) ever since. WH went to therapy for his addiction briefly but the therapy very quickly petered out.

My problem is this: even though he cheated repeatedly over the years with other women, visited "masseuses" specializing happy endings, porn, had craigslist encounters (responder and poster), email and phone interactions, etc... IS HE A SEX ADDICT?

Since DD, I am fairly confident that, except for one online experience with a couple very early one, and texting the OW recently, he hasn't slipped into the old behaviors. If he were truly an SA, wouldn't he have more trouble controlling these impulses? How do I tell the difference between a SA and a WH that just makes selfish, thoughtless choices because they feel good?


Me: BS, 37
Him: WH, 38
Kids: 9 and 6
DD: 3/19/09-5/18/09,

Posts: 13 | Registered: Jan 2011
Tal
♀ Member
Member # 3300
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, January 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, a sex addict can go through periods of not acting out in ways you would notice. I know that to be true. Have you ever heard of an alcoholic doing "white knuckle" sobriety? Not drinking, but not in recovery--still thinking and acting like an alcoholic in all other ways.

Unlike an alcoholic, though a sex addict can be acting out all in his own head and you wouldn't know it.

If your WS has a strong pattern of sexual acting out and has been diagnosed by a professional as a sex addict, are you having difficulty accepting that? Is it easier to accept that he is a serial cheater?

There are some books that are recommended in this and previous threads. It really does help to educate ourselves about the nature of this addiction and what we can do to help ourselves.

[This message edited by Tal at 12:38 AM, January 19th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2145 | Registered: Jan 2004
ifeeldeadinside
♀ New Member
Member # 30833
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, January 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If your WS has a strong pattern of sexual acting out and has been diagnosed by a professional as a sex addict, are you having difficulty accepting that? Is it easier to accept that he is a serial cheater?

I wish I had an answer to that question. He was diagnosed over the course of one evening, while he was still disoriented, hallucinating and tremoring from an attempted suicide/overdose. I just wonder how accurate that diagnosis could be. I've never heard it from a counselor who's had a chance to really sit down and interact with him.

I'm just so confused and don't know what to believe. Honestly, I'd almost PREFER that he be an SA; at least then there would be an excuse for his behavior other than he's selfish jerk.


Me: BS, 37
Him: WH, 38
Kids: 9 and 6
DD: 3/19/09-5/18/09,

Posts: 13 | Registered: Jan 2011
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, January 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ifeeldeadinside
Ask your husband to be evaluated by a CSAT. (See my list of resources on page 3 of this thread)

Personally, I think the diagnosis is correct but if you want more info and someone to spend more time on it, a CSAT is the only way to go.

7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
Hit_By_A_Hammer
♀ Member
Member # 30849
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, January 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was wondering the same thing - how to tell the difference between a sex addict and a selfish wanker.

I don't know the answer, though.


BS (me) 33, WH 33,1 son aged 5
OW 1 - sex twice, autumn 2000
OW 2 - not quite sex, Nov 2000
OW 3 - sex 4 times, c. 2003
OW 4 - sex on holiday, 2006, again, 2007
OW 5 - brief sexual relationship, 2008
OW 6 - sex once, c.2008
OW 7 - sex x 2, 2009/10

Posts: 482 | Registered: Jan 2011
cleo
♀ Member
Member # 9000
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, January 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to Ifeeldeadinside & Tal. Hope you are hanging in there today.

Well, got home yesterday and my SA was hoping I would have a decision after my 3 week break on whether I wanted to stay married to him. (he is working on recovery and so am I)

I am not ready to make the decision, but it is so weird living in the same house with him upstairs. He really had hoped I would let him back in the bedroom.

I realized today that he has had 9, countem, 9 affairs in the 25 years we have been married, starting at 1 year after we were married and I guess I was pregnant with our first child at the time.
That doesn't include the cybersex, porn and EAs.

Then there is the nasty and angry way he treated me and the kids for years.

I would have to be crazy to stay married to someone with that history, even if he is in recovery now.

There are always the what ifs.......What if this is the time he really changes....What if I can't really get over all of this enough to be be a wife to him, What if I do and he relapses and breaks my heart again.

I am seeing his counselor tomorrow to ask some questions. If I decide to stay then I am going to work on a post nup agreement -since Texas is a 50/50 State with no alimony......if I agree to stay married I am gonna want an financial agreement in place where I get more.

If I stay then any relapse involving a relationship with another women is a total dealbreaker. That would be it.

I really hate being in this limbo land.


BS(me)54
WS(him)52 - diagnosed SA in 2011
Filed for Divorce 11/12 - he is still chasing women
Disclosed 14 affairs beginning 1 year after our marriage in 1986

Posts: 748 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: Texas
cleo
♀ Member
Member # 9000
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, January 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are there any partners out there who have an SA with a very long history of acting out with affairs and porn(20 years or more) that have had a successful recovery?? I would love to hear from you.

Cleo


BS(me)54
WS(him)52 - diagnosed SA in 2011
Filed for Divorce 11/12 - he is still chasing women
Disclosed 14 affairs beginning 1 year after our marriage in 1986

Posts: 748 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: Texas
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Exclaimation  Posted: 11:13 PM, January 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cleo,
You can't really look at it that way. Number of years etc.

My rSA "only" acted out for about 7 years of our relationship but in those 7 years he had 40 PAs. Makes 9 in 20 sound not so bad right? See? You can't look at it that way. You have to look at your SA. Is HE serious about recovery? Is HE seeking a CSAT and group? Is HE seeking books and information? Any SA can recover if they CHOOSE it and WORK at it. And you have to work your recovery too.


how to tell the difference between a sex addict and a selfish wanker.
SAs who are active in their addiction are selfish wankers. Read the books. Talk to a CSAT. There are ways to know what sets the SA apart and makes them SA.
*The 4 Core Beliefs.
*A pattern of compulsive behavior he is unable to stop.
*A history of abuse (but not always, my rSA was not abused.)
*Too enmeshed with mother. (but not always)
*Distant or detached or absent father. (but not always)

The info is out there. Use the list of resources I posted. Read the books. Read the websites.

7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
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