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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Npd Thread Part 8
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, February 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Skip the psych eval, check the garage! LMAO!

so apparently we can all skip the psych evaluation and genetic testing... and go straight to the garage, shed, laundry room, basement, utility building.... and if there are multiple, half empty, completely solid unusable caulk guns we can declare NPD.

Seriously?
Who the hell else would understand this stuff?
What's with the damn caulk gun pattern? Mere coincidence?
Yes? No?

The wimmenz, here because their pets couldn't keep their caulks in their pants.

Couldn't a caulk gun represent some twisted, weird-ass phallic symbol to these nuts?

Could the collection be...overcompensation?

I know, crazy! Cart me off to straightjacketsville stat

The unfinished/effed-up projects...it's like marking territory with their own version of dog crap, like; "See what I have the power to make you live with! (symbolically, it's ME, effed up)"

My pet's decorating style was similar to Steve's weird house

which I, of course, thought was interesting and quirky, (plus, I guess it's my guy thing - I don't really care what's up on the walls for the most part) -
and didn't know why there *had to be* so many mirrors, snakey-totem-thingys, and ugly faces...horror...
"Ah!" I horridly dawned on after Dday..."Horror Vacui!"
***shudder***

I think it was poster 'lostcause' who said something along the lines of...
NPDs fluctuate between two diametrically opposed and FALSE self-images.
The one they hate (toxic shame) that IS bad, and deserved all the FOO abandonment and abuse,
and
the 'construct' they build to hide that...
the charming, skittle-shitting unicorn.

Name me another thread that's got its own theme song and mascot! Now, we have our official 'tool'!
Gotta watch these monsters.
Remember,
caulk is cheap


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
MzMagoo
♀ Member
Member # 30978
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, February 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the charming, skittle-shitting unicorn.

LMAO!! I think I'm going to have to steal that one for my sig. line. It's been a lousy day. Thanks for the laugh!


BS (me) 37/WS (him)37
M 13 years/together 18
DD 1~ 8-10/ DD 2~ 11-10
3 kids~ S 14, D 10, D 10
Filed for D: 11-10
R: Trying to trust it is real
If you walk around the pool long enough, you are bound to fall in.

Posts: 271 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: At the moment? Hell.
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, February 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Remember,
caulk is cheap

witty, witty!!!!

My favorite place on earth, right here.

The more we share the twilight music plays louder in my head.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5300 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, February 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know!
Ever since the universe started expanding, its taken me longer and longer to make my coffee in the morning. Getting to the fridge for a beer is quite a trek now...

Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, February 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my x npd would just throw stuff everywhere.

I have thrown out stuff nearly every weekend since he left, and there is still more. I had to take two trips to the gas station just to get rid of all of the old used motor oil he left in the garage. (he insisted on changing the car oil himself.) it was a fire hazard.

and my basement was an electronics graveyard, but I've made a big dent in that. there is still a lot of old audio/computer equipment down there. I could never understand why he wouldn't throw anything out.

I think they collect stuff as a means of further controlling their environment and asserting themselves because they are "worth" having more space for themselves, denying you any room in the process.

my x used to drag crap home off the curb all the time. one time he actually dragged home some bowling balls someone threw out. he has never bowled in his life!

and he would get really pissed whenever I or a friend would fix anything around the house.....

and the gift giving.....he used to buy christmas/birthday presents for me that were actually for himself...I used to get professional audio equipment for xmas (he was an audio engineer).

once they're gone, it's like nirvana......


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, February 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whyoh, you too??!

I'll see your used motor oil, and raise you a dead car battery AND new-in-the-box brake shoes (don't ask me what car they never got used on!)

Your electronics graveyard made me think of yet another quirk: keeping boxes. Assclown would NOT throw a box out. He'd always say that we might need it.

And the unfinished projects around the house? Oh, yeah. I've got lots of those.

Anyone else have a junk "project car" that they never actually found the time for??


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, February 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine didn't have a project car but he bought a motorbike even though he didn't have a license or anything. I think it was because his friend had one and he wanted one as well.

My ex would put anything and everything in a box and shove it someplace. That is how he 'cleaned up'. The problem was he never went back and sorted through the boxes later and put anything where it belonged.

We had all kinds of home renos that needed doing and never got done. I was always left with finishing them and it was always my fault they were not done.

My ex's family is seriously disfunctional. His mom is married for the 3rd time to a man who is a serious biggot and an abusive jerk. His sister lives with the other man from her second marriage. His 1/2 brother apparently would abuse him and his sister whenever their mom was not around. I am sure he never really intended to stay married to me his whole life. At one point he told me that 'he really didn't understand what he was promising when he married me'


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, February 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mine had old car batteries in the garage too! almost forgot about those!

and yes to the boxes! saving them, and loading them full of crap and just throwing them somewhere. and old shoes...he would never throw out old shoes.......

and his car was always full of crap.......which somehow was my fault, even when I didn't drive it.

11 year old told me she opened his glove compartment and it was literally an avalanche of crackers and croutons from wendy's. another time she told me she didn't think he had a girlfriend because his car was too full of mcdonald's wrappers for anyone to sit on the seats.....eventually she couldn't stand it and cleaned it out herself, and found $10 under the seat, which she kept!


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, February 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH never did home repairs. His Lordship NPD would hire someone to do it or tell me to hire someone that we could possibly do ourselves.

So, we didn't have half full caulk guns, but a lot of electronics. Whenever a new kind of phone would come out,he had to have it and I got the one he had as a hand me down and he wanted me to give mine to one of his nieces or nephews. He'd do the same with computers. He thought he was being sooooo generous doing this!!!

I think they collect stuff as a means of further controlling their environment and asserting themselves because they are "worth" having more space for themselves, denying you any room in the process.

Whyohwhy: this makes a lot of sense to me. It also describes my mother who is a BPD. Geez.

Oh, and I forgot! My WH has more clothes than a Barbie doll! Closets full of clothes. He has stayed the same weight for the 23 years I have known him, so all the clothes still fit!! But, again, he'll give away old clothes to family and thinks he is Mr. Wonderful. For him, I think he feels he's worth more than the old clothes, heaven forbid His Lordship wears something older than 6 months!


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, February 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mine had tons of clothes too! and they were mostly very, very old. and hideous, but his weight would fluctuate a lot. I am still finding 20 year old sweat pants......

and the passive aggressive home repairs......drove me f'ing crazy. one time I asked him to help me when I painted my porch. (he's very tall, and I'm not.) I had been using a dark green for the walls and a cream color for the trim. I'm very good at painting, and had done an excellent job. he dribbled contrasting colors all over the place while I went inside to use the bathroom. I swear it was intentional so I wouldn't ask him to help again. took me longer to fix it than it took me to do the rest of the job. they just drive you f'ing nuts!


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, February 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


and for a fire alarm, we have:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
hopefulmom
♀ Member
Member # 23556
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, February 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG!!!

Used motor oil and boxes.

We had to keep the boxes stuff came in...we had boxed but no longer had the item that came in them.

When my daughter was young we kept every box for every toy she got! and the electronics boxes, I have a stash of them to throw out!

Wow.


me-44
WH-45
married 22 years
Dday 10/08
Divorced!

Posts: 257 | Registered: Apr 2009
ItsRocky
♀ Member
Member # 30327
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, February 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have empty boxes in the attic from rollerblades the kids out grew 12 years ago. I have bags of mis-matched socks in the attic - those I don't mind so much - they add to the R- value of the insulation.

I have 3 dead tvs in the basement. He would joke - you never know when they will come back to life. And blasted one did!!! It lasted about another week and croaked again - still there. There is another in upstair closet.
There are stereo speakers the size of Vermont and about that old too!

Gift giving - hahahaha- Married Christmas #2 (from a man who was a military officer)
1 Ziggy White board & marker
2 Hot Pads
6 pack of Nestle Crunch Candy Bars

In more recent years, while he congratulated himself for doing a better gifting job:
4 pair of diamond stud earrings.
Dipshit forgot he had already done that and kept doing it.


Thanks for all the support in my healing, outlived my usefulness on SI, time to move on.

Posts: 1460 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: SouthEast
ItsRocky
♀ Member
Member # 30327
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, February 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh and the piece day resistance (being funny here)

For 8 years my basement contained 2 captains chairs and a bench seat to my old van that he totaled. He never drove my van but took a load of old furniture to son at college. Ran a red light (I wasn't in the car to take the blame on this one but I got blamed for not being in the car driving).

Van hauled off to graveyard in college town. The seats that were removed for the furniture hauling stayed in the basement for 8 years. Till I loaded them up to take them to the county dump. (he did ride along and heave them in the dumpster)


Thanks for all the support in my healing, outlived my usefulness on SI, time to move on.

Posts: 1460 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: SouthEast
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, February 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

how's this for npd crazy......

he is living in our vacation house in the mountains. it's 90 miles from my house. there is no garbage pickup, you must go to the dump with your garbage. (I have town garbage service.)

for several months, he used to put bags of garbage in his trunk, leave them in there for a day or two (sometimes longer) drive around to work (80 miles away) etc. and then dump then on the curb in front of my house when he dropped off the kids. he even did this when it was warm.

he finally stopped when I sent him an email (I had already sent him several emails at this point) and said "please give some consideration to the fact that you are dropping off your garbage at the same time you are dropping off your children. what sort of message do you think this is sending to them?" then it finally stopped.


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, February 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I swear it was intentional so I wouldn't ask him to help again.

Yup mine would completely screw up any job he was given. If he was asked to help me he would pick a fight about anything and then store off leaving me to finish the job alone.

The one time the downspout had come off the house at the top (2 stores up) and I could not manage the ladder so he got out the ladder and he fixed it all up for me and then called me to have a look. He had used red tape to hold the WHITE downspout in place. Thank God it was at the back of the house. I finally fixed it after he left but I had to replace the whole thing because he messed it up so bad.

He was a disasterous plumber and messed up every plumbing job he ever did in this house. After the first few disastes I refused to let him do any more (ya I know, he won that one). I had to die laughing when the kids told me on the one visit they had with him he had taken them to the wifetrsses house (against my wishes) and was doing some plumbing for her. I half wanted to warn her about his skills as a plumber. And then a few yrs ago he had apparently bought a new dishwasher (the bottom of the line kind) and had installed it to find that it was not working well. I just kept a straight face and told him I had no idea what could possible be wrong with it. (in my mind I was thinking "except that you cheaped out again like usual and bought junk and then you plumbed it yourself and likely completely screwed it up for good )

I sleep well knowing that the wifetress has her hands full dealing with him.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, February 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG! The empty boxes!!! WH said he was keeping them in case he wanted to bring back the item int case there was something wrong with it. Of course, the box would just sit there for months or years if I didn't finally get rid of it!!


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, February 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

eye rolls and chuckles...

what a club we have!

Hugs and love to all. I am really appreciating the sharing and all the little details. The devil is in the details ya know? And hearing everyone's weird shit makes my normal... well, normal? I am not alone. I am not alone. And even more important: I am not crazy.

It took me a while to get to the not crazy part. Live like this, tell someone who hasn't, and combine the way they look at you with the condescending bullshit the N's feed us and crazy seems a given.

This is a blessing and a refuge.

((((tribe))))

Hope this Monday was a good start to a great week.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5300 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
trixie2010
♀ Member
Member # 27422
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, February 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I can relate so much to all the recent posts!

Empty boxes? Check.
Old pairs of shoes and boots? Check. (even the ones with holes in them!)
Used motor oil? Check. When we moved, we took 57 gallon size apple juice containers full of used motor oil to the recycling center. They thought we owned a garage.
Old tv's that do not work? 4
Old computer monitors that also do not work? 3
Sweat pants from junior high? very tight with holes in them and worn to neighbors house for dinner. Hope he took them to OW's place. He looks really classy in them.

He was the cheapest person I have ever know. It is amazing how now that we are apart I hear what everyone thought of him all these years we were together. How did I put up with him so long??


Countless Ddays
WH confirms EA/denies anything else...??
possible R, not really sure will see how it goes
update--5-27-10--kicked his ass to the curb--she can have him!
He has been living with ow since June 2010.

Posts: 555 | Registered: Feb 2010
trixie2010
♀ Member
Member # 27422
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, need some advice from all of you who know the mind of a NPD.

I will try to make this as short as possible. STBXH and I have been married 16 yrs, 3 kids. Two yrs ago he moved across country for his job and the kids and I were to follow after school was finished. I took care of everything while he was away, getting house ready to sell, taking care of kids, my job, etc. He was never available by phone anytime...now I am sure because he was with OW.

June of that year, found suspisious emails from her. He told me she worked with him and had a crush on him but there was nothing there, they were just friends but he would talk to her about it as he thought the emails were odd too.

Our house sold in 5 days and the kids and I moved across country that August. He knew none of us wanted to move but he did not care.

Of course after we got here, he no longer hid anything and would come home 9 pm or later lots of times smelling of alcohol and lying about it. He always said I was over-reacting and jumping to conclusions and I was pushing him away.

After months of spying and checking up on things, talking to her husband (he filed for D immediately as they had no kids), I told my H I was moving with the kids back home. He did not seem to care as long as I did not force him to sell our dream home.

We decided to try to buy a house back in our other state together (as although I do have a job, it is part-time so pay is very low) because he makes 10 times more than I do. It just fell through last month because this house here (expensive and huge) puts our debt ratio too high. If we tried to sell it now, we would most likely lose about 200k or more of what we paid for it. Which means I would leave with very little.

So, now I am stuck. I do not want to file for divorce in this new state as the difference is--4 yrs alimony here or lifetime back home. All else is about the same but that is a big one.

Right now, he is living with OW and has been for 6 months. They are freely spending money and buying furniture for their new place. They go out for expensive dinners all the time and he rarely sees the kids. Of course he blames me for this.

I have no money, he moved everything into just his name when we moved and I did not know that. The one account he had for me he cancelled 6 months ago. The only way I can buy anything is to use my credit card and he does pay it off every month.

Because I only have one credit card and never had a car or house loan (my name was on deed always but never finance part of houses we have had) my credit score is low. I could not get house on my own and would have to live in rental which after having lived in own home for 16 years would be difficult. Plus the kids and I need the security and a place to call our own.

I have talked to lawyers in this new state and they recommend me to talk to a lawyer back home since that is where I plan to move plus I would get more. My job is also back in old state and I have to commute to get there...part of reason I work very rarely.

Tomorrow I have appt with lawyer on phone in old state to figure out how to get back home and file there.

H and OW plan on moving into this huge house once the kids and I leave. He even has tried to get me to sell OW this house so he and I can then buy house back home and he has even come up with plan to have her buy house back home and during divorce, switch everything--I get house in old state, they get house in new state. Of course, everything he comes up with puts me and his children at a disadvantage but he does not see it that way.

I am at a loss of what to do--on the one hand I do not want to sell this house because I would leave with so much less but I also do not want OW to live in my dream home. It would also bother me greatly if the kids and I were renting an apartment and they were living in this huge home.

Of course he does not want to go through lawyers as he does not trust them and has made sure I do not have enough money to see one. I refuse to negotiate with him as I do not trust him whatsoever.

I hope all this makes sense and I apologize for how long it is and thank anyone who takes the time to read it and give their advice. TIA


Countless Ddays
WH confirms EA/denies anything else...??
possible R, not really sure will see how it goes
update--5-27-10--kicked his ass to the curb--she can have him!
He has been living with ow since June 2010.

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