1. Must have a minimum of 3 caulk guns in the garage.
2. An excess of 6 indicates a severe disorder. Immediate IC and medication are protocal.
2. An excess of 6 indicates a severe disorder. Immediate IC and medication are protocal.
My stbxh had boxes of them! And moved them 3000 miles to our new home and when I made him move out and he went thru all his "stuff" in the garage--he took ALL the empty caulk guns!
Hope everyone has a fulfilling weekend. I have some necessary interaction with Stretch through kids. I am taking all of you along in my head and will smile at the strangest times and make him wonder what I am up to.
11year old DD underwent serious medical procedures for about a month this year for a disease she has. it was brutal, but it seems to have worked, and so far she's been fine since. She wanted to dye her hair purple when she was done, so I said ok, as long as it's the spray in stuff. we finally found a store that had a shade she liked, and last night she sprayed her bangs purple. then she went out to dinner with her father. he was shocked and said "I'd never allow that." then he criticized her nail polish. she said "why do you care? you barely see me anyway?" (it's not really rebellion or anything as she is a good kid, and a lot of the other kids around here do stuff like this.)
she wants to be an orthopedic surgeon when she grows up. then he told her that if she didn't want to go to college and just get a job, it would be fine with him, and not everybody who wants to be a doctor can be one.
and then he tells her her birthday is coming up next month....and tells her it's on the wrong day. (her birthday is actually on the 29th, but he keeps telling her it's on the 28th.) he has been doing this since last year, and wishes her a happy birthday on the 28th at 2:03. she was actually born on the 29th at 11:52, and he was there! she was in tears when she came back, saying "I can't believe my own father doesn't even know when my birthday is, and he was there when I was born."
I wanted to email him and actually tell him when her birthday is, but she doesn't want me to.
I know he's a douche........
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced
Removing these innocent ones from the toxic soul-eaters is all you can do. It'd be nice if it was like a brazilian wax - all at once RRRRRIP! But that aint your sitch...I am whipping out my magic wand, waving it, hoping you find ways to LIMIT HER EXPOSURE.
Wanting to be something at such an early age - especially with what's been already experienced - is a true gift. I'd be blowing gently on her flames, coaxing them to life.
No doubt ...none...she'd be not only excellent, but superior in what she chooses, because she's fought thru such things!
(((((((((((((((((((whyo and her surgeon)))))))))))))
when she came home, while she was telling me all this, she said "he just doesn't want to pay for me to go to college! at least I won't be getting a useless degree like he did!" (he has a BA in anthropology.........)
I just can't beleive he would say this stuff to her. she has wanted to be a doctor since she was about 3 (and he knows this), and I have no doubt she'll do it. he's just such an asshole....
It's like a script. No it's like they are playing dollhouse and they want to create a scene and a history and drama.
teach DD to handle Dad just like any bully. Take away his power by refusing to rise to the bait.
I hate that the little ones learn so early on that not everyone is "good" and "kind" and "dependable" but the coping skills are the best we can give them. Knowledge, support and the tools to deal with the fuckedupedness.
I felt GOOD tonight. I was in a good place, social and surrounded by other adults who interact with me and I had a purpose and a function at the kid event this evening. Stretch? He was on the fringes, texting, and looking so like the loser he is. yes, I enjoyed it. Immensely.
Someday I hope to not carry the hate every day. I know that indifference is the goal. But, I am NOT there and I will take the joys that I can find. Seeing Stretch, imagining zebra stripes and a duck bill... oh, yeah. Good times for me...
I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.
Now that she is 11 years old and probably outspoken, the shine has worn off for HIM. Add to that she wants to dye her hair purple, and she is reduced even further. The NPD cannot or will not accept people (even their own children) for who they are. It's always a reflection of THEM and how things "look". Most "normal" parents understand that this is a phase or an act of independence of the child and they appreciate and even embrace these small acts of independence. Not the NPD. They will always see these acts as a reflection on THEM.
I'm also not shocked that he has no interest in helping her with her education. He would rather keep all of his money for himself. The NPD is selfish to the end. But don't be surprised when your daughter does get her MD and the NPD takes FULL CREDIT for her accomplishments.
As far as her birthday goes, and him not knowing or remembering....no big shock there either. It's all about him.
[This message edited by sadtoo at 10:06 PM, May 14th (Saturday)]
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
Do make sure you fight him for what support she is entitled to. I am having to do that for my kids. It is a pain in the butt but I won't back down because they deserve to suceed and do well. I know my kids are like me and tend to turn things around and show up the naysayers.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
The kids spent the weekend with him and he bought her a new pair of sneakers. Nikes, not the walmart crap he usually buys (which she trashes in about a month.)
I asked her how in the world she managed that. She said "he knows better than to mess with me lately."
It's sad really, but funny how the male pets pander to their caulk gun replacement penises, trixie. I swear, diagnosis by caulk gun numbers is well...I'm just laughing too hard to type what it is!
We had 4 Tribe members present! It was great to meet Nicole5.
Here's a picture I took for you all. I even made JJ turn around and go back for this one:
[This message edited by woundedby2 at 11:41 PM, May 26th (Thursday)]
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
I would be inclined to try to make a g2g with tribe members. There are familiar faces and people who I "watch" for and I have noticed there is a tendency to find ya'll more often than not.
Love the pics. Thank you so much!
I've had enough, I've always thought about getting one as he's come over in rages in the past, called the police on me when I went to pick up the kids, has tried to set up with supposed crimes and called the police with "tips" on our oldest DS (who doesn't live with him and won't talk to him) and has harrassed me on email and texts.
I was always worried that A) the things he does would never be enough to get an order and B) if the temporary order didn't stick in court to become permanent, he would be validated and empowered to keep acting this way. Even ramping up.
So, I did it and I feel very safe right now and also so relieved that he can't come to the house and taunt my oldest DS into doing something like taking a swing at him, but I'm very worried about the hearing and having it not become permanent (or for a year which is what it would be in my state).
The victim advocate that I spoke to was really helpful and really made me feel better that I did the right thing. Also the police officers that I talked to said the same thing. Still I'm very worried because he's not sane.
What do I say to the judge to convince him to make it last a year? I won't be bringing a lawyer either, can't afford one. The advocate said that even if he does bring a lawyer, and to expect that lawyer to twist things around onto me, that I should just keep saying what I need the judge to hear and it will be alright.
[This message edited by rainagain at 8:39 AM, June 5th (Sunday)]
How scary!! Listen to the advocates and they will go to court with you if you want (in my state they will.) Also, ask a friend to go with you on the day of the hearing. The adrenalin crash made me nauseous and I was glad not to have to drive.
MOST important question the judge will ask you, "Are you afraid of xh?" I think our tendency to deny fear or to try to protect others (Yes, to protect the person we were married to at one time) makes us tempted to downplay the fear. Do NOT hedge or waffle on this question!! A firm yes. No waffling!!
As for the rest of it. Print copies of text and emails that are threatening. Journal and date what happened last night. Use specific details (try to write down exactly what he said). In my state only the most recent things can be used. So focus on the last 30 days.
Are there witnesses to his treatment of you? Be sure to take a copy of the police report.
Just remember you are doing what you must.
I am so sorry your life is full of turmoil. I hope you get peace soon.
if the temporary order didn't stick in court to become permanent, he would be validated and empowered to keep acting this way. Even ramping up.
I don't know about others, but the temp order was not continued. Stretch showed up with a lawyer, the harassment was not deemed to be threatening, the judge was not in a good mood, legal aide bailed on my case and it was "dropped." I had the same fear as you, but it turned out that Stretch was on notice, backed way off and spent a lot of time and energy trying to prove me wrong and as a result obeyed the nonexistent order by choice. right up until he broke in while we were out of town. Now he's in the system for that and back on "best behavior."
Just be safe and smart. Starting the process is the right thing to do. Starting a paper trail and getting the behaviors out in the public eye is the only thing you can do.
Let's liven things up with a little music, shall we? I found this posted over on FB by a fellow SI'er, and I thought of this little group right away. Enjoy!