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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 19
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For your viewing pleasure, I thought I would start our new home out with a treat:

*poof*
might put her back for y'all later.

Baby Paddy

Edited for a typo. And to add that I will *poof* her later today.

[This message edited by m334455 at 4:13 PM, August 2nd (Monday)]


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so baby paddy gets Brisk rather than formula in te bottle?? or is that for you when you are up all hours of the night?


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3961 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Baby Paddy gets whatever she wants.

She still wants to know where her pony is ...


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a cutie! That's what keeps us going - having such a little doll to bring so many smiles our way.
That's why I spend as much time with my 2 little grandbabies as I can. You can just never get enough hugs and baby giggles.
Thanks for posting this adorable photo.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG - she is so cute!!!
M3 thank you for sharing -even temporarily.
Now - is she bald or just blonde? My kids were all very blonde with very little hair & they appeared bald for the longest time...
Too cute. Really. Excellent start to the new page.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWW called after having lunch with two single friends. One is the OW in a MM's A. In the past, as recently as a couple of months ago, FWW has acknowledged her friend should not be involved with MM, but minimized the issue. Today she called to vent after almost losing it with her girlfriend. She could not believe that her friend talked of MM "being there for her", that his W does not love him and is cold, and that he is a kind friend. FWW said all she could think of was when she had said/thought those things, and how wrong she was.

She talked about the hurt to MM's BS, and referenced it to how she had hurt me. She talked about how used she feels now, and that neither she nor OM was "there" for each other. They were just there for themselves.

I really think we are going to be OK.

BTW, both friends know FWW had a LTA and that we are trying to R, they just do not know the details.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3961 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i do not have long...minutes only for the moment....couldn't wait the 20 minutes or so to post everything i have and need to say...but MUST MUST shout out to baby paddy, she is adorable...totally edible m3...and is she wearing a bikini?

gotta go


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

first off, thank you m3 for that special treat i really hope dip makes it in time to see her...


second: welcome sad4mom....welcome to the lta forum...and crash away...we welcome all newcomers here...and we are sad to have you....this truly is the best club no one wants to join and in our little corner of si we have become like family...at least i feel that way...

and you are so way normal and i am not that far out yet...still trying to wrap my head around it all....


o.k. now m3: i am spittin mad for you.....your husband seems to have a pair on him doesn't he...getting all in your face and worse doing that to a child....a 3 year old child...what a bully...you sound to me as though you are running on adrenaline...and good for you because it sounds like you got it together...as hurtful as he is you sound very put together...i hope you can sustain that, but remember its ok if you cannot...and hon i really hope you are not like me and pfm....its really hard...your kids are young enough if you really feel like youre done, its not like its only a couple of years....for you it would 18+ years...thats a lot of time....i have seen enough divorce, through all the ages..and if the kids are young enough if you and your ws amicably split up they will be fine...if you fear that he cannot be trusted with them without you that is another matter...but if generally is a good dad, even with his occasional mess ups your kids would be better off like dr phil always says coming from a broken home rather then living in one....if these incidents are not isolated i hope you think long and hard about long range plans...and in the meantime maybe line up your ducks just in case...his entire behavior was unacceptable...and bravo to you for keeping it together for your kids....


fnf: you sound so good, you know your fears and that is a major first step in eliminating them....and if you could see that it is all based in fear it helps....and i think it would also help if you explain that to your fwh...im hopin he might surprise you and come through with what you need to hear..even though it won't make those fears go away i think it would help if he helps abate them...kind of like being there to fight the boogey monster with you...spray the monster spray to make it go away...after doing this enough you might "outgrow" the fears...


ats: i am so proud of you and of your wife, you both are working so hard and are an inspiration to all of us....yes you have the ups and downs, but like someone else said your bounce back is amazing...for both of you...you fww seems determined to be who she needs to be for both herself and for you...and thats really good...


allgood: how has your husband been lately...i know you are having your triggers and are processing through the anger....how has he been responding to you...and is he still going to ic...


ukgirl: check in with us hon....

thank you to everyone for all your words of encouragement for me and manchild...it helped alot to read it all...and i know i keep telling myself these things but i still can't help but worry about this one....he is so damned gullible for others...and his reactions can be so volatile...

thank you tribe for all the hugs and words of wisdom...i am sure i will need them again....


dd17 is currently this minute taking a road test....i am waiting patiently for the results....i will post later how she did....

((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She IS wearing a bikini. so funny. It was a gift. She is mostly hairless, a little blonde, and a little brown male pattern baldness newborn hair left at the back.

ETA --

miracle, we were cross-posting. thanks for everything.

And I agree that ATS is an inspiration

I am running out of patience to weather this storm. I do wonder, however, if this is all part of a breakthrough. Everything that gets bottled up must eventually burst. Maybe these recent outbursts are what is about to break the dam?

It's our anniversary this week. 10 years together, 8 years of marriage. That might be part of it too.

Sad -- tell us more. Please. The people in this forum are amazing. Ok -- not tooting my own horn though.

[This message edited by m334455 at 2:47 PM, August 2nd (Monday)]


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3:

I do wonder, however, if this is all part of a breakthrough.


NOT....being a bully, gettin gin your face, doing what he did to your son, ( i think it was your son, forgive me if i got it wrong)...and getting drunk and telling people outside the marriage that being married to you has been shitty....hell no...HELL NO...m3 that is not a breakthrough....he might be on edge, he might be running on fear...that man needs help...he needs to "see" what his behavior is and he needs to atone for it...sorry m3



i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
let it be me
♀ Member
Member # 29103
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

okay, had to share.... just found out that OW (now on second marriage during her A with my WH) had applied for a marriage license with her boss that my WH had replaced!!!! The other Manager never married OW so she started in on my WH.... stupid asshole he is.... he got played..


Me/BS/40~Him/fWH/42 Both in IC
MC put 'on hold' till my IC agrees
DD~07/19/10 R on hold till my IC agrees
BP1 DX 10/2011&Complex PTSD 7/1998
"There are no mistakes in tomorrow"

Posts: 337 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Eastern NC
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah, I know I know about what you're saying miracle. but what I'm thinking is there was actual interaction with me. he never used to get in my face -- just take it out somewhere else or on the kids and not even mention what i did that had made him mad.

y'all saved a bad situation from getting worse though. I remembered you all saying never argue with a drunk person. so i stopped.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

let it be: wow...how did you find this out...does your ws know and what is his reaction?


m3: yes its good not to argue with a drunk person...but that kind of interaction with you is not a breakthrough but a step back...or a step in the wrong direction...this is not the way to open up to someone...and its all irrational to boot...


o.k. she failed her road test...and pfm makes me so fucking mad...he cannot explain shit to a pooper scooper, i has to walk away from him...because as i pointed out some of the shit he was doing while he was tallking he did what he does best...denied and lied...i had to walk away...what does he do...he follows me...so finally i tell him he needs to get out of my face or does he want the kids to hear me blow up...he finally got that message...idiot...there should be an award for idiot of the hour...so many of our ws trade that one over and over...it would need to be hourly im thinkin....arrgghh

o.k. i feel better i will go talk to my dd again and find out what happend.....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
cantbelieve
♀ Member
Member # 22028
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I visited this forum a while back, but there was so much to read, I didn't stay. Well, I'm back. His damn LTA is driving me crazy. I keep telling myself, if only he had a ONS. I know it's my choice to let it go, but she occupies my mind and I don't know why. I should be lucky, since dday2, it like she dropped off the earth. Even though they work together, she hasn't attempted to contact him (at least that's what he says).

Anyway, I'm back and onboard and glad to have people who understand living through a LTA.


Me: BS (57)
Him: WS (58)
LTA 4 years with co-worker
DS(26)
DD(23)
DD(19)
Married 28 years
D-day1 5/08
D-day2 11/08
Status: 6 yrs and wondering if I'll ever be truly happy again

Posts: 1044 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: DFW
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

poor girl.

letitbe -- so weird. so dramatic. jeesh. a living soap opera.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cantbelieve --

its weird. no doubt about it. ((cantbelieve))


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

welcome back cantbelieve, it must be very hard knowing they still work together and wondering if there has been any contact.

--Ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3961 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
let it be me
♀ Member
Member # 29103
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((iwant))
okay...umm, no .. my WH did not know this information yet... and since we are waiting on OW's transfer request, WH has decided to contact this other Manager and have OW transferred THERE! Seems this might work out to my advantage this time... woo hoo!!!!

(((((cant))))) understand exactly this concept...everyday, still the same...WH and OW are at the 'scene of the crime'...i'm stuck in the 'how is WH going to move past OW when every workday reminds him of her and their EA PA'....


Me/BS/40~Him/fWH/42 Both in IC
MC put 'on hold' till my IC agrees
DD~07/19/10 R on hold till my IC agrees
BP1 DX 10/2011&Complex PTSD 7/1998
"There are no mistakes in tomorrow"

Posts: 337 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Eastern NC
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

can't believe...
It must be so hard to know that they still see each other at work.
My H MOW was also a co-worker but my H left the job 1 month before d-day...so, I never had to deal with wondering what was going on at work.
But, the no contact thing happened with my H and the MOW also.Here they have a 5 yr LTA.... the MOW kept pursuing and pursuing during those years ( I have emails that reflect that)....and then... I find out and he tells her that he never wants to speak to her again...
I email and call her and tell her I kicked him out of the house and now they are free to spend as much time together as they want....
and guess what? in 6 months of seperation... they never once communicated...nothing..no emails, phone calls, nothing.
Its like since the 'jig' was up it wasn't any fun for her anymore....?
plus...I also do think she was moving on to other sitting duck married co-workers....
but, mostly, I think a big part of the appeal for her was the fun, the secrecy, etc. and now that the affair was exposed...it would ot be fun anymore...(Oh.. I forgot to mention...her husband had finally moved out 2 months before my d-day... he had known about this LTA of hers for years ...). so, when d-day hit and I kicked my husband out of the house...both of them were living on their own and still there was no contact between them!
Hopefully that's what will happen with your H at the workplace!


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


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