Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: DevastatedWH (43169)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 19
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, August 12th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

annamaria: welcome to our little corner of si.....

understanding is part of our problem...we all want to understand, we somehow think that if we could rationalize or understand it we could move on....but i am starting to realize that no matter how much of their lives we did understand, this is trying to understand something that is IMPOSSIBLE to understand....because quite frankly we do not think the way that they do, we do not feel even the way that they do..i am starting to believe that there is a mentality of entitlement, a sense of habit and a totally warped sense of right and wrong that they all possess...and since we are not like that we cannot understand....this is not a ons that happened, our spouses chose to be with other people for extraordinary lengths of time....

i keep coming back to how sick does it sound that so many of us wish it was just a ons....because having suffered through this lta shit, a ons seems like a walk in the park and something we probably could totally get over....and 2 years ago i would never have said this, i would have told you flat out, if my spouse ever cheats or cheated he would be out on his ass...end of story....

as for the question of love...i still do not believe any of them are or were capable of "real" love...they also had no love of self either...but in their own warped way they did love us as much as one can with their mindsets...

the ws who claims to love the bs, for that ws it is love, it is not the "real" love that we are due but it is love nonetheless...there are all types of love, we do not love all the people in our lives the same way...and yes you can love 2 people at the same time...each one fulfills different needs....but that is not "real" love, that is an illusion....a pure and simple illusion, and when the bs finds out, the bubble of illusion is sometimes burst to bits....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Morning all.

My H also told me he never stopped loving me, but I think he meant it like the way you love your mother or a sister. You love them - would do anything for them- doesn't mean you are getting along with them or enjoying their company or that you want to hang out with them. My H actually said something similar to that right after DDay.

Crazy day yesterday for me. Some things gave me the impression H had lied to me about his whereabouts, but I really didn't have enough to confront. That set me off -tho I kept it to myself (after storming out of the house before work. )

I feel better about it now - but I just hate that feeling - that I can't just trust my H to be doing what he says.

Earlier in the week I had told him that I was in too much pain to feel head over heels in love with him. I felt bad about that, so I tried to discuss it with him.

He leaned over & looked at the time (11pm) & he said "Wow - we ALMOST made it". (Meaning we had almost gone a whole day without discussing anything of significance as to our relationship).

This is what I'm talking about. I'm trying to reassure him & he still doesn't want to talk about it.
I started planting the seeds for Retrovaille & he said something along the lines of "no way". I then said to him "Do you really feel like our relationship is the best it's going to be?" And, he said "I hope not".

I decided to end it there - tho I did say something like he should feel stupid for having the emotional capacity of a 15y.o.

Having known my H his entire life - I just don't think he is capable of a more intimate, deeper relationship. I don't know if I'm ok with that yet or not.
We need to go back to MC asap. (Our schedules were just not making it possible). I'm going to call him today anyway.

I will catch up with the rest of you after cup of coffee #2 - I just wanted to get this down before Boss Lady woke up & I forgot what I was going to say.

EDITED to tell Fun - that I related your sitch with your H going into the garage when you confronted him about the NC breach - and my H said "I wish we had a garage".
Brothers from another mother for sure.

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 5:49 AM, August 13th (Friday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PaperRoses:

I did not know he was not there. Where was I? Why did I not know? Was I disconnected also? We were living apart emotionally for years? How did I miss that ? What was my problem?

I thought about this a lot. For me, I was aware of a feeling that my H was not family first anymore & I didn't think he cared about me anymore. I don't know why I didn't connect the dots or do something to change it. I thought that we were under a lot of stress and strain and I trusted that we would still be together & it would get better.

Aight - Boss Lady says its time for Dora the Explorer.

Hugs to everyone!


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We became disconnected for sure. I too thought it would just pass and things would get better. I felt unloved and ignored. We had lots of stresses at the time...three unruly teenagers, a brand new business I purchased, a home to run and well you all know what I mean.... I couldn't get to my H no matter what I tried or did, so I disconnected. I knew I did it back then but it was how I coped. The rest is history...H coped by having a LTA.

And my H like a lot of yours stopped seeing OW immediately after the A was discovered. He has not seen OW since. H said she never meant anything to him. They were just friends (with benefits I guess). And when I called OW, she said she loved him and wanted to be with him that he had to make a choice. OW also said "they were just friends". So evidently I am missing something here. Friends have sex with each other? No wonder we are all so confused. None it makes sense.

Honest - I think of you all the time. I wish I lived closer to you. You are a wonderful person and you will make it through this...just like the rest of us.

allgood - I laughed about your H wishing he had a garage. I haven't had the guts to mention Retrovielle yet. I'll let you know how it goes when I do.

Welcome Anna Maria....

Hugs to the rest of the tribe.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allgood:

This is what I'm talking about. I'm trying to reassure him & he still doesn't want to talk about it

his idea of reassurance may not be the same as yours, actually its probably quite different from yours....and are you sure you weren't just trying to reassure yourself.....telling him you are not head over heals in love with him, i think bothered you lots more then it bothered him...to him it was just you blowing off more steam again, and for you i am thinkin you want to be head over heels in love with him again and are mad that you aren't....

and planting seeds is good...and allgood, mc needs to be a requirement...you need to make time for it...and i forgot is your h going to ic....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allgood:

This is what I'm talking about. I'm trying to reassure him & he still doesn't want to talk about it

his idea of reassurance may not be the same as yours, actually its probably quite different from yours....and are you sure you weren't just trying to reassure yourself.....telling him you are not head over heals in love with him, i think bothered you lots more then it bothered him...to him it was just you blowing off more steam again, and for you i am thinkin you want to be head over heels in love with him again and are mad that you aren't....

and planting seeds is good...and allgood, mc needs to be a requirement...you need to make time for it...and i forgot is your h going to ic....

fun when you spoke of how you became disconnected from your husband it hit a nerve, i too became disconnected, but i don't think any of were as disconnected as much as put them on a back burner because there was always too much other shit going on...and for me i disconnected on quite a different level, i had to for my own self-preservation...pfm was demanding, mean and downright lousy as a husband...and i still believed he loved me but was too caught up in being a good son and someone who worked too hard.....and being a good husband and dad i thought was there but he never let it be, and i think that he couldn't let it be knowing what shit he really was....he would have lost his sense of entitlement....

lots of ws's do that, they create their bs's in their minds to be these people that they are not, it is so they can justify their own behavior to themselves...give themselves what they perceive as a valid reason...

and a final note before i have to drive dd to work...it must be really really hard to have to look at themselves in a mirror everyday, to face who they were, to face the pain they caused and when they look into our eyes that is exactly what they see....they see themselves reflected back and its not a pretty picture...for those ws's who are truly remorseful and "get it", seeing this reflection as what it is is necessary to healing for both...for the ws who are remorseful but only to the extent that they are sorry and do not want to "grow" from this experience but feel that a lesson was learned this is a reflection that does not allow it to be over....they do not "get it" yet....

i make sense to me, i hope i make sense to you both fun and allgood...i don't know why but i still see hope in both your sich's....although fun, this latest bit with him looking her up just shows he doesn't get it, and him getting it soon i am thinkin is imperative for you......i am getting the impression that he is running out of time....you are moving away from him in your heart of hearts for self-preservation.....i hope and i am not quite sure why i hope it but i hope i am wrong....


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle: Thank you for your thoughts on the matter. I think you made a good point by saying that his idea of reassurance is different than mine. I guess it is. I guess us just being together & trying to enjoy each other is enough for him. But, I seriously was trying to reassure him - I still think that it would sting to hear what I said to him- I know I would be very upset if he said that to me. And - I am disappointed that I don't feel like that about him - I'm not mad - but I guess I just feel like maybe that portion of our relationship is never going to return & I wonder if it is worth staying. I can't stop thinking about a lot of posts I saw from BS in their 50s saying if they learned about this in their 40s they would've left, they would've found someone else & been happier, etc.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allgood: i think for you right now you need to give your marriage an honest effort in order to feel no regret later...you still love the man despite his behavior, and from what you have told and written about him i think he is a good man who just did a terrible thing...granted it was for a really long time...but for him i really think it was more out of habit then anything else, and it was easy....

if after doing everything possible to reconcile on both part and you still have this ambivalence then i would say maybe you might be better off without him....but for now you are not ready to let go....

and it still suck moose eggs that right now the burden of the work is and will be on you....but he has so far complied with everything....and i think that would mean that he would comply with retrovaille...and just tell him the truth, you will do anything short of forgetting the whole thing to save your marriage, will he...and then let it go...plant really strong seeds....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
cantbelieve
♀ Member
Member # 22028
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Annamaria,

I guess I'm just really having a hard time wrapping my brain around how he could have been in this A and then poof! it's over and even though he sees her every day it doesn't mean anything to him.

That's where I am. Even though my H is doing everything right and I feel I should really be happy, I sometimes wonder if he has just really taken it underground. I mean, he lied so well for 4 years, how would I know?

But in reality, he has changed so much to show me and prove to me that he's here. He is working on his "feelings" but it's just not the same. Our marriage is probably better than it has been for the last 20 years...why can't I be happy and move on?


Me: BS (57)
Him: WS (58)
LTA 4 years with co-worker
DS(26)
DD(23)
DD(19)
Married 28 years
D-day1 5/08
D-day2 11/08
Status: 6 yrs and wondering if I'll ever be truly happy again

Posts: 1044 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: DFW
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey believe.....you are afraid, afraid to trust him, afraid to be hurt again.....afraid to trust yourself to know if he is being sincere, afterall you, all of us really never had an inkling....

trust has to be earned back bit by bit....sometimes in tiny barely visible to the eye particles....but it does and can happen only if you are open....if you close your heart off completely to it you won't move on, you will remain stuck....you do it one day at a time, you "choose" to stay open to the possibility that right now what you see is all you see....if he proves himself, if he no longer lies that you know of, if he shows you day in and day out believe in the possibility....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
cantbelieve
♀ Member
Member # 22028
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Iwant. I am trying to work on it and deep down really believe he is true to his word. Maybe part of it is the numbness I still feel. I feel more comfortable not excited. I know after 25 years, I should feel comfortable and maybe I'm wrong in looking for that "romance" again. I guess the comfortable feeling I get is mature love and that is what I'm suppose to be feeling. I'm trying to tell myself I need to fall in love all over again then start from there.


Me: BS (57)
Him: WS (58)
LTA 4 years with co-worker
DS(26)
DD(23)
DD(19)
Married 28 years
D-day1 5/08
D-day2 11/08
Status: 6 yrs and wondering if I'll ever be truly happy again

Posts: 1044 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: DFW
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't believe: I feel the same way.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nofun,
Granted I am pulling from just one short paragraph, but this is what I see...

my H has told me that he is ashamed and disgusted with himself. He said he didn't see how devestating it was going to be while he was in the A. He said he didn't think he wasn't doing anything wrong! That still eats at me. How could you possibly think you were doing nothing wrong? He said he now sees what a tragedy he caused. He said he's sad for what he has done to the M. He said he never stopped loving me. I don't believe that.

I see that he feels bad; I see that he feels bad for what he did to his M. What I do not see is any empathy, acknowledging your pain, fear, mistrust, hopelessness. In fact by implying that the two of you would be like his parents or the couple in the movie indicates he feels no repercussions from his A, and neither should you. It would be different if he had said, "I want us to be like that couple someday, how do we get there, what do I need to do?"

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 11:45 AM, August 13th (Friday)]


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that we (and especially our WS) need to remember that all marriages ebb and flow.... and it is impossible and completely unrealistic to maintain that 'in love ' feeling for long periods of time...

True love IS that comitted kind of love that we do have for family.That love that says I will do anything for this person.

I know, I know... I'm there with the rest of you..especially with my husband's over the top, pornografic, crazy affair with the MOW...
I have at times wondered if I have missed something in my life by never having that kind of insane thing going on with someone....
but...then, I realize THAT craziness is not real love...
they can try to say that they were 'in love'..but, that wouldn't be the correct definition of what the affairs were.
Affairs have no correlation to real life..they just don't.
They are not at all like the 'in love' feelings that we remember when we first started dating our spouses...
it's just a completely different animal.
People can label it as 'in love' (mostly women involved in affairs do this...the men tend to have no problem labeling it as just a f..buddy....meaningless sex, etc.).
They can call it being 'in love' but it does not resemble any kind of dating situation that any of us or any of our friends have ever experienced...
'in love' people are happy... our spouses were not... they were walking around... grouchy, unhappy, angry, depressed, hopeless, gloomy...
'in love' people want everyone to know about their new love... affair partners are so ashamed of it that they hide it from everyone.. even to the point of trying to minimize and deny it to themselves....
so... LTAs are not really about 'love' at all...

What Miracle said about our spouses... did they ever really understand what a truly loving, intimate, married love was supposed to be like? I don't think so... but, I do believe them when they say that they loved us more than the affair partners... they probably did...
It was just not the kind of whole , healthy, marital love that a psychological mature, healthy person feels...but, it was the most love that they ever felt for another person.
However, in many cases... after d-day.. the WS do begin to understand what real love is...

Retrouvaille.....
I did read up on it when we first reconciled and was considering going but got hung up on the follow up dates....
I didn't realize then that we could have just attended the weekend event and then decide later if we wanted to continue with the follow up sessions.
What impressed me about Retrouvaille was the fact that it was originally created to try to bring already divorced couples back together!
and... the fact that it had such a high success rate!

also... in the description.. I really felt that the stages of marriage described were so accurate...
almost all marriages go through these stages...
the next to last being the 'Misery' stage..which is where we all are dealing with an affair...
but then..what they say is that stage can be followed by a 'Reawakening' stage for your marriage!
I believe that is true.
If you can work through the 'Misery' stage and get to the next step... you can have something that many long term marriages do not have ..
a real re -awakening, a realization about how much you both value each other and your marriages.
What do they say? You don't know how much love someone until you almost lose them?

I see that in action in my marriage... I hate to admit this..but,I think that without the wake up call of the affair our marriage would be really mediocre today ... he would be drinking, not appreciative of me and the marriage...our family..taking things for granted , feeling sorry for himself... seeing his life as being a disappointment..you know the guys..they're married but... the wife is the ball and chain etc.
and the wives..are the ones that always complain about their husbands...try to find ways to avoid sex, avoid spending time with him, just barely tolerating him...not respecting him...
that really describes many of the so called 'happy' marriages...

what I see with my marriage and the marriages of other reconciled couples post d-day...
they actually have a much more energized marriage...a closer marriage... they are the middle aged couples holding hands in the mall etc.
I recognize them right away...
they almost lost everything and now they value it so much more and are holding on for dear life!
My H and I have done so much MC and IC.... and Christian Couples counseling that I really do think we are on the right path (despite some triggers and second thoughts that I may have ) so, at this point Retrouvaille is not something that I need to insist on...
But, I really do agree with Tryin....
I think it has the potential for being a life altering experience...
you may be able to 'sell' it to your spouses by saying that it is just one weekend and it saves months of MC because they cover so much ground in such a short, compressed period of time...
its also not expensive... and,there is no forced sharing of information...out loud in front of strangers...
there's a presentation, homework, and then the couple discusses behind closed doors in private what went on in the session.
Am I getting it right,Tryin?

[This message edited by njgal480 at 8:49 PM, August 13th (Friday)]


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome annamaria.. I am sorry you are part of the LTA club too.

I’m with ya NJgal…Our spouses were just totally lost to what real love is… It’s totally about greed and selfishness. I can understand what you fine lady’s cannot seem to understand about A’s… I think about how good it would feel to have sex, talk some smack, be around someone other then our spouses… for me, it would be very exciting. Please don’t feel offended when I say this to all you fine ladies here… Heck I have some attractions just by reading your postings.. lol.. I admit it… I would love to have dinner, a good chocolate Marti drink, some good conversation followed by a roll in the hay. Yep, I mean every one of you fine ladies here on the LTA board…… I truly mean that! But, I won’t. Because I committed to a M. That’s just me. Always been me. But I admit I have always had desire for other women to “be with them”. I admit some great fantasies too. I just never did it for real. I’m not sure if I’m suppose to have those or not but I do. Before dday, I might have fallen prey to an A. Today, no way. I can live with an occasional fantasy in my own mind but I’m not going to fail my W with reality. Can anyone relate to even the slight notion of what I am saying or am I just a wierdo? maybe it's a guy thing?

NJgal.. You are correct. For me, it was better then any IC meetings. WAY BETTER! But your spouse must commit to trying it. That weekend was very special for both my W and I. She made confession. It was so hard for her. She could never do it since having her abortion. Now, throw on top of that infidelity. It meant so much to me for her to do that too. She re-committed to me on that weekend. She also again gave me the most heartfelt apology. And for me, I learned how to express myself in a new and different way. You do this by a 5 d’s method.. Desire, Dialogue, Discuss, Decide and Do. I have been able to work this method into my daily life in many situations. I’ve modified it my own way but It works with my kids very well. I use it when I am in conflict with my w.

It starts with a DESIRE (recognize a need for change)… example: I desire my spouse to be open with his feelings. So.. you asked a question… Do I try to control or hide my emotions / feelings? HDIFAT? (How do I fell about that?) Then you take 15 minutes to write the answer using a method.. Write it with feelings only! you can use several things to describe your feelings….. use an historical event you both went through.. use a rating 1 to 10.. use a color… You cannot include what you think the other person is “thinking” just your own feelings. Then you DIALOUGE (share with each other your feelings and only listen to each other).. then you DISCUSS (express thoughts, ideas, opinion, attitudes).. then you DECIDE, you Compromise, you decide to love.. Then you DO… take to action and change.

After the weekend of real life practice… you will know what I mean! You will learn more then I have time to write.. You will see your spouse in a different light…

Hey peace to all this weekend.


[This message edited by trynhard at 4:00 PM, August 13th (Friday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn. Well I don't think you are a weirdo. But it may in fact just be a guy thing. I think we need some input from our fine lady friends here at SI. Lots and lots of input please.

tryn, you have to be impressed and pleased with the sales job njgal just did about Retrouvaille. You better sign her up to your sales team!

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn:

I would love to have dinner, a good chocolate Marti drink, some good conversation followed by a roll in the hay. Yep, I mean every one of you fine ladies here on the LTA board


listen up and listen good...i aint gettin any and talkin like this doesn't help!!!!

you too dip!!!



eta: its probably a really good thing i dont do martini's.... ...cuz if it were mudslides...well...


just sayin!!!!

[This message edited by iwantamiracle at 4:30 PM, August 13th (Friday)]


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
cantbelieve
♀ Member
Member # 22028
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mmmm mudslides...a few of those and who knows


Me: BS (57)
Him: WS (58)
LTA 4 years with co-worker
DS(26)
DD(23)
DD(19)
Married 28 years
D-day1 5/08
D-day2 11/08
Status: 6 yrs and wondering if I'll ever be truly happy again

Posts: 1044 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: DFW
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn - it's not just a guy thing. At least not for me. Before Dday I too would fantasize about what it would be like to be with a man that was passionate, warm and fun loving. I looked at other men and I still look at other men (if you know what I mean ) Hey...I like to look!!!

I have also had many many opportunities and always walked away. Believe me, the attention felt good, but I would go home and lay in bed next to my husband and think how much I loved him and that he was the only one I ever wanted.

Even during the bad times. And even now...He is still the one I want.

Maybe I'm the weird one...maybe WE are all the weird ones!!! We stayed faithful....how weird is that?


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG - you guys are killing me. I'm still at work - I have 1 more project that must get done & I just checked in before getting started... and now my head is all over the place!

Ok - Tryn: thank you for sharing. Seriously. I really do appreciate the candid male perspective especially when it helps soothe my wounded ego.

I don't know if it is a guy thing or not - but for me -until recently - I never looked at a guy that way at all since I met my husband. I might find someone attractive, but I never went so far as wanting to be with them, fantasize about them, etc.
The only incident I can recall is in the midst of my H's affair, our relationship was very, very bad, and someone that had been very flirty with me in the past had asked me out to lunch. He was married & knew I was married, but it was still sort of odd & I wondered what his intentions were. I seriously thought about what I would do if this man had something more than lunch in mind. And, I was attracted to this person & that is the only time I can think that I had to fight any kind of urge to be with someone other than my H.
However, before meeting this man, I had already concluded that if he was to hint at taking this beyond friendship, he would be promptly shot down.
(BTW- nothing came of it - it really was just lunch.)
Other than that, if a male friend started to get flirty with me, I instinctively distanced myself from him. (Not that I've had many male friends).
Anyhoo -
Different story now. Thanks to my H's A, I'm definitely taking more time for myself & I get regular compliments from people I know well & people I don't know very well. I'm not wearing myring any more & I am starting to get some bizarre offers to meet with my colleagues to discuss cases outside our respective offices and plenty of cell numbers so we can "talk".
It's a nice feeling.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.