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User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 19
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

leaving you means to me that she has and had already envisioned a life without you and took steps to make that happen...

iwam, She introduced her younger daughter to the OM#2, and had plans to move in with him, or to the town where DS18 will be going to college. She never moved in with OM#2, in large part because she found the much more successful OM#3, but she was looking for jobs in the other town, and a friend there was helping to look for a place to live while seeing OM#3. She and OM#3 met at hotels in this town for the weekend two times that I know of under the guise of visiting a friend or D.

She also thought about M OM#3, and living in his parents house when they died. She thought about his daughter in her wedding and where the wedding would be held.

So while she never physically left me, she was checked out.

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 11:30 AM, August 15th (Sunday)]


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood...
I agree with Tryin about the 'shock therapy' or 'tough love' approach.
I did that with my H.
It wasn't conscious on my part... instead it was my knee jerk reaction to finding out about the LTA.
I lost it. For me it was the cherry on top of years of having to deal with his depression, detachment, and alcoholism....so...I kicked him out of the house and I filed for divorce...
and his reaction was the opposite of what I imagined... instead of being OK with it he began to really fight tooth and nail to save the marriage.
Who new? I never expected that reaction from him. If I had I would have done that years ago...and maybe would have had many more years of living with a happy, sober, grateful appreciative husband...
but, who knows? timing is everything... and as Miracle says things happen for a reason...sometimes there'e divine intervention at work...
so, I never got to that point before d-day...
that point where I thought I had no choice but to ask him to leave!
I'm not saying that will happen for you..can't predict that at all...
but, why not take a really strong stance when it comes to something like attending one weekend session of Retrouvaille?
maybe ,that could be the kick in the pants a guy like him needs? He is someone who keeps all of his true feelings bottled up...and absolutely NOT someone to ever admit to be being afraid of losing you (although his questions about how you would react to divorce/seperation etc. make me think he is thinking and worrying about this stuff!)


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wow ats i didn't know that....why didn't she go?, what does she say that stopped her? and what or why does she stay now?


why she sound so much like she needed an escape, the om didn't seem to matter to her, who he was, only what he could provide so it seems....i find that so so sad, especially since what she was probably looking for was there for the taking the whole time in you....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

....why didn't she go?, what does she say that stopped her? and what or why does she stay now?

Why didn't she go? The snarky part of me would point out that she was never very good at planning and follow-through. She did leave her 1st H though. She stayed for the kids, at least until DS18 got to where he is now, going to college.

What stopped her, I do not think OM#3 ever planned to leave his wife for her. Just like her AP in her first M, the OM said all the right things, but in the end had no interest in leaving his BS for her. He went NC immeadiately after exposure on dday and it has held ever since. Still she was looking at opportunities to go to the town where we used to live and DS18 is going to college. She asked DS14 soon after dday how he would like to move back to that town.

Why does she stay now? Who knows? She says because she loves me, wants to finally make things work. Maybe inertia, maybe biding her time, maybe not to upset funding for DS college, maybe the A is way underground now that she knows my ability to snoop. I think she is here because it is easier than not being here. I think she wants to have a relationship, I just do not know if it will ever be possible, or if I am willing to settle.

She spent most of the M presuming that I did not love her, did not like her daughters, and thought she was stupid. If I was quiet it was because I was mad at her. If I did not do the right thing to “make” her happy it was because I did not care for her. She has so many explanations and examples from our 20 year M that they contradict and get confusing. Simple fact is she told her kids, our kids, her folks, her sister, and her friends she was not happy in the M, and it was because of my bad attitude. They all felt sorry for her, and hoped she could find the happiness she deserved. FWW was shocked when she told her girls and sister of her first A, and they were not supportive. She thought they would be glad she was finally happy.

sigh


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iwant..
no employer should tell another how to live their personal life....
I can argue every company tells how someone should live a personal life... Companies tell us what time we must show up for work. If I get a DUI, my company will tell me they no longer need me. They tell us we must be a US citizen in order for us to work.... Just because in today's society, it allows secrete adultery, doesn’t make it right. Recently, look at David Letterman, Rick Pitino… Both these men involved in bribery cases. Can you imagine a cop where organized crime finds out about them using drugs of cheating, there is a good chance they can us that against the public, you and I. The police department needs to be the highest integrity because they are the ones enforcing the law itself. Too me, I think we need laws to punish people that commit adultery. Infidelity should be illegal IMO. I was watching a report the other night about a man who son disappeared in Minneapolis. The father suspected his son was murdered because of a fight at a bar that night. His father was describing his feelings. This man had the exact same feelings as me. Why should a murderer get away while I have the same feelings and nobody gets punished? Infidelity takes at least a year out of your life… more often longer. I use Paper Rose.. she is still in pain after 5 years. Dip.. years and still has some problems. It’s just the way I think today. Until this happens to you, you will never know what it feels like. It hurts like death. A cheater may never understand until it happens to them. I know that for a fact. My friend who cheated on his w and M the OW.. she went on to cheat on him too… he told me how bad it hurt. Cheaters just don’t understand. A black man or woman might can relate… I compare it a White Caucasian trying to understand a poor African American’s journey in life. A white Caucasian just cannot get it.

Allgood… I know I wouldn’t have any problem finding a new mate. I also would just “be” myself and allow God to send the right woman to me… I was just giving you some options to consider. Revenge affairs are wrong but you would be letting him know in advance, then, it would not be an affair. It would be an “open” M. Let’s see how he feels once he starts to vision you, his W, his mate, his mother of his kids, allowing some other man to have his W… Wonder if he would get it then? Some other man taking his W… Hummm..

My W and I separated for 3 days. I made a date just to talk with friends, friend but only platonically. My wife discovered it when this lady had called me back while I came home to get some stuff. I had told my W all along that I would not R during any S. My W thought we were still going to try and R. I made myself clear. I never thought my wife could be so mean and jealous. To this day, we must avoid this woman at any social event. The tables turned you see…

[This message edited by trynhard at 5:21 PM, August 15th (Sunday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Paper Roses
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Member # 19336
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats,
I think that you are making some good points about why a WS might physically stay but check out emotionally. did he/she make plans to leave and were they thwarted for some reason? Did he/she find out that leaving just did not make sense financially? Is thereason that your WS there with you now because of convenience or love?

This is not a question I ask of myself to cause myself unecessary discomfort but in order to kow and perhaps stay in reality about how genuine my spouses committment to me and the marriage really is. This is not to say that all of this is deliberate or cruel or intentional on the part of my spouse either. He may very well want to feel that certain kind of love for me with all of his heart..but in the end..he may just not be able to feel what he cannot feel! It is my job to watch out for my heart..to be careful..my H has a history of lying to himself when he wants something to be true.

So, I look at the signs, of how and why he returned. did he return to me as a man who semed grateful to be free of the ow? Did he seem happy to be free of the burden of the lies and the shame and guilt? For those of you who are saying a resounding "Yes" then it is a slam dunk for you! You may have been fortunate enough to have discovered the affair at a time when your spouse was ready to leave his affair partner.

In my case, my H did not seem like a man in love with his wife when he returned home to me. It was glaringly obvious, I need to be aware of this as it may effect my future. Heads up and not in the sand are best.


Me-50-FBW-
He-45-FWh- sober 4 years

Self-deception- is literally a matter of deceiving oneself- and thus raises unique questions.
How can one deceive himself-unless he already knows-what it is that he is deceiving himself about?


Posts: 623 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Los Angeles
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Paper...

For those of you who are saying a resounding "Yes" then it is a slam dunk for you! You may have been fortunate enough to have discovered the affair at a time when your spouse was ready to leave his affair partner.

that could have been me. My W says she tried several times to stop....

This was me.. I made this last year...


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
cantbelieve
♀ Member
Member # 22028
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Infidelity should be illegal

I agree. If it was illegal it may deter some from slipping down that path. If you could get jail time, I don't think my H would have done it.

So, I look at the signs, of how and why he returned.

He's here working hard, tells me he's happy, but I just don't get the feeling that he's attracted to me. Just doesn't seem to desire me. Says, he wants me to be ready and doesn't want to push me. I would like some romantic gestures to let me know that he desires me.


Me: BS (57)
Him: WS (58)
LTA 4 years with co-worker
DS(26)
DD(23)
DD(19)
Married 28 years
D-day1 5/08
D-day2 11/08
Status: 6 yrs and wondering if I'll ever be truly happy again

Posts: 1044 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: DFW
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was talking with someone and came with the analogy that during the affair years our spouses were not completely 'plugged in' to our marriages.... I imagine a bunch of plugs in a surge protector... has this ever happened to you? where one of the plugs to a lamp is not 100% plugged in.. so if the surge protector is moved or touched by accident then the lamp flickers on and off...it's not firmly plugged in but still attached...
to me.. that was my husband.. he was always attached to the marriage and to me..but at times he was not firmly plugged in...
he was there and yet not there..
but, now he is 100% plugged in... no flickering light..
the light is strong and true..

the only problem is... like Tryin says is to stop trying to make sense of this mess and instead put it behind me....
easier said than done...


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats....
what she did during the affair is typical craziness...who knows what she was thinking? fantasy planning? wondering if someone else... anyone else would make her feel happier...OM#1, OM#2, it didn't seem to matter.. the guys were interchangeable... the constant was her depression and unhappiness....
the same can be said for most WS..they are NOT happy people and they think that the LTA will make them feel better about themselves... it works for the short term but thats it...
so, the answer really is for them to dig deep and try to figure out how they can make themselves happier as opposed to always looking to outside sources for their happiness...
they need to find inner peace....
and learn to love themselves, accept themselves and to be grateful for all they do have in their lives.... especially their spouse and children, etc.

It sounds as if your wife does not show a lot of remorse for the affair... is that the probelm?
what kind of things has she done to make amends to you?


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

believe: are you saying that your husband has not initiated any sex with you...????i am sorry to be so blunt about it, but this is not a good thing...i would understand him saying he will wait until you are ready but that needs to be with him expressing some kind of desire i would think....or does he possibly have a medical problem?....


tryn: i understand where you are coming from i really do, its just not realistic in this society, its a law that will never be...i also think that what one does with his personal business does not always affect their life, with few exceptions...drugs and alcohol among them....we live in a society that has a great need for morals...we live in a society where someone else is always to blame, i could go on and on about the society we now live in....parents who shouldn't be, politicians that need to experience life from a poor persons perspective...etc...

the somewhat good news is now some bs's are sueing the op's....now that i love...we should be able to sue our ws's too if we choose divorce...a sahm should not have to go back to work just because her husband decided to cheat and leave, or a sahm should not feel like she is stuck in a marriage simply because she doesn't make any money, and her husband will not support her....if you choose to cheat you need to pay, not necessarily with jail time, but money to the bs....

ats i do not remember is your wife in ic, i know you are both in mc...but is she also in ic...and how often are you going?...i think you both need to go weekly, she's got lots of issues to dig into, and you both have lots of issues to dig into together...

i am sorry ats...i hope though that you find some more pockets of happiness along the way, pockets that will turn into more then that...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my case, my H did not seem like a man in love with his wife when he returned home to me.

Paper Roses, this is my sich too, but not because of her affection for the OM, though it wass there more than she let on. On dday she told me it might come as a suprise, but that she had been unhappy most of the M. I know this is typical WS talk, but for her it is apparently true, and looking back I see it now. Her kids and family confirm it. They all felt sorry for her, but no one said anything to me that she was so upset. They did not want to hurt my feelings

I like the plug anaolgy njgal480.

It sounds as if your wife does not show a lot of remorse for the affair... is that the probelm?
what kind of things has she done to make amends to you?

Inconsistent at best. If we talk about it or I raise the subject she will tell me how badly she feels, how she triggers. To make amends...she quit f#cking OM#3 and quit sexting and doing phone sex w/BIL. She follows my lead. If I send her a card, she sends me one. If I schedule an outing she will usually come along, but I am still not a lock for her time. If I propose sex and remind her, she will usually comply, but still at the end of the day and she is often tired. She will answer questions if asked, painful ones if pressed, but I am no longer asking any because I do not see the value of additional information, especially if only given begrudgingly. My IC seems to concur with more information being of no real value.

We quit MC a couple months ago. She is doing IC every two weeks, but I suspect she will cancel her appt. this week. I started back into IC two weeks ago.

We have not had sex for 2+ weeks now. I triggered badly the last time, and she wants us to "talk" beofre having sex again. I have asked to talk 2x, I will ask again tonight. We re-arranged our room and set it up for massage and tantra, had a GREAT night of nonsexual touching. We agreed, I thought, we should do that reguarly, weekly. That was 3 weekends ago.

Her sister called today and said that her parents want FWW, DD31, DD27, and FWW's sister and neice to come for 60 wedding A. I cannot come because we cannot leave DS14 alone and DS18 will be away at college. There was no discussion, she said she is going. BIL will likely be there. All I have going for me is hope DD27 will go and keep tabs for me. She was on my side through the whole A time.

FWW is upset this weekend with DS18 leaving this week. Last week it was work, the week before that something else. I told her I need more time and attention and we were back to me being selfish. Not so clearly stated as it would have been in the past, but that was the message.

I characterize her efforts since dday as always being a day late and a dollar short. I do not know how long I want to wait. When I go to IC next week I will have about a month of feeling detached. If I get a second month while she is away on training over my birthday and then to her parents and maybe seeing BIL, I may have my 2 months of consistent feeling I always was looking for. Once she is back from visiting her parents it will be our dday A time. Infact, she will be away to see them one year from the trip to visit DD27 which was when I discovered the A. It will be a re-enactment.

--Ats

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 7:01 PM, August 15th (Sunday)]


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why can't you take DS14 to the 60th anniversary party? and then you can go....
so what, if he misses a few days of school...
trust me, he'll survive, the teacher will survive (this is coming from a teacher!).
Why should you stay home and stress out?
I'm sorry for all the triggers surrounding this...but,staying home may just make it worse for you.

Sorry, but I don't remember th


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry, double post

[This message edited by njgal480 at 8:59 PM, August 15th (Sunday)]


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry, sent it twice and sent it before I was finished! Yikes!!!
what is the significance of the BIL? anything? I don't remember hearing about him from your story...


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats: i am with njgal, let the kid miss some school...

and its time for you to give your wife some blunt clear communication of what you feel...and i really hope she comes through..it i remember correctly she seems to need it to be desparate for her to take action...she needs to be in ic, weekly, no cancelations, and i think you need to set this boundary and why did you stop mc...you two are way too far from doing this on your own...and again if i remember correctly she doesn't always see what is pointed out to her without you showing her...which means she is not "seeing" her actions yet...not without your guidance as it seems.....

what is it with our ws's, they all seem to be lame without guidance...like if you dissappear so does the effort or appearance of effort....and the guidance almost needs to be forced for them to "listen"...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I cannot do this complete and short, so just say it was an intense night. She threw out the "we will never get past this" play. She told me how painful this is for her. It ends up the trip to her parents she says she does not want to make, the Uncle who molested her and her sister will also be there. She does not want to go, but will because she will feel guilty if she does not. I told her I thought that thinking was just nuts. She didn’t talk to me about this change in plans because she is so used to not including me in her life. She is afraid of making waves, so what happens if the BIL or Uncle copes a feel, or makes a lewd comment?

DS14 and I cannot go for 3 reasons. 1, I am not wanted by her Mother. 2, $$ we are spending money we do not have for DS18 college, 3, DS14 has a HS football game that weekend and is in the marching band.

I laid it all out for her. My disappointments, my expectations, why I continue to not trust her. She has gone to bed. She says she is trying. I appreciate that she cannot change 50 years of behavior in months, maybe she never can.

Questions asked by the tribe about this. She and her BIL engaged in sexting and phone sex. He told her he would never cheat on her sister, and this would just be fun. She loved the attention, they way he looked at her when she visited. She admits that she would never have told me about this is I had not seen some of the texts. I suspect they have had sex, but she will never admit that.

She did not want to go to IC, thought it was no use. I am happy to have her there every other week. When we were doing MC I just sat there most of the hour, it was all going over her stuff. I figure in IC without me she can be more open. At some point when she gets her shit figured out we may try MC again.

She says when I am detached she does not know what to do and withdraws. She says I will never get over it, most of the it I have only known for 4 months. She needs to step up. If she continues withdrawing, goes to visit her parents, does not SHOW me some effort, it may be too late. It was good so long as I am carrying the load and accommodating her.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wanted to put out there a quote from my xWH:

You can't analyze stupidity.

There are some things we just cannot figure out, and the WS can't figure it out either. "What was I thinking?"

As I have been reading everyone's posts, I realized something. Although a lot of WS's go through "the script" in terms of the things they say, and the denials they give, there does seem to be a big difference between WS's that have 1 short affair, ones that are SA, and those who have LTA's.

In addition, I feel that those who have been in LTA's also fall into various categories, but I do see a running theme in many: the WS's seem to have some major personal problems. LOL, I don't mean to be facitious!!

For many BS's of LTA affairs there is a lot to deal with. If the WS says they want to R, they often go to IC and there are a lot of FOO issues to deal with that probably caused them not to have boundaries in the first place, or have such low self esteem that they needed external validation from outside the marriage.

The fallout of the affair must be dealt with, and the problems of the marriage itself.

Ats, I see from your posts that your WW has a lot of personal issues. She probably thought so little of herself that she could not even accept that you loved her, and she made it a self fullfilling prophecy.

NJgal, from what I gather, it's more to do with alcoholism than anything else. So that has to be addressed, and then why the addiction then.

Allgood, there seems to be a lot of H's that could not accept their wife to have an affair and would leave immediately. This is probably why your WH has trouble understanding why you may want to R. It's like he feels he did this horrendous thing and really expects that you will leave him. In your case, I feel Tryn is right, Retrovaille might really help you guys, and if not both of you, I think it would help you.

PaperRoses, I understand the doubts that you have. If they could deceive us so well, how do we know they are not doing so now?

But, as a very dear friend said to me, "They could deceive us so well and we believed it BECAUSE they wanted us to believe it."


As for wanting to know more info? My take on this is that most likely it would be beneficial to know MAJOR details, as to to when it started, etc. How often they met. When it ended. BUT, I do know that when we have triggers, wanting to know what the OP wore for example or how "they did it" is too much info for us to process and info that is unneccessarily hurtful. Somehow, we may be focusing on the trees and not see the forest KWIM?

With my first xWH, he left immediately, no info at all and it was a blessing after all. I did not want to know what they did, or how they did it. Less for me to mull over and obsess over FOR ME. I could just focus on the major picture: he left and I must deal with it.

I don't know if my ramblings are making any sense.

I do know what would help me if I were truly in R and I got a trigger. I would tell WH I had a trigger, and I would want him to put an arm around me and say that he was sorry I am having pain. I would want to hear him say, "I'm sorry I put you in this pain, I didn't do it to hurt you, but we are working to make things better and it will be better. I love you. Let's have faith in each other."

Something of that nature.

There is a lot of work in R for a LTA. More work than usual. It may seem daunting, but I feel that there must be a committment with both parties to promise and vow to really really try thier best. That is where I think the trust begins. Not so much the trust that the WS will never "do it" again, but the trust that they are commmitted to R and will try their best.

I pray that everyone is in a better place today and I pray everyday for each and every one of you that you will be in less pain and on the road to happiness.

ETA: I am not stronger, still in a lot of pain. A lot to process. I put a lot away so I can deal with everything a little at a time. I have just been surviving.

I find out a new thing and I'm brought to my knees, but as a dear friend pointed out, I'm getting up more quickly now, although I'm still very wobbly and shaky.

{{{{{tribe}}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats: I think we were cross posting.

{{{{Ats}}}}

I know you are doing so much of the work. From what I can see, your WW really doesn't know how to have a relationship with someone.

I really believe she loves you to the best of her ability, but she doesn't love herself. She can't see how she can be worthy of love. and ironically, she blames it on you!!!

I feel she not only should go to IC weekly, but possibly bi-weekly!!

Take care of yourself.

{{{{Ats}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I went into bed she was still awake. I could not help myself, and I asked her if she was standing by what she had said.

Her answer; she says she wants a divorce. She would rather visit with those that abused her and protect whatever it is she is protecting than deal with me.

I will give this time and not over react. I will let IC work me through this, but I need to go back to taking care of me and my boys.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

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