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I'm taking a class and we've been studying Robert Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love. It's very interesting. I'm getting ready to go out of town, but thought this was worth sharing.

The Theory of Triangular love talks about love and how it relates to relationships with three seperate components.

Intimacy – Which encompasses feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.

Passion – Which encompasses drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, and sexual consummation.

Commitment – Which encompasses, in the short term, the decision to remain with another, and in the long term, the shared achievements and plans made with that other

How much love you feel for someone is directly related to the strength of these three components. This can evolve over time or exist statically.

Friendship has intimacy as the component.

Infatuated love has passion as the component

Empty love has commitment as it's sole component

Romantic love has intimacy and passion

Companionate love has intimacy and commitment

Fatuous love (whirlwind romances) has passion and commitment

Consumate love encompases all three. It's the ideal one strives for.

Maitaining consumate love can be even more difficult than achieving it and if work is not done and you loose one of the vital elements it changes completely.

I found this fasinating. I've often read on this site and on line the definition of love. It is often said that the passion can not be sustained, but I don't believe that. I've seen couples very close to me maintain that level with each other for years and you can just feel it exude from them.

I truly believe it's possible. I've seen it on this site as well. Couples that have stuggled so hard and been through so much, but when you read their posts you just feel warm and touched.

Anyway...found it interesting.

[This message edited by uncertainone at 8:12 AM, September 8th (Wednesday)]

It is interesting. Unfortunately, I have qualified for the 'Empty love' relationship for the last two years apparently...argh!

I think all of it is possible if the two partners are willing to work at maintaining all the elements you've stated.

What class are you taking? It sounds very thought-provoking!

Developmental psychology. It is!

bump

Interesting uncertainone.

I have recently been struggling both with FWW's inability to feel emotional intimacy with me (or any adult for that matter) and her statements that I do not feel like a friend to her. Yet there it is in your post that friendship is the intimacy aspect of the triangle, the part FWW does not feel.

I will get my popcorn and sit back to watch this thread now. Thanks for the post.

Thank you for posting this. It is very interesting.

The intimacy (friendship) part was what was missing from my marriage for a long time. I know that this is what I found in OM. Passion and commitment were my H's and for many years of friendship with OM that did not change. My affair was about giving passion and, in my mind, my commitment to OM.

We have now managed to put the intimacy back into our marriage.

Thank you for posting this, it was the wakeup call i needed this morning.

All my life i have been chasing passion. I had the A because i felt that even though our relationship had always been romantic love, because of habouring resentment it bad become empty love. Its sad because my BH truely believed we had consumate love.

Now to go back go the trenches, to continue digging for answers on the why's and solutions to move foward.

Again, thanx for the thread

Hmmmm...this is incredibly interesting. What I find especially interesting is that there are three components, which, though my math skills are very rusty, I believe should yield seven combinations. (Or, I suppose, eight - the eighth being if you had none of the three elements.)

The one that is missing is intimacy and passion, without commitment. I don't think that I am alone among Waywards in saying that is the combo that best fit my relationship with xOM. I find it very intriguing that it is not included on the list. Any idea why? Would it be called "Fog Love"? (Only half-kidding...)

Ground zero...It's there. I goofed

Romantic love is intimacy and passion and I had commitment.

What was missing was companionate love that has intimacy and commitment only. I added that.

Thank you!!!

Edited because went back to post and found my answer. sorry

[This message edited by WorkingOnFindingMyself at 4:28 AM, September 9th (Thursday)]