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I have spent nights alone because of visiting family. But this is the first night I am apart because I was not welcomed....

Just a bit scared for the future.

I feel for you because I remember what that first night felt like too. Your whole world is crashing down around you and you can do nothing to stop it. I want to cry just thinking about it. Try to stay strong and know that you are not alone.

Some time alone might not be all that bad. Take the time to look at yourself, what lead to the A, and what you can do to have a better future.

Stay strong, you will make it.

I hope the fear of this past's night did to you what it did for me. Although I took it upon myself to manage my emotions in unhealthy ways at first, the reality kicked in and the loss was unbearable.

I look at my separation as a time to really get down to business. If you take this as a means to an end, it just may become that. Be careful. Make sure you have something (a lot) to show him that you are working on. Make sure to show him before he asks or mentions R that you have already started. Take f.h advice and look inward on what you have to offer in helping him heal. If R is going to happen, we the WS must become apart of the healing process of the hurt we have caused. Kinda ironic but VERY helpful to both partners.

Stay strong and take it one day at a time.......and stay focused.

[This message edited by yaja at 8:31 PM, September 6th (Monday)]

Hey Mistake, here's a thought on how you might take your mind off your pain and fear.

Make a list of what are you going to DO to show your BH your remorse and love and then post it. The BS's out there probably have some good stuff to add to it.

1. I'm going to send him a flirty text every day.

2. I'm going to take X steps to make sure nothing I do causes him fear.

3. I'm going to clean out my closet because I know it drives him crazy.

4. I'm going to.....

I don't know what else. But you do!

Then what are you going to DO to heal you?

Immediately post DD after my H left I planted about a million flowers. I don't know why I found that healing, but I did. It gave me something to do, it was mindless, and I had something pretty to look at at the end of the day.

If you have a plan you will feel better. And if you feel better you will be in a better position to help him when he comes home.

Hope you are doing OK -- these long weekends feel REALLY long sometimes.

How are you today, Mistake?

Sending you thoughts of strength...

I like hopefulwife's ideas. If you think it is too soon for flirty texts, you could send a Just thinking about you and I am sorry for putting you throught this. Something to let him know you are thinking about him, but to acknowledge his pain, too.

There are some great books out there on affairs, some geared toward the wayward. There are books on restoring your marriage or on the individual issue's you think you might need to read up i.e. communication, etc...

I think it is great that you are trying to what you can. Just remember to be there but give space at the same time and to heal yourself. Figure out you and what you need to be better than this and to beat it. You can do it.

"You have spent nights, thinking of me, Missing my arms, but you needed to leave. Leaving my cuts, leaving my burns, Hoping I'd learn."

This is a part of lyrics from an Indigo Girls song (Blood and Fire). It was something that hit me when I was alone for the first time. It struck me hard......especially the last line.

If he doesn't oppose.....send him just the feelings you FEEL. I...Love/Miss/Am Thinking Of...YOU!

Good Luck!