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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 20
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, October 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just seeing H want to move on like nothing ever happened, sweep it under the carpet. He says he's happy with the way his life is right now and want's it to remain this way. Never asks me what I want, what I am feeling, how I'm doing and when I try to talk to him he would prefer to go in the other room. It's still all about him. I'm not getting what I want or need, I know I never will, so I seriously have to stick it out until the time is right for me to bolt, or suck it up and accept that this is the best it's ever going to be.

I'm not sure I'm willing to settle. Part of me doesn't want the change in my life that will ultimately be if I leave and then part of me wants to move on and be with someone that will appreciate the good, honest, loyal person that I truly am. I'm really a good catch.

And in order for me to move on, I am the one that will have to leave my home. I am the one that will have to make the change. I have already split the accounts, changed the will, updated my trust and now I'm working on getting my company in order. A little at a time I guess. But I think I'm starting to see the writing on the wall and it's scaring me.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, October 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nofun, I love that story about your friend. WOW, I wish I could do that!! That would be wonderful to just pack up like that and move away to your own house.

Well, we can all dream.

ETA: Nofun, I think we were cross posting.

Are you guys in MC?

I truly understand what you are saying. But why would it be you who leaves? Can't you sell the marital home and divide the proceeds since your kids are grown?

Yes, you are a fantastic catch. You are a beautiful person inside and out and own your own business. Any man would be lucky to have you!!! Your WH is an ass not to realize this fully!!

{{{{nofun}}}}

[This message edited by honesttoafault at 8:52 PM, October 6th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, October 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy Crap Fun - I could've written the entire 1st paragraph - except for him walking out of the room when I want to talk. I will tell him I want to talk & he will follow me to our room, but other than that - same exact thing here.
After a few days of me being VERY cold & distant to him I told him straight out yesterday that I can pretend it never happened, but it's not going to save our relationship. He said he knows that. I tried to explain AGAIN that he needs to be more emotionally supportive & reassuring, etc.
So.... wouldn't you think he might say something reassuring etc during that conversation?
But,no.
Ok. Maybe later?
Not so much.
So, being the glutton for punishment that I am, I texted him that a smart man would've followed up our conversation with something nice & loving - if not something to be said over the phone, then via text.
He responds "No one said I'm a smart man, my love."
No shit.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, October 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I quit MC, he was an ass and I always felt he was on my H's side. I quit IC too, I felt like I was talking to a wall when I went to see her. It's hard to find someone decent where I am. H is seeing the MC still, by himself. God knows what goes on in those sessions.

The only reason why I say I will have to leave is to avoid the drama. I can't handle it anymore. Seriously, it makes me sick. I have an apartment over my office that I could move into when it is available and this way I would be away from H and the drama. And then I can go NC with him and do what I need to on my own time. And yes the marital home will have to be sold.

It's sad that we are all in shitty situations. I hope and pray everyday that we all find some peace and happiness in our lives. Sorry for the venting.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, October 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood - I seriously think both our husband's have a screw loose somewhere. When I tell H I need emotional support, more intimacy, hugs, etc. He tells me that "he is what he is and he isn't going to change." He says he doesn't want to lose me but "I knew what he was like when I married him"....NOT!!!

If I knew this would be my life at this age, I would have never given him a second look. He is a very stupid man who will regret his actions. And I am a very vendictive scorned woman!!!


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, October 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{{Allgood}}}} {{{{{Nofun}}}

I'm so sorry that your WHs are acting so damn clueless.

I wonder if Tryn's suggestion of Retrovaille might help? From all Tryn's descriptions, you have nothing to lose, and a lot you can possibly gain.
Nofun, you seem ready to give up, pehaps if you try this, you will know that you have done everything in your power to fix the marriage, and can move on.

I realize as I'm writing this, it seems like Retrovaille sounds like some magic formula or something and of course there is no magical answer to any of this.

I just want to shake both your WH's and yell at them "Don't you see what fantastic wives you have???"

In the meanwhile, keep working on yourselves and keep venting here.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, October 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

o.k. i will tread lightly here...this is for all of you who so far do not speak up with, lets just say some "balls"..

when your ws is not doing what he needs to do:

this is when you need to tell him what his choices are with respect to your boundaries...before you decide to end your marriages...

bs: "i need for you (ws) to do what "I" need, these are my requirements, you do have the choice not to meet them....however please be advised that not meeting them will not bode well for our marriage....i will not heal, i will not move on....and i thought that was what you (ws) wanted as well.....having an affair is not having a cold, it is not having the flu...instead you can view it as an aggressive form of cancer....it needs intensive treatment or the cancer will win....period"...

and then my dear bs's you must follow through....for some of you, you have already taken steps and are lining up your ducks, for those of you who are stuck....you let him/her know...

"i told you the cancer needed intensive care, it did not get that care, now i am stuck right where i am...and guess what...your stuck with me"

all of you, before throwing in that last straw need to put yourselves into ic and mc....if at the end of all of this you still decide to move on and get a d...you will do so without regrets, for you will have truly done everything you could.....and then line up those ducks...

now there are the bs's here who are choosing to stay married, but are stuck and do not want to leave for whatever reasons...for those of you, i suggest you get something, a passion of sorts, something other then kids please, to bring you joy, whether its volunteering, crafting, dancing...its time to get yourselves some kind of life apart from your ws....for your own sanity...and of course ic....

i know i sound a bit harsh, i have that tendency at times, and i am sorry for that....i do feel the need though to kind of shake some of you up...not shaken baby shaking but the i love you kind, please see what i see kind....communication is a 2 way street, and most of our ws's suck at it which does not help at all....but if you do not voice clearly and concisely what you need, (s)he cannot possibly meet it......

ok, you could all yell at me now...

eta: if your ic or mc is terrible, you keep looking til find one that isn't...this is not an easy process to do alone, and your ws's need someone who can deal with this effectively, otherwise things will not change....this is not something that they can do alone, there are too many issues that would need to be addressed...without addressing them, the ws will not heal, and the ws needs to heal in order for the bs to feel somewhat safe...

[This message edited by iwantamiracle at 9:21 PM, October 6th (Wednesday)]


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, October 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want - you are exactly correct. But I've talked to him a million times and it goes on deaf ears...and he knows if he doesn't help me, I'm done. So maybe he wants the M to be done? who knows...but right now I'm feeling done! Well done in fact!

And as far as doing something for me....I say I need a cabana boy. Nuf said!!


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, October 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, October 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Separating was a hard choice, and it hurt badly for the first week. Since then, I am finding peace. I am finding me. I no longer cry. I wonder less and less during the day what FWW is doing. The emotional enmeshment with FWW is dissolving. I have achieved radical acceptance of her affairs, all of them and every part. I am getting to a position where I can look at HER objectively. Not my perception of her, but who she is by how she acts.

If I go back I will not longer be swayed by the fear of losing her and the marriage, I have already grieved that loss. I no longer feel obligation or guilt towards her. I also have greatly pared down my expectations from her. I am responsible for my happiness, she for hers. I cannot help her if she does not ask for it and want it. It is presumptuous for me to imply she does need help.

Nothing your ws ever says or does will remove what has been done. It is a part of your life. You will never be able to go back to what you perceived you had. If you cannot live with who your ws is now, you cannot live with them.

Ladies, a duck is a duck. Trying to get it to sing pretty songs in a cage or to repeat words you teach it will continue to frustrate you and the duck. You need to decide if you can live with a duck, or if you need to dump the duck and get a canary or parrot (if that is what you want, I understand some people like dogs too).

The greatest mistake is to let an injury or hurt from the past ruin the future.

--Ats

I am enjoying this very moment.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, October 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats I'm glad you checked in. You sound more and more at peace.

I'm so glad that you are finding yourself. Keep on going on this path. I will keep you and your WW in my prayers.

Radical Acceptance? Did you read the book? IC wanted me to read it, and I couldn't read anything for a while.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, October 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi honest,

I did not realize there is a book with that title, but the term seems to pop up in a lot of the Zen I am reading and trying to practice.

Work is going better for me, I am creating and re-newing friendships. I was not able to (scratch that, I chose not to) focus on these things when my whole life was FWW and what I felt she had done to me.

Tryin often told me I needed to let it go at some point. For me, I had to remove myself from the situation pysically before I could remove myself emotionally.

You posted to nofun and allgood,

"Don't you see what fantastic wives you have???"

They don't. Not that any of us are without faults, but FWW did not (does not?) see the value in me either. This is their shortcoming, and there is nothing that we can do to change their perception. I am not saying the misperception cannot change, just that we are powerless to cause the change.

OMMMMMM


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, October 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi ats

The greatest mistake is to let an injury or hurt from the past ruin the future.

I'm very afraid this is what I will do. My H seems to be doing his best - although it is not everything I want I know he is really trying and really wants to make me happy.

How much is enough????

I know I want more but am not sure it is his to give. I need to decide if his best is good enough.

He's hovering so I can't write more.

We are having lots of fun at Witches Falls Cottages

http://www.witchesfallscottages.com.au/Accomodation-B&B-Witches-Falls-Cottages-Tamborine.htm

Hugs to all

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, October 7th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been hard to avoid SI... I guess I'm generally concerned for everyone or it’s my nature to be interested… or whatever these thoughts and feelings I have for all of you. Maybe because I have cried and laughed reading your post… whatever the reasons, I’m drawn back today.

Hey AST... I had to come back to check up on you. Based on your post, I can see you keep seeking and finding the peace. You are taking steps toward getting better and healing… I understand your need to do it without your wife. You know how we discussed fear? I think you know you know now you will be OK on your own without your wife. I am glad you had the courage to move out without fear of money, kids thoughts, or anything else. I know it was extremely hard as I did that once too for a few days… but couldn’t do it. Accept her for who she is… She has made some horrible decision in her life… decisions that she thought made her feel good but long has brought great misery to herself to the ones that had a more complete love for her…. She did it to herself… The consequences and fall out is what it is…

I have said this is what it take to get past infidelity.

Divorce…… or …….Complete pardon and forgiveness.
Both take great brain strength… and a long time.

The worst feeling I had was when I was in Limbo… unable to make a decision a Divorce or Complete Pardon and Forgiveness.

Retrouville is the key for Nofun and Allgood… It is glaring to me that you both cannot Pardon right now nor can you communicate to your husbands. Both your H’s have moved on in forgiving, compartmentalizing, or whatever they do to somehow make their brains accept the evilness of their decisions… It’s part of life. What they did was something they did to pleasure themselves and took a risk and got caught. To bring up infidelity again and again is pure pain they don’t want to deal with any more. The feelings they have are not on the same level as we experienced. They hurt not because they loved someone else, because they hurt the one they married.. but they knew it would hurt you and did it anyway. It will never be on the same level in intensity. NEVER. Even if you cheat on them, they now figure, they deserve it… it will hurt them but never on that same level… they think the Karma bus is what it is… The only way for them to feel the same pain…. is for their own child to die… That is the kind of pain we go through… That pain last for years. People die too. It is all part of life. But nothing died for them. I can see the lacks of true sharing of “intimacy” in your marriages are killing you even more. This is more hurtful today then even the fact they cheated on you.
I look at ATS with great admiration. He made the decision to bring his life forward. The money and kids will fall into place as half America gets divorced these days. It will bring some pain but that will pass and the finality will be in the pass… Exciting times are ahead for you AST…. The challenge you face is single or partnership again… and the partner you seek must “get it” too.. and all that entails.

You both could go to Retrouville, not with the idea of revisiting the past, but focusing on the future. My wife gets something from me she has never had from me… and I now can have her tell me things in safety. I learned this method of communication at Retrouville. We don’t use the method everyday but when I do, SHE LISTENS! She knows what this means… the importance of it all… I did it last week and we both had a very intimate conversation. The things you seek from your husband’s right now they cannot give you. They have no clue how to communicate them to you. You are talking to people that have never learned how to effectively be intimate. They might think intimacy is placing a penis in your vagina and your vagina should understand what that means when they deliver the goods…. Just like my wife was, they bury feelings and don’t share them with you, nor know how to tell you how they feel… or don’t want to because the fear of hurting you more… whatever the reason.

True still, I have yet to find a day where I don’t think about infidelity… But slowly I am thinking less about it. I think by this time next year, I will have had a few days. All this is part of me know and also know I am a better person today too… But I do know this, I sing in the car again… I have not cried in weeks…. I just don’t have that deep hurt anymore… I feel alive again and doing more things that make me happy… And you know what? I am doing them with my wife.
Go in peace and find it all….

Oh well… no more preaching today.. lol

Laura.. what a nice place...

[This message edited by trynhard at 7:01 AM, October 7th (Thursday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, October 7th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all.
I second what Fun said about "been there, done that" - they have been on notice for quite a while - both of them.

I did go back to my H and talk to him just the other day & really didn't get what I was looking for. (And, yes, I have spelled it out like he is an idiot as to what i need - I was very specific.)

Anyhoo - I was very angry last night because of something I found which was strange, but like I said, inconclusive (and, let's face it - there's very little that I don't find "strange" lately). Anyway, I couldn't get in contact with my H last night for hours, which just added to my frenzy. When he got home, there was a reasonable explanation for all. He was not defensive or hostile, he was joking however, about my investigating, etc., but this morning he apologized for joking about it and said I had every right to check and he was sorry that I got upset. He suggested that he will make a point of calling me when he plays ball in the future so I can hear that he is there since he knows it's something I worry about. (I know on a number of occasions during the A he would say he was playing ball, and he was with OW.)
So, there you go - every once in a while he "gets it".
Feeling better today.
Maybe, Fun, there's a little surprise around your corner too.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 7:06 AM, October 7th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryn- we cross-posted.
Good to hear from you and I am glad that you continue to thrive.

Yes, Retro is the answer. I know this. I did mention it to my H months ago, in a planting seeds kind of a way, and the idea was dismissed pretty quickly.

I will try again in the near future.
Gots to go - lil boss lady is a callin...
Peace out.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, October 7th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

laura: that place seems so devine....so yay, enjoy it and each other....

tryn: love hearing from you...you are such a source of inspiration....


ats:.....you do sound at peace with yourself, your decisions thus far and where you will be headed....your attitude towards it all is nothing short of amazing...

If you cannot live with who your ws is now, you cannot live with them.

i agree and i disagree...if the ws is actively trying to change who (s)he is, (s)he will no longer be the person (s)he is now.....

the changes that are needed are in habit mostly...people break bad habits all the time...but they need to want to for themselves and i believe that is the key...

most of the ws's stuck in their issues developed poor coping skills (habits) to deal with these issues...

and it is because of those issues that ic needs to a dealbreaker...of course it needs to be a good ic...a lousy one will not only do nothing about it but may even make things worse, providing further excuses for more bad behavior..

of course there are those who are just who they are and will not change, do not want to change and its way more then habit....


i love tryn's message to fun and allgood...at this point screw those seeds and book it...do not give the choice...and go into it with an open mind....consider it a last ditch effort at this point, and with exception to some money and time...you really have nothing to lose...

allgood, i know arranging babysitting for the weekend might be a really tough thing to do, but i think it would be worth it if for no reason to finally put your mind in the place of saying you did all you could...time to sink or swim....

radical acceptance??? i may have to look into this after i am done reading the
twilight series and then the harry potter books..

both at the request of my kids...i have to say it really is nice to read books that arent trying to change who i am, who he is or analyze something...i am actually reading fluff...yay me..


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, October 7th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

good morning Tribe,

i agree and i disagree...if the ws is actively trying to change who (s)he is, (s)he will no longer be the person (s)he is now.....

iwam, you are correct, and I worded my original post poorly. If the ws spouse you cannot live with today changes, you may be able to live with him or her in the future. My point is that we should not try to live in the future or the past. We are physically living in this very moment.

I left the house and FWW when I became frightened of what she might do, and realized I could not live with her. I am giving her time, if she is so inclined, to change her feelings and behavior to a mix that I can live with. If I can live with her day to day, love may grow. I cannot live in the future waiting for the change. This creates expectations that are the seeds of future resentment.

Similarly, there are aspects of the affairs I do not know the truth about. I suspect I never will. I estimate that maybe half of my suppositions are probably true. None of this matters. That is the past, and I no longer live there. FWW still lives a part of her life in the past. I can see the pain of living there in her actions and expressions, I can hear it in her voice. I think she feels a part of her must stay in the past to punish herself, this is not true. She tried to explain this to me once, but I was not ready to hear it and I dragged her back into the past with me.

Hi there Tryn, I am happy to read that you are doing well.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, October 7th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn.

It is good to hear from you. That was a great post. You are in a real catch-22 situation. You want to not think of infidelity, but are worried and curious about all your friends here at SI. How do you check on us without thinking about infidelity? Well in the whole scheme of things this is a minor problem. It is good to hear that your W is helping you while you help her. It takes the work of two in order to overcome all this.

ats.

You sound good today. I liked what you said about looking at your W objectively. It is hard to do but I know it helps.

Ladies of the tribe. It looks like we can't even get past a half of page without one of you mentioning cabana boys. I did not realize they were so popular. It seems I chose the wrong career.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, October 7th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, IC had recommended this book, and I wasn't ready to read it at the time. Guess I'll start it tonight:

Radical Acceptance, by Tara Brach, Ph.D.

I like your duck analogy, Ats and you are right. But, the problem is in not that we want the WS to change so much as to VALIDATE our feelings. To show the BS, yes, I hear you, you have a right to feel the way you do and I'm here to support you, even if I don't know how.

I think for a lot of BS's it isn't just the validation, but the reassurance that "Yes, I love you, I'm here for you. I won't do it again." These words don't necessarily have to be said, for me, even to be held as I'm crying would be sufficient.

When the WS does nothing, it just feeds the feeling that they don't care, even if that is not the case.

But, I guess that would need communication skills, as Tryn says.

Ats, you are so right, we can NEVER ever have what we thought we had before. I am starting to realize that I put an enormous amount of emotional and mental effort to accept the way my M was. I accepted more and more of the unacceptable, for what I thought was the DS's sake and my fear of growing old alone, and of course I loved WH so much.
It's hard to escape from the enmeshed emotions I have created and clear all that away.
It's like my bathroom, it looks great, but it leaks into the basement and I've been told by a plumber that to fix it would be a demo of the foundation of the shower, and a lot of other work to fix valves, etc etc.

My M looked great from the outside and I could pretend nothing was wrong, although it was all a facade and gaslighting, and charm from WH and I bought into it because I wanted to so very badly.

As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that I haven't really moved forward the way I need to because I was still working on accepting the reality that I know everyone see so well, but me. It's like I was wearing a pair of prescription rose colored glasses that made me see the world a certain way and those glasses are broken. I am still trying to adjust my vision to "see" the reality. It becomes in focus more and more and I'm afraid to move forward until I can see better.
I know that I should just start moving with the vision I have, but I'm paralyzed with fear and the full knowledge that once I start moving, I can never come back, and accepting it is all over.

Sorry for rambling.

[This message edited by honesttoafault at 9:41 AM, October 7th (Thursday)]


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