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User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 20
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, October 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Honest))

I thought I had mature love too. My needs were not being met, but I never dreamt about leaving my H. I would've stayed like that forever. I really thought that all long term marriages with kids were like that. Now, I see the error of my thinking. I unquestionably neglected my marriage in favor of my children. I do know now, however, what mature love is, and we are light years away from it.

I just got into an argument with my H. I will spare you all the play by play. Suffice it to say, it was me trying to discuss significant issues & him raising the most meaningless gesture possible for his contribution.
Long story short, I am sick of being the one trying to fix this relationship. I think about it all the time. I've tried a number of approaches with him (I will admit that they are all tinged with less enthusiasm on my part than would be helpful, but I just can't muster much enthusiasm these days, years, whatever...).
I shouldn't be spending my days & nights not only figuring out what's wrong with my marriage & me and what's wrong with him.

He's just adding salt to the wound.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, October 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ATS - thanks Bro. Starting to feel like maybe I do need the change of job - stale after 15 years of doing the same thing but need the payout as WW is currently on stress leave.
A dose of reality doesnt hurt as she asked will I have to work fulltime if you dont have a job? geez it would help but Im not blaming her just yet.
Every action has a reaction - heres mine to your affair.
Past 2 weeks she is more organsied than she has been since the A commenced, even motivated & interested in the things she hasnt done during this period of time - even more time for the kids & talking to me more as well.
Maybe a settling period who the hell knows.
Will just have to ride work out till the new year if i last & re-assess - maybe time to sit on the beach for a few weeks getting a tan, eating pizza & drinking beer & let the mind chill a bit! bugger i'll miss the kids to much.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, October 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honesttoafault:

I said that I haven't really realized that he really has left and is with his new family.

I told him it would be better if he left me than to keep breaking my heart....

((honest)), as you wrote, he already has left you.

Tonight more superficial talk fro FWW. I showered and went to bed, she said she was keyed up and needed to unwind. So she shopped on line. Forty five minutes later, I was not sleepiing, I asked if she would give me a back scratch. She said yes, just give her 5 more minutes. That really set me off. Our relationship is tanking from my perspective, she is not talking, but can shop. Now she is in sleeping and I am holding in a rage that wants to scream, or at least have a smoke.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 12:50 AM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats, it's really hitting me now. I was the one thrown under the bus, twice.....

How can one not think why is OW better? It permeates my mind toooo much....

I hope you are feeling better. WW is just doing mindless work on the computer to stop her from thinking until she's too tired and then can sleep........
At least I have done that a lot.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Had to go away for a conference for school. They told us we'd have internet access but it was VERY limited. So I wasn't able to keep in touch.

According to one of my tech toys H appears to have behaved so I'm feeling OK. Will check the other when I can.

Allgoodnamesgone

Sometimes when I feel like I am being used, like the R is not genuine for my H, I think about whether I am actually better off without him or not.

I often have these thoughts. At present I ask myself each time "Do you think you would be happier with him or without him?". I think that if we separated I would still be just as hurt and just as angry as I am now. I would not feel like socialising, I certainly would not feel like starting another relationship (even after we D) and so I would be alone in some apartment somewhere (I would not be able to afford a place like ours once we split our property). I would have lots of time to imagine him with OWs and wonder if I'd done the right thing.

My family and friends are supportive but like most things in life they really don't get it. My brother and SIL were both betrayed and almost immediately left their WSs so I don't think even they fully understand. (BTW both took almost 10 years to start to date again seriously and both have had to work hard with each other to deal with the trust issues).

So for me (and I think many of us) the question is where are we BETTER off NOW? ie Miracle's path of least regret. It doesn't mean we are happy, it means we are LESS unhappy than we would be otherwise. I also like to think that I am denying him the pleasure of the company of an OW!!! which I suspect he would find quite quickly. He says if we split up he wouldn't but ..... well he's always been good at deceiving me

it makes me feel like I'm using him a little too & then I feel like less of a loser.

I think we have earnt the right to do this. We have been faithful and many of us have stayed in marriages where we weren't happy and kept trying. Now it's time for us to have what we need. WE were used (perhaps abused in a sense) by our WSs so whatever we do should now be about US. If we need time then that's our right.... even if it means we are "using" them.

So AGNG don't even think about "using" him. He is giving you what you are owed.

strongish

you would think that by now I would know him well enough to have seen just a glimpse of this other side of him, but nope....not a clue.

I have a feeling that like me you are beating yourself up a little over this. We are just very trusting souls who do not see the evil that lurks inside others. Don't feel bad for only seeing the good in others.

We've been M for over 27 years

My H and I have our 28th wedding anniversary on Sat 30th Oct. He asked me a couple of weeks ago if I'd like him to get the weekend off work so we could go away. (we've NEVER done this before). I responded by saying no because I didn't feel like I could "celebrate" our anniversary. Today he told me he has taken the weekend off (he was on day shift both Sat and Sun) and it is up to me what we do. He said he hopes that at least I will let him take me out for dinner. I said OK. Don't know how I am going to handle the day. Have a feeling it might be bad. I am hoping that he has taken the time off because he realises how hard it will be for me and wants to "be there" for me. We'll see.

UKgirl

That was when I created a place in my head. I just call it the Zone.

I really wish I had one of these. Hope I can "grow" one in future.

m334455

Guess I better spend some time thinking/reading about letting go of anger. How does a person do that?

Wish I knew. Do you think maybe sometimes we get angry or even get hit by our rages as a defense mechanism?? Maybe our minds are protecting us. Maybe the anger sometimes is necessary because without it we would be overwhelmed by the hurt??

In response to discussion about "What if he/she died?"

I think my first response would actually be anger. How dare he leave me after all he's put me through. I let him stay and now he's left anyway. I feel "owed" and I want him to live long enough to "pay" ie to give me some happy years. What I'm truly afraid of is that no matter what he does he will never be able to make me happy because of the pain he's caused. Or worse still that I will find out I have the BIG C and not have any future enjoyable years. Then I'd REALLY be angry with him.

As far as grieving is concerned - I just don't know. I think the anger I described above would hit first and maybe later I would grieve. I'm already grieving for one H - the one I lost (or who never existed).

Dip

Thanks for making us laugh. You are a gentleman in the true sense of the word.

Speaking of gentlemen. A dear friend of mine (for over 16 yrs) passed away today. I worked with him and he taught my children. He was truly a wonderful man. He was my age and the most wonderful FAITHFUL husband and father. I actually envy his wife. She will have wonderful memories of him - something few of us will have when our Ss pass away.

DP

So sorry about your job worries. You have so much to deal with with you don't need other probs. Hopefully all will be OK but if not with your current job, you may even find something better. It's amazing how often that happens in life - what appears to be a major disaster ends up being an opportunity. Try to stay positive friend.

Fun

I have lost all respect for my H and that is sad. He used to be my best friend, my hero, my savior, my partner, my protector.

This makes me so sad for you

I am not sure how to ask this so I'm just going to put it out there? Why are you still with your FWH or WW? How come I don't feel the love? Some of you say you love your spouses....why don't I feel it? I'm not "into him". KWIM? I'm here for financial reasons, taking the road of least regret? I don't want to be alone? I can't face the drama of D right now? I don't want to sell the house?

As is so often the case honey I feel EXACTLY as you do. My H tells me at least once every day "love you" (usually on the phone) and I usually try to respond by saying "love you too". Trouble is I'm only doing it as part of what I see as my responsibility as part of R. I want to do my share to "try" but I usually don't feel like I mean it. Maybe I'm hoping to "fake it till I make it". I don't know. So I kiss him, sleep with him, listen to him and am kind to him - mostly. I want our marriage to R but I feel a fraud. But waht else can I/should I do. We are never going to R if I can't be "good" to him. So - I fake it I guess.

I do love him in the kind of way you love and are attached to a family member.

I think I feel like this - not sure. The reason I think this is because when something good happens for him I am pleased. When something bad happens I am sad for him. I get concerned when I know he is unhappy and even feel bad if I know he is worried about me. I suppose that is a kind of love. But NOT the same as before dday.

ats

Up until after I moved out, I thought I felt the love. I am now pretty sure what I felt was some needy desire for stability or fear of change.

Maybe we all feel this. I jsut don't know.

Anyway better start a new post in case I lose this one

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HI all

Is there a prize fro the longest post? I think maybe I should be in the running.

Now I've run out of steam. H will be home soon and its 10.45pm and I've had a few too many Merlots.

He's going away for 2 days tomorrow so I suppose I should wait up for him. He's going up to do some jobs for the children.

Hope everyone is well and feeling as good as one can given our situations. Miracle I respect your need for quiet time but please know we are worried by your quiteness and really do hope you are ok.

HUGS to all
Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H tells me at least once every day "love you" (usually on the phone) and I usually try to respond by saying "love you too". Trouble is I'm only doing it as part of what I see as my responsibility as part of R. I want to do my share to "try" but I usually don't feel like I mean it. Maybe I'm hoping to "fake it till I make it".
Itís not a case of repeating a phrase until you feel it. You canít do that. You have to put the emotion in there too. So I would suggest you donít say it unless you can link the emotion to the words. I have said ILY to FWH, but the times have been few and far between. Even just casually after a phone call. I just wonít say it unless I mean it. And one problem I have is that the feeling has changed. I just donít love him in the way I used to. Itís superficial rather than deep. So trying to drag up those old feelings of love just doesnít work Ė it makes me realise the loss. I have to accept the lesser love I feel now, and if in the moment I think itís enough Ė Iíll say ILY. Actually, Iím more inclined to say I miss him or look forward to him coming home. It softens the blow of NOT saying ILY.

How can one not think why is OW better? It permeates my mind toooo much....
She isnít honey. Really, she isnít. sheís just completely compliant. A doormat. Donít go there with that one. (((((honest))))))

More triggers on the family tree. My mum going through photos and saying ďI think this one was at XXX XXXĒ The country park where WH and MOW would strollÖÖ Ugh. And I still havenít been back there. My brother will start to ask questions. Fucking triggers.

And. WHAT am I going to wear to meet xHSgf? Went to the hairdressers yesterday and came out blonde. I mean REALLY blonde. Itís white with sorta strawberry lowlights. I did ask for it, but itís a shock every time I look in the mirror. Do I go slicked up for a party? Tight black sateen pencil skirt black and red basque and red shoes? Super casual country girl in jeans and Uggs? Laura Ashley print dress? Retro hippy? Dress up or dress down? Itís gotta be right, cos when I open my mouth, this dreadful Essex/Cockney accent of mine will be my downfall. Oh God. Iím nervous as fuck. Do I paint my nails or leave them bare? Will she even notice or will she just be staring at FWH?

Fuck. I sound so stupid and adolescent. But itís important. Kwim?

Oh, and FNF, no massages. Trigger there. Itís what I did for WH to distress him. But I am having one myself tomorrow.

ETA I meant DE-STRESS, not distress! Some sort of Freudian slip/secret wish!

[This message edited by UKgirl at 8:26 AM, October 27th (Wednesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to quick jump in to address Honest.

Honest: Please, please believe us when we tell you that OW is not better than you, for one. Secondly, I do not believe that Mr. Dishonest has "chosen" OW or believes she is better than you.
He is the king of all cake eaters.
OW is willing to share him. You are not. It's as simple as that.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKgirl.

I am sure that what ever you wear, you will do it with such style that everyone who sees you will take special notice. I say go for the hot look. Of course you need to remember that this fashion advice is from a dirty old man.

Laura.

Thank you. Some people that know me IRL might want to debate you about me being a gentleman. I think you are probably right though.

ats.

Hang in there and try to keep the rage under control.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ATS --

That is not enough sex. I would absolutely leave a marriage like that even if everything else about it were ideal.

Nofun -- You are too being true to yourself. Making this decision is not an emergency. The A lasted 12 years; your Dday was 16 months ago. Give yourself a break.

Allgood -- are you on some anti-depressants?

Let's talk about detachment. healthy vs. unhealthy.

The Church teaches that in order to properly love God we must detach ourselves completely from worldy pleasures, ourselves, and even others.

So, it's up to you to decide whether it's unhealthy to be detached from your spouse -- but I think that, ultimately, it is not, PROVIDED that (a) you are experiencing true detachment vs. some sort of impassioned avoidance and (b) that you continue to be an excellent spouse.

I think you can love someone and still be properly detached from them. I care what my husband experiences and I care about the choices he makes in the sense that I hope he realizes his desire to get to heaven someday -- but his problems are not my problems. As his wife, I will help him with his problems as much I am able to in accordance with his desires and/or my duties towards him (e.g. insiting he not commit adultery would be based on my duty rather than his wishes) but I don't have to internalize his problems. For example, I could say to him: "it bothers me that you have such a problem with porn. it's not good for you and it's not good for our marriage. I think it's really sad." And then leave it at that. I've done my duty. I don't have to feel threatened by it. Or mention it repeatedly (unless I find some porn on my computer again...) or consider I've contributed to it in any way.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3: No, I am not on anti-depressants. It's something I have thought about from time to time, but no disrespect to anyone here, but taking meds is something I REALLY don't like to do (unless we are talking epidural, of course) and would not do unless I saw my depression was interfering with my ability to function across the board, which is not the case for me.
I am just sad & justifiably so. I will get over it.

As far as detachment goes - I really have no interest in spending my life with someone like that. It may help me get through all this post-A crap in the short term, but for me, personally, I need more for a long term relationship.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

no need to worry about me people, i am fine, still feeling peaceful and calm....i actually feel as though i am on a precipice.....hence the need to go within......

and thank you all for your concerns, i am sorry i worried any of you....it means more then i can ever say for your concerns.....

((((((((((tribe))))))))))

a few extra hugs for those of you in need....

(((((((((tribe))))))))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Miracle))))) Please remember this is a natural slump, quite normal troughs during the second year. Summer of 2008 I really thought I was going crazy. I was, from time to time. It's important to remember you have friends here who have been there - really been there. It's like walking through mud with concrete boots on. Just so wearing, you can't see the point of trudging on. But, my friend, this will pass and it will lift and you will feel better. Just ride it, and you will be fine. BTDT, I'm okay. You will be too. (((((miracle)))))

m33. good take on detachment. Link-detached, like a house. Yeh, that does it for me.

Night tribe. (((LTA'ers)))

eta - miracle, I referred to it as trying to hold on while sliding on ice.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 5:26 PM, October 27th (Wednesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle: we are here if you need us!

Don't know if the weather is causing my bad mood. Roller coaster went down so slowly and smoothly this time that I didn't realize how far a dip it has taken and hasn't gone up...... I feel like it's stuck in muck.

UKgirl: I think it's best you dress appropriately for the restaurant and in whatever you feel comfortable in. Like, don't decide to wear stilletto heels (unless that is what you like) Something that is "classy" with a little bit of "hot" might work You are nice and slender (seen pics on FnG) so you'd look good in whatever you wear!! Don't worry about your accent!! I can compete with it, I have a classic "New YAWK" city accent....one of the worst in the world!!! Years ago I tried to get rid of it, now, I embrace it fully!!

M3: I agree there is such a thing as "healthy detachment". It doesn't mean not caring or acting aloof, but to stop trying to taking care of others so much that we forget ourselves. We can be helpful, supportive, but we cannot control or make others do "the right thing". Thier problems are theirs. We cannot solve them for them, no matter how much we love them and want to do so.

Laura: I liked your post and it has made me do some thinking more about the path of least regret and where am I better off RIGHT NOW.

I've been trying to get a different answer by asking the same questions over and over. Sign of insanity. Part of denial....
I was "chatting" on FB with WH about finances (he happened to be on). I thought it was safer to do so (car troubles, taxes, bills, etc) In the middle of it , asshat says "I love you" ......it starts a whole ball of wax.....I should have ignored it.

I can't stand myself...

to top all of this off, I'm talking to my mother and now is the time she decides to reveal to me that my father cheated on her...

Enough with all this betrayal, all this abandonment, not being able to rely on anyone, the feeling that everyone is going to leave no matter what you do!!! No matter how much you give up of yourself, it is never enough.

Sorry for the rant.....I was at a very very dark place last night and today. Trying to stay away from that brink.


{{{{{tribe}}}}}}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest - don't get down on yourself. You are a beautiful, kind woman. H doesn't deserve you. I seriously think that the kinder we are, the more we do for others, the more we get shit on. Stand up for you.

I can't stand myself...

I want you to love yourself...You are an awesome women that has raised 4 wonderful sons. Give yourself credit were it is deserved. YOU DONE GOOD!

((((honest))))


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((honesttoafault))
((iwantamiracle))
((allgoodnamesgone))
((ukgirl))
((Laura28))
((strongish))
((nofun))
((forgivenotforgive))
deeppurple))

geesh, it seems like most of us are all struggling. If I didn't know better I would swear FWW is playing games with my head

The Church teaches that in order to properly love God we must detach ourselves completely from worldy pleasures, ourselves, and even others.

m334455, this is a common and basic Zen instruction too.

FWW and I met for lunch briefly today. She acknowledges the disconnect since Friday night, that Saturday she told me nothing was wrong when I asked. My detachment has served me well, but is this any way to live a life with a partner? She is waiting until IC Friday to talk to him about things. Honestly, If not for my reaching out for lunch/supper meetings we would not be talking at all. We could easily return to the old roommates leading our own independant lives.

She often says that her xH told her she was not the kind of person who should get married, maybe he was right. I am wondering how the benefits outweigh the negatives for us (well me).

It has (again) really begun to bother me that there are things she and the other men know that I never will because she does not want to talk aboout it. The more she is withdrawn, the more the past creeps in to fill the void. I need to work on this.

On the happy side, who wants stone crab claws? The season is running well for so early in the year. I cannot do Paris, but if any of you end up in SW Fl I can do crab claws and wine while watching a sunset on the boat.

--Ats

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 8:54 PM, October 27th (Wednesday)]


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats, stone crab claws, wine, boat and sunset??? lol, I think we ALL will come!!!

I think you need to read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Although the term "codependent" is often applied to spouses and families of alcoholics, I feel it also applies to a lot of the behaviors that I have caught myself in with dealing with the aftermath of this whole thing. The part that I'm reading very carefully is about detachment "with love". (if necessary with anger....as it may prove in my case)

Keep the invitation open Ats!! We're coming!

I'm still trying to keep myself from the brink. I was looking down it a few times these past couple of days...I better call IC.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

coming out for another minute here....

first honest: stop it, stop it right this minute...and reread what fun said and let it stick,.kkkk


second...my little precipice is a good one my friends, good for me, not so good for him..... .....and feeling quite calm and peaceful about it.....will post or maybe not about it another time when its done...for now though still need to finish the within work......

oh and honest i finished the twilight series and have begun the potter books....lotr will be next after i do these 7 books though..


as for the rest of you...more hugs and praying for lots of doors to open when some old ones close....including the job doors, old flame doors...etc....

(((((tribe)))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle, I'm glad you checked in. Take as much time as you need, and know you have all our support here for you.

{{{{Miracle}}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, October 28th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest: Seriously, now. You are dealing with so much crap right now - give yourself a break - your standards are too high for yourself. I'm sure Mr. Dishonest is quite the charmer, not many men could pull this off... So, you fell for it a little bit & got mad at yourself later. Big deal! You are stressed out & lonely & it felt good for a minute. Now rally & get back on track. (And, if it makes you feel better, just think of how confused Mr. Dishonest will be when you are right back to the 180. Lol.)

Miracle: curious, very curious....

Ats: keep on truckin, brother, lol. You are on the right track for you. That's all you can do.

I found myself in a very strange conversation with my H yesterday talking about a case at work & I was essentially saying how I couldn't believe this guy knew his W was cheating on him & then still transferred assets (that would've been his in a divorce) in her name....

Someone where I work asked me to update my will & prepare a living will, etc. Made me think - I better make the smart decision, not the expected decision.

Peace all!


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

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