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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 6 (Men only)
SI Staff
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Member # 10
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
oftenwrong
♂ Member
Member # 27822
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who would have thought that if you put a bunch of men together, we would gab to part 6 already


ME - BSO (35 yrs old)
Her - XWSO (31 yrs old)
LTR 10 years - There can be no 2nd chances


Posts: 995 | Registered: Mar 2010
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In before the lock.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
2CYYY
♂ Member
Member # 18240
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Guys! How's it hanging?


me - BS 43
her - fWS 42
12 y/o D
M 17 years until 6 mo EA w/two-night-stand
D-days starting 10/20/06 with ongoing TT and false/broken NC thereafter

Trying to R and pretend it never happened, which isn't working out as well as you might expect!


Posts: 96 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Halfway Between Anywhere and Everywhere
Blueeyedfella
♂ Member
Member # 29944
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Didn't get a chance to reply to everyone...

notwho: The article "My Marriage Made Me Do It" highlights exactly what (I think) we're going through. Spot on. Amazing.

Mighty: haven't done anything legal yet (S) and don't plan on it. Personally, I don't really get the S filing. You either are or aren't. If we do go down the road of D, it will be amicable - I am 100% sure of it. I get your advice about striking while the iron's hot, especially since she's rooming with the guy, but I plan to keep status quo for a few more months, at least.

I have to admit, having the house (and kids) to myself has been a real treat. I do/watch whatever I want (once my kids are asleep:)) and I have babysitters lined up twice a week so I can go out and do stuff. I've developed a real nice bond with both of my kids and I am definitely thankful for this close time with them. OTOH, it's a lot for one to handle, so I won't mind if my WW takes the kids a couple nights a week, or something. It would be nice to have some normal night out w/o worrying "well, have to cap my drink limit and have to be back by X b/c [WW] will be back with kids in the morning at 10am."

As for the 180 in general, I won't do that now, but I am doing things that are leading up to it. I am (trying my best to) emotionally detach myself from her and our M. 90% of our convos are logistics related and when it comes time to talk abuot us, I keep it short, high level and detached. I've told her that before we can even talk abuot stuff, she needs to get her mind and body right first. She is not mentally strong right now and I pretty much told her she needs to get there (not only for herself but for her kids, etc.).

Hurt/lost: you are a true warrior - handling 3 kids w/ (what seems like) virtually no help from your WW. Kudos to you!


Me: BH (Mid 30s)
Her: WW (Mid 30s)
Married 10 years, together 15.
2 kids under 4.
DDay: Jan-2010
4 false Rs with varying degrees of "trying" - same result
Dec-started mediation process.

Posts: 250 | Registered: Oct 2010
zombieman
♂ Member
Member # 28996
Default  Posted: 4:16 AM, October 28th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Haven't been on here for a while. But thought I would pop my head in for the new thread. I've had more broken nc seemingly innocent text message which I discovered pretty quick. After confrontation and telling her it was the final chance she asked if I would stay if she left the job as posom is still there. I had to do it. I still want her, I still want to see my son everyday. So I'm going in for another round.

She has handed in resignation and seems like a different person. A lot more remorse. I have seen this before after the last broken nc so will see how long it lasts. But I'm hopeful.I still struggle with the roller coaster and still have moments where i just want to call it quits. My W worries that I'm never going to get over this. I'm not sure if I will - things are always going to be different between us. Well for sometime anyway. I think she struggles with what she has done a lot, but locks it behind a facade of happiness. She's not great at letting it all out. I have seen some real emotion of late though. As weird as it is I find it helpful in trusting her again.

In a nutshell still confused after five months and trying to not have outbursts of F**k this im out the door in front of her, they come and go - Anyone else experience this while trying to R??. Doesn't help that after all the pain she has caused and seen from me she thinks it is ok to txt him, she was the one who initiated the outside of work conversation. It worries me that she is still thinking about him or doesnt understand the boundaries, but I'm really hoping she has got it this time. She told her boss about the whole thing and I think he was the one to finally get through to her - family is #1, it's just a job.

Before you write me of as a gullible fool - this is the absolute final one hundred percent chance for her. Any other screw ups no matter how small, i walk. She has had enough chances, anymore contact of any sort and she goes down in my history book as a complete nut case and someone I can not be with. At this point what I want from her is to be faithful for the rest of our lives and to respect me and give me time for this to fade. She is earning it back day by day and im doing my best to show her I am going to at some point not be an emotional wreck. I'm still keeping a vigilant eye on things though, fool me once etc...

Eternally and perhaps foolishly optimistic - Zombieman.

[This message edited by zombieman at 1:26 AM, October 29th (Friday)]


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jul 2010
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 4:51 AM, October 28th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome lads to part 6....

My life seems like a big tragic comedy atm so in keeping with that id like to send us off this time with something a little lighter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6raVzrbqrM

Now after hearing his arguments tell me your not tempted

[This message edited by SourCherryDrops at 4:59 AM, October 28th (Thursday)]


Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
Proview
♂ Member
Member # 24215
Default  Posted: 4:52 AM, October 28th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just poking around. I have not been to this area in a long long while.

Posts: 81 | Registered: May 2009 | From: AZ transplant
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 5:12 AM, October 28th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@BlueEyedFella,

If you havent already I really do suggest that you go to a Lawyer and get a legal opinion before setting what you plan to do in the future in stone. There may legal considerations that your not aware of. For instance where i live up until the date of legal seperation i am jointly responsible for all debts generated by my W, after the S they are hers alone.

As to wether or not you do the 180, it sounds to me like you already are, when we S or are going through D its simply not possible to go completely NC with your Spouse, You still need to talk kids, talk finances etc. But you can protect yourself by limiting other contact, by following the main tenent of the 180, which is to rebuild yourself, to re-connect with yourself.

@Zombieman, Nothing wrong with offering another chance, it doesnt make you crazy, Just remember to keep an eye on your boundaries, let her know when shes overstepping. I for one dont believe that a WW can overnight suddenly do everything right. they will slip out, they will hurt us again, but as long as there is progress and as long as you have the will to continue then there is hope.


Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
BrokenHead
♂ Member
Member # 24218
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, October 28th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Plan B"

As badly as limboland has worked it's way to lethal-plain-of-flatness, it still amazes me that given I don't see WW actually ever stepping up to the plate to do her part in R, that she still sees me as "Plan B".

And what I mean (or at least as I am to interpret) is WW sees us going to S/D in the near future, but SHE feels she _may_ decide (like I am not even a part of the decision making process) if (I guess) things don't work out as planned, she will want to get back together.

I've been really only given her 2 choices, move on with D/S or work to have a great marriage...which elicits the deer-in-the-headlights reaction...presumably because her options are D/S (with of course me as backup plan B) or stick it out (limboland) for the next 5 years till the kids are off to college.

I guess limboland currently trumps ... D/S ... which would require her to get a job, lose time seeing the kids, actually take some responsibility for her life...of course she may want to _try_ it and she always can fall back on plan B (me).

WW sense of entitlement knows no bounds apparently.

Why do WW's see us as a fall back plan whereas we go do D/S I am moving on with my life if it doesn't turn up roses I keep looking for roses...ain't no way I am looking at WW as my "plan B" ?


Posts: 144 | Registered: Jun 2009
HurtingandLost
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Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, October 28th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The entitlement mentality is a twisted view of the world around them. Strangely enough, 7 years after my exWW and I split, she still see's me as a viable plan B. She has never been a "plan" anything. I moved out in '03 and that was that.

Funny how they think. My current WW doesnt compute correctly either....she made a comment a couple of times in some of our discussions over the past couple of months that if we ever did D, she would be selfish and demand that we spend Christmas as a family at her house. The first time she said it, I said that doesnt sound selfish, it sounds like a good idea to show the kids we could be "normal". She said thats not what she was getting at, I would have to sleep in her room.....


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, October 28th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

welcome to the group W bench, proview-poke around all ya want...


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5360 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, October 28th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Guys! How's it hanging?

Low and lonely...


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, October 28th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey 64Fleet... Does that mean somewhere there are 27 8x10 color glossy photos with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one is? ;-)

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5895 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, October 28th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wow part 6. you guys talk too much.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3088 | Registered: Sep 2007
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, October 28th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey 64Fleet... Does that mean somewhere there are 27 8x10 color glossy photos with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one is? ;-)

yep-and we had ta pick up the trash...


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5360 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, October 28th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How not to get answers from cheating wives or girlfriends. Someone contact this guy and get him to sign up at SI once he makes bail. Mugshot at the link.

Man Busted For Waterboarding Girlfriend/Suspect had accused victim of “spending time with another guy”

After accusing his girlfriend of cheating on him, a Nebraska man allegedly tied the woman to a couch in their apartment and waterboarded her, according to police.

Trevor Case, 22, has been charged with domestic assault, false imprisonment, and making terroristic threats in connection with the bizarre incident early Saturday morning at the Lincoln home he shared with the 22-year-old victim.

Police allege that Case stuffed "hospital socks" into Danielle Stallworth's mouth and bound her wrists with belts and hair ties before placing a shirt over her head and dousing it with water, according to a Lincoln Police Department report. “He poured a pitcher of water on her head, and she started freaking out and thought she wasn’t able to breathe,” cops noted.

The waterboarding practice, of course, leaves victims with the sensation that they are drowning.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/man-busted-waterboarding-girlfriend


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
2CYYY
♂ Member
Member # 18240
Default  Posted: 1:50 AM, October 29th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now, why didn't I think of that?


me - BS 43
her - fWS 42
12 y/o D
M 17 years until 6 mo EA w/two-night-stand
D-days starting 10/20/06 with ongoing TT and false/broken NC thereafter

Trying to R and pretend it never happened, which isn't working out as well as you might expect!


Posts: 96 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Halfway Between Anywhere and Everywhere
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, October 29th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, the good news for him is that the government can't charge him with torture.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, October 29th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Should pin a medal on the poor bastard..


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
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