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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 6 (Men only)
Lotsa
♂ Member
Member # 28078
Default  Posted: 4:46 AM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I'd kill him if I sneezed on him.

If they charge you with murder brother I think your defence could be that it was an act of God.


Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2010
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 5:18 AM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Given that my record is cleaner that clean, heck i dont even have any trafic violations, I could almost certainly roll up and smack him around some and then if he i did get charged never see anything more than the first night behind bars....

but that sad assesd limp dick fucktard aint even worth that.

Besides, im not sure that if i ever did let go that i would be able to keep restraint, and that would most certainly not be worth it.


Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 5:18 AM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I blame my XW *and* her OM. There were hordes of them. She arranged sex meetups with strangers via the internet. A hotel here, some apartment there, and on and on. They all knew she was married; that was prominent in her online profile. She was married and wasn't looking for a commitment.

Sure, I blame my XW for the cheating. That's why I divorced her.

BUT, I also blame every single one of these POS OM. Where is their sense of honor and decency? How could they even entertain the thought of fucking another man's wife? They simply have no respect or caring for their fellow man.

They are dick heads. Period. They damn well knew what they were doing was wrong. You screw another man's wife, and you're shitting all over him. It's an abomination.

These jerks also know the risk they are taking. They're doing about the most offensive, insulting thing imaginable to another fellow man. Of course they expect hurricane force rage if discovered.

So, what's my response to the throngs of men that banged my XW?

I got nothing. I'm not the type to go physically clobber people. But in a way, nothing is a pretty powerful statement. I never contacted any of these ass wipes. Just divorced my wife and decided to move on. Maybe some of these pricks are feeling a twinge of guilt for their part in breaking apart a family with children. Maybe not. I actually don't really care.

To completely ignore them is to offer them no respect. There's some dignity and power in that response, I think.

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 8:59 AM, November 10th (Wednesday)]


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One valuable lesson I've learned through this whole ordeal is that I'm neither as good a person as I thought I was, nor as evil as I have the potential to be.

We never are either. Like Browning said, “Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?” Always something to strive to means always being imperfect. It's a pretty sweet deal imo.

Given that my record is cleaner that clean, heck i dont even have any trafic violations, I could almost certainly roll up and smack him around some and then if he i did get charged never see anything more than the first night behind bars....

Did not think of it that way. I'm so clean, shit slides off me so I think I will keep this in mind.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 8:21 AM, November 10th (Wednesday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7118 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMHO, as in my situation, your WW is 100% responsible for the A -- she knew how to say no.

x2-this is why I focus my anger on WW.

Funny about the clean record thing, I gave this texting asshat the chrome horn at a red light, & this cop gave me a ticket. Judge looked at my record & said "hmmm, looks like you haven't had a citation since....ever." He dropped it...it's not even on my record


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Lost42
♂ Member
Member # 29641
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Regarding the OM.

My situation is weird. A happened while we were living outside of the U.S., and I discovered after our family returned to the U.S. OM could no sooner get a visa to come to the U.S. as he could fly. A real winner, believe me! So my chances of ever running into him are 0%.

Early on I had anger at OM. He himself had been divorced from a Canadian woman who cheated on him, and he could not get to Canada to see his daughter, and my WW befriended him as she tried to help him understand legal documents. The shithead basically took his own sorry-assed life and crapped right in the middle of mine. He did the exact same thing that ruined his own life. To me and my kids.

He should have been a gentlemen when he saw a married woman in emotional distress. He wasn't.

But, WTF? Who cares about him? My wife and I are trying to R, and she made every decision herself along the way. OM at least had the courtesy (or so my WW says) not to push for a PA until she made the first move. I believe her. My WW fucked up. She alone, in the universe of people who matter to me, has responsibility for the A. And she is the one who has to dig to make amends.

So, in short, chalk me up as someone who just pities the OM. And I certainly have made a promise to myself, that if for some reason R does not succeed, I will never try to heal my pain by passing it on to another married man.

[This message edited by Lost42 at 9:46 AM, November 10th (Wednesday)]


Me (BH) 42
Her (WW) 42
DDay -- August 2010
Married 15 years, 3 young children

Posts: 182 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Southeast US
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I blame my XW *and* her OM. There were hordes of them.

And here the lies the main problem - unfortunately there are many men on this planet that are more than willing to sleep with a M'ed woman. My exW was rumored to have had numerous different OM. Fortunately I do not know who any of them are so I do not have to deal with them.

So, in short, chalk me up as someone who just pities the OM.

Ditto. What a sad world we live in.


-t2g

[This message edited by thyme2go at 12:05 PM, November 10th (Wednesday)]


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9145 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

POS OM was supposedly divorced from his exW and had custody due to her cheating and other issues....

SO, on detail to Phoenix, he meets up with my Shit for Brains, selfish, maniac WW, sees the ring on her finger, and has to have some. And she jumped at the opportunity.

I really, really just dont understand people as much as I thought I did. WW and OM are both shit in my book.


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update to situation -

Tentative job offer in other state. I explained to the WW I was probably going to take it, and we would work out the details of Divorce after I got myself reestablished.

She immediately went to her boss looking for a job transfer, and is excitedly telling her Mom all about the move. I told her she needed to correct herself. MY MOVE. She wasnt part of it.

SHE STILL DOESNT GET IT. Do any of you all know of any presecriptions for STUPID? Or in this case S-T-O-O-P-I-D, with two O's...


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
Cee64D
♂ Member
Member # 21836
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When she shows up with her stuff wanting to move in with you just close the door. If she gets nasty, call the cops.

Don't worry. At the divorce the judge will explain it all to her in small words so she can understand...


The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008

Posts: 2740 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah - when she shows up and gets nasty I'll just call the cops. In front of my kids.

My plan is a little complicated but necessary. I am going to pack my enclosed trailer with as much stuff as possible, then swing by my girls daycare and pick them up and hit the road. With no forwarding address....unfortunately due to my job I wont be too difficult to track down. Hopefully though I will have enough time to get a good lawyer in the meantime and let the courts do their job. This woman needs serious help, and I'll be damned if I'm going to leave my kids with her flying on an uneven keel....


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
Lotsa
♂ Member
Member # 28078
Default  Posted: 2:26 AM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take care of yourself and your kids H&L...

It definitely sounds as though your WW is less than a positive influence on your children at the moment. If you haven't already though, you may want to give thought to consulting with a lawyer before you take off to make sure there's no reprucussions on long-term custody prospects/arrangements by taking your children without your WW's knowledge. Hate for her to be rewarded as a result of her bad behaviour.

BTW congrats on the job offer. Sounds great...


Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2010
hoping2recover
♂ Member
Member # 29716
Default  Posted: 5:54 AM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW told me she made a parallel world to compartmentalise things...but we went to a concert with some friends and POSOM was there (I knew him but didn't know about the A at the time).
So we cone out after the concert and are looking to carry on the party. My cousin is with us and says "let's get some beers and go back to yours (OM)".
He looks uncomfortable and I assume it's cos he doesn't want a bunch of people he hardly knows back at his, but my WW insists "yeah let's go back to yours!" So we did, and it was fun. Of course after DDay a few months later I check her phone records and discover they were testing eachother all night, even in the taxi on the way home she was texting him...where's the compartmentalising there? That's just evil...it's one of a few things in my particular case I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive. He knows if I bump into him again I'll probably try and kill him. She's still deep in the fog ATM and I think I'm going to lose her but don't know if that's a bad thing or not at this point. She took me to his house....what could the texts have been? I see a red mist just thinking about it...


Me BH 39
Her WW 40
Two DS
dd1 6/08/10
tt 4 weeks
dd2 10/09/10
1 EA/PA, 1 other suspected but never confirmed
Still in the fog.

Posts: 90 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: London, UK
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sad as it is and these stories make me sick is this.

What they did was disgusting vile and saying BS like I compartementalized or whatever is just BS.

Let's agree how are you going to change? Wait you will get dear in the headlights look.

Basically "If I dont take reposibility I do not have to change".

So with that my wife has become the equivalent of a desk lamp to me. I flip the switch if I need her and when i dont lights off and I dont think of her much.

After I was used she will be used only for what I need and right now it is takingcare of the kids and washing dishes. She serves no other purpose for me.

She is incapable of change and for me she is defined by the affair and the disgusting human being she is and at this point always will be.


Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
longsadstory1952
♂ Member
Member # 29048
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HURTING AND LOST PLEASE READ.

Unless I am completly misreading your last post, what you are suggesting could get you charged with parental kidnapping. Please reconsider your plan and see a lawyer. PM me if you want further info on this.

As to your WW's actions seeking a transfer there are 2 possibilities. One is that you are not being clear as you think. You need to be direct if that is the case. If you have been clear, then she is not stupid, she is desperate and in denial.

I have to say from following your story that your W has gone about this R about as wrongly as anyone I am familiar with. Every possible step that she could have taken she has refused to take, except for immediately confessing. Even then it looked like a big FU. So I am not surprised by your decision. You just need to make the D happen now, not when you leave. That way the kid issues are at least underway to being resolved.


Posts: 357 | Registered: Jul 2010
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Compartmentalization means nothing. It's a cheater's way of trying to minimize what they did, after getting caught, both to themselves and to their BS.

It's a crock of shit. If it were truly *significant*, we're talking something on the order of a split personality disorder. That's what it would take to separate the double life so drastically as to nullify one's sense of right and wrong. I've never bought into it as anything but a minimization tactic, and I get frustrated at how many people actually do buy into it, including betrayed spouses and therapists.

Whatever the reasons for cheating, compartmentalization is NOT a significant contributing factor. Rather, it's lack of integrity, respect for others and self, and all that other nasty stuff.

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 10:40 AM, November 11th (Thursday)]


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She completely lost it and broke down. It sank in. She gets that I'm leaving her.

What she did tell me is that she has been reading another web site for almost a month now, and had just completed a series of phone calls to some local IC / MC folks (she showed me her phone), and so on.

Then she ratcheted the stakes up a notch and started slipping terminology and different stuff into the conversation that I've only read on SI (she says she's joined a different web site).

She went on apologizing for the way she acted in the weeks following the A, and the blaming she did. She almost seemed sincere. She further explained that she knows she's wrong for her behavior this past weekend and thats what finally pushed her to seek counseling.

THe caveat is that she openly admits that part of her still doesnt want to go; she's afraid of setting herself up to be critized and blamed for more wrong at a point when she's been blaming herself enough.

MC appointment is set for next wednesday. Honestly, I think we're past that point. the opportunity to re-commit has past.

If our Marriage was that important to her, she would have begun this path almost four months ago when I offered her R....instead of sqaushing my efforts to work on us time and time again.


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H&L.

It could be another site. I believe we are forbidden to give site names here. But the one I am thinking on (one that I was once a member of - before SI existed) is small. Not much traffic. Good sincere people. And they use many of the terms that are used here.

There are others scattered here and there. Some decent. Some absolutely evil.

Site names are not given because they incite *board wars* wherein trolls from other boards come here. Create IDs. Then create havoc.

Razor


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3087 | Registered: Sep 2007
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurting, it sounds like she's 'bargaining' for a better outcome for herself, by trying to give you just enough of what she thinks you want to hear.

How sincere the "I'm sorry's" are - rather, if they arise from true remorse as opposed to regret - will be seen in what she does when she doesn't get what she wants.

Your plan to leave without her is a good one, in principle, because I think you sense a ramping up of drama, and you just want to minimize it. I get that.

Maybe you can adjust your tactics a bit, get an A's advice in the meantime...please do that, and keep us updated...and just play cool during this brief window of time she is *allowed* to think she'll get her way.

We should come up with a name for it..."the friendly period"..."the time of held breath", whatever,

to describe this brief period of time they act nice, and act amenable to your demands.
Because once that time's over, and they realize you're done, well then it's: "the night of the long knives",
and the true evilbitchfromhell emerges, to steal your balls while the courts yawn.
= She never was remorseful in the first place.

Stay cool.


Posts: 6028 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
GeauxTigers
♂ Member
Member # 28301
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So being stuck in prison for the rest of me life would be really horrible.

Well. they have cable, so there's football. "Three hots and a cot" has a certain appeal compared to the rat race, too. But that ass-rape thing... ugh. Meh, I guess I won't kill him.


Sigh... how did I end up here?

Posts: 1379 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Nashville
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