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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 6 (Men only)
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If our Marriage was that important to her, she would have begun this path almost four months ago when I offered her R....instead of sqaushing my efforts to work on us time and time again.

Not necessarily. Everyone has their own time table for coming out of the fog. Some quickly...some never...some emerge momentarily to make sure they don't lose their marriage and then go back to the fog when all seems secure. Sort of like Punxsutawney Pete on Groundhog Day.

It took my WW until early this year, 14 years after D-day #2, to speak the words "I'm sorry" without attaching the blame on me or anyone but herself. Not sure she was sincere but don't care as much as I used to either.

Am I an idiot? Undoubtedly! But someone had to raise my little boy and it sure as hell wasn't going to be her all by herself.

Anger Quotes
The High Cost Of Getting Even

Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot that it do singe yourself.
-- William Shakespeare

An angry man is full of poison.
-- Confucius

I am too busy with my cause to hate--too absorbed in something bigger than myself. I have no time to quarrel, no time for regrets and no man can force me to stoop low enough to hate him.
-- Lawrence James

Never waste a minute of your precious life by squandering it thinking about people you don't like.
-- Anonymous

To be wronged or robbed is nothing unless you continue to let it.
-- Confucius

No man can humiliate me or disturb me. I won't let him.
-- Bernard Baruch

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

To know all is to understand all, and this leaves no room for judgement and condemnation.
-- Clarence Darrow

How often the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is telling him.
-- Frank Hubert (Dune)

By taking revenge, a man is even with his enemy; but in passing over it, he is superior.
-- Francis Bacon

Why should I be angry at someone when they are out dancing?
-- Buddy Hackett

With malice towards none; with charity for all....
-- Abraham Lincoln

If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom?
-- Kahlil Gibran
http://www.angriesout.com/grown6.htm

Now this really ticks me off. I wonder if Confucius, Bernard, and Bill Shakespeare ever had their significant others do the nasty with another dude, lie about it, and then blame it all on them?


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
glasvegas
♂ Member
Member # 22639
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When seeking revenge, first dig two graves.

Have I thought about how I could get revenge on the OM? Yes. Even to the point of how would I be able to kill him and maintain an alibi.

Would I ever actually execute any such plan? Only if I was diagnosed with some terminal disease, or otherwise decided that I should end my life. Even then I am not 100% sure.

That being said, I don't really carry any anger towards him on a daily ongoing basis. It is all reserved for my WS - the one who made promises to me and lied to my face repeatedly.


Posts: 321 | Registered: Jan 2009
roadscholar
Member
Member # 23276
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, November 12th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On the subject of revenge against the OM......it's only the certainty of spending time in jail that keeps me from it.
I live in Denmark, and there's no way around it, I'd be arrested.
It's simply not worth having to explain to my boys, not to mention the financial impact.
But that's the only thing that keeps me from it. If I knew with 100% certainty that I'd get away with it, I would inflict injuries of a very serious nature. Today.

Well, tomorrow at the latest...as I'm meeting a young lady later tonight who is 14 years younger than my exWW, and weighs about 60 pounds less.

And besides, he's with my exWW now....so there's no punishment I could come up with that will equal what's in store for him.


Me-BH, 45
Her-XWW, 40
2 boys- 11 & 14
D-Day- 2-14-09
Several attempts at R, all of which failed.
Divorce final on 11/23/10
"Life's Been Good To Me So Far..." Joe Walsh

Posts: 182 | Registered: Mar 2009
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, November 12th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's way too many illegals here who will off someone for $500 or less for me to waste any effort on OMM.
But he's not even worth the $500 to me. He never promised me shit at my wedding.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, November 12th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I heard that the OM (one of them) had OD'd and was found out on a local trail by hikers; I danced a little jig, laughed my fucking ass off, and drank to the stupid bastards demise.

just sayin


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, November 12th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never waste a minute of your precious life by squandering it thinking about people you don't like.
-- Anonymous


This.


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
hoping2recover
♂ Member
Member # 29716
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, November 12th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Those quotes really calmed me down. Still pissed at WW but OM's not worth wasting another thought on. Unless I bump into him, and there'll be no thought process involved anyway...red mist...read quotes again...aahh better now!


Me BH 39
Her WW 40
Two DS
dd1 6/08/10
tt 4 weeks
dd2 10/09/10
1 EA/PA, 1 other suspected but never confirmed
Still in the fog.

Posts: 90 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: London, UK
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, November 12th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jimi.

When I heard that the OM (one of them) had OD'd and was found out on a local trail by hikers; I danced a little jig, laughed my fucking ass off, and drank to the stupid bastards demise.

The 1 true hope left to me in this life is that I live long enuf to see OM buried. And piss on his grave.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3086 | Registered: Sep 2007
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, November 12th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, I couldnt give two shits about OM. Its the WW that broke our vows and the WW who bears the brunt of my anger.

OM? In my opinion OM is simply a stupid, low self esteem bastard who doesnt have the game to pick up a single woman on his own, so he dipped into my kool-aid instead. But he didnt have the game to keep her.

In my current circumstance, I wish he did, becuase it would simpliify my life and move this transistion forward with relative ease...

[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 5:53 PM, November 12th (Friday)]


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, November 13th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To be wronged or robbed is nothing unless you continue to let it.
-- Confucius

I wonder if Confucius, Bernard, and Bill Shakespeare ever had their significant others do the nasty with another dude, lie about it, and then blame it all on them?

There's a lot of truth in this statement in particular Mr. Kite...

First you will notice that it doesn't tell you not to be angry. In deed, you have every right to be angry. The anger, afterall, alerts us that something is wrong... that an injustice has been trangsressed.

But the anger can be wild and unpredictable and thus demands a focus. The best and most constructive place to focus that, is of course on ourselves and on our own self improvement. That is the way to get ahead.

If we focus our energies on destruction, then the best outcome possible is that we have moved no further ahead.

But the true danger, is that by absolving our self empowerment, we have allowed ourselves to become the very victim that we fear to be... and we have offered control of our lives over to the very one we despise.


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, November 13th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anger is like fear. They're both healthy and necessary. I enjoyed Pressfield's "Gates of Fire" especially because of the discussions the Spartan Knights had about fear and the management of fear. Like I tell my boys, you can't be brave unless you're afraid; fear is about values and the danger to those values. I guess anger is about indignities and disrespect visited on those same values.

I think anger is a good, healthy thing, like a fire on the cold and desolate plain of despair. It needs management the same way, like tending a flame so it neither sputters and dies and lets the cold back in or gets fueled it until it rages unchecked. I have a hard time keeping my anger in a solid place so rather than let it rage it dies out, and that is something I need to work on.

Sorry, wasn't really speaking to anything, just musing.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, November 13th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I didn't get angry, I'd still be married. Still be a doormat.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, November 13th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Always had a terrible problem controlling my temper. During all of this madness, covering a period of 16 years, the worst I did in terms of explosive physical anger was to go down in the basement and punch holes in the wall. Anyone do anything worse? Or were most of you able to keep that anger in check?


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, November 13th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I found out my first wife had cheated on me (multiple times), I ended up on a drinking binge that lasted roughly six months. I'd get drunk and fight with the biggest, ugliest sack of shit in the bar.

Scary thing is that I was a Plt Sgt at the time and my guys would come in and police me up and get the guys to "forget about any charges". In retrospect though, I never fought someone who didnt start it. I just made sure I was in the "right place and right time" to ensure a good brawl several times a week.

Hell of a way to blow off steam. In hindsight, perhaps yoga or basket weaving would have been more productive...


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
june2010
♂ Member
Member # 29235
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, November 14th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Basket weaving. Ha. I'm in.

I have been lifting regularly. Got myself into much better shape (wasn't a slouch before).

I have made anger a motivation to make me better. I am a better man and husband than the OM.


Posts: 292 | Registered: Aug 2010
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, November 15th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am dealing with a double betrayl.

I will never do anything illegal but if any opportunity comes up legal that can make his life shit I will.

he has an enemy for life.

Do I dwell on it? No. he is not worth the time. But when an opportunity comes I will take it for sure.


Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, November 15th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Razor, if I knew where he was buried, I'd be pissing there a lot.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, November 15th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If we focus our energies on destruction, then the best outcome possible is that we have moved no further ahead.

No, no, no. If we focus our energies on destruction, the best possible outcome is that we destroy a bunch of stuff. Any other outcome, and I would argue that you're doing it wrong and need to retake Destructifcator 101.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, November 15th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Terminal disease.

If you were told by doctor that you had a terminal disease. No possibility of a cure. And you have 3 months to live. What would you do?

Me. There are a couple things left on me bucket list. I have allways wanted to see Mayan temples and to travel to Athens and see the Parthenon. So I would tell me WW to go fuck off and head out.

Then? I dunno. But right now Im thinking it would be good to kidnap OM and torture him to death.

Razor


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3086 | Registered: Sep 2007
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, November 15th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you were told by doctor that you had a terminal disease. No possibility of a cure. And you have 3 months to live. What would you do?

I have a list. It goes way back before this A shit. I would go on a spree that would make the world rock!!


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
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