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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 6 (Men only)
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy fuck!! We need to put men only in brackets on a forum titled Betrayed Men???


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you saying the size (of the font) might really matter?

Damn you, Jimi.

[This message edited by wincing_at_light at 2:44 PM, December 8th (Wednesday)]


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oops - Double Post

[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 3:41 PM, December 8th (Wednesday)]


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy fuck!! We need to put men only in brackets on a forum titled Betrayed Men???

Unreal. And the Mods did it!

Oh and yes Gents. If a man was on another fucking planet all alone, millions of lightyears from any women...it would still be his fault. Just ask my ex or my current WW.

WAL -

Yes font size DOES matter.

GUESS I'LL HAVE TO START OVERCOMPENSATING WITH ALL CAPS FROM NOW ON


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
oftenwrong
♂ Member
Member # 27822
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whew, now that the estrogen has been aired out, is it safe to come back in?


ME - BSO (35 yrs old)
Her - XWSO (31 yrs old)
LTR 10 years - There can be no 2nd chances


Posts: 995 | Registered: Mar 2010
kdny
♀ Member
Member # 760
Red  Posted: 4:00 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy fuck!! We need to put men only in brackets on a forum titled Betrayed Men???

Apparently so.


Unreal. And the Mods did it!


And you have a problem with that?

Please remember that this thread is a gift to you men from the moderators of this site. Its still a part of this site and subject to the guidelines.

If you have further comments or questions please feel free to PM one of us.


Whether we remain ash or become phoenix is up to us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes the fine line between a nervous breakdown and knowing things will be okay is a pair of furry pants~unfound

Posts: 81335 | Registered: Dec 2002 | From: Slightly left of center, standing on my head
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No prob kdny. We get it.


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
jollum
♂ Member
Member # 25152
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mighty,

A WS has twisted their perspective to be not as bad. Something every BS has learned: The truth hurts like hell sometimes. So personally I do not have a problem saying and describing vile actions with vile words. I’m not going to soften it up into “making love” or even “sex”. That’s what you do with me, and I sure hope it doesn’t take the same corruption of values. So what you two did was so much “dirtier” it needs new sentence enhancers for me to describe. “I didn’t think about you” sounds much better than “I was thinking about how to deceive you all the time when I planned and when I got back and told you about my day. I was thinking about you when those butterflies churned my stomach. I was thinking about you when I selected a rendevous you might not see us. I reassured myself that you were a bad person, I had a bad marriage, and that I was entitled to be happy” You thought about us constantly and we were there every minute and never forgotten... but that’s just not a pretty version because it shows malicious intent.A WS has twisted their perspective to be not as bad. Something every BS has learned: The truth hurts like hell sometimes. So personally I do not have a problem saying and describing vile actions with vile words. I’m not going to soften it up into “making love” or even “sex”. That’s what you do with me, and I sure hope it doesn’t take the same corruption of values. So what you two did was so much “dirtier” it needs new sentence enhancers for me to describe. “I didn’t think about you” sounds much better than “I was thinking about how to deceive you all the time when I planned and when I got back and told you about my day. I was thinking about you when those butterflies churned my stomach. I was thinking about you when I selected a rendevous you might not see us. I reassured myself that you were a bad person, I had a bad marriage, and that I was entitled to be happy” You thought about us constantly and we were there every minute and never forgotten... but that’s just not a pretty version because it shows malicious intent.


I still think we married sisters and you and I may be twin sons from different mothers.


Posts: 269 | Registered: Aug 2009
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage



Where you are is limbo.

Nah. Been there. This feels different. Is there a semi-limbo or a limbo-light?

WW is on prozac and going to IC. She knows there's no more wiggle room. I've given her the rules verbally and in writing. I confront her when she crosses lines and makes me uncomfortable. When she acts like a rebellious adolescent I call her on it. I've even suggested that she'd be better off without me and that R may be too tough for her. What else can I do?

The healing and strengthening of self is an ongoing process. It has its ups and downs, it's victories and defeats. Some days I fall into an emotional black hole but it doesn't last nearly as long as it used to. There's hope for me. Not much for us.

But my sig line reminds me that I've been fooled before and may be setting myself up for that again. Therefore 2 X 4's upside the head are always welcome.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The book I got bashed with that the ex says described me to a T is... He's Just not into you...... She even threw that book at me when I called the police to get her off MY front porch...

Go figure.... Once again like every swingin dick here..... Everything was always my fault... It was even my fault when the OM beat her up...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5895 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
Mighty
♂ Member
Member # 26909
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still think we married sisters and you and I may be twin sons from different mothers.

Could be. A lot of us have the same story......

A question that sometimes comes up here, and I’m in a writing mood... How the hell did I find my balls again?

The mistakes: I tried being the nice guy and sympathetic. I tried to work on the bad marriage that "forced her" to have an affair. I listened, made changes, and treated her with respect just like she asked. She and I both agreed the marriage was working better. But what did it really get me when she ignored fixing herself and just worked on “us”?

A pre-paid calling card hidden in a drawer because just contact at work wasn’t enough. More lies, more discoveries, more omissions and more pain and confusion for me... I was finally broken.... STEP 2 was already in process, but this event changed it’s direction; I had been somewhat making changes before keeping her in mind and what type of man I thought she might like me to be. I look back at it and sort of bang my head: get in shape, a better father, stop playing computer games, making more guy friends, getting out, etc. Sort of shallow new year’s resolution sort of things.

I hated myself then for falling yet again. It’s like waking up in a black abyss and suddenly recognizing that you weren’t pushed, you led yourself to this slaughter. Your actions, words and who you were conspired to let this happen to you. So... you loathe yourself for that, and start rebuilding yourself to avoid being led here again without a fight. The understanding, forgiving, and hurt man was who I loathed even more than her. He was who let this continue and let her get away with her bullshit unchecked. I decided I was no longer going to be a victim.

So, I changed, not because anyone wanted me to do so, but because I hated that I was “this way” when I wanted to something else. Changes started looking like: Lose my fear of ramifications, deal with it instead of avoiding, trust my gut, choose and move without fretting or questioning myself, own mistakes, let out my emotions, stop worrying what other’s think, accepting at face value, letting go of resentments, lose entitlement feelings, etc.. Things started working better. I had less stress and anxiety. I was happier. So... I saw my wife still playing the victim and figured that if she hit bottom, maybe she’d do something a bit deeper than surface fixes.... STEP 3; Knock her onto the floor, smash her pedestal she built for herself, and let her know exactly the kind of person she is through my eyes.

Totally liberating to suddenly be able to speak my mind, do what I wanted, and laugh away her pathetic "noise maker" ramifications. Think about it, is there really anything more your WW can do to make it that much worse?


BS (me) 44 WS (her)43
Married 17yrs, Together 20 yrs
Three children (9-13)
D-Day #1 - 4/11/09 (me).. DD's stopped, she quit talking. Body count: 6 OM, 1 OW. (2 EA's, 1 LTPA, 1 PA, 3 "kisses").

Posts: 629 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Denver
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally liberating to suddenly be able to speak my mind...

This would also be the point at which you started being accused of verbal and emotional abuse, right?

Seems to me that BH verbal abuse is more often than not "telling me what you really think instead of what I want to hear about myself."

(FWIW, this is one of those places where I don't have any personal experience. My wife didn't ever accuse me of verbal abuse, no matter how vicious I got. It was a significant contribution to our R.)


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
Mighty
♂ Member
Member # 26909
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This would also be the point at which you started being accused of verbal and emotional abuse, right?


You betcha... But what's so cool, is I didn't hold back and gave her specific examples of what verbal abuse was.... (out came a whole slew of vile names, attacks on her, attacks on her choice in OM, etc.). So now she/and the councilor know the difference....

Oh, and the new key councilor term in vogue is "emotional hostage". So yea, that'd make me an emotional terrorist for saying things like "spread your legs (and more vulgar terms)" instead of "physical intimacy" with the other man.

OH.. and second edit. I’ve refrained from being too vile. I use those terms as I see fit. Also be aware my wife talks like a sailor, so the offense isn’t too bad. “Bitch” can be a term of endearment with her under the right scenario.

[This message edited by Mighty at 5:57 PM, December 8th (Wednesday)]


BS (me) 44 WS (her)43
Married 17yrs, Together 20 yrs
Three children (9-13)
D-Day #1 - 4/11/09 (me).. DD's stopped, she quit talking. Body count: 6 OM, 1 OW. (2 EA's, 1 LTPA, 1 PA, 3 "kisses").

Posts: 629 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Denver
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where it really gets confusing is where you get accused of being abusive at the same time you get accused of being a pansy-ass


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No prob kdny. We get it.

And its our fault.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3088 | Registered: Sep 2007
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Red  Posted: 6:30 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're not some abused mis-understood men on THIS site...you've been treated fairly and with respect.

So much so that the two women that did post on here were removed. So...you're welcome

So really, stop with the smart-ass comments.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 192147 | Registered: May 2002
Jnot
♂ New Member
Member # 30320
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd just like to say this is the best site and one of the best threads I've needed to read. Makes me feel more like a man. I'm moving on now and will definetly be a better person for it. My total focus has been diverted from wanting to hurt OM and the person that did this shit to me. I've got a new place, mission. Thanks.

Posts: 21 | Registered: Dec 2010
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to the "no fog zone" Jnot.

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
mkgit
♂ New Member
Member # 30208
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

another slip (when will i learn)

i emailed OMW to her work email on Monday with all the details of WW & OM EA, including their emails. surprisingly, OMW replied today and thanked me for having the "courage" to finally inform her. turns out her spouse, after WW broke NC to inform him, spoke with her about A. he just left out the details and she was "thankful" to me for passing on their letters of love.

so, all went surprisingly well until i went into IDIOT MODE. of course, i informed my wife tonight about the exchange with OMW. she got very irate with me and said i shouldn't have done it. my response was why are you more loyal to OM than to your family and BS? she said i knew you'd say that but i just feel sad that OM family will now have to suffer like we did the last 11 months. no sense of remorse or regret at what she had done (guess this is the fog?). i told her not to break the NC but i fully expect her to write him a work IM saying how "sorry" she was for him.

maybe one day i learn to keep my mouth shut.

any advice on how to salvage this or is it even worth it?


Posts: 31 | Registered: Nov 2010
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i just feel sad that OM family will now have to suffer like we did the last 11 months

Was she concerned while she was screwing up their family and yours? No, of course not! Now she's suddenly compassionate? Hah!

Not to get overly philosophical here but evil thrives in the dark. My WW is the Queen of Hiddeness. Her main rules to live by are "Cover your butt at all costs," "Never admit to anything," and "No one knows my business." That last one came up in a conversation just tonight. I asked her how that was working out for her? This was of course met with silence...which is another one of her mottos..."Say as little as possible."

What's to salvage, mkgit?


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
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