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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 6 (Men only)
3yrwait
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Member # 29907
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, November 3rd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mighty, Jollum, I have the same feelings, or lack of, toward WW.

My story, as briefly as I can,
During 2006-07, W was under tremendous pressure at work. I wasn't there for her, or so she said, so she started EA, then PA with a coworker. I knew something was wrong; WW was distant for months, tons of time talking on cell phone "about work," several weekends and evenings "at work." No matter what I tried, there was still distance (and 8 months of excuses not to have sex). The A ended badly, and OM contacted me for legal reasons. That was my DDay.

In the days that followed, I put a lot of energy into fixing the legal issues (even though I didn't know what happened), and making sure my girl still had a mother who was not in jail.
WW trickled some details, like they had had sex "two, maybe three times." But she refused to tell me what happened before DDay that caused the legal issue...she said it was for my own protection, which actually made sense, and I believed she cared about me. WW left her job and initiated NC.
My efforts to resolve the legal issue was completely successful, but WW remained distant, I was hardly thanked for my efforts and blamed for the A. Then cell phone records and key logger software showed WW and OM repeatedly broke NC, they couldn't stay away from each other while I was trying to be make up for being a bad husband. I reluctantly visited a D lawyer, who handed me a book which is like the 180 on steroids. I lost weight, switched jobs, started doing things on my own. Unfortunately, NC continued to be broken, but I was beginning to care less. In an inspired moment, I contacted OM and WW and told them all my efforts to keep them apart failed and they were wonderful for each other...the A ended pretty quickly after that (he is now the terrible guy I was). I still wasn't getting sex, so I asked for permission to get sex from other sources...pretty soon I was having sex again from WW.
This all happened in the 8 months after DDay.

But this brings me to Mighty's posts. There are still a lot of unanswered questions. Who ended the A? Was it done for me, OM, WW, or our girl? If I have to manipulate, or make a big deal out of things, does she really care for me at all? Or is it just out of obligation or guilt? And is this how I want to continue? Do I always have to fight for something important to me? And are we setting a good example for our daughter (who I also have to fight). OM was Mr. Wonderful for a while, will I ever be Mr. wonderful? What makes me any better than OM? These questions have been lingering for 3 years.

Then, a few months ago, the legal issues completely disappeared. And WW could finally confess what happened that night before DDay. Only, she refused to do it. She previously said she kept it from me for my protection; it turns out that was a total lie, it was for her protection and had nothing to do with me. "It isn't important." Waiting for 3 effin years to complete the R and "it isn't important?"

I didn't acknowledge her for a few weeks, because after 3 years I finally know my place. She was upset that I had so much disdain for her, and said she loves me, but she doesn't think I am justified for feeling the way I do. It is still about her.
I still don't know what happened, and she doesn't get that I can't forget about it until I know about it.
She has said she loves me, and we seem to have made peace, but there is no spark. She just does what she has to do to keep me around, not because she loves me.

This wasn't intended to be the rant it became, it was intended to be empathetic toward Mighty and Jollum. My apologies.


Me: BH (early 40s)
Her: WW (early 40s)
Married 15 years
1 daughter, under 10
DDay July 2007

Posts: 450 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: 3yrwait
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 4:07 AM, November 4th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That Passive Agressive Article was interesting.

Some of the behaviours describe my WW some not so much. I dont believe my WW is PA if anyone was then id say i probably have slighty higher PA tendencies than her. But she Definately has a strong commitment phobia, a fear of letting people get too close. She cannot trust them, deep inside she fears that they will eventually desert her, so everyone is kept at a distance. She covers this by beign extroverted, by building large networks of 'friends', She covers her inner insecurites by behaving in a very self confident manner. Her privileged early childhood has linked hapiness to having stuff, it also did not allowed her to develope the ability to be happy with what she has, she tires of things, places, situations and needs to replace them regularly once the shine has worn off.

But hey im not perfect either... Im Introverted, I am a conflict avoider. I suffer under perfectionism. I do have slight passive aggressive tendancies. I grew up in a very traditionally british stiff upper lip style family where we didnt really talk much about our feelings, and although i have worked on that, i still struggle with it.

From what i can tell the main difference between me and my wife is that i acknowledge my issues, and i work on them. Perhapes she has looked at herself and is aware, but she has certainly never communicated anything about it to me.

I firmly believe knowing yourself, knowing who you truely are, understanding why your like that, is one of the most important insights to have in this life. But maybe thats just me...

I know one thing, Im sure going to do my best to figure out the next person i let into my life sooner rather than later. I never really looked at what drove my wife... I just loved her figured she loved me and that that was enough.... can someone slap the younger me around a bit please?


Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
still stuck
♂ New Member
Member # 23996
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, November 4th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I just... wow. Mighty, the things you wrote express the things I'm experiencing in my own head and am unable to get out in any form that makes sense. Thank you for so clearly sharing what I think a lot of us feel!

My biggest struggle is now with myself. I have spent so much energy detaching that Iím no longer in love or really have any deep respect for her. I do enjoy being with her, I do want to spend more time with her.... but itís still just being able to enjoy the moments. I donít see future with her in it unless itís a vision of me still plugging away living each day as it comes. Iíve lost my path back, and quite frankly starting to wonder why Iíd really want to go any deeper with her. Itís like Iím comfortable with a foot out the door. Meh... Iím just giving it more time hoping things will sort out for me, but I do truly miss those deep feelings I used to have for her

and

I saw the gleam in her eyes, the interest, and felt mutual sparks. We made each other feel on top of the world for that short time we chatted; Like we were worth it and interested in each other. I want that feeling with my wife. I had it, now itís gone... maybe for good.


I would give anything to recapture that part of our relationship at this point. Almost two years out and sometimes I wonder WHY I'm trying like hell to make this work, and I suspect its because I don't want to let go of the moments where I truly felt that way about my wife, even if its been two years since I felt that way. I'm just hanging on, working and hoping that one day I'll feel that way about her again.


Me: 29, BS
Her: 29, WS
Together 9 Years, Married 6
Three kids: 10, 5 and 3
DD: Suspicions in 1/09, confirmed 2/20/09

Posts: 18 | Registered: May 2009
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, November 4th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would give anything to recapture that part of our relationship

What exactly was that part of your relationship?
Did it include the part you believed her to be faithful, like you? Fully devoted? Like You?

See. It doesn't exist anymore. To continue on (if you do with a remorseful one and I envy and applaud you) requires some kind of new you.
To be *worked out* - dependent on her willingness and ability to follow your truthful lead.

If staying true to yourself requires letting go of the outcome, clinging to memories holds a backward-looking glance and slows that process down.

The new you is different (so I've heard). As the very founders of this site attest - it can be better - Remember, reflections are only 2dimensional, having length and width.

They have no depth or heights.
I ignore reflections, except for shaving.


Posts: 6027 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Razor
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Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, November 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

3yrwait.

W was under tremendous pressure at work. I wasn't there for her, or so she said, so she started EA, then PA with a coworker.

Where have I heard this before. O yah - MY LIFE.

So really. I need to tap the extreme mental powers of all here. Here is the question:
WHAT THE HELL DOES : *you were never there for me* MEAN????????

I was home most every night. Some times away on business trips - but allways called home at least 1 time during the day AND every single night. When I was home I got the kids breakfast every day. Took care of things around the house. FOR HER: I took her on dates several times a week. Spoke to her on the phone while at work. Spent time with her every night after work. Allways listened. Allways shared.

But. according to her I was never THERE for her.

WTF!!

Ok. That phrase obviously pisses me off. But on to other things.

I would give anything to recapture that part of our relationship

Like jjct say. That part is GONE forever. And good riddance because that was part of the whole that made the A possible.

I will go further. And say that it never really existed. You were living a dream. You created a illusion in you mind about you WW and you M that was not based on reality. It was based on what you WANTED it to be instead.

Razor


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3086 | Registered: Sep 2007
StillGoing
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Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, November 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WHAT THE HELL DOES : *you were never there for me* MEAN????????

It means she doesn't know what the fuck she wants and blames you because she's pissed off at herself.


That article about the HPD chick back there was interesting but works from the assumption she's not involved with another dude. You can run down that checklist like a pro and not have her care much until either she's not focused on anyone else, or realizes you have just disengaged and are about done. Doing that shit after you have disengaged is like a physical backhand from reality.

FWW was way, way gone. I would get those glimpses of the woman I loved also. The one that haunts me still is leaving for work one morning before the sun is up, I robotically come in to say goodbye because habits die hard. She does the sleepy-stretch-smile-mmm thing and says "I love you, SG. Have a good day." After a year of no sex, don't tell me you love me because of xyz, etc.

I don't remember what point I said fuck it but it was long after I had busted my ass to be whatever alpha male that HPD article described. By the time I 180'd for real (not knowing she was in an A) I had long since quit smoking, quit drinking, changed my diet, started training in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, lost weight & put it back on in muscle, dealt with anger management issues, dealt with not getting shit done, hoisted the fucking oriflamme on housework both inside and out and put on the superdad cape. She didn't care.

My kids did though, they loved it. After getting ditched yet again I just turned the cell off and said "Fuck mom guys, lets go see the movie anyway." "YAY."

A few weeks of seriously not caring, telling her flat out she was emotionally abusive, selfish and I love her but I am about done, including being the only goddamn person she could realistically depend on was a weird time. Weeks of that sent shit into this weird reverse. She actually started doing things with the family and seduced me. It had been a year so come on, wtf am I going to do.

I don't think it was doing those things that burned off her fog. I think it was her knowing I was fixing myself no matter what the fuck she did, and bailing on me - even though I was willing to give her whatever she wanted in a D - wasn't going to hurt me as much as it was going to hurt her. That I would even give her the option to stay was incomprehensible.

That TT was fucking awful. First week? EA. Sexting. Other guys. She scrubbed the email accounts she gave me access to.

I went after the cell bill, she got pissed, used the word snooping. I said "I will be home in 30 fucking minutes." I work 90 minutes away. I was home in 30. PA.

Here is your phone. Here are your options. You continue as you have. I will still help you move out. I will still not fight you on the savings, I will not fight you on divorce terms. I will be as amenable as I can because I love you more than anything besides our children, but it WILL be divorce and we will NOT be friends, or have another chance. Or you call this motherfucker, end it for good, we have a nice mothers day weekend where I take you to Nordstroms like you wanted and after that we fix this shit you dumped on us.

So she called, I gave her a nice mothers day weekend, 6 months later here I am. I see you guys here that have lost your wives to this bullshit completely. I think "I am lucky." Mixed blessing. We shouldn't even fucking be here.

Sorry. That turned into a really long rant instead of an "I'm with you on that glimpse of normal from crazy" thing. I have not seen the crazy for months now. I hope it stays the hell gone forever and she stays here. Blah.


ďFate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.Ē

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
jollum
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Member # 25152
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, November 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That part is GONE forever. And good riddance because that was part of the whole that made the A possible.

I will go further. And say that it never really existed. You were living a dream. You created a illusion in you mind about you WW and you M that was not based on reality. It was based on what you WANTED it to be instead.


Razor,

I think you put into words the feelings that I have been having and why I've been detaching. I had a dream/fantasy of my own and that I was FWW's one and only and finding out your just "One Of" is not something that I could ever suspect or be prepared for when it happened. I wanted to believe in my fantasy every bit as much as the FWW wanted hers. Mine was OK because it fell within the boundaries it was supposed to.

Now that this, my life's fantasy/reality is gone, I'm just not in a big hurry to find another one. I look back on all of the years I was deceived and realize I made it possible because I wanted to believe in our M so much and built my entire self worth around the M. Now it's all gone and I think my detachment is a form of shock to prevent me from losing my mind. Maybe I'll reconnect someday but my psyche is just not ready or able to do that now. I would imagine this is why it is easy for me to avoid sex or other physical contact with FWW so easy. It used to mean everything to me to be touched by her now it is just a hand touching me, no different than when the clerk at the store touches you giving you your change. It really doesn't mean anything.

[This message edited by jollum at 12:17 PM, November 5th (Friday)]


Posts: 269 | Registered: Aug 2009
Mighty
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Member # 26909
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, November 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Itís not good riddance Razor. These are how you feel about her, not about how she feels about OM. These I believe are needed to be in a happy marriage. Correct me if Iím wrong, but your motivation for staying is based on other things besides how you feel about your WW.

I went down the R path because of those feelings when rationale told me to flee. I am in this marriage because of how I felt about her; not the kids, money, or what we own or a fear of being alone, or..... But it scares me that I cared more, loved more, and felt more attraction toward her when she was a cheating, lying whore and treating me like shit than I do now. Itís like losing that thread that kept you trying and sane. ďWhy am I here still?Ē was answered with ďbecause I love her and all those other little things that make my heart skip..Ē I canít say that anymore with confidence.

Now I canít really find that emotional glue to solidify the R. There are rational reasons, but when it comes to marriage, itís got to be more than those rational ties like ďsheís a good earner and keeps a clean houseĒ to keep me in it. I want more than that. I want the pull and draw to her... yet itís gone like the prior eveningís campfire. There are occasional embers, but Iím finding them less and less. My gut is even stronger now telling me the marriage will work and Iím less likely to flee... I just want back that ďit just isĒ draw to her instead of this having to search for it. Instead Iím left with moments I feel like this, but it isnít something that ďjust isĒ anymore. I can only hold onto the now, because there still isnít a dependable future. The scary part is these feelings are fading... based on that, the future prediction is bleak. Instead of accepting it, I want to lash out and find them again.... I just canít find it or force it. ......and they just keep fading and fading..... So itís not ambivalence, itís not the lethal plain of flatness, itís a longing for what is missing. I donít want to grieve itís loss, I want to find it again.

[This message edited by Mighty at 12:40 PM, November 5th (Friday)]


BS (me) 44 WS (her)43
Married 17yrs, Together 20 yrs
Three children (9-13)
D-Day #1 - 4/11/09 (me).. DD's stopped, she quit talking. Body count: 6 OM, 1 OW. (2 EA's, 1 LTPA, 1 PA, 3 "kisses").

Posts: 629 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Denver
Mighty
♂ Member
Member # 26909
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, November 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And nice post Stillgoing.... so true; they don't know what they want, can't voice it, can't get it.... and it's going to be your fault.


BS (me) 44 WS (her)43
Married 17yrs, Together 20 yrs
Three children (9-13)
D-Day #1 - 4/11/09 (me).. DD's stopped, she quit talking. Body count: 6 OM, 1 OW. (2 EA's, 1 LTPA, 1 PA, 3 "kisses").

Posts: 629 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Denver
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, November 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WHAT THE HELL DOES : *you were never there for me* MEAN????????

JMO, it means you were there in the physical sense but weren't doing what she wanted you to do. You were supposed to mind-read what her needs were from moment to moment, and because you're not the great Kreskin and failed at that, "you were never there for her" and therefore she had all the excuse she needed to screw up your life.

WW's favorite mantra, spoken once again at 6 this morning while standing in the kitchen, is "You never listen to me." No, I listen just fine but mostly reject what you're saying as either lying, harmful to our marriage, and sometimes even delusional.

Btw can you all explain to me why I don't give a damn about her supposed EA(which she still claims causes her the most shame) and yet fixate on her PA which supposedly lasted all of three weeks(which she claims meant nothing at all and I should have gotten over by now)?


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
RKT429SS
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Member # 28883
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, November 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by RKT429SS at 10:29 AM, November 8th (Monday)]


Me - BS 38
Her - WS 37
MOM - coworker,with 2 kids, EA&PA approx. 6 mo
Us Married 10 yrs (together 15 yrs)
1 girl, 1 boy
DDay 3.15.2010
Working on R

Posts: 216 | Registered: Jun 2010
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, November 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jollum puts his finger on the reasons for the BS fog!

I wanted to believe in my fantasy every bit as much as the FWW wanted hers. Mine was OK because it fell within the boundaries it was supposed to.

Beautiful.

and Mr. Kite...jmo, but worrying about the difference (in your rxns) btwn EA/PA is a navel-gazing adventure.

The Titanic is sinking, and your attention is directed to deck chairs when she mouths the mewling litany "you should be over it by now".

Without remorse fellas, you got bupkis.

[This message edited by jjct at 7:16 PM, November 5th (Friday)]


Posts: 6027 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, November 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PS, cause I'll be damned if I edit that thing again.

If you hear The "you were never there for me" song, you might want to think about answering; "Damn RIGHT! And you should drop to your knees and thank the demon gods you believe in that I WASN'T there when you fucked him!"


Posts: 6027 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jsngold
♂ Member
Member # 27699
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, November 7th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW is reading a new book: Eat Pray Love.

Have you guys heard about it?

It is the story of a woman who hates her marriage, has an affair, gets a divorce, and then travels around the world trying to find herself.

This is what my wife is reading.

Great.


BH: 37 (me)
WW: 37 (her) SAB, EA (but not PA, or so she says)
Married: 12.5 years
Kids: 12, 9, and 7
D-Day: 7 Feb 2010
Divorced: 22 July 2012

Posts: 101 | Registered: Feb 2010
wonderingbull
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Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, November 7th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@jsngold.... That book will help your M about as much as the "He's just not that into you" book my ex read and used (and threw at me) to "explain" why I was such a piece of shit...

Have you contacted a lawyer yet?

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5893 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
HurtingandLost
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Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, November 7th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW's favorite mantra, spoken once again at 6 this morning while standing in the kitchen, is "You never listen to me." No, I listen just fine but mostly reject what you're saying as either lying, harmful to our marriage, and sometimes even delusional.

AMEN.

And in my case, she will NEVER see that. So we are parting ways. Unfortunately, I am having a difficult time short of calling the cops out here to open the cell door and set me free.

Just like this morning, I wasnt fighting or arguing, I just once again broached the topic of Divorce, and she began to yell and scream (with the kids present), brandished a knife threatening to kill herself (with the kids present) and then hit the road for BINGO. Short of packing the kids up while shes at work and disappearing I dont see anymore peaceful alternatives. This situation is FUCKED.


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
StillGoing
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Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, November 7th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't see anything from Elizabeth Gilbert that demonstrates any remorse for her infidelity. If anything she talks right on her own site about the sanctity of marriage being a modern idea from the 13th century.

Q: In the chapter "Marriage and History," you point out that Christians believe marriage to be a sacred union. Where does this belief stem from and can marriage really be deemed a sacred union?

A: Just to be clear-Christian leadership decided that marriage was a sacred union only very recently. The early Christian fathers demonstrated a serious aversion to marriage, believing instead that the only truly sacred state of being was lifelong celibacy and fellowship (in imitation of Christ and the angels.) For the first thousand or so years of Christian history, the church did not concern itself with the business of marriage at all, because marriage was not seen as a sacrament (as opposed to baptism, say, which was always a sacrament); instead, marriage was considered a worldly and secular affair, that had everything to do with sex and property and taxes and women, and nothing to do with the higher concerns of divinity. That changed in the year 1215 AD, when the Catholic church officially took over the marriage business, as a means of exerting greater control over the unions and divorces of European royalty. And since then, Christian leadership has embraced marriage and preached marriage and now is even "defending" marriage. But all that Christian reverence toward marriage is very recent-certainly in contrast to, say, Judaism, where marriage has been considered a noble union for thousands of years (although even in ancient Hebrew society, the union was never considered inviolably sacred: there was always provision for divorce.) I am not saying that marriage shouldn't be seen as holy or sacred, but I object when those words are used as weapons against individuals within something that should be a private union, and that is almost invariably a complicated one.

Sure, her M may have sucked the death pipe and life was terrible but she is still an remorseless wayward who financed her memoirs of travel around the world by selling the idea to the publisher before she even went off to do it and spent subsequent years justifying it to her own philosophical ideology. Playing rules lawyer with your own moral code is just fucking stupid.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 2:40 PM, November 7th (Sunday)]


ďFate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.Ē

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Mr. Kite
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Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, November 7th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A review from the movie 'Eat Pray Love' with Julia Roberts, that might sum it up.

"Basically a story about a girl who needs to feel OK about having everything she could ever want. Narcissistic nonsense"

WW, during the time span of her A's, used to tape soap operas during the day and watch them at night. In retrospect I should have realized that type of nonsense might have a negative effect on her thinking. A fantasy world will always trump an actual marriage. Live and learn.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
zombieman
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Member # 28996
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, November 7th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for filling me on the monumental headfuck that eat pray love is guys, will be staying well clear of that one. My w wouldn't even know what the word Narcissistic means.

I hear you all about the fantasy being gone. I said to my WW in a recent moment where I was at the bottom of the rollercoaster that the innocence is gone. She was the kindest most giving amazing wife you could hope to have. Who the fuck she was during the A I have no idea. But that person existed and did some awful selfish things to the person she loves. I get the 'you weren't here for me' speech and yes I could have done more, I got pretty complacent. But still something really is gone and there is something new there, a dark side of her that I never even contemplated could exist.

As far as I can tell she has really defogged, there is remorse, there are often tears not for her regret that her life is hard and she has had to face up to her sins but what I see as real remorse for hurting me, she comes home early, tells me where she is, what she is doing, she tells me she is sorry for destroying our life often. So I've got remorse, she has quit her job (where POSOM is). Sex is better than ever. She is kind, loving and really trying to rebuild her relationships not with me but with my family, her parents etc.. But im still struggling, I thought that all these things would move me forward and help me heal. Some mornings I wake up and just know that what she has done is going to plague me all day and I will have to do my hardest to not get really pissed and tell her that it is D time. Sometimes I can't even look at her or hold her hand or whatever, it gets to her, she just wants me to love her again.

When the hell does this get easier? When do I not think through what she did, the lies, the deception, sharing what is ours with someone else. When do I wake up and be a normal person again? I hope it happens one day as I'm really sick of it all. Questions I guess for those who have successfully R'd. In my heart that's what I want but I just seem to dwell on the past and not be able to look to a happy future.

[This message edited by zombieman at 6:54 PM, November 7th (Sunday)]


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jul 2010
deeppurple
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Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, November 7th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Zombie - what do you believe to be the real reason for the change & "defogging"?


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
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