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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: BS Questions for WS- Part 5
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, January 16th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you feel that this made a difference in WHEN you choose to cheat in your marriage?

Or was it simply meeting someone who you had a strong attraction to and wanting to take the opportunity?

It might happen that way for some, certainly not all. Each of those events you list are chances to transition a love from one level to the next. To take the earlier love of M and turn it into the mature love of a couple in a healthy M. What happens is those opportunities are missed. One or both people do not know how to deal with those situations. Misunderstandings and miscommunication occur.

My BW and I agree that things started changing for us back in '96 when our daughter was born. My A didn't occur for another 11 years.

Everybody will have a different story.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6053 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
nlovemyfamily
♀ Member
Member # 15258
Default  Posted: 4:02 AM, January 17th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

can anyone speak to the feelings adult kids of unfaithful father. My kids will have no relationship with their father while he is with AP. He moved out of AP home to form a new bond with kids and tells them he won't hurt or lie to them anymore, yet he goes to AP for weekends and is not available to his kids by phone while at AP house. He has every excuse in the book about phone being in next room,bla bla bla. The kids feel he is making it a competition between them and his AP. We are D now but kids still are hurting and every time he goes to AP it seems to disrespect their feelings. He has never broken contact with AP for long. He came back 3-4 times and recommitted to me and the kids and broke his word each time. They hold him to his word. They are standing very firm in their stance not to accept his new lifestyle. Can anyone tell me how WS or even XWS dismiss their kids feelings and blatantly "in your face" do what you know kills your kids? He knows how much it hurts them but does it anyway. He won't commit to AP just goes back and forth.

Posts: 415 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: nj
poopylala
♀ Member
Member # 30119
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, January 17th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Family, I'm 21 and I talk to my mom and she told me some ugly truths about my dad recently (PM me for details if you want). Now I have never liked my dad but hearing these things made me lose any respect for him and actually putting what she told me together with some random things my dad has said in the past make me 100% certain he's still in his fog. Now I was little when this bad stuff happened but it sounds like your WS is still wayyyy in his fog. Consider not letting him come back to you unless he's 100% committed to you and only you. And if he leaves. You one more time for AP then you're going to a lawyer. You may think he sees the damage he's causing but he obviously doesn't because to him there are no severe consequences (ie separation, divorce, NC from the kids or you) so don't allow his lifestyle to continue. Figure out what you and your kids need.


BGF (me)- 24
FWBF (him)- 24
in a LTR

forgiven and in R :)

"To err is human.
To forgive,
divine"


Posts: 956 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Houston, TX
Pansy Moss
♀ Member
Member # 30030
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, January 17th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My question:
Throughout our marriage, my FWH never complimented me on anything. Never told me I was beautiful or sexy or did a good job doing whatever. He was never romantic, never cares to take me out on dates. He said he was never big on compliments. Then I found his exchanges with the OW. Tons of compliments, sex talk, pet names, I love yous. He tells me it was all phoney. That emotion must have been somewhat genuine even if the relationship was a lie. Is this common? I'm so perplexed.

He compliments me now, but I feel like an afterthought since he was that way with her first. TIA


~Pansy Moss 41 (BS)
~FWH 40 LostGuy73
wife of 19 yrs
Mom of 7 (dd 20,ds 18,ds 14,ds 11, ds 9,dd 7,ds 4)
Last D-Day 10.2.09
Separated
"LOVE is not blind; that is the last thing it is. Love is bound; and the more it is bound the less it is bl

Posts: 680 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Amsterdam, NY
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, January 17th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nlovemyfamily,

I can relate the story of my FIL who has been married to his AP for about 30 years now.

He left, was a dead-beat dad, and lost all respect from his 4 kids (my BW is the oldest). My BW wouldn't have anything to do with him for over ten years. BW and I met, I didn't understand D, so I unknowingly pressured BW to start relationship back up with her dad. In the following years, he has talked to me and I have heard remorse in his voice and regret for what he did to his family. If he could, he would go back and do things differently. He accepts what his kids think of him, but he works to show his love toward them despite his knowledge of their opinions of him. Early on, he did what he did out of selfishness and stubbornness. His AP fueled that in him, it isn't his normal way of being. Now, 30 years later, he just lets his kids know that he is there and doesn't try to change them. He knows what he did. He can't go back and do it again. This is his new reality and he will take what he can get as far as relationships with his kids and be grateful for that. When it comes down to it, his kids do love him, they just hate his wife (for the most part) and everybody kind of knows that...including his wife.

Glad that we live in a different time zone...


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6053 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, January 17th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pansy Moss,

Throughout our marriage, my FWH never complimented me on anything. Never told me I was beautiful or sexy or did a good job doing whatever. He was never romantic, never cares to take me out on dates. He said he was never big on compliments. Then I found his exchanges with the OW. Tons of compliments, sex talk, pet names, I love yous.
Except for being romantic, taking my BW out on dates, and sex talk with MOW, I was a lot like your WH.
He tells me it was all phoney. That emotion must have been somewhat genuine even if the relationship was a lie. Is this common? I'm so perplexed.
Are you saying that you think the emotion was somewhat genuine? The answer is yes, it is common.

I am in the camp that the A isn't necessarily a lie or fantasy because it happened and we lived through it. So denying that there was anything real IMO is counterproductive to healing as we (WS) are supposed to be honest with ourselves. That being said, his words may have had some truth in regards to his feelings at that time. The mental state of your WH at that time is a different matter. I'm sure you have seen the reference that an A is like a drug. Things will come out that we never knew were there.

Thinking back to when my wife and I started dating, while I may have never told her she was beautiful or sexy or that she did a good job, I know those feelings were inside. I believed that I did tell her those things, that I was communicating those thoughts and words to her. But I wasn't using words or actions that she understood. For us, this was part of our pre-A communication problems. Yes, we both had the same problem with communication, no blameshifting going on there.

He compliments me now, but I feel like an afterthought since he was that way with her first.
I would bet that he had those feelings for you first and still does. Post-A it is difficult on both sides. You struggle to finally hear and appreciate words that you have never heard. I think your WH said them to you first, but he was using the wrong language. Now that he knows he was speaking the wrong language, it is a struggle to make sure he finds the right one. Also, there is the realization that what he had been doing pre-A was ineffective. Did he know what you needed? Did he hear you? I'm not trying to blameshift here, it is just that miscommunication takes two.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6053 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Pansy Moss
♀ Member
Member # 30030
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, January 17th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BBFF

Thank you. What you described is all that I suspected, but wasn't sure.


~Pansy Moss 41 (BS)
~FWH 40 LostGuy73
wife of 19 yrs
Mom of 7 (dd 20,ds 18,ds 14,ds 11, ds 9,dd 7,ds 4)
Last D-Day 10.2.09
Separated
"LOVE is not blind; that is the last thing it is. Love is bound; and the more it is bound the less it is bl

Posts: 680 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Amsterdam, NY
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, January 17th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a question about reconciling....

I wanted the WS opinions as to whether or not I am wrong in still trying to reach out to my FWH for help in dealing with triggers.

It has been 4 yrs since d-day...
yes, a long time to still be triggering but...
it was a 5 yr long affair.

I think about that fact often.

Here I am triggering about something and then I have this private battle going on in my head...

trying to talk myself out of triggering...

trying to talk myself into accepting R,

trying to tell myself that it has been 4 yrs already a really long time to still be triggering...

and then, I'll think-
yeah-4 yrs is an awfully long time.
And my husband had a LTA for even longer!
This woman that he claimed meant nothing to him managed to hold his interest for 5 yrs!!

That's a second marriage!
a double life!

But, I have persevered in working on R.

My husband is a changed man in so many ways.
I do appreciate that and I tell him that all the time.

But, he just cannot comfort me the way that I need when I do have my meltdowns.


I have tried to figure out what I need to get over the triggers.

and, I have told him this:

I need him to hold me, comfort me, acknowledge the trigger and then (this is childish I know but I tried to put it to him in very simple terms).
I need him to say something positive about me and to say something negative about the OW and the affair.

Now... this does not happen often anymore.

I managed to get through the holidays fine.... not a small task since New Years is my d-day antivesary.

So.. my FWH hasn't had to deal with a brekdown from me for months and months... maybe... more than 5 months.

I had a meltdown on Friday night.

And what was his reaction?
He jumped off the couch.

Stood as far away from me as possible and started demanding that I need to stop this!

Stop bringing this up!

And then (I guess in reference to my previous requests about what to say to me to comfort me) he said something about the fact that all I want to do is talk about the LTA and the OW and that he has to tell me a thousand times that the OW was an evil person!

and then he left... which is what he does.

He is in AA and sober now..so, I suspect this is his way of coping with stress...
he leaves the stressful situation....
but, for me..leaving is the worst thing that he can do.
It just amplifies my PTSD and my feelings of abandonment.

so, that's what has been going on here.

For the last 3 days there has been this silent treatment on both parts...

he has not said a word about the incident.

I guess he's hoping that this too shall pass..

sorry that this is so long.

If any WS take the time to read all of this I would appreciate your opinions......

especially the men out there because I know that your idea of talking and most women's idea of talking are not the same.....

thanks for listening.......

[This message edited by njgal480 at 1:47 PM, January 17th (Monday)]


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
Listeningclosely
♂ Member
Member # 16472
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, January 17th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

njgal480 -

I have mixed feelings about what you are looking for. I support most of it, but not all of it.

I need him to hold me

Agreed. The two of you should always move toward each other, not away when faced with a challenge of any kind.

comfort me

Agreed. This should be the natural reaction of any spouse, wayward or not, who sees their spouse hurting.

acknowledge the trigger

Agreed. Empathy is a vital part of caring for our fellow people in general. It should absolutely be expressed to our BS as well.

I need him to say something positive about me


BW(her)- 45, FWH (me) 48
4 month Online EA
M 23 years, together for 28
4 Daughters - 21, 18, 14 and 12
d-day 6/2/07, in R
FORGIVENESS 1/1/2008!!!
"Action expresses priorities." -
Mohandas Gandhi

Posts: 4454 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: One Particular Harbour
Listeningclosely
♂ Member
Member # 16472
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, January 17th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

njgal480 -

I have mixed feelings about what you are looking for. I support most of it, but not all of it.

I need him to hold me

Agreed. The two of you should always move toward each other, not away when faced with a challenge of any kind.

comfort me

Agreed. This should be the natural reaction of any spouse, wayward or not, who sees their spouse hurting.

acknowledge the trigger

Agreed. Empathy is a vital part of caring for our fellow people in general. It should absolutely be expressed to our BS as well.

I need him to say something positive about me

I'm ok with this one. It's something that should be done normally anyway. But when the confidence of a BS is shattered by an A, I think it's a reasonable request and shouldn't be hard to do.

and to say something negative about the OW and the affair

Nope, here's where I have to disagree. By asking this of him, you are doing more harm than good. You are allowing OW to still have a role in your lives, something she has no right to. You are asking your WH to bring her front and center again when his goal has been to reach indifference all along. And you are allowing yourself and forcing your WH to focus on a past he cannot change, instead of the future he can make much brighter for you.

I'm not saying "get over it". My A will forever be a part of our lives and I will never forget about it and sweep it under the rug. But I don't want to give it more power than the power I have to show my BW what she means to me and what future I want to offer her.

Four years out, why are you not only allowing OW to still have a presence in your lives, but asking your WH to allow her back into his conscious mind when he should be focused 100% on you and not her?

He should be doing all the other things you suggest without hesitation. But the last one is the one that triggers him about you clinging to the darkness he showed and the inability to have him focus on you and only you in the here and now.


BW(her)- 45, FWH (me) 48
4 month Online EA
M 23 years, together for 28
4 Daughters - 21, 18, 14 and 12
d-day 6/2/07, in R
FORGIVENESS 1/1/2008!!!
"Action expresses priorities." -
Mohandas Gandhi

Posts: 4454 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: One Particular Harbour
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, January 17th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Listening-
Thanks for your comments.
Maybe if my husband did all of the other things on the list when I trigger then I would not need that last piece about the OW at all.
But, he is filled with such shame and guilt about it all that he doesn't even want to acknowledge a trigger.
as far as he's concerned I shouldn't be having any and he will not and cannot comfort me because it upsets him too much to see that I am still not completely over the LTA.

now..about discussing the OW...why would it be so hard to say something like... you are the best.... the OW doesn't hold a candle to you...
that now.. 4yrs later I look back and realize what a mistake it was...
I realize so many negative things about the OW and the LTA....?

just wondering....


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
Listeningclosely
♂ Member
Member # 16472
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, January 18th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

now..about discussing the OW...why would it be so hard to say something like... you are the best.... the OW doesn't hold a candle to you...
that now.. 4yrs later I look back and realize what a mistake it was...
I realize so many negative things about the OW and the LTA....?

There are two possibilities. The first is the one I alluded to in my answer. That a WS's focus is so intensely on their BS that they don't want to open the door and let the OP back in, even if it's to make a negative comment.

The other, which is pretty common, is that to bash the OP and the A means revisiting the fact that we were so incredibly stupid. We work so hard to find our own forgiveness of ourselves (some never get there), and stating what you are asking for pulls us right back down into the pit. In essence, in order to bolster how you feel about yourself, your WS has to cut themselves down in the process.

If R is to be successful, the goal needs to be that 1+1=3 and that together as good people you make an awesome couple. Not one is awesome, the other foolish.


BW(her)- 45, FWH (me) 48
4 month Online EA
M 23 years, together for 28
4 Daughters - 21, 18, 14 and 12
d-day 6/2/07, in R
FORGIVENESS 1/1/2008!!!
"Action expresses priorities." -
Mohandas Gandhi

Posts: 4454 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: One Particular Harbour
kbird
♀ Member
Member # 30638
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, January 18th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted this in Wayward Side, not realiseing that that was illegal - sorry!

I'm a BS and I just wanted to ask: when YOU know what you did was wrong, and you truely regret it and have renewed committed love your partner - how do you view what you did?

Do you see it as facilitating a change that was neccessary to wake you both up to loving again, or do you see it as a blip, a minimal mistake in this huge journey that you are your partner are on together?

Perhaps you have another way take on it...?

I try to understand and empathise with my FWBF but my hurt gets in the way, I think understanding this might help the healing. I will ask my FWBF too, but I think it might help to hear from others.

I'd love your honest opinion.


D-Day#1 31/12/2010
TT 02/01/2011
TT 03/01/2011
BS - 30, female
XWS - 35, male
Together 8 years, living together 5 years, engaged 1 year.

~ 21st December 2011, I called it a day ~


Posts: 144 | Registered: Jan 2011
getting real
♀ Member
Member # 28912
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, January 18th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you see it as facilitating a change that was neccessary to wake you both up to loving again, or do you see it as a blip, a minimal mistake in this huge journey that you are your partner are on together?

Neither of the above, really.

I do see it as facilitating change, and the change was vital. But, it was just about the worst route possible I could have chosen. We could have had the change with much less pain and loss, if I had made better decisions.

It wasn't a "blip" or a minor mistake. It was the culmination of many years of dysfunctional choices. I have to pretty well reprogram myself, with a whole new set of skills and painfully-earned life lessons, so that I can make better decisions from here on out.

That's my experience.

[This message edited by getting real at 2:14 PM, January 18th (Tuesday)]


Me: WW, 34 Him: BH, 34 -- StillGoing
2 kids, ages 9 and 5
1.5 year EA/PA
D-day 5/01/10

Ain't it funny how we pretend we're still a child
Softly stolen under our blanket skies
And rescue me from me and all that I believe


Posts: 184 | Registered: Jun 2010
mactruck
♀ Member
Member # 29791
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, January 18th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you feel that this made a difference in WHEN you choose to cheat in your marriage?
Or was it simply meeting someone who you had a strong attraction to and wanting to take the opportunity?

Yes to the first part.

When I got pregnant with DD#2 it was an oops. No support from BH. We really didn't want any more kids. That was the beginning. I was pregnant looking for apratments. It was rough. I sucked it up and told myself I married and that's that.

Then a series of events happened. My grandmother died, my in-laws divorced, my parents were talking about splitting.

My A happened during all that. Like we didn't have enough stress..

By no means was this his fault but my sick way of "not dealing" with reality. I wanted to escape. I was scared. That coupled with bad boundaries and the need for external validation, and booze. Well it just doesn't mix well.


njgal480

can anyone speak to the feelings adult kids of unfaithful father.

We have nothing to do with FIL. He doens't call us or ouor kids. Every now and then he appears. Didn't even get his grandkids a Christmas gift. His AP is a piece of work, but I guess I can't judge. We can't deal with him and our stuff. It's too much.


I wanted the WS opinions as to whether or not I am wrong in still trying to reach out to my FWH for help in dealing with triggers

I'm a WW so as a woman I communicate differently. We are 1 1/2 years out. Still a ways to go. I hate hate hate talking about the A. I am reminded by the disgusting things I did everyday and it makes me sick. I'm a completely different woman now than what I was. And I'm so much happier.

But dealing with his triggers are really difficult. I can handle them easliy when they are worded
"I'm having a hard time today". Then I can speak to him comfortably. But when they get to details I want to throw up. I work very hard on forgetting the details. I certainly don't want to hear them and fight back those horrible memories. I get sick and can't eat for two days.

I understand his pain and I know I need to be more forth coming in telling him how much I appreciate him. I'm pretty good, but I know I can do better.

So without knowing your H. My assumptions would be he's scared. He's scared you will never recover. He's scared that you'll snap and leave. He's scared that you don't love him. He's ashamed of what's he's done.

I'm sorry for your triggers. The nightmare we WS caused is horrible.

In direct answer to you question - is it wrong to ask for help - no. Maybe once the triggers passes and you are more calm talk to him about your needs.

Choose I words and not you words. Don't tell him "You never comfort me". Tell him "I would like for you to do x,y,z". Using I words shows your emotions. Using you words feels like an attack and you lose your audience.

Kbird-

I'm a BS and I just wanted to ask: when YOU know what you did was wrong, and you truely regret it and have renewed committed love your partner - how do you view what you did?

I'm embarassed, ashmased, disgusted, sick, sad. I miss our old life even if it wasn't perfect. I miss the way my H looked at me before and told me he loved me. I was I thinking!!!!!! I scream frequently.
I was so out of character during the A. I knew I was miserable during the A. I was a wreck. I look back now and really hate that person. I was awful.

Kbird-

Do you see it as facilitating a change that was neccessary to wake you both up to loving again,

Me to him, yes. He to me no. He's still in too much pain. I'm not sure If I will ever hear ILY again.


Kbird -

or do you see it as a blip, a minimal mistake in this huge journey that you are your partner are on together?

Mistakes are correctable. This was a decision. It's was a huge and horrible decision. A decision that I kick myself everyday over.

Yes, I do think we are on a journey. NOt sure where the journey will take us, but I'm riding with him until he says enough. It's not a journey that's pleasant that I want to be on. I think I've grown a lot as a person. But the A was not worth it. I wasn't a lair, drunk, or a wh*** before the A. I had some negativity issues and self esteem issues. But it would have been easier to fix those without having an A.


There is no spell check. My typing is horrible... Therefore I apologize for errors.

I pray everyday for forgiveness.


Posts: 149 | Registered: Oct 2010
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, January 18th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Listeningclosely-
Thank you so much for your thoughtful replies.
You are absolutely right.
I do know this.
I know my FWH is a changed man in many ways..sober, remorseful, etc.
But..he is overwhelmed with shame when I bring up the LTA.
(You would be too if you wrote those dumb explicit emails that he now knows I read, the OW's husband read...etc. etc.).
I've been at this for 4 yrs now I should know better...
but, even we oldtimers lose it at times.
Last weekend was one of those times for me.
Thanks for the WS point of view.
It definitely helped.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
cantbelieve
♀ Member
Member # 22028
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, January 20th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted this in General and heard from several BS, but I'd like to hear from some WS men. Can a man really feel remorseful if he can't show his emotions? Are there some men that just can't cry?

I'm a little over 2 years out from dday2 and I feel "unconnected". My H is working really hard and is being so good, but he is a "matter of fact", "black/white" kind of guy. He is very professional and tends to treat life in a professional matter. We have been married for 25 years and together for almost 28. I have never seen him cry or even tear up. When we watch a show that men get emotional and cry on, he'll comment about them getting all emotional.

I read where so many men break down and cry saying how sorry they are and I feel that he's not really sorry if he can't even cry.


Me: BS (57)
Him: WS (58)
LTA 4 years with co-worker
DS(26)
DD(23)
DD(19)
Married 28 years
D-day1 5/08
D-day2 11/08
Status: 6 yrs and wondering if I'll ever be truly happy again

Posts: 1044 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: DFW
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, January 20th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a cryer. I cried at our wedding, gerrygirl didn't. I can cry at some songs, movies, and other things. I cry when I share intimate things with my wife, things that have been with me a long time, and that are a part of me, but that I have kept secret or guarded.

So, to your questions, he probably feels it somewhere inside, but has never gotten over his fear of showing it. And it may not be about what others will think, or being professional, or anything like that. It may be that he is scared out of his wits to show anything because showing it means experiencing it instead of keeping it locked up inside.

As a side note, I feel sorry for men who can't cry. There is more to life than being stoic. My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer. I think he has cried a couple times in the past, but it had been a long while. Now, at age 70, he is realizing his mortality, and that is what it took for him to let go of all those fears he was holding onto deep inside. In my opinion, he has missed out on a lot of things because of his stoicism and being responsible and not getting emotional.

I hope your H can find a way to open up someday. It changes things.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6053 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
betternworse
♂ Member
Member # 30093
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, January 20th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why does my WS keep holding on to the thoughts of the A's to the point that she doesn't let herself fall back into love with me.
She has been avoiding all the books we have gotten and spends a lot of time on SI reading.
She doesn't think of me very much to the point she didn't even get me a birthday cake when her birthday was 10 days before and I had gotten her a cake, baloons and a banner.
She would rather still be having the A's even though they they stuff she was doing she is lucky she was not murdered or raped.
She has been NC and in IC and we are in MC. She has given me access to all her computer phone etc.


Me BH-46
WW roseyl-37
Married 14 years together 16
DD 12,DS(special needs)10, DD8
D-day 10/30/10
TT 11/10/10 Finally the whole truth!!
PAs/EAs
Headed for S and D

Posts: 173 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Louisiana
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, January 20th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

betternworse,

Just sent you a PM. Sorry folks.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6053 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
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