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User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 21
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 1:42 AM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

m334455

Please don't construe them as being related to marriage. I think that's a huge part of the point.

I wasn't thinking of the marriage specifically - more just me. I need to be strong and you sound so strong. I suppose I admire your traits because I believe that if I could feel as you do I could deal better with the pain and also feel more confident about the future (with or without H).

I have always seen myself as a strong person in so many ways. I am responsible for a department (and 21 staff) at work. I've had lots of family crises to deal with and have managed reasonably well. My biggest problem has always been my husband. I have always felt that if I just did everything right things would be better between us. How naive was I!!! Now I realise that while I neglected myself trying to make everyone else (husband, kids, mother, staff) happy I lost a sense of myself. I'm trying to regain that.

I have always had this notion that if I could organise my world so that those I was close to were happy - that I would be happy. It's a pity they didn't feel the same way!!! I don't want to change what I see as the "good" parts of me (eg my generosity) but I do need to be stronger FOR ME!!!

Everyone likes to play "if I could turn back the clock..."

Well, you can't. Start thinking about what you're grateful for. What you enjoy. How you feel when you're with your WS and how you feel when your WS is gone. What you want to do in the future. What you'd do if your WS died. How would you feel if your WS died?

Actually I wouldn't turn back the clock. I did nothing wrong. If I'd found out years ago I still would've given him a chance but would have had to battle all this with sick parent(s) and children at home. Maybe he would have become a better H and father who knows? But I still wouldn't go back.

In answer to your questions

1. what you're grateful for - my kids and my remorseful H.

2. What you enjoy - hmm. Hard. Need to work on this one.

3. How you feel when you're with your WS: Varies a lot depending on triggers etc. great at times - terrible at others. He is very attentive - tries so hard to please me. I wish I felt more loving towards him because he really is trying so hard.

4. How you feel when your WS is gone: Miss him sometimes - at others grateful to be alone.

5. What you want to do in the future: Not sure yet. Living day to day at present.

6. What you'd do if your WS died: probably sell the farm, buy a small apartment, retire in a few yrs time and travel lots.

7. How would you feel if your WS died? A little sad and VERY cheated. I'd gone through all this only to have him abandon me after all!!!!

Thanks for the questions. Interesting to reflect on them. Not sure about my answers but think that's how I feel.

Hugs to all

Laura



Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 1:57 AM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m33

Just read the article you referred to and cannot believe how callous and naive people can be. I was tempted to comment but didn't want to give the satisfaction of registering or repsonding. I loved what you had to say above especially:

I once loved my husband dearly and now I cannot for the life of me figure out how best to mitigate the damage that has been done.

This morning my h and I had a calm conversation about the As. I shed quiet tears but was otherwise fine. He asked me over and over what more he could do to help me get better and each time I replied "I don't know".

I wish I did.

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 6:23 AM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read the thread about the article, but didn't actually read the article in Redbook. In the thread, however, one of the mods said she thought the article was positive. I have to say that quelled my anger enough that I didn't think about it again.

Tryn: I didn't mean to ignore you in my prior posts. I do appreciate your help. What I wanted to say to you, however, I was afraid would be taken as naive, so I didn't respond at all. But, I didn't want you to think I was annoyed with you or anything, so my response about him sleeping in the car is: here in NY, bars are open til 4am. When we were together (before kids) if we went out, we stayed til we were kicked out at 4am, then went to a diner. We stayed out all night basically. So, the hour of his coming home isn't so much a sign of infidelity to me, it's just a sign of huge disrespect. (Also not good.) As far as him sleeping in the car, I have (NJGal close your eyes) often found my H in his car asleep in our driveway. Prior to his infidelity, I have known him to be apparently unaware as to exactly how drunk he is until he hits the cold air and is looking at the steering wheel. Then he sleeps it off and drives.
None of this is very good in and of itself, but I'm trying to separate the drinking issues from the reconciliation issues from the infidelity issues.

He's done a lot of damage this week and I'm going to discuss this at MC. Something big is going to have to be done to get us back on track. He's abused what little trust I gave him back.

Honest: seriously. Check in.

((Honest))


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK - I read the Redbook article. It's fine in my opinion.

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 7:16 AM, December 19th (Sunday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes I can be pushy... I don't say I am sorry for that. I needed so many times and never had someone to push me.

Trynhard, you were pushy with me, and it helped. Thank you. You told me some painful realities early on, and challenged me to take action rather than wallow in my misery.

sometimes I can be right. Sometimes I can be wrong.

Yep, each situation is similar and differnt. It took me a while to adopt the behavior of taking what is helpful and leaving the rest.

FWW are together and where we are emotionally today in no small part due to the support and understanding from the Tribe.

--Ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood, I understand that you are trying to separate the issues, but unfortunately, they are all interrelated. Tryn is right, your WH is acting single with his drinking with the boys. And believe me, I do understand that when you are living like that, it seems normal. (been there, done that with xWH) Staying out to 4 am is something single people in their 20's and early 30's might do. Not a father of four who is older. This is something he needs to understand. The drinking, acting single in the sense of no responsibilities when he's out (fantasy land), etc are all breeding grounds for A.

Nell: When I read what your WH said about you dressing the way he likes, at first I wanted to yell WTF??? But then I realized he has no way to be in touch with his feelings. I know you said that in MC he was prodded to explain what he means, but he does need to see what it represents to him. Perhaps he should just journal or "free write" (just writing thoughts down without worrying about mechanics, sentence structure, etc) until it comes. I know that sometimes if I'm just talking about something that bothers me, it comes out and I have an "aha" moment.

Laura: You have done what so many of us have seemed to do...not taking care of ourselves. We take care of everyone else, that we are neglected. Not only with physical needs, but our very inner soul. Somehow, I think a lot of us feel/felt it was selfish to think of ourselves and our needs and we were supposed to take care of everyone else and hopefully they would appreciate it. My cousin-in-law said she was going to mow the lawn because her H was too lazy. Her grandmother said, "don't do it!! It will become your job!" The people around us start to expect us to do everything
and take us for granted.

tryn thank you for your kind words. For so many things and for so long I have been independent. Just this time, and the traveling for so many years, I am not financially independent. Even if I start working again, I don't think I'll be able to fully support me and the kids. I have to work towards it.

NJ gal: your post really resonated with me. I believe you are right. WH is a big fish in a little pond over there. Because of the economy and the class distinctions, he has servants, drivers, etc and can act like this big rich man who is so magnaminous (sp?)

I have to stop comparing myself to OW. I can't even say that this is an A and it's all fantasy. He's living with them and said something about the 2 yr old OC being up late at night and crying.

This time I'm devastated because he seems to have the attitude now that I should be appreciative that he didn't leave me before and how miserable he was. It's like if I don't behave properly and stop complaining and asking for reassurance and asking questions, we should leave each other.
I put myself so down that I was even considering, "Ok she's there, I'm here. If he loves me more, maybe I can take it. If I convince myself that he is only with her because of the kids I can pretend." But now, he's not even letting me believe that. He says he never give her up. She is his wife. He will never leave her. "Look at my actions. Me telling you I love you more doesn't mean anything. I told you this already and I can't keep reassuring you. I've done this for 20 years. I've tried to make you happy for too long."

As I'm writing this, I can see that I was in denial for so long.

Sorry, this really should be in a journal and not doing this pity party here.

{{{{{tribe}}}}}

edited for typo (cat walkin on keyboard)

[This message edited by honesttoafault at 11:30 AM, December 19th (Sunday)]


Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jan 2010
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest-
HAve you consulted with a divorce attorney?
What did the attorney say?
How hard is it to get alimony, child support, etc, from someone who is living in another country?
I understand your staying with him for the the financial security etc. but, IMHO...the mental cruelty and stress and anxiety that it is causing you far outweighs the financial benefits!
Like you said...he has made a decision... and he has chosen this other family over his US family. That is the reality.
Although I still feel that what draws him to this Other wife and other children is the fantasy that he has created for himself over there... that big shot role..You know that this woman is saying and doing anything to hold on to this meal ticket..plus, from what you describe...if he were to abandon her or divorce her in their culture she would be treated like dirt! So..your husband has all the power in that marriage. He has that woman and the kids jumping when he says jump! That's what that culture is all about... life for women there is very difficult.
You are an American woman.. you are not from that culture. You had your own views and opinions. You did not jump when he said jump.
That's why he prefers the other life. He is a controlling, male chauvinistic, narcissist...he does not want a wife that is an equal partner. He does not want children that are free thinkers and question authority etc. He wants total control of his family.

Do you want that lifestyle? for yourself? your children?
That's why you can NEVER allow your under age children to travel to his country...never believe anything that he says. I could easily see him keeping the children there against there will. He would feel that he was saving them from the 'corrupt' US lifestyle.

Please go see an attorney. Find someone who has experience dealing with divorces of this type. I'm sure that this situation is not unique in the NYC area. There must attorneys that have dealt with this and will be able to advise you in terms of getting the best cash settlement that you can.

But, sometimes... there are more important things than money!
Your health is more important!

I saw an old movie on TV yesterday.. it was the Tina Turner bio- Whats Love Got to Do With It?
She stayed in a an extremely abusive situation with her alcoholic/drug addicted husband controlling husband. She stayed in a large part for the children-she raised his 2 boys from a former relationship and then her 2 boys- 4 kids.....
In the end...when she was in her 40's after a particularly violent altercation with her husband... she just ran.... physically ran away from him.
All she had was 36 cents in her pocket. She ran to a hotel and begged them to let her stay for free and that she would give them her jewelry as a deposit etc. /she would re pay them once she was safe etc.
She stayed in that hotel hiding from her abusive husband...and later with various friends.
She lost a lot of money... she gave up all of their combined money etc. just to get divorced. She was also sued by all of these concert producers because she ran away in the middle of a concert tour.
It was heartbreaking to watch how trapped this otherwise very strong woman felt.
It took her a few years to get back on her feet financially but it was obvious that her psychological and emotional health improved immediately after she left this abusive situation.

[This message edited by njgal480 at 1:00 PM, December 19th (Sunday)]


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M33-

I do think that it is possible to survive infidelity and to thrive.
I also believe that it is possible to have a good marriage after a LTA.
What I have learned over the past 4 yrs is that the number one main thing needed for a successful reconciliation is an EXTREMELY remorseful wayward spouse. Because then the WS is motivated to do all of the hard work that is needed to save the marriage.
If you do not have a truly remorseful WS then.... R is very difficult if not impossible.
Sometimes, the WS is remorseful from day one (after d-day)...other times it takes awhile for the WS to hit bottom...
often.. the BS has to draw a line in the sand and stick to it in order to get that level of remorse.
In my case I kicked my husband out of the house (I wasn't playing games... I truly thought that I would divorce him). He reacted with complete and total remorse from day 1.
And then, the healing began....
It was not(is not) an easy journey. But, it can happen.
I know a few situations where couples have happily reconciled after LTAs but, the WS worked their tails off!


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M33-
I am keeping Baby Paddy in my prayers.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks NJ gal.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry about posting and running. I have just now been back to read and am responding with a "you're correct" to everyone who posted about WH. This is not the first time I've heard some of this stuff, it's been years and years of him saying "You're making me jump through hoops" when I make reasonable requests. Years of being told that the only way that I satisfy him is to agree with everything he thinks and meet all his requirements in the manner that he wants them met. That is not going to work for me. In the past, we've gotten stuck in a neverending cycle of him saying "You need to do XYZ" and me saying "I don't like XYZ but I'll do VWX instead" without coming to any compromise. Then we drop the agrument because there's no way to find a solution, and we each keep doing whatever we want to do and WH gets more and more resentful that I'm not doing what he wants (and at this point I'm fine, because I no longer look to him to meet any of my needs or make any changes, so I'm just going along my merry way having come up with my own workable solutions) until the argument comes up again and we find ourselves back at the beginning. Obviously that's no way to live. I just flat out cannot do what he asks and have any respect for myself, and he cannot feel respected unless I'm doing what he asks. It's untenable.

No, he's no GQ model. If I had my druthers, I would like him to dress differently but I've never felt the need to try to make him wear something different; his body, his choice. (Though I will say that we're going someplace where dressier clothes are more appropriate.) The point is not what I look like or what he looks like. It's his attitude and his (unreasonable) expectations of me.

Yes, he needs to figure out why my dressing a certain way is so important to him. He needs to figure out a lot of whys. He won't figure it out on his own; he's not motivated to do it at all. One of my needs (which we didn't talk about, please remember) is that he continue IC with our MC for a year to figure out his underlying issues, thoughts, etc. It's the only place he's doing the work, unfortunately.

honest,
You will be just fine without WH. You are strong and resilient, you have friends who will love to help you if you give them a chance.

Allgood,
I'm not even sure what to say about your WH's disrespect because his inability to view his actions as having any affect of others means that he will not view what he's doing as disrespectful, it's just doing what he wants in the manner he wants to do them and if he thinks he's acting appropriately and his dumbass friends all agree, then you're wrong and that's all there is to it. Sounds familiar.

Laura,
The 180 part of the post-A thing has been incredibly helpful for me. I can't believe I have been living this life, sacrificing myself and accepting so little and thinking it was fine. Good God.

Sorry for not responding to everyone else. Consider yourselves hugged, as I was thinking of you while I read everyone's posts. I've got a houseful of boys and I'm taking them to the park for a while.

Peace out!


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats - I understand what you are saying. Thanks

Dip - I'm not that smart as she shitted all over me this w/e.

All the talk on here about 4am must have inspired her. Friday nite she went out & guess what came home at 4am. The kids had a terrible nite sleeping, the youngest asking for mum - so there I was sitting on the sofa at 4am when she came in looking like the tramp she is. Told her I was worried about her - she didnt f^$$^%^ get it did she. I was so angry I went out & walked the streets for 2 hrs at a frenetic pace, later swam 2k, lifted weights, mowed the yard, slammed doors etc anything to control the rage within me. Later in the day I read a few old threads from SI & reading "Not Just Friends" (I've found it so hard to sit & read for an extended period of time since Dday.) I calmed down & found that as glass says Im at the ambivalent stage of indecision.WW has yet to hit rock bottom.
I know within myself this step would be much easier if the A was over - that variable is affecting me so much.Im not looking after myself was well as I can. Back to re-reading the 180 & stop being a doormat. I have to do this as I have nothing left in the tank.

M - I am in awe of you. You are always calm, clear & concise.

Thanks Tribe.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dp:

.WW has yet to hit rock bottom.

this jumped at me....i don't think she can if you are always there at the ready to pick her up everytime she falters.....

most people need to be really at rockbottom feeling like all is lost, you are not lost to her and she knows it....


laura:

I have always had this notion that if I could organise my world so that those I was close to were happy - that I would be happy.

me too, i also felt so often that once x was done then we would be happy, the biggest problem with that is that when x was done there was always, a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,p,q,r,s,t,u,v,w, y and z...and then x would be back again....


will need to read that article later.....

we did honeyballs today....its also my antiversary today....so usually this is a really good happy day when we do honeyballs...well today just felt flat....oh well..


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, you can have happiness after infidelity.

It takes change and both you and your spouse to want to be happy with each other.

So last night we all went to the musical Wicked. Not really my thing but had good time at dinner with everyone home. Let me share the pic we took before we left...

I have been happy the past couple months. The affair is just a part of me now. I really don't have too much fear these days. If I cannot get what I want, cannot get the love I need from my wife, I will leave. So far, she's stepped up to the plate. I really think we have a relationship about as good as it can get. I'm not sure if I am at the awakening, but our family is togather, she is loving me and makes choices, decisions and behaves to alway make me feel safe. I don't fear others knowing what I've been through. I'm not embarrassed any more if someone would say something to me about it.. I different today too. I never could ever write letters like I do today.

Today, I accepted nothing but safe treatment.. I also do everything I can to control my anger, my making her feel free from guilt. You see.. it is two way.

njgal480.. I agree with all you say...

ats... You have come a long way.. it just takes time. I hope you and your W can reach the awakening. It does get easier to think about what happened to you and you just deal with the emotions.

Allgood.. I do not dare or ever thought of you as naive. Fear is my word for you... scared. It is something I carried for a long time. Boy do I understand that feeling. Does you H have fear? I doubt it...It doesn't seem like it... My W had fear. You are the only one that can force a change in your life. That first time you jumped in the pool... that first time you allowed a boy to kiss you.. that first time to make love... that first interview... Why did you take those chances? I would never accept 4am party without me being there. EVER.. It is your relationship and choice, not me.

Happy Holiday all

[This message edited by trynhard at 7:54 AM, December 20th (Monday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryn

I am overwhelmed by emotions. Your photo is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen!!!! I look at your GORGEOUS family and feel so much. I can't put it into words. I don't want to use words for fear they will somehow not do it justice.

I don't think I've told you how much I love your Flickr images. They also elicit the most profound emotions.

Thanks so much for sharing

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just checking in Tribe, we are making X-mas cookies today. Hundreds of them to hand out. First time in 6 years.

DP, you did not ask for advice, but I am offering it anyway. Take what you want and drop what you don't. FWW did not get off of the fence until I moved out at almost 1 year after dday. She was NC, but she was torn about doing the work to keep us together, wanted to blame me for the problems. When I moved out she saw the future. I too saw the future and realized I would be OK. It hurt the first week, then it got better. She will not hit rock bottom as long as she keeps landing on you. I did OK with DS, even after I moved out. In fact, I still did most the transporting, appointments, etc.

Trynhard, I felt just as Laura described. Seeing people and knowing the story. I look at all pictures differently since dday. Thank you for your help and sharing.

GTG, gingerbread men to get form the oven. I cook 'em, FWW decorates them.

--Ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats - advise, criticism & 2x4's are very welcome.
Financially I do not have the resources (even if I paid nominal rent at a friends) unless I stayed with MIL & she doesnt know yet ...ummm that could be a wake call for WW if i moved in with her mum.
I need to hardcore 180 over the break & concentrate on finding a new job before the axe falls.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

deep...
The only way that she will wake up and see the light is for her to hit bottom.
You are enabling the behavior. Same as covering up for an alcoholic!
After d-day I told everyone about the LTA. The inlaws, our friends, our kids, neighbors, his co-workers, his boss..you name it. I had always covered up for him before in terms of his alcohol issues etc.
I decided - No More! He had to deal with the consequences! And deal he did!
He hit absolute bottom. He had to look our children in the eye knowing that they knew about the LTA!
He had to deal with spending money that we did not have to spend on hotel rooms and apartments while we were separated.Tell your MIL.She should know what her daughter is up to.
Youj are making this very easy for your wife. You are there watching the kids while she goes out carrying on etc. There are no real consequences. You are covering for her...she has no fear of embarassment etc.
I think the affair needs to be outted to everyone....its not a guarantee that she will stop her behavior and come to her senses but its a start.
Tell your MIL!


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn: your family is beautiful, inside and out and you all look so happy and from what you have posted the best part is that YOU ARE HAPPY...so YAY for you....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryin-
I agree with everyone...beautiful family.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
Topic Posts: 1000
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