Wow, dreamer, I cannot believe your situation. Unbelievable.
Don't worry about not having had kids before, that is just called being a new mother. I'm sure you have more maternal instinct than OW ever dreamed of having.
I am just so shocked... and wondering if this lessens the odds of it happening in my sitch?
Mean, I know, but oh well.
As for oc looking like H....it depends on the day. When oc was born, a little, a month or so...no, now...maybe eyebrows and lips. I think oc looks just like whore.
Anyway, thought I was pg...nope so I'm pretty down in the dumps. (((sigh)))
Hugs to you all.
filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011
I asked my fwh what OW looks like, and he said he's geniunely embarrassed on how ugly she is. I'm no super model, but I think I look pretty damn good! So I don't know whether or not to be offended that she's ugly...I know they don't necessarily have an affair based on looks, but DAMN!
I hope everyone had a good weekend, and I hope your situation goes well Dreamer!
Oh wow! Full adoption of twins. How scary is that?
Do not listen to a word old noseys think in your town! You will be doing a wonderful thing by raising your fWH's OCs & being their mom forever. Kudos to you, you are a brave & wonderful person for accepting the responsibility.
GOD works in mysterious ways. Really a shocker though.
Okay, I was mean stepmommy this weekend. OC was raving about how OW is so great w/the tree, making different themes every year. Hello! This the the Mother-of-the-year! OC is now thinking she's wonderful! OMG. She kept saying how great decorating tree was with OW. I couldn't hold my tongue anymore. Knowing that fWH took DS14 when he just turned 2 (during A#1) to OW's house for a Christmas party & decorated OW's tree w/her at her apartment (one she got when she left BH#1 to have A#1 w/fWH)....and knowing now that during that time, fWH & OW were trying to get her preggers (which didn't actually happen until during A#2 and after DS10 had been conceived during false R & his birth about 4 months prior to her pregnancy w/OC). Anyway. Here's what I said & then thought "oh shit, what did I do now."
DS14 decorated your mom's tree one year, during a Christmas party she was having & Daddy & DS14 went.
OC said, "that couldn't have been my mom, she never has Christmas parties." Well, that may be true....think it was a lie on fWH's part. Think it was OW, fWH, DS14 and just a few close friends meeting her boyfriend's child (maybe what she thought would soon be her stepson?). She even gave DS14 a Christmas present....once I found out about A#1, that gift disappeared from the house.
DS14 was in the car when I said it & knows about at least A#2/A#3 when all heck blew up during/after A#3. DS14 sheepishly said "I don't even remember it or her." Yay DS14...you truly know what supporting you mom is.
Jul00 (D-day#2/found out OW preggers)
Dec99 (b-day DS10)
Jan01 (b-day OC9)
With DS10 & OC's b-days so close to Christmas, I really have mixed feelings about the holiday season. I was in a shambles for DS10's first b-day (Dec00), that Christmas, and all of Jan01, knowing OC was expected Jan20th (came early on 13th). Based on due dates (Dec20th/Jan20th), DS10 & OC9 were technically due exactly 13 months apart (means he got her preggers around same time of year as he got me preggers). So many bad memories around the holidays & anything to do with OW/OC. It is hard to celebrate OC's b-day. MIL was an angel last year. She took the whole clan (minus me) for an early dinner (before I got off work). It was supposedly because we had to return OC to OW at 6PM, but it was a blessing that I did not have to play nice during the festivities of the day. I don't think I can ever say I was "happy" that OC was born. I'm just not that person nor will ever be overjoyed that fWH chose to knock-up OW while married to me (while raising a toddler & newborn COM).
Why does fWH think OC's clothes from her other house smell like cedar...when I think it smells like french whore (it's really something really strong like Mountain Spring or something that OW has been using for years on her & OC's clothes - in excessive quantities)?
I almost wanna hurl when I smell it on OC in our car or in close-quarters. It's so strong it won't even wash out with Tide.
I suppose it's better than OC's former smell as a baby (ode to ash tray).
The new development to this drama is that H has been getting the idea that the pregnancy may not be legit. He has not seen one picture of OW, not one ultrasound photo either. He's been asking her to forward some, but so far she has evaded doing this. None of their mutual friends has seen hyde nor hair of her.
The kicker here is that at first she claimed to be having twins. Just recently however (and she would be 7-8 months along at this point) she claimed that one of the twins was "absorbed" sometime during the second trimester. I think my 4 year old could have come up with a better lie than that. It is possible, but not probable, that this would happen past the first trimester, and then it would be a medical emergency that (you would think) would warrant a call to the alleged baby daddy.
The other red flag is that she lives with her parents....but they don't know she's pregnant. Okay, so now we're being asked to believe that, not only has she had a rare second trimester miscarriage of a twin, but also that she is one of the 2% of women who don't look pregnant (with twins to boot) when they really are. That is a lot of coincidences in my opinion.
I've been upset with H because he is still in contact with her. We are separated, but trying to R, and I feel that he should just cut it off until he knows for sure. He says that if the kid is his, he doesn't want her to disappear, or give it up for adoption. Tonight I finally got pissed and told him that unless he makes a move on this, I'm going ahead with the divorce (I filed shortly after DDay, but that's as far as it's gotten). I said it feels like he is still stringing me along, and that maybe if he tells her for once and for all that it's OVER, she'll either finally confess, or she'll confirm. Either way, we have to know for sure. I can't go through the holidays like this.
So he made some calls to mutual friends, and has some people who are going to pay her a visit (we're in Illinois, she's in California, so that's why it's been so hard getting confirmation). He said he should have some answers tonight. My stomach is in knots until we find out something. I am praying with everything I have that it's not true. It will make a HUGE difference in the R, I think, for both of us.
Any input/advice would be great. And I've read the OC Handbook, and sent a copy to H.
(((Repeat))). You are such a strong woman I hope the best for you this holiday!
We had MC today and I just let it all out how I'm feeling the financial pinch of this. Fwh has court next week and I pray that everything gets dropped asap to a decent amount. I hate worrying about money. My fwh has been very quiet and avoiding convo since we got home. I told the MC I've been keeping my anger inside because I feel like I can't be angry...if I'm angry I'm not working on R. But he reassured me its perfectly fine to be angry. I told them that it sickens me that he had sex with someone and we know jack shit about her, and how her crazy ass will be in our lives forever. I had been keeping that cooped up too. I mean, she is getting all this damn
I owed $250 to fwh because he loaned it to me last week, but after MC today he didn't want it.
I know he got real quiet when I told the MC that I feel he would still be cheating if this hadn't happened. He said he wouldn't be but I know THIS is his rock bottom.
I think he was just so embarassed plus he has a cold and has been tired lately.
We have MC next week before hid trial and I'm going to bring up how our communication still sucks (but not as much as before).
Unfortunately, sometimes OW isn't lying about OC....and some women starve themselves during pregnancy (or are so sick). I was able to hide my 2nd pregnancy well into my 5th-6th months by wearing baggy clothes (was on 90-day probation @new job & didn't wanna tell them in interview I was already preggers and would be on leave in 6 months).
Just keep hoping it's a lie.
One bad thing, if he hasn't gone NC, she might say "why don't you just give me some on the side, we don't need protection since I'm pregnant." She might even travel to him for such. Believing stupid stuff like that can lead to a REAL pregnancy (planned on OW's part), even if she might be faking now.
Twins. I had a friend absorb a 2nd twin, but it was in 1st trimester. From what I've seen on the TV (multiples shows), they tend to have to retrieve the miscarried twin for fear of infection when it's rather far along. Seems kinda unlikely like you said, but there are always exceptions.
Your fWH should get a lawyer in-place as a precaution, find out the facts if at all possible, and go NC w/OW. Who's to say if she is pregnant, if it's even his child. He could get a lawyer & request pre-natal DNA testing through the courts. That'd settle the "I'm pregnant" issue once & for all, if she wasn't.
Haven't had a chance to read your whole story yet, but if OW is young....she might just be trying to get him to give her $$$ up-front & disappear with $$$ & alleged child. Uh, if she's still living @home & in 2nd trimester....why not tell her parents? Wouldn't they notice when she goes to hospital?
I hope for your sake, the OC is a hoax. We are here for you, if it turns out to be real though. Yes, R is much harder with OC in the mix. With the distance involved; however, it might be okay for NC w/OW&OC.
I had a friend who's fWH got the "I'm pregnant" from the OW after he went NC. It did turn out to be a hoax, so it's not much above OW to try that stuff to end a M once & for all.
If fWH got a lawyer in-place, he could require NC until birth, if OC is a reality. If fWH truly wanted to try & R, maybe that is a step he could take to keep you from finalizing the D papers.
You do have the right to be angry. I kept the anger inside for so long, it kills me. I keep wondering if I'd have completely blown up after A#1 and insisted on NC or we D, would A#2/OC have even happened at all? I just wanted to start anew, have another COM w/fWH to prove our M, and go on with life. OW just couldn't go NC & fWH encouraged it as well. I had so much anger during my pregnancy after OW started calling my home again. Nobody should have to bottle things up inside like that, to keep the peace. Last year, I told fWH how upset during my pregnancy I was, that it wasn't fair of him to keep being "friends" w/OW. That maybe some of the attention I was denying him, was because I was so angry still about A#1, that I wanted to scream sometimes. That I was holding in all the anger & pain because I wanted things to go better for us. I just should've seen IC then, instead of hiding A#1 from the world (for fWH's sake). Everyone knew we were having marital issues, but nobody except my close friend knew about OW. I was hiding fWH's shame (and I suppose mine) for their sake, when I should've been thinking more about myself & being a better mother to DS14.
When all this went down initially, I was only 26, fWH was only 28, and OW was 21. What did OW know about M? She was divorced only 1 year after leaving BH#1 for my husband. And when she conceived OC, she had just turned 23. What did OW know about M or fidelity or raising OC w/out a husband around? I know, we were young when we married, but we'd been together many years, living together....and waited several years to have our first child. What kind of life did OW expect? What was her storybook ending? Stealing fWH from me, marrying him b4 OC arrived, me leaving fWH and giving up DS14, so she & fWH could have our marital home? Did she want the whole package, or did she just want fWH and OC was the way she thought she'd get it all? Did she even consider our COM, when she conceived OC? How stupid were they both, to go and conceive OC...when fWH had a home, wife, & 2xCOM @home (one of which was a 4-month-old)? Some days, I just don't get it....some days I cannot believe how selfish they were. Some days, I wonder how stupid I was to say @all.... I do love fWH & he seems to be mostly changed for the better after R#3, but at what cost has our M & COM had to pay for all of this? Are some of DS14 & DS10's mental/medical issues, related to fWH's reckless behavior & our home's emotional stability? I could have much easier believed a ONS resulting in OC, than to believe the trickle truth & the final telling of how OC came to be....who on earth would've thought OC was a planned pregnancy on both parts (when fWH just brought home a healthy bouncing baby boy only a few short months prior)? Some days....wish someone had hit me with a 2x4 for staying. I should've left fWH during my pregnancy, when I realized he wasn't giving OW up ("just friends"). I was so weak and still very naive.
FYI: never let fWH make you believe EA/PA was your fault. It really screws w/your mind, when you feel guilty yourself...for something you never did. Feel like you need to kiss-up because of your shortcomings leading "him" to adultery. Be guilty for things you do wrong, do not accept responsibility for other's mistakes....I have enough of my own to worry about.
On a side note, Elizabeth Edwards died today. They reported a quote from her that I had to find, because its how I feel 100%. Here it is, and I think it applies well to all of us...
ďI have said before that I do not know what the most important lesson is that I will ever teach my children, Cate and Emma Claire and Jack. I do know that when they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not go her way ó and surely it has not ó she adjusted her sails.Ē
I cannot believe Elizabeth died the year her husband of, what, 33 years? cam out as the father of an OC... the year they separated and he went off to live with OW and OC. Couldn't she have lived long enough to heal fully and enjoy a new life without him???
I never care when celebrities bite the dust- I don't know them. but this was a woman going through the same thing as I was, at the exact same time, then add breast cancer and the death of her child (albeit years ago) on top of that?!
I too felt so extra sad over Elizabeth Edwards dying. To have the affair and the knowledge of it and OW and OC so public...terrible.
Dreamer, all I can say is wow, what a huge amount of changes in a short amount of time. I hope that your M is stronger now, I know your H and you were S for a while. Having 2 2 1/2 y/o's will be a challenge, but you can handle it. Don't focus on what other people think about your situation. The times when I get depressed is when I focus on what other people say and think about OC, OW and BIL, the complete "freak show" of it all, but I know in my heart that I have a good family, and we are providing OC with a good family. It is good to go through adoption of OC, in case something does happen to your FWH. Sometimes I think if OW does finally OD on her Rx drugs that her family does not need OC, they are more screwed up than OW is, if that's possible.
God has a plan, I believe this. I hold onto this when things like COM's birthday party comes, when I have to go to IL's for Christmas and OC's birthday and see OW. I try to have faith in God and in me.
[This message edited by altered at 10:40 AM, December 8th (Wednesday)]
We received our copy of the court papers today, H has to sign them in front of a notary and we are taking them to the lawyer tomorrow. OW should be served in the next week then we should have the first court date around the first week in January.
I started shaking while reading the papers, not from fear but from the happiness of finally being able to take control of this situation. After H read it, he said, "now that's a declaration of war!" our lawyer is asking for establishment of paternity, then full custody, with liberal visitation for her, child support and the last name to be change to ours if it is his, of course. we know its a big deal to ask for all of this but we want to go in strong then if we have to settle for joint, we can do that. But OW will surely get the point that we are not taking this lightly.
Dreamer, you will be great with the twins. Plus you will be able to be with them and they will bond with you, without having to share them with OW. you'll do fine :)
Island, good luck with the court case next week, i hope the amount is dropped dramatically for you.
Repeat, I really don't know how you do this every day. I think about you a lot when I think about OC and the fact that while OW planned it, H didn't because he wanted to get as far away from her as possible, then of course she turned up pg and wanted him to play daddy.
I admire each and everyone of you, hugs to everyone :)
Divorced..drama free...movin on!