"Pain if inevitable but Misery is a choice"
Bless you hurtful and Island and everyone else. These past weeks seem to be hard on everyone :( Hopefully you will get an answer soon Island.
Well this is it, the day before the court hearing. I'm not nervous at all right now, even though H seems to be. Of course, it's always hard to face your past, especially in this situation. As for me, I'm just ready to take back control of this situation and my marriage, i have spent the last almost nine months feeling out of control, not really knowing if he was contacting her but hoping he was being truthful and thank goodness he seems to be. Months of not being able to move on with this hanging over my head and months of not knowing exactly what she looks like other than seeing her in her car one day when we passed her on the street.
Plus I'm ready for her to see that I'm not going anywhere so she can take her happy little OW a** and move on. With our money of course ugh lol.
Anyway, I'm sure I will be posting later on tomorrow, just to vent about the whole ordeal. I just hope she brings the OC so that the paternity test can be done tomorrow and get that part over with.
Divorced..drama free...movin on!
Or you can take a very deep breath, go smash a glass, have a cry, take a bath or get out of the house and then think about it again. It's only money, but if you're R works, you'll have the something very special that the OW will never have.
~ 21st December 2011, I called it a day ~
I am SO sorry to hear about the ruling. I really thought it would have gone better.
You do what you need to. If you don't want to R. Don't. If it's just anger, take a breather. Take all the time you need! DO IT FOR YOU!
Hope you are all well...
filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011
THIS has been on my mind this evening, thank you SO much:
You couldn't be any more RIGHT. In fact, things happen for a reason. Tonite a friend told me she may be able to get me a small part-time teaching job at a local college for this coming semester. Something I would love to do, and the $$$ is pretty good. Plus it's MY income, so the whore gets NONE of it. HA!
Thank goodness for my IC appt tomorrow. The ONE good thing is now I can plan our family budget at least for now (fwh is considering appealing, plus we have to work on the custody part as he wants shared legal custody). This is going to SUCK so bad, but perhaps something GOOD can come out of something so bad...
I don't know if I'm the only insane one on here, but I felt like that when I found out about OC. I was severely depressed & especially when OC's birth got closer & closer. I had nightmares about OC/OW, where I'd be screaming in the nightmare & it'd wake me up (think I might have been actually making noise in my sleep).
I just want everyone to know....this is a painful ordeal & the waiting for OC's arrival & DNA is horrible. I just hope you can seek IC, if you are having a rough time of it, like I did.
Sometimes, around OC's b-day or other D-days....I get to feeling depressed like that again...or just really ANGRY at fWH. It's nothing fWH has done currently, it's just the triggers of past wrongs dredge it all up again.
Island....wait a while b4 you do anything drastic. It might get better, or you might finally say ENOUGH and have a clearer head about your intentions & some plans laid out.
I'm going to write OW a letter. Not with the intent to send it though. I'm giving it to my IC next week. She told me to really think about what I want to say...treat it as if its a one shot deal. She thinks I will be very shocked with what I will say. So I will be thinking today and possibly try to jot down some ideas tonite.
She also told me to view this CS as a "charitable donation". Because it is. Also, now this is all in OW's hands. If this child has a poor life, we can say that while fwh wasn't there for him, OC was getting $278 a week and if OW spent it poorly, then that's on her.
I feel...a little numb but for some reason empowered now.
At the beginning of all of this OW was claiming to be unemployed, so the state entered her as making minimum wage, because there is no way that she could prove she was unable to work.
Then, when we appealed it, her income was $16 an hour, but she only worked 20hrs a week. So CS asked her (at the hearing) if she was physically unable to work 40hrs a week. she told them no, she was capable (but she only has a part time position) and they entered her income at 40hrs a week, at $16 an hour, since she is capable of that amount, in theory.
I cannot believe this happened to you guys, i am so pissed for you. & don't feel bad about your initial reaction, I did the same thing when FWH got the initial CS decision, before we appealed. I took DD and went and stayed the weekend with family out of town, I was so pissed. It's a lot of money, and I just kept thinking of all the things DD could have with that money (college for Christs sake!) and how cheap a condom is!
Well, I don't anticipate being on here much anymore, as it is becoming one of the only triggers I have left (besides the condom aisle at the supermarket and trailer parks, ). I have successfully stopped peeking at OW's Facebook (so far this year, anyway ) and need to put OW and OC out of my mind. We our NC, and I need to shut off the constant thoughts of OC.
I hope your holidays went well, all of you, and I hope 2011 is a great year for us all.
In all of its honesty there isn't anything to really appeal, because it was done by the formula and OW skank isn't working. In this crappy state she doesn't have to work or have an income added in for her if the child is under 6! AND if she did work, the first $20K is EXCLUDED. This is the worst state in the nation for noncustodial parents :(
But we are going on Monday to file for shared legal and visitation for now, and while we are waiting for a date we are going to find a new lawyer. And we are still waiting on the PI. Plus I have some "friends in high places" when it comes to social services, so we will see overall I am feeling better. We are putting together a plan. Rome wasn't built in a day
[This message edited by IslandWahine at 12:14 AM, January 9th (Sunday)]
Island, good luck to you as well. That is why we are going for sole custody, then will settle for shared legal and physical visitation. Maybe you should look into doing the same? It gives the OW a clear message that we mean business with this whole situation. It's all well and good for them to be all smug about things, but when you send a message like you want sole custody, it really does shake them up. Not saying that you want it, of course, just that you are looking into it. I'm sure she has some things in her background that she wouldn't want coming up in court? I'm glad you are feeling better about things and taking a proactive stance in this situation. It feels good to take some of your power back, doesn't it?
Well, we went to court on Friday. Ow was there with the OC and her mother, her mother glared at us to no end, I didn't care. I walked right past her up and up to the paternity nurse who was waiting for us. Then we all went into the courtroom, it was an open courtroom which was funny because OW had threatened to "keep me out of the courtroom" lol. We sat behind them and she tried to keep from holding the baby up where we could see it for a good hour (we were there almost three hours) then the OC wasn't having it lol. We got lots of good looks at it, I am still not sure if it looks like H or COM, its just hard to tell because it's so little. OW is nursing and just had to turn our way to take off her overshirt to reveal her tank top (it was 45 degrees outside) and show her big boobs off to everyone, including my H who wasn't looking. He keep saying, "i'm not looking" lol. Yes, i had threatened him about it before hand lol. I wanted to say, "if he wanted those big boobs forever he would still be with you, stupid dumb (insert whatever here) and believe me, i'm not missing anything in the boob department at all, so that didnt bother me in the least. Anyway, she agreed to take the test there (H had already taken his part about a month ago) so we should know the results on Wednesday. I will be on here either crying or shouting for joy. We left before she did because she had to take the paternity test. I must say that it's true in this case, he affaired down, not because I dont like her, that's a given. But she is younger, not very pretty, has a HUGE nose and her face is just not the most attractive. She has scars from a car accident in the past where glass cut her face and its a little scary looking, he was obviously not looking at her face all along lol. He thought she needed him KISA complex and they were boosting each other's egos, what a crock. Anyway, thank god that day is over, now we are waiting for Wednesday, please god have mercy on me, i don't want to have to deal with this woman for the rest of my life, ugh!
We are going to file this week for shared legal plus visitation. I told fwh to go for full/sole, but the problem with this state is that they almost NEVER award to the father because the goal is to keep the kid with the mother. I mean I'm in the school system (teacher) and one of my student's parents is a crackhead who had johns visiting the house. And they took the kids for all of a week and put them right back. So we didn't want to waste the $$$ on full. It sucks but what we have learned is that the mother gets super preferential treatment in this state. Good for some situations I'm sure, but bad for ours.
If you need to PM me eyes that is cool with me, no matter the result, or if the wait is excrutiating. I check here 2X a day.
Keep your head up and keep busy. That helps.
We're snowed in today. OC called to ask when we're coming to get her @her house. fWH says he will go alone. I'm not really happy with that, but I'm scared incase the power goes out that DS14/DS10 might be home alone. It just triggers, as fWH was meeting OW to get OC @park & lying b4 that he was going to OW's home so they could sit 30-45 min every day & chat @local park. I am so mean & hateful this week (PMS + OC's b-day), I just worry he'll fall back into that same pattern of cheating & lying. OC wouldn't tell me if OW/fWH kissed or something... My only prayer is that BH#2 is also snowed-in (2wd vehicle) and watches OW like a hawk. There's no way fWH's truck can make it up OW's steep driveway today & he's too particular about his truck to even risk wrecking it. But, OW might walk down to meet him...if she knew I wasn't in vehicle.
We had MC today. Fwh was unusually quiet. Not sure why. But we talked some. I expressed my fear about going back to work next week because he said before that boredom and lonliness (amongst other things) led him down the wrong path. He reassured me that won't happen this time. Guess my insecurities are resurfacing.
Need to go online tonite to get the forms done for custody. I talked with my BFF and she said there's no reason at all that he wouldn't get shared legal and visitation, since her XBF was a drug dealer and had shared legal and visitation (she never let him have her daughter though because of the enemies he had and neighborhood he lived in, plus he has been in jail longer than he's been out since DD was born).
I also told fwh at MC that I miss us cuddling, the super close intimacy, etc. We have been lacking that for awhile now, just always so busy, etc. So we are going to try tonite
I just wonder what OW's story is about how OC came to be? Maybe that fWH was separated & knocked her up, then went back to wife...what about fWH lied & said he wasn't married? Who knows what lies she's told! I doubt OW's new friends know she left her first BH#1 for A#1 w/fWH, was trying to get preggers by fWH during that A, then got knocked up during A#2 to try & steal fWH away from his wife who just had his child only 4 months prior, and that she/he had A#3 just 2 years ago and she cheated on BH#2.
It just burns me up that OW comes out smelling like roses & we'll be the ones having to deal w/OC crying @her party because none of her BFFs show up. I guess if nobody shows, it'll just be COM, me, & OC skating during open skate & eating all the cupcakes. I asked her to invite the kids from her class @church, but she said she just wanted her BFFs. If DS11 had only invited BFFs, he'd not have had any kids @his B-day party (as only 3 kids from class & 4 teens with my best friend & siblings showed). I know having to celebrate OC's b-day is stressful, but having an upset preteen on her b-day is even worse, I suspect.
P.S. MIL is cooking dinner for OC's b-day...that lets me off the hook for making a nice dinner or taking her out. Not sure if fWH is going like last year or not (b4 I get off work).
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 9:38 AM, January 11th (Tuesday)]