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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC Thread (BS Only)
Hurtful1973
♀ New Member
Member # 30401
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, January 5th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Guys it been a while since I have posted but still reading and hanging in there. I have been praying for those who post. I got through the holidays with the help from family did not see him at all. Thanks we live in different towns he is at his mother. I talked to him on yesterday and a decent conversation but this is just too much for me to handle. We talked about a trip but don't know if I want to see him. I think about the A's/OC and what should have been with me. I think I can get pass it but the more I think about all the lies the more hurt I feel. He doesn't have an answer as why? I thank God I have been sleeping through the night after weeks of only a few hours a night. I try to stay busy. When does it all go away!! Does it get better?


M-7yrs (T-15yrs)
BW-37
CH-38
No children
D-Day 1st A-05 then off/on yrs OC 6 mo ago
D-Day-2A 07 & OC-08

"Pain if inevitable but Misery is a choice"


Posts: 26 | Registered: Dec 2010
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
What?  Posted: 11:38 AM, January 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I forgot, there's another school holiday this month! Wish it weren't on a Monday (the exchange day). Guess I'll have to see OW again on MLK Jr. holiday.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
eyesnowopen
♀ Member
Member # 28406
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, January 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ugh, for repeat, I don't know how you deal with that with your FWH and OW. NC means NC with us, if there is any contact, I'm outta here and he knows it. He also knows that if the OC turns out to be his, even years down the road, there will be no joint birthday parties, no joint christmas anything, OW can do her thing with the OC at her house and when the OC comes here, we will do our thing. I know you have a unique situation there with that OW, but I really don't see how you do it every day :(

Bless you hurtful and Island and everyone else. These past weeks seem to be hard on everyone :( Hopefully you will get an answer soon Island.

Well this is it, the day before the court hearing. I'm not nervous at all right now, even though H seems to be. Of course, it's always hard to face your past, especially in this situation. As for me, I'm just ready to take back control of this situation and my marriage, i have spent the last almost nine months feeling out of control, not really knowing if he was contacting her but hoping he was being truthful and thank goodness he seems to be. Months of not being able to move on with this hanging over my head and months of not knowing exactly what she looks like other than seeing her in her car one day when we passed her on the street.

Plus I'm ready for her to see that I'm not going anywhere so she can take her happy little OW a** and move on. With our money of course ugh lol.

Anyway, I'm sure I will be posting later on tomorrow, just to vent about the whole ordeal. I just hope she brings the OC so that the paternity test can be done tomorrow and get that part over with.


Me: selfish witch who didn't want three people in our marriage
Him: FT who thought he could have both of us and the OC too

Divorced..drama free...movin on!


Posts: 328 | Registered: Apr 2010
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, January 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

$278 a week. That's what the whore gets. I'm fucking livid. I'm 2 seconds from getting in my car and driving to the bitch's house...talk me down. That's still over $1000 a month! She basically doesn't have to work. They didn't enter an income for her, they left it as zeros because she is unemployed. And she will now continue to be because there is no incentive for her to work. AND he has to give up 24% of his bonus checks, which he gets twice a year. WTF. And fwh's letter stated he wanted joint custody but the judge put in the order that he wasn't seeking it. WTF?!? I told fwh I don't want to R anymore. I can't fucking handle this anymore. I hate everybody except my babies.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
kbird
♀ Member
Member # 30638
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, January 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Woah Island, that's some serious stuff you've got going on there. But really, you don't have to handle it if you don't want to. You can walk away, build a new life and let him deal with the aftermath of the A and the OC.

Or you can take a very deep breath, go smash a glass, have a cry, take a bath or get out of the house and then think about it again. It's only money, but if you're R works, you'll have the something very special that the OW will never have.


D-Day#1 31/12/2010
TT 02/01/2011
TT 03/01/2011
BS - 30, female
XWS - 35, male
Together 8 years, living together 5 years, engaged 1 year.

~ 21st December 2011, I called it a day ~


Posts: 144 | Registered: Jan 2011
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, January 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Island)))


I am SO sorry to hear about the ruling. I really thought it would have gone better.

You do what you need to. If you don't want to R. Don't. If it's just anger, take a breather. Take all the time you need! DO IT FOR YOU!

Hope you are all well...


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, January 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks. I ended up blowing up on the General board.

THIS has been on my mind this evening, thank you SO much:

Or you can take a very deep breath, go smash a glass, have a cry, take a bath or get out of the house and then think about it again. It's only money, but if you're R works, you'll have the something very special that the OW will never have.

You couldn't be any more RIGHT. In fact, things happen for a reason. Tonite a friend told me she may be able to get me a small part-time teaching job at a local college for this coming semester. Something I would love to do, and the $$$ is pretty good. Plus it's MY income, so the whore gets NONE of it. HA!

Thank goodness for my IC appt tomorrow. The ONE good thing is now I can plan our family budget at least for now (fwh is considering appealing, plus we have to work on the custody part as he wants shared legal custody). This is going to SUCK so bad, but perhaps something GOOD can come out of something so bad...


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh, Island....so sorry about the judgement. Wonder why they didn't say anything about joint custody? That's a lot of $$$, but is it enough to raise a kid & sit on her butt. Think she's working somewhere under-the-table? I think they should make her work @least part-time at even a restaurant or Wal-mart or something. If I were a judge, I'd MAKE her provide something. But, OW in our case is likely drawing disability (like she told fWH)...so, who knows if she is really disabled for some unvisible reason. She gets perms, got new car, & manicures regularly....while BH#2 & I are the only ones working out of both households. fWH is legitimately disabled though....who knows about OW.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any of you guys watched Twilight: New Moon? Do you recall the scenes after Edward left, when Bella was depressed for 3 months & had the night terrors?

I don't know if I'm the only insane one on here, but I felt like that when I found out about OC. I was severely depressed & especially when OC's birth got closer & closer. I had nightmares about OC/OW, where I'd be screaming in the nightmare & it'd wake me up (think I might have been actually making noise in my sleep).

I just want everyone to know....this is a painful ordeal & the waiting for OC's arrival & DNA is horrible. I just hope you can seek IC, if you are having a rough time of it, like I did.

Sometimes, around OC's b-day or other D-days....I get to feeling depressed like that again...or just really ANGRY at fWH. It's nothing fWH has done currently, it's just the triggers of past wrongs dredge it all up again.

Island....wait a while b4 you do anything drastic. It might get better, or you might finally say ENOUGH and have a clearer head about your intentions & some plans laid out.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love my IC. She is a total angel I swear! I already feel so much better having had my session today.

I'm going to write OW a letter. Not with the intent to send it though. I'm giving it to my IC next week. She told me to really think about what I want to say...treat it as if its a one shot deal. She thinks I will be very shocked with what I will say. So I will be thinking today and possibly try to jot down some ideas tonite.

She also told me to view this CS as a "charitable donation". Because it is. Also, now this is all in OW's hands. If this child has a poor life, we can say that while fwh wasn't there for him, OC was getting $278 a week and if OW spent it poorly, then that's on her.

I feel...a little numb but for some reason empowered now.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Island - sorry to hear that the CS issue didn't get a whole lot better. It's not fair. But one thing this whole OC situation has taught me is that life isn't fair.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2069 | Registered: Feb 2010
MyWish
♀ Member
Member # 30554
Default  Posted: 4:41 AM, January 8th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, IslandWahine, that is a lot of money. I am not sure yet if it's true or not that the OW is pregnant (most likely not). If she is I will be going through this soon, I really can't imagine it. I don't know what to say to you. So sorry you have to deal with this. I am waiting to see if it will be my turn, and it is making me crazy.


49yr old BS
37yr WH
D-Day 08/29/2010 2 days before our 4th anniversary
Thought we were in R, but all that changed March 21, 2012.

Posts: 175 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Florida
Hurtful1973
♀ New Member
Member # 30401
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, January 8th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Island so sorry to hear about the decision. I pray things will work out for you and family. I will continue to pray for all of us who have had our lives turned upside down.


M-7yrs (T-15yrs)
BW-37
CH-38
No children
D-Day 1st A-05 then off/on yrs OC 6 mo ago
D-Day-2A 07 & OC-08

"Pain if inevitable but Misery is a choice"


Posts: 26 | Registered: Dec 2010
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, January 8th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Island, please, please appeal it. My FWH (without a lawyer, even) and it made such a difference.

At the beginning of all of this OW was claiming to be unemployed, so the state entered her as making minimum wage, because there is no way that she could prove she was unable to work.

Then, when we appealed it, her income was $16 an hour, but she only worked 20hrs a week. So CS asked her (at the hearing) if she was physically unable to work 40hrs a week. she told them no, she was capable (but she only has a part time position) and they entered her income at 40hrs a week, at $16 an hour, since she is capable of that amount, in theory.

I cannot believe this happened to you guys, i am so pissed for you. & don't feel bad about your initial reaction, I did the same thing when FWH got the initial CS decision, before we appealed. I took DD and went and stayed the weekend with family out of town, I was so pissed. It's a lot of money, and I just kept thinking of all the things DD could have with that money (college for Christs sake!) and how cheap a condom is!

Well, I don't anticipate being on here much anymore, as it is becoming one of the only triggers I have left (besides the condom aisle at the supermarket and trailer parks, ). I have successfully stopped peeking at OW's Facebook (so far this year, anyway ) and need to put OW and OC out of my mind. We our NC, and I need to shut off the constant thoughts of OC.

I hope your holidays went well, all of you, and I hope 2011 is a great year for us all.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1957 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, January 8th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dr(((Want2help))) I will miss you, but completely understand. Some days I feel here is a trigger, but ultimately this place is such a godsend to vent so I stay. Plus you ladies are awesome :)

In all of its honesty there isn't anything to really appeal, because it was done by the formula and OW skank isn't working. In this crappy state she doesn't have to work or have an income added in for her if the child is under 6! AND if she did work, the first $20K is EXCLUDED. This is the worst state in the nation for noncustodial parents :(

But we are going on Monday to file for shared legal and visitation for now, and while we are waiting for a date we are going to find a new lawyer. And we are still waiting on the PI. Plus I have some "friends in high places" when it comes to social services, so we will see overall I am feeling better. We are putting together a plan. Rome wasn't built in a day

[This message edited by IslandWahine at 12:14 AM, January 9th (Sunday)]


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
eyesnowopen
♀ Member
Member # 28406
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, January 9th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Want2help, all the best to you! Moving on must be a good feeling :)

Island, good luck to you as well. That is why we are going for sole custody, then will settle for shared legal and physical visitation. Maybe you should look into doing the same? It gives the OW a clear message that we mean business with this whole situation. It's all well and good for them to be all smug about things, but when you send a message like you want sole custody, it really does shake them up. Not saying that you want it, of course, just that you are looking into it. I'm sure she has some things in her background that she wouldn't want coming up in court? I'm glad you are feeling better about things and taking a proactive stance in this situation. It feels good to take some of your power back, doesn't it?

Well, we went to court on Friday. Ow was there with the OC and her mother, her mother glared at us to no end, I didn't care. I walked right past her up and up to the paternity nurse who was waiting for us. Then we all went into the courtroom, it was an open courtroom which was funny because OW had threatened to "keep me out of the courtroom" lol. We sat behind them and she tried to keep from holding the baby up where we could see it for a good hour (we were there almost three hours) then the OC wasn't having it lol. We got lots of good looks at it, I am still not sure if it looks like H or COM, its just hard to tell because it's so little. OW is nursing and just had to turn our way to take off her overshirt to reveal her tank top (it was 45 degrees outside) and show her big boobs off to everyone, including my H who wasn't looking. He keep saying, "i'm not looking" lol. Yes, i had threatened him about it before hand lol. I wanted to say, "if he wanted those big boobs forever he would still be with you, stupid dumb (insert whatever here) and believe me, i'm not missing anything in the boob department at all, so that didnt bother me in the least. Anyway, she agreed to take the test there (H had already taken his part about a month ago) so we should know the results on Wednesday. I will be on here either crying or shouting for joy. We left before she did because she had to take the paternity test. I must say that it's true in this case, he affaired down, not because I dont like her, that's a given. But she is younger, not very pretty, has a HUGE nose and her face is just not the most attractive. She has scars from a car accident in the past where glass cut her face and its a little scary looking, he was obviously not looking at her face all along lol. He thought she needed him KISA complex and they were boosting each other's egos, what a crock. Anyway, thank god that day is over, now we are waiting for Wednesday, please god have mercy on me, i don't want to have to deal with this woman for the rest of my life, ugh!


Me: selfish witch who didn't want three people in our marriage
Him: FT who thought he could have both of us and the OC too

Divorced..drama free...movin on!


Posts: 328 | Registered: Apr 2010
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, January 9th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Eyes))). The wait is hard, trust me. My only saving grace is that my daughter was born in the meantime.

We are going to file this week for shared legal plus visitation. I told fwh to go for full/sole, but the problem with this state is that they almost NEVER award to the father because the goal is to keep the kid with the mother. I mean I'm in the school system (teacher) and one of my student's parents is a crackhead who had johns visiting the house. And they took the kids for all of a week and put them right back. So we didn't want to waste the $$$ on full. It sucks but what we have learned is that the mother gets super preferential treatment in this state. Good for some situations I'm sure, but bad for ours.

If you need to PM me eyes that is cool with me, no matter the result, or if the wait is excrutiating. I check here 2X a day.

Keep your head up and keep busy. That helps.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, January 10th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Eyes, we will be thinking about you.

We're snowed in today. OC called to ask when we're coming to get her @her house. fWH says he will go alone. I'm not really happy with that, but I'm scared incase the power goes out that DS14/DS10 might be home alone. It just triggers, as fWH was meeting OW to get OC @park & lying b4 that he was going to OW's home so they could sit 30-45 min every day & chat @local park. I am so mean & hateful this week (PMS + OC's b-day), I just worry he'll fall back into that same pattern of cheating & lying. OC wouldn't tell me if OW/fWH kissed or something... My only prayer is that BH#2 is also snowed-in (2wd vehicle) and watches OW like a hawk. There's no way fWH's truck can make it up OW's steep driveway today & he's too particular about his truck to even risk wrecking it. But, OW might walk down to meet him...if she knew I wasn't in vehicle.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, January 10th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everyone! Still rootin for you eyes (((eyes)))!

We had MC today. Fwh was unusually quiet. Not sure why. But we talked some. I expressed my fear about going back to work next week because he said before that boredom and lonliness (amongst other things) led him down the wrong path. He reassured me that won't happen this time. Guess my insecurities are resurfacing.

Need to go online tonite to get the forms done for custody. I talked with my BFF and she said there's no reason at all that he wouldn't get shared legal and visitation, since her XBF was a drug dealer and had shared legal and visitation (she never let him have her daughter though because of the enemies he had and neighborhood he lived in, plus he has been in jail longer than he's been out since DD was born).

I also told fwh at MC that I miss us cuddling, the super close intimacy, etc. We have been lacking that for awhile now, just always so busy, etc. So we are going to try tonite


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Frustrated  Posted: 9:37 AM, January 11th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Think OC's party is going to be a flop. Even though OC requested a skating party from fWH, OW planned a slumber party the next week for 3 of OC's friends. Of course, those are 3 of the 6 invited to OC's party (OC decided she didn't want to invite the whole class to her party, only BFFs). And, we found out that OW is now BFFs with some of the parents of OC's girly friends. Do you think the girls will go to OC's sleepover the next weekend, or the skating party this weekend? My money is on the 2nd party, since all the women know OW. I'm certain they'd not want to have to give OC 2 gifts & would feel badly about sending her to this weekend's party, w/out any so she could get them @sleepover. When did OW become the 'perfect' sleepover type mom anyway? This is the woman who won't cook & doesn't take care of her kids (letting them fend for themselves). I think OW orchestrated the whole fiasco about to happen.

I just wonder what OW's story is about how OC came to be? Maybe that fWH was separated & knocked her up, then went back to wife...what about fWH lied & said he wasn't married? Who knows what lies she's told! I doubt OW's new friends know she left her first BH#1 for A#1 w/fWH, was trying to get preggers by fWH during that A, then got knocked up during A#2 to try & steal fWH away from his wife who just had his child only 4 months prior, and that she/he had A#3 just 2 years ago and she cheated on BH#2.

It just burns me up that OW comes out smelling like roses & we'll be the ones having to deal w/OC crying @her party because none of her BFFs show up. I guess if nobody shows, it'll just be COM, me, & OC skating during open skate & eating all the cupcakes. I asked her to invite the kids from her class @church, but she said she just wanted her BFFs. If DS11 had only invited BFFs, he'd not have had any kids @his B-day party (as only 3 kids from class & 4 teens with my best friend & siblings showed). I know having to celebrate OC's b-day is stressful, but having an upset preteen on her b-day is even worse, I suspect.

P.S. MIL is cooking dinner for OC's b-day...that lets me off the hook for making a nice dinner or taking her out. Not sure if fWH is going like last year or not (b4 I get off work).

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 9:38 AM, January 11th (Tuesday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
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