So...we got notification about the arrears...turns out the judge didn't even call a hearing or nothing...he TOOK OW'S WORD and awarded the higher, WRONG amount! Its blatantly wrong; she put that she was entitled to his gross bonus check from july vs the net that is in the court order. She made a spreadsheet that didn't prorate the first week of CS (the OC was a day old and she was asking for the entire week of CS), she put that he didn't make a payment in Jan, but it has been auto deducted since dec, and the bonus that she thinks she is entitled to is DOUBLE than what she is supposed to get! And the judge signed off on it without asking my fwh his side!!! So, now we are going to file a clarification in response. That's almost $1000 extra that OW is NOT entitled to! So fwh is going to file first thing Tuesday. I'm altering my insurance letter to put that in the mail tomorrow, without the card (which I am still waiting on, they said it can take up to 10 business days). We were going to file an appeal, but a lawyer friend of ours said the clarification is more than appropriate and doesn't cost as much as an appeal. Plus we want the court to charge OW with contempt since she submitted the gross pay vs the net as stated in the court order, and she had all the documents she was supposed to have. This OW is a freaking pro conartist! But since she submitted that document as a sworn statement we are hoping to show she was fraudulent :) plus since CS won't take the bonus $ (they want us to pay direct, which fwh doesn't want to) he wants to inquire about putting the $ into some type of plan or in the form of a gift card so we know the OC truly gets it. Heck, we can ask right? So in the meantime they tacked on an additional $50 a week, bringing us up to $328 a week. Barf. We want this sorted out and dropped accordingly so fwh can pay 1 lump sum and not have to pay the inflated rate (which is what she wanted) over the course of a couple years, which is how long it would take to pay off the arrears. Too bad there wasn't a hearing fwh was going to offer a cash 1 time lump sum. But OW is trying to nickel and dime so she most likely would have said no anyway. We are also going to get a new attorney as well, keep 1 on retainer. I'm so pissed at how much this is costing our family...thousands and thousands of dollars for a stupid, selfish mistake. I suppose it could be worse, her skank ass could've had AIDS....
((Island)), wow I just don't know what to say. It is like this woman really knows how to use that system. I can't believe that a judge would just sign off on an amount without looking at all documentation. I guess if it is in writing it is gospel unless it can be disputed. Wow, do any of these lawyers know what they are doing? And is she doing all of this herself? Something just is not right here. If it were me, you had made it very difficult to have contact with OC. Your situation is one of the worse (money wise) that I have seen on here. Poor Dreamer and H were paying over $2,200 per month plus insurance for the OC. Karma finally came when the OW died and they got full custody. I don't wish death on anyone, I just wish there was an island that these OW could be sent to for the rest of their lives.
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Keep your head up and keep on the path. This is war and she is the enemy, remember that and treat her as such.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 10:17 AM, February 13th (Sunday)]
I am trying my best to keep myself up because I'm having to keep fwh up. He is so depressed I'm worried that he may hurt himself...this doesn't financially ruin us but it definitely sets us back, that's for sure...
BMC you have mail/message...
Funny, I told our MC today that the financial part hurts more than the affair and OC part! Its like kicking you when you're down. The extra frosting on the cake. The "truth" of the affair, seeing my family's $ slip away to a greedy, money grubbing beast who is more than happy to live off of the state and her child's support.
Stay tuned, I'm certain we got more drama on the way...OW is going to get bombarded with mail this week and new court filings soon.
Hey have we heard from eyes lately? Thinking of you eyes! (((Eyes)))
P.S. V-day was good. fWH surprised me after work w/roses, ILU balloon, & chocolates.
AND, I'm still really scared, but DS14 is part-time school again. Worry that fWH has too much free time alone. Notice he was on web immediately after we left house yesterday. We have security cameras & they only boot up if the PC is on in our bedroom & I could see the cameras at 8:30AM yesterday. Ugh! Don't think he's chatting w/OW online, but still makes me uncomfortable.
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 8:03 AM, February 15th (Tuesday)]
They are really running you guys through the ringer on the $$$ part of OC situation. I hope the lawyer can resolve some of it & at least get it reduced a bit. Once OC goes to school, will OW have any excuse to not be working & providing for OC's needs? I think that there should be some part-time work requirement @least in OC situations once they are old enough to be out-of-house for most the day @school. I suppose that people used to complain that women (not ones that actually were trying to make ends meet) would live on welfare forever & never try to work. Now, maybe since the laws are more strict on drawing welfare (of course it depends on situation), that maybe some women see OC as a way of having an income w/out working. You think some women do that?
My best friend's xH had OW yelling OC, when she was lying. But, they found out that OW had 4 OC from married men & was receiving $$$ from them in some form or fashion. I think in that case, she really was some sort of serial OW & just gave birth for the $$$$. What a sad lifestyle to expose those OC to. What little respect you must have for yourself to let mOM take advantage of you & never have the opportunity to be in a loving one-2-one relationship. To settle for being OW all your life & even have children by mOM who end up being part-time fathers.
So I put the insurance card in the mail today with my letter, and the post office told me she should get it by tomorrow. I sent it certified and return receipt. I put my name on it with my fwh's. He thinks she is going to cry harassment, but there's nothing harasses about my letter. And screw everyone, this is MY health insurance!!! Which we aren't even getting a credit on!
So my fwh didn't file anything today. He wants to contact the 1 female lawyer he met with and possibly retain her, to file the multiple items because he's not sure which forms to use. He is going to email her tonite...he said she was pretty tough and seems to have more balls than the last lawyer. In fact, we are going to file a formal complaint on the last lawyer.
So she got the letter today! The USPS delivered it at noon but no one was home (she has no life so where could have she gone?), but when I got home later this afternoon and checked I saw it was redelivered. My fwh had sent her a text when I called him on my lunch break to let him know it was delivered but she wasn't home--I wanted him to tell her that it was the insurance card just in case she decided to not pick it up from the post office. Instead of acknowledging it, she started to ask him where HER money was (the bonus check money), and that if he didn't respond by mid-march she would take him to court for contempt and modification. Whatever. He has the money, he doesn't want to pay her directly and have her cry foul that she didn't get it. So he's going to the CS office tomorrow to talk with them. They said they won't take it, that they don't deal with "bonus check money", and that he would have to pay her direct. The COURT ORDER states that he is to pay thru the CS office. He said he's just going to offer them the damn money and then OW can deal with them in regards to getting it then. Stupid COW. And the money is for THE OC, not HER. Gah this GIRL is ridiculous...oh and he told her to be on the lookout for HIS modification since she calculated the gross and not the net, and also for visitation. LOL he didn't get a response after that. And odd this was after she got the letter/insurance card, and she didn't say anything about it. Didn't give us the name of the PCP like we requested. So now we wait and see what happens. Stupid, fat, greedy, money-grubbin COW. We also decided instead of giving her a lump sum of the $, to make her wait out getting her arrears. The increase won't be for too long, and fwh said it's really not that bad. So no shopping spree for her LOL, going to make her get her little extra $50 a week vs. getting a nice lump sum check. I spend $50 a week on gas. Pathetic creature.
I hope everyone is having a good week. A little quiet around here, so hoping everyone's doing fine.
Fwh and I are actually going to see her and OC next week...
i just sent my WH links to your posts, this forum and your profile. i believe he's remorseful and trying. i was writing in response to him sending me the post on What every WS should know about their BS in the WS forum. he wanted my opinion on a few things in there and i gave it. then i told him to read your story(ies) so he would know how bad he really f-ed things up and what he's not facing or dealing with yet. i'm so tired of hearing "i'll take care of it, you won't have to deal with this at all" or "i won't involve you in any of the financial stuff" or "i only care about THIS family, my real family" etc. he doesn't get it and never has understood this part. the OC part. the OW connection. how much this involves the BS FOREVER if R is the goal.
i'm rootin' for you. i'm sure WH will be too...he's a dreamer, he wants to see success stories. i suppose we all define that differently. maybe he'll start redefining his toward being a good father to his kidS. that would impress me.
life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac
i am disturbed by his lack of understanding of the process and where he's put himself. i am disturbed because i think he would forget it all if i let him. like i care about OC more than he does. i'm sure OW would at that too, frankly.
we are all different, all our situations finely tweaked. i don't want you to feel like i'm judging at ALL.
[This message edited by IslandWahine at 7:52 AM, February 19th (Saturday)]
stay good to yourself, be someone you like. try not to let this creep get too far under your skin.
have you thought about taking up something like kickboxing? with paper cutouts?
I am trying to live with myself and everything else. Thanks for your kind words (((stretch))). One of the reasons why we haven't really told anyone is because of the judgement issue. But I too will say that SI has been absolutely amazing and honestly I would have gone off the deep end if it weren't for y'all, esp here in the OC thread!
Oh well. Got OC @2PM yesterday. OW hadn't fed her all day because OC slept until 12noon (okay, I get that). But, guess what they did b4 going to park to meet me. OW wanted Subway, so she made OC go into Subway (she's only 10) and buy OW a sandwich. Then they drove through BK's drivethru to get OC's little sis some lunch. And then through McDs to get OW/OC a drink. WHY didn't OW force OC to get some food? Or, maybe there's no $$$ left from OC's check that came on 2/9 so she doesn't get fed? Funny how OW can run roads to go to her momma's while she has the flu (eat dinner Saturday only days after her mom got over flu), but cannot pick up child @school or ask school to send her on bus or something.
DS14 was so good yesterday. He actually invited OC to play video games w/him most the afternoon (he generally hates playing games w/the two younger kids).
I'm thinking about everyone & hope you had an uneventful President's Day (and maybe had the day off work?)
This OW is freaking nuts. CRAZY. She is asking for things she has no right to, she is pissing off the courts because she is apparently trying to file something different every week, she is trying to get every.single.penny.crumb she can get her fat, grubby hands on!!! Fwh is TIRED of going back to the courthouse, he just wants to pay and get on with our lives! OW actually said she wanted the CS reviewed ANNUALLY for over/underpayment!!! Um, she's not special...the state says it's THREE years when they do a review!!! My fwh gets a bonus 2X a year; they would have to review 2X a year because the amount is almost never the same, since it fluctuates. She wants what she was trying to get before, the bonus money rolled into the weekly payment. However, what she is neglecting to remember is that the judge ALREADY RULED ON IT. 24%. NET INCOME. Her gripe? She has been "lied to so much" that she doesn't trust a WORD fwh says! NEVERMIND that he offered to show her the paystubs with the bonus income on it (with everything else blacked out, of course...none of her damn business)!!! It was her way or the highway! Stupid cow!!! So luckily this was all via text message today, he printed it out so he can show at the future court date (because we know her fat ass will be at the courthouse tomorrow filing)--show that he tried to work it out with her, and that she was the one being impossible, asking for ridiculous crap.
Hope everyone is doing ok, I'm thinking of everyone...