Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Elizablue (43208)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC Thread (BS Only)
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, March 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BeingR,

I completely understand if you don't want to 'reward' fWH for the anniversary, when he doesn't deserve a reward for the part he's played in the whole infidelity thing. He basically was married, acting single....he'd been 'out' of the marriage the whole time (just forgot to tell you). Do what feels comfortable to you. Some people say "fake it until you make it." Yea, sometimes that works, sometimes not.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, March 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Being, We understand how you feel. My d-day was 1 month before my 19th wedding anniversary. Even a month later the pain was so raw. But we celebrated it because I wanted to reclaim what was mine, not because I was happy about my anniversary. He did get a wedding ring for the anniversary because he hadn't wore one in 11 years.

Everybody heals differently, you need to do what works for you. Hugs to you.

Island, whats the good word, any news about OW motions? I hope things work out in your favor, she really has been sticking it to you both so badly. Hugs


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, March 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Someone in the Book forum suggested:

Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your
Life
by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema (Author)

I am listening to the audiobook. I'm hoping it will help me quit dwelling on OC/OW issues & fWH's past repeated As/ONS/inappropriate behavior w/others.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, March 17th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OC wanted to go to a musical program that DS11 was performing in on Tuesday night. It's OW's week, but OW allowed us to get OC afterschool (bus rider that day). OC's little 5-yr-old sis had cheerleading practice & OW texted if we could drop OC off @house, she'd be done w/practice by 7:00pm. When done, I texted OW to say we were on our way. Didn't get a text back until OC was already home. Don't know where OW or what she was doing almost 1-1.5 hours after she said she'd be home, but she wasn't. Don't know if she had lil-sis w/her, or not either. BH#2 left the door open & we could see him in doorway. fWH is so masculine sometimes....not in a good way. Even though the minivan has much more space, I don't have the hand controls on it right now. fWH insisted we must take the 4-door truck & put his wheelchair in truck bed (even though it'd been raining off/on all day). All 3 kids (2 of them >100 lbs) cramped in back seat with OC's backpack, lunchbox, & fWH's backpack & wheelchair pad. All I can say is it's my guess he hoped to see either BH#2 or OW and wanted to put on a good show of being the 'man' and driving us around. Plus instead of driving just to the parking area alongside their driveway and letting OC walk about 10-12 feet to doorway, he pulled right up against the porch where BH#2 could see him. He's still playing some game w/BH#2.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, March 17th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any news Island?


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, March 17th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello! Nah, still waiting. Fwh's motion to amend to pay OW the bonus $ direct came back denied, though. Said he didn't file in time. Wtf. So NOW we don't know what to do. He emailed another lawyer and we are waiting to hear back from her. So this means that OW's motion should also get denied for the SAME reason because she also filed past the 30 day mark. So...we wait. Blah.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
disrespected666
♀ Member
Member # 30411
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, March 19th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to leave work early the other day because I started crying and couldn't stop. I sat in the parking lot for an hour just crying. Here I am two days later and I'm doing fine again. I think I'm losing my mind. I never know from day to day how I'm going to feel. My husband is doing all the right things to make me feel secure. He tells me he loves me, he gives me gentle kisses whenever he sees me, he calls me throughout the day but even with all of his actions, I don't think he really understands the depth of the pain that I feel from this whole situation. Knowing that someone else's bundle of joy is being paid for by my pain is very difficult to bear. It makes me want to rip out her eyeballs and force feed them to my husband.

Posts: 78 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: hell
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, March 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Disrespected,

I think we've all been through the rollercoaster. Even years later, triggers can make the whole thing seem so new and bring on tears. I am glad you are doing a little better. It is very hard to work & keep from crying all day, when you're going though all the stress of D-days & OC issues. I believe many of us sank deep into depression for a while & had to seek IC or ADs for sanity. Yes, I have felt almost bipolar sometimes (happy & everything good; depressed & bawling/almost suicidal). We are here for you & I'm truly sorry for anyone (BW or BH) who is put into the situation of dealing w/OP&OC issues for many years to come.

Perfect quote for the situation:

someone else's bundle of joy is being paid for by my pain
I like how you put that.

I want to caution you also, once the new has worn off, fWH's sweet/remorseful/caring behavior might diminish. Even though the pain can continue to be real, new, & deep for us, WSs don't realize how much we continue on a daily/weekly/yearly basis to need the reinforcement of love & caring that they display once they're busted by having OC & D-day(s). Sometimes trickle truths loom around for years & half-truths can send you flailing like a fish-out-of-water once again. None of this is easy.

(((disrespected)))

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 10:59 AM, March 21st (Monday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
altered
♀ Member
Member # 25116
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, March 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It feels like forever since I posted. Things are going good with M and R. FWH is having a lot of stress regarding OC. OW has her C in baseball and if you all remember football season, FWH has OC for practices and games, usually M,T, R, F evenings 6-7 ish and Sat (games). Well, I am currently in an exercise class MWF in the evenings, so FWH said that he could not have OC on M since COM has speech and he has to meet me to get her and he does not have room in his truck for 2 carseats. Also, it is hard having both COM and OC by himself as COM has autism and OC gets on her nerves just by being a toddler. OW just uses FWH as a free babysitter and only cares about her inconvenience, not anyone elses.

But, FWH is looking at getting a 2nd job because we are having a big financial strain. He called CS and asked them how it would affect it. They said that they look at the primary job and unless he worked enough in his 2nd job to raise his monthly about by 100 or more a month, it should not affect it. Our CS is also reviewed every 3 yrs and if OW wants it reviewed, she has to PAY to get it done. OW and BIL neither one has a full time job, just call in.

Anyway, OW will be Pissed if FWH can't watch OC due to work.

To answer a prior question, FWH tells people about the A and OC if they ask, pretty much saying that he "messed up and now has a son" he said that he will never deny OC. I don't broadcast it, but I don't lie about it either. OW and BIL lie and say OC is BIL's. To me, that is low, of course, OW lied to her 1st child and said H#2 was his daddy and didn't tell him until their D when he was 12!


Married since 5/99
BS-36
WH-39
1 COM
D-Day 6/27/09
In R OC born 12/15
D-Day #2 8/19/13

I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be-Jewel

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Heartland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, March 22nd (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I keep saying GOD has a sense of humor.

DS11 & OC10 have Spring Break this week. I had scheduled to pickup OC after work @6PM yesterday at the local park (our normal pickup/dropoff location). Since I had volunteered to get DS14 from school yesterday, I told him we'd leave my office @4:30PM then go to park early and we could walk the paved track which encircles the small park. We'd walked about 1 lap, when GUESS WHO shows up? We were about 45-60 minutes early, so I figured I'd get OC when OW showed up (even texted OC to call my cell when she got there, as we'd be walking track). OW, OC, & 5-yr-old half-sis showed up. OC's sister yells "I see OC's brother over there!!!" Then OW gets out of car & yells across the park something like "I promised OC & sis that they could play until 6. Is that okay?" I reluctantly agreed. So, OW, OC, & lil-sis go onto the playground area (OW pulls out a book & starts reading). DS14 seems amazed at how much larger OW's weight is since he saw her last. She is indeed much larger than b4 & I don't think she's preggers w/#2COM yet.

So, I kept hoping OC would want to leave early. DS14 & I did 7 more laps around park (2.4 miles in 8 total laps), having to see OW about 1/2 the circle every time around. Of course, if OW looked up from her book, she likely saw me & DS14 also.

If seeing her didn't trigger me so much, it'd be a good laugh. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm in a bizarre sitcom or something.

ALTERED,

You have nothing on paper saying fWH would keep OC during practices/ballgames? Why can't she manage OC when it's her time w/OC (they make Snugglies/front baby backpack thingies for a reason)? The rest of us mommies have to wrangle other kids, right? How come she gets a break? And, I completely understand fWH's reluctance to manage both COM & OC, due to COM's autism. Until we upgraded our vehicle to a minivan, it was quite difficult to transport 2 baby seats & a booster in our SUV's back seat. I basically had to buy a new vehicle to accomodate COM & OC together, particularly b4 another child moved into booster (since our state has fairly strict laws about how long kids must stay in booster - until they're 9 no matter what the weight). Before, I'd have to put kids in the vehicle in certain order & tilt the booster out to buckle the middle baby carrier & tilt it out again w/kid in it to buckle it. When I closed the door, I had to give it a firm shove, so all the seats would squeeze inside. It was quite fun, when I had all 3 kids w/me (newborn OC, 1-yr-old DS11, & toddler DS14). Fortunately, the only place i had to wrangle them all was @my moms house. fWH worked so much when they were all small, that I just would pile up & see my mom every Sunday, instead of keeping the kids quiet for fWH to sleep (graveyard shift).

I kinda understand how OW is about not telling people OC is your husbands (especially since she's a newlywed)....fWH always let people assume OC was mine, unless specifically asked (or he knew someone well)...I always said stepdaughter, if anyone asked me & fWH wasn't w/me. I let him do talking concerning OC, if he's w/us. It's just easier that way & I'm not the person having to make up some lie. Why should I lie for him, to save his honor?


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
tryingtosmile
♀ Member
Member # 30979
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, March 23rd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am still struggling with staying or leaving.
I guess a big question for me is for those of you who have stayed....
#1 Do you regret staying?
and
#2 are you happy?
I'm sorry I'm asking so many questions I just really have nobody to talk to about this.
Thanks xoxo


B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: TX
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, March 23rd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trying,

Am I happy?

Hmmm. Well, our M has it's ups/downs like any M. After OC was born & she started visitation w/us, it took a long time to get to some sort of normal. I wasn't happy per se, but comfortable. When we began having more issues w/M, fWH's need of me to be a nursemaid/attendant/waitress then I became more disheartened about our M. A#3 took me completely by surprise & then the truths about other things fWH had done & that OC was planned pregnancy that was attempted through 2 EA/PAs, well....I don't think I've been okay since then.

I have days when I don't think about it at all, but then days where I dwell on our situation. When OC isn't home for the whole week, I feel like DS11 is much happier & it makes the tension less @home. I have times when we go out as-family & I enjoy myself. When we completely left state for a weekend reunion & OC didn't go, it was so liberating to get away from home, OC/OW, work obligations, & pets.

I think you can be happy after OC, but if you stay then all the pre-A issues still exist. M is still the same struggle it always was. $$$ issues are more evident, when CS comes out of the 'pot' b4 anything else.

I can honestly say, that after fWH's first A w/OW in 1998, then 2nd in 2000/OC conceived, & third in 2008, that I always feel on the verge of D. Some days are very difficult & get my gears turning in my mind about the "what ifs" about D. Then other days, I get so scared that fWH will die and my fear of the grief is unbearable.

What I can say is, I would have regretted not staying after D-day#1 & conceiving DS11 during HB. Being blind to the truth about OC's conception allowed for R#2. I would have been very sad that DS14/DS11 had to grow up w/out 2 full-time parents, if I'd have D when I found out about OC. It would have really hurt to see OW/OC living in our marital home & raising OC in the way that DS14/DS11 have been.

As for R#3, it was great during HB & for a good long time. But, we still have OW issues. I am much happier that OW&fWH are NC (mostly) and that we have 'real' legal documents about CS & visitation (that's a big relief). I still have days when I say to myself "what in the hell did you think you were doing by staying after all you'd been through w/him & OC/OW then w/fWH's accident and health? How could you stay w/someone you were bending over backward to take care of & how good you'd been to OC & he disrespected you again?"

I think the disrespect involved with the infidelity (especially the planned pregnancy of OC) is much harder to deal with, than the fact that fWH was physically intimate w/OW...the fact that they loved each other over the span of about 10 years on/off As is difficult also.

I'm just rambling...does this make sense?


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, March 23rd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will admit, it was much easier to cope w/visitation when OC was tiny. She was in a living situation that was far from idea, passed btwn relatives & OW's friends because she was too busy w/work & BH#2 (then only dating/living together later). I felt like her basic needs were met @OW's, but she really needed us. I would worry about OC, when she wasn't w/us, because I knew how she came to us each weekend & I was sad for her. I always felt like OW just had OC to snare fWH, and she never really wanted OC @all...that everything else she told fWH was just an act. I believe she was determined to ruin our M, any way she could. When OC's birth didn't get rid of me, I think she was beside herself. Trying to make fWH jealous by dating & marrying BH#2 (she called to tell fWH she was marrying BH#2, but would call it off if we were D or S soon).

If OC hadn't been "needing" us so badly & been better off w/us, if OW had been a perfect mommy, I think it'd been harder on me. In all honestly, I think I was the best mommy she could've hoped for. OW should've given OC to us, when she was born. Things would've been so much easier.

I was very glad when OC got into daycare, as she had one of the most perfect daycares I've seen in this area. Her general health & hygiene improved drastically once she was put into daycare. One good thing that fWH's CS payments went to!

Request to choose & pay for daycare in lieu of part of CS, if possible....fWH was so relieved to know OC was being cared for 8-9 hours daily by people who knew how to care for babies & weren't potheads. Wouldn't it be nice if you could just buy OC's supplies (formula, diapers, wipes, clothing) instead of handing OW over the cash? Then, you wouldn't feel so much like OW was cheating COM & your families out of so much. You'd know exactly where the cash is going.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
anobligation
♀ Member
Member # 21445
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, March 23rd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryingtosmile,

I don't regret staying and yes I am happy. There are still the occasional days when I am overwhelmed with sadness. They are less frequent as time goes by though.

I would have regretted walking away and I would have missed out on the man my husband has become...the man I always thought he was.

We are no contact and I think that it makes it a lot easier on us and our family.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Oct 2008
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Frustrated  Posted: 11:20 AM, March 24th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OC asked me to call OW & give her results & info about allergy testing we took her to today. I was sickeningly sweet & professional (like I was the nurse from Dr. office) when speaking w/OW. Now that OC needs meds, I've gotta give OW the nasal spray on Monday after work.....yes, I've gotta see her skanky face again next week!!! Our school has a strict ZERO TOLERENCE policy & OC would get expelled & sent to the "special school" in our county for "mean kids" for the remainder of school year, if she was caught with any meds in her backpack. Certainly don't wanna make that happen. I suppose when OC's nasal spray needs refilled, we'll have to do this again next month (or OW will have to pay the $50 copay for the refill - hope the generic is cheaper, then maybe she'll pick it up for her instead). Maybe OW could get the prescript transferred to a more-local pharmacy near her house (like a different Walgreens or if her Food City has a pharmacy).


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey ladies! Sorry I have been MIA...I had to walk away from the computer for awhile and focus on the fam.

Let's see, what has happened? Well, we are still waiting to hear back from the court. Fwh's lawyer said to hold onto the bonus money until we get the official denial from the court for OW's recent motion. It should get denied because she didn't file in time, but just in case ya know?

Health insurance. Y'all know I provide that. Well, turns out OW contacted the company, and not only had them put a password on OC's acct, that password barred myself and fwh access to our own account online, and we can't get ANYTHING on the OC! No claims, no access, no NOTHING! I raised all hell with my HR (who were equally pissed) and the insurance company...turns out what she did was perfectly fine! So I'm dropping that insurance carrier, going with a different one, and password protecting it from the get go. F**kin cOW, I can't believe something I go to work and pay for SHE has control over, just because she is the custodial parent! But the law in our state says that no matter what the custody type is, fwh has access as the non custodial parent. So he sent off 4 letters to the legal dept of the insurance company, state HIPAA overseer/office, etc. The insurance company is trying to say that since she claimed she was worried about the violation of OC's medical security by me having access (but she also denied fwh access as well), HIPAA prevailed over the fact that I am the policy holder and fwh is the father! Basically my fwh has to prove that there is nothing barring him from the records/info/etc. Wtf?! My HR told me to drop the carrier at open enrollment and go with another who won't screw me like this. Oh u bet I complained to my provider and told them I am telling all my other co workers what happened and to drop them at open enrollment (which is coming soon).

Here's the thing. We now are convinced SOMETHING is wrong with OC, and she doesn't want us to know. I'm thinking he may be a drug or alcohol baby? But she is paranoid/petrified about us knowing his health info. Once we hear back from the insurance company and hear what they say, fwh is going to pursue legal custody plus get access to his medical records. I would feel so terrible for the OC and even more pissed at OW if she did something to him while he was in utero...

But NC has been awesome otherwise. There are days (usually when we get something in the mail from the courts or like when I found out on my own about the insurance, stupid company didn't even call and tell me anything!) That I fall apart, others where I'm glad I stayed. If I regret I stayed, my daughter wouldn't be here. So I can't regret. I do love my fwh as I have been with him half my life, and even well over a year later he has become the man I originally married. Plus he is an amazing father to our COM and they adore him, so yes a part of me stays for that too.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not surprised about the insurance. When we had a previous carrier, we were informed that when DS14 turns 14, he will have to make his own login for EOBs, for his privacy. Okay, what 14-yr-old would be reviewing EOBs for themselves to make sure things were paid etc.??? And I had to make separate logins for myself & fWH, because I couldn't see his claims & he couldn't see mine (but he could see all COM+OC & I could see COM only). Do you get hardcopy EOB statements mailed monthly to the policyholder?

It's odd how she could block your fWH from seeing OC's medical info, unless the court order said he wasn't allowed to make any medical decisions or have access to that @all. Does he have the right to request copies of medical records & is OW obligated to list fWH as birth father @physicians office (or in event of emergency)?

What if OW & OC were in an accident or something? Does anything put fWH down as "contact in event of emergency?"

As you recall, one of the ladies here had OW pass away & had to take custody of OC(s) w/fWH [or I suppose OC(s) would've gone into the foster care system w/fWH paying CS to foster care] As a matter of fact, I don't think we've had any updates on how things went [whether BS adopted, or if OW's family is NC w/OC(s)].

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 1:25 PM, March 28th (Monday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Repeat, she blocked fwh's access, and ALL claims (INCLUDING the EOB's will go to her address only! As the policy holder, I have ZERO recourse if something happens if she is fradulent, etc. We have no idea if the dr office has me listed as the policy holder (which she should), if she has fwh listed as the birthfather (we actually haven't seen the birth certificate but I'm sure he's listed now), etc. In other words its like she is the policy holder of his info, although she has nothing to do with the account. Strange huh? Also, she SPECIFICALLY requested fwh and I be barred. We know who the PCP is, and we are waiting to hear back from the insurance compnay's legal dept, as nothing says he can't have access according to the court records. Just that cOW has sole legal and physical. We found the state law that states regardless of custody, as long as there is nothing that says he CAN'T have access, he CAN have access. So we wait. Story of my f**king life. And he is going to march his ass to the PCP and get a copy of the medical records because again, nothing says he can't. But we are waiting to hear back from this new lawyer first. Its never freaking ending with this whore I swear...


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, March 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fyi: because fWH is listed on the birth certificate, we ordered legal copies from the state's website of OC's BC a while back. Nothing in the law says that fWH wasn't allowed a certified copy, so we ordered that right-out w/overnight delivery a few years ago (actually ordered several copies).

Also, if OC has medical issues, OW might be drawing disability for OC's medical issues (especially if born with debilitating health condition). IF OC is receiving medicare/medicaid, you could be in fraud w/insurance company if medicare isn't listed as primary. Hope OW is handling all of the coordination-of-benefits issues that might arise in that case. I know NC is NC, but if OC has serious life-threatening health issues, fWH would certainly want to maybe see OC before something bad happened. If your policy has a family lifetime max, is there potential for OC exceeding that also? Doesn't your HR dept get monthly/quarterly statements about employee usage of benefits? If OW decides not to pay the copays/deductibles/etc., are you personally responsible for picking up remaining costs (or is fWH?).


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Question  Posted: 7:16 AM, March 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When dropping off OC's meds @park yesterday (along w/map to allergy clinic), OW rolled down her window & yelled to ask "where are COM taking swimming lessons? I had promised OC & OC's half-sister that I'd get them some, but the local pool near our house isn't having them yet." Ugh! Lessons start today & Thursday (multiple times during afternoons) for 8x30-min sessions (one lesson/week for 8 wks). Wouldn't it be my luck, that OW signs them up the same timeslot as COM???? Then I'd have to sit while OW sat there for 30 min each week!!!

Just because I called OW to tell her about OC's allergy testing last week, that does NOT make us friends!!! I'm a Christian, but it takes all my willpower to not just cuss her or kick her butt, for being part of 1 ONS + 3 EA/PAs w/fWH and intentional conception of OC. What did I ever do to that woman, to deserve the torture she's played a part in???

I don't know, but I must've been very hormonal last night. Went to sleep crying. All I could think was, how could fWH do it? How could he be in OW's arms, telling her how much he loved her, trying to conceive OC (while I thought he was @work graveyard shift)...and I was at home alone at night w/a 4-month old newborn nursing him & a 3-yr-old toddler? And I was working full-time days also. How could he love another woman so much, while I had just given him two perfect little sons? He cannot undo, what has been done. I love him with my whole heart, but I hold back on giving him that because of fear of hurt again. I love him so much, but the heartbreak I feel about OW/OC is too deep for words to express. How can you love someone, you should hate? I always wondered how my mom (a battered wife & BS), could continue to love her XH#2....she must've led a tortured life until he finally went NC after shacking up w/OW#xxxxx (wifestress & stbXW). My mom went through OC issues, when her xh#2 disappeared for months & then OW had him served w/custody papers once he'd R w/my mom. How can I tell my mom, that I have new sympathy for her, that I never had b4?


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.