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Newest Member: DevastatedWH (43169)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC Thread (BS Only)
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, March 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Repeat, that's all info we need to know, and I expressed concern to the insurance company who frankly didn't seem to give a shit, which is why they are getting DROPPED. I don't know if what he has is life threatening as I'm sure OW would have tried to use that to her advantage to request more money. Fwh is considering getting one of those kiddie life insurance policies on him...just in case. Kinda messed up, but then again I have those for my 2 kids. My policy is a mega cadillac policy for the city, and no limits of anything. OC got to keep state aid as the secondary, which means OW doesn't have to pay copays or anything. It pisses me off...shit I had to pay $50 of copays, meds, etc in 1 week when both my kids were sick. And the nerve of her to say our daughter shouldn't be covered under the hypothetical CS order...freaking cOW. This bitch acts totally entitled to X, Y, and Z!

But we need to find out why OW is being so secretive with OC's medical info. I understand privacy but she has been flat out paranoid. And yes fwh is going to get a copy of the birth certificate and find out if he can get info surrounding his birth, because remember the OC was at least 4 weeks premature and was born via "emergency csection". I use quotes because I had 2 emergency csections, 1 being a true emergency and the other not quite but almost. Plus the OW has a history of marijuana use, and who knows what else.

And repeat tell OW there's got to be another pool! Augh I couldn't imagine having to deal with the damn cOW as often as you do, you get my props. And I just want to hug you repeat because I can't even imagine your pain. The cOW in our sitch meant jack shit to my fwh and that hurts, I can't imagine if there was some meaning, "love", hell even like. But karma will get them, that's what I say!


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, March 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Island,

My mom & I have often said that fWH's paraplegia in 2005 was his karma bus (well, I think act of GOD myself), but fWH gets very furious when we say stuff like that. I am still waiting on OW to get her karma semitruck/bus/train...whatever.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, March 30th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

VICTORY!!! FINALLY A WIN FOR US!!!

cOW's request for modification/reconsideration was OFFICIALLY DENIED!!! YES! She was trying to get more money out of fwh and FAILED! In fact, it only took 9 days for the denial, which apparently is SPEEDY!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Now don't get me wrong, I feel bad for the OC that his mama is SUCH a loser, but you know what?!? Fwh is doing HIS part ($275 a week plus the arrears plus a portion of his take home bonus pay...well it's safe to say he's doing his part), now it's time for her to step up and do hers. Get a damn job cOW!!! AAAHHHHHHHHHHH finally!!! I would've DIED to have been a fly on the wall to see her expression when she read her DENIAL! I'm TOTALLY sure she is going to try another stunt, but at least for now we are good. I am betting she pissed the judge off to no end, and I HOPE to hell she did!

She is probably going to try and file contempt charges on my fwh, which is why first thing tomorrow afternoon I'm opening up a new account for us, putting the bonus $ into it (he was holding onto it pending this decision), and writing the bitch a bank check so now she has NOTHING else she can get or do. The arrears are being taken out automatically (unless she raised hell with DOR, which I'm sure she will probably try to do to get a bank levy done, but we are prepared for that) so there is NO MORE money she can go after!!!

WHEW!!!


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
tryingtosmile
♀ Member
Member # 30979
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, March 30th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((( Island))))
Congrats!!!! I am so happy for you.


B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: TX
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay, Island!!!! Honestly, except for daycare costs included, I don't think we spent $275/wk on any of the kids as infants. $275 should be enough $$$ for OC to live comfortably, along w/anything else OW receives.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Repeat, she just wants the extra $ to pay her bills, keep her condo, the $30K car my fwh caught her driving. I wish we could request an accounting of how the $ is getting spent--since she said that OC's "basic survival needs" aren't being met (and we are going to exploit the hell out of saying that!), I wonder if fwh has grounds to request an inquiry. Hmmmmm....


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all.

New to this thread.

Deeply Scared recommended that I post here, even though my situation is a lot different than most of yours.

I'm a guy who found out my son isn't his, and I am choosing to stay in the relationship and fully own my fatherhood to my son. If anyone else can relate, I'd appreciate your story. Otherwise a couple of hugs wouldn't hurt.

Thanks,
LosferWords


Posts: 4512 | Registered: Dec 2010
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Happy  Posted: 9:48 AM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you all aren't familiar with LosferWords...he's a super nice guy that needs to be heard and validated with all he's going through.

I predict he will be a terrific addition to this thread and to give a man's perspective on what it's like to deal with an OC.

Welcome him with open arms and open minds


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 191837 | Registered: May 2002
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everyone I need SI mojo and prayers. I have a pending appt. with CPS concerning crazy things that the twins said to someone in their school. Because they took 4 weeks to contact me from the time they spoke with the children in school, I am hoping that they realize that these things are unfounded and that I have gave up a lot to make them part of my family.

The worker showed up yesterday to my home and talked to my oldest dd. I am upset with the school as I have always had an open relationship with them, but that is water under the bridge, it just want to meet with the worker and resolve this.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 10:23 AM, March 31st (Thursday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LoserForwords, welcome to our group. You will find great support and understanding here. My story is long and complicated but the just of it is we have custody of 3 of the OW's children, one of them is my H's and the twins turned out not to be once we had a DNA test done, but we have kept them in our family. My story is in my profile if you need some interesting reading.

This is an everyday struggle with alot of different emotions, but one thing I have noticed in the years I have been here is we all have strength. No matter which way we handle the OC situation, we all have strength and have survived this.

Again, welcome and I look forward to hearing your perspective.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is an everyday struggle with alot of different emotions, but one thing I have noticed in the years I have been here is we all have strength.

BMC0415, just by reading your profile, and what you are willing to do raising those kids, your strength is a given. Sending much mojo your way today. I hope your CPS meeting goes well.


Posts: 4512 | Registered: Dec 2010
stretch13
♀ Member
Member # 26894
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((losferwords)))))

i have hugs aplenty, not much advice for someone in R, but TONS of sympathy and understanding. i'm glad you have a place to come with all of these emotions and as respite from the rollercoaster ride you unwittingly strapped yourself into.

just remember, you are stronger than you think, and all emotions, good and bad, will change into something else. sometimes all you can do with a mood is tell yourself it won't last forever...moods never do...even when they scream at you that they will.

more ((((losferwords))) good luck with everything.


http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac


Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast
tryingtosmile
♀ Member
Member # 30979
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((losferwords)))
I don't have a lot of advice since I'm new to all of this. I'm sorry you are here but I/m glad you found us Sending hugs your way


B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: TX
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((LosferWords)))

Very sad to see another person end up in our similar situations, but you are truly welcome here. We don't often see BH here, I suppose because pregnancy by OM is much easier to conceal than a pregnant OW. There's no doubt in my mind that many many more OC exist out there, that WWs just pawns off as BH's child (COM) especially when there are no D-days.

I will have to read over your profile, or can you give us some details as to how you came to find out that WW was/did give birth to OM's child?

In general, I get the feeling if BH actually R & stays & raises OC w/fWW, that OM either doesn't know about OC being his child, or that he allows BH to adopt OC (or goes NC w/out CS issues?). I don't know if I've seen any posts on here, where OM does visitation w/OC (or OM gets full custody of OC).

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 1:50 PM, March 31st (Thursday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tomorrow is OW's b-day! April Fool's Day, is her b-day...considering how ironic her name is means "one who's chaste," having April 1st is a perfect birthdate. She'll be 34.

Know how I knew her b-date, she certainly wouldn't tell me....saw it years ago, when we got copy of OC's BC (which lists both parents bdates & state/county each was born in).

B4 we got custody/visitation legal papers in-place, OW never really cared if OC was w/her on her bday. Sad...so sad, that even when we offered to give OW the day w/OC (on fWH's day), she never really wanted her w/her (same went for Mother's Day). Since it's in writing now, she's forced to deal with OC on those days, even if she doesn't want her. Parents get OC on their own bdays, half-siblings bdays, & Mother/Father's Day (respective parent w/their gender's holiday).

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 2:17 PM, March 31st (Thursday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Losforwords))) very sorry you are here because of the circumstances, but we are all in a similar boat so welcome. There is such a wealth of knowledge from many of the folks here.

We are R, but are NC with the OW and OC (at this time). Its what works for us since the OW we are dealing with is nutty. No 1 way is the right way, and either way there is lots of support here.

R is hard NC, I would only imagine it would be harder if we had C. NC was solely my fwh's decision, and I support it. If he changed his mind and wanted C, I would support that too.

I just got in from work so gotta read and catch up, just wanted to drop by and give my support!


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the hugs and the warm welcome! Wasnít quite expecting that many responses right off the bat. Thank you.

My story is in my profile, but a couple of technical details that are worth noting:

FWW has been NC with OM since D-Day #1

OM does not know he is the father

Our preference is that DS has NC with OM

OM has no financial resources, but we still want to consult a lawyer to make sure DS is protected from any future contact (any advice on what type of lawyer to look for?)

We don't often see BH here, I suppose because pregnancy by OM is much easier to conceal than a pregnant OW. There's no doubt in my mind that many many more OC exist out there, that WWs just pawns off as BH's child (COM) especially when there are no D-days.

This is a great point, repeatBS326. Hell, I didnít even know my DS was an OC for almost seven years.

I have to admit, I feel a bit out of place in this forum, but it seems very supportive. I guess Iíll just be the ďodd man inĒ until other guys in my boat start showing up, too.

If anybody has any questions for me, fire away, Iíd be more than happy to help where I can.

Thanks again for allowing me to post here.

Losfer


Posts: 4512 | Registered: Dec 2010
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello! We have had a few guys pop in here before, and I actually hope that more BH feel comfortable posting with us. The dynamic is a little different--but the end result is still the same, an OC. And all that comes with the emotions, legalities, etc. that can impact R, our own healing, etc.

A family law attorney (if you can find one that does a lot of work with paternity cases that may be your best bet) would be able to answer your questions. We talked with those who offered a free consultation and were able to be shown in the direction we needed. Granted the first and second attorney sucked , but we NOW know who to look for and actually found a couple awesome attorneys.

I'll be back later, screaming infant!!!


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, IslandWahine, for the attorney advice in the midst of dealing with a screaming infant. That's awesome! I praise you on your ability to multitask.

All of this is so surreal to me. Never thought I'd have to deal with this kind of thing with my own kid. Really rips me up, to be honest. My world has been turned on its axis.

I am in total fighting mode for my son. I am putting him under my wing and I am ready to kick ass.

I am thankful that my FWW is taking the reigns on so many of these efforts as well, to protect the bond between me and my son and the family unit as a whole.


Posts: 4512 | Registered: Dec 2010
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Helpless  Posted: 10:21 AM, April 1st (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LosferWords,

Some legal things to worry about.

1) If you D, fWW might try to play the "it's not your child" card about visitation. From what I gather, if you were married when OC was born, it's financially your responsibility to pay CS anyway in most state, but a judge sympathetic to WW's ploys might deny visitation due to that very fact.

2) OM might get word of OC's birth & rumors that it might be his & file for joint or full custody @some point, plus back CS. Yea, if he's a broke loser, he might get CS (wouldn't that be horrible).

I had a friend in college, that said her stepdad wanted to adopt her, they had no way of contacting her mom's xH (biological father), so the courts required them to post legal notice in paper near place he formerly lived for X# days about contacting court system. When he didn't show up, stepdad was legally allowed to adopt her & have his name on her BC. This might be an option, if you are secure in fact that OM cannot be found easily by courts (or not want to be found if he has outstanding warrants or anything like that).

3) At some point, for health concerns, you might be forced to contact OM about OC's existence. Hopefully not, but it's quite possible.

Has WW said whether she believes OM might want contact or visitation w/OC, if he knew of the existence?

I'm so sorry for you. Even for many of us w/visitation btwn WS & OC, most of us don't have full custody/ access to OC daily. It would be hard to love OC the way you did b4 knowing, in my opinion...looking for OM's likeness in OC.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
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