I cannot believe neither OW or BIL are working! I suppose CS from all those baby-daddys & such must keep them going. It is sad that you will be home alone w/COM so much. I completely feel for you...fWH was working 77 hours weekly on graveyard shift prior to his accident in 2005. It was very hard dealing w/COM&OC while he slept & @night after he left for work....especially when they were very little or when some were sick.
What on earth will OW do when fWH cannot care for OC when she needs to go to ball practice???? Her built-in babysitter won't be available! I suspect she'll be trying to convince you (or get ILs to ask you) to care for OC when she needs to run errands or whatever!
Oh, if you can afford it, buy the book or audiobook of Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover, as it might help you set up some ways of paying down debt. CS would be so much easier to swallow, if you are debt-free on many other things.
I'm glad fWH did decide to take on a 2nd job temporarily though, it is his mess & it would be a shame if you had to miss time w/COM just so fWH could pay CS more easily.
THEN this bitch CALLS HIM. He didn't answer this time, he recognized the #. Mind you I'm of course at work. THEN this bitch sends him a nasty text that says "u must be dumber than dirt I told u not to send me anything without detail I do not accept this as a complete payment and will be filing contempt as directed by my lawyer". Omg wtf?! We KNOW she doesn't have a lawyer; no lawyer in their right mind would think she has a case! And if she is so "poor" how can she afford one? And how did she get to them if she doesn't have gas to get to a job?! I just want to scream! He sent a redacted copy of his paystub ONLY showing the bonus part, nothing else. Its non of her business to see anything else! The only documentation she "needs" is to see the bonus $ info, that's it. That's all he would've had to give to the CS office, so why is she so damn special?! She's NOT. He called me immediately and didn't call her back or answer the text. I told him the biggest F-you is to just ignore. She's baiting and fishing. She WANTS the attention, don't give in. He wanted to tell her off, to kick rocks but I told him he better not, and I know he hasn't.
Augh...I'm so disgusted!
Oh and she knows that you are keeping copies of her texts, so she is dumber than dirt for putting it in writing. It shows how unreasonable she is and now she has put it in writing for the judge to review. Not once does she mention anything about him seeing the child or being a part of his life. The judge should be able to see right thru her that all she cares about is money.
Can't wait for the karma bus to hit her and back over again and again.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 3:29 PM, April 8th (Friday)]
Thank you for your kind words. Your child is truly blessed to have such a wonderful father. You know it is kind of strange, but I have had people who don't know me, think the twins look like me. I smile and laugh, but maybe they are starting to look like me from living with me so much.
When it comes down to it, it is the kind of parenting that a child receives that determines who they are, not just DNA. My father was not in my life and he showed up in 1992 and most recently in 2008 and left again. I am who I am, because of how my mother raised me, the only thing my father contributed was diabetes, high blood pressure, and being overweight! Thanks dad
I look at it this way, we are the ones that they bring their accomplishments to for approval, we are the ones who will be there when they graduate from all kinds of level of school. When they have something go wrong, we are the ones whose shoulders they will cry on. And when they have a happy event like getting married and having a child, it will be us there smiling and supporting them. That is what makes a parent. He is your son in everyway that counts and for that you should be proud.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 3:27 PM, April 8th (Friday)]
That is what makes a parent. He is your son in everyway that counts and for that you should be proud.
Thanks BMC! This is the type of encouragement I was looking for when I came to this thread. I'm glad I am able to find support here. Thanks for sharing your story with me. It gives me hope.
Wish me luck!!
So thanks to everyone for setting my mind right. I had itchy fingers and just wanted to tell her off sooooo bad! But I'm home now, fwh fell asleep with my daughter (so no smoothie for me lol, that's ok!), and I'm just loving on my son who is being exceptionally CUTE today! My kids are my life, they make me so happy!
So now we wait...again...wtf...does this bitch like to be at court or what?! Oh...and GUARANTEE my ass will be there if there happens to be another courtdate....
I hate to ask, but is there any chance of convincing WH to get vasectomy (does he have health coverage COBRA that would cover it, even though he was fired), incase he slips again w/someone else. I don't know your story, but sounds like he's a bit wishy-washy about possible OC. She might be trying to lure him into another ONS or PA, since he figures "what the hell, she's already expecting my child" then she really get preggers. I honestly wish I'd have demanded fWH get vasectomy instead of my tubes tied. OC wouldn't have been here today...he could've had them done while he was on FMLA after DS11 was born. But, he might've been already having EA/PA#2 when I was preggers, so it's unlikely if they were trying to get her preggers that he'd have agreed to surgery or she'd have been really pissed @him.
Anyway...you cannot trust OW claiming OC. Sometimes it's a lie, but sometimes it isn't unfortunately. All he can do is wait out the 'pregnancy' and see if he's served w/custody or CS order (or DNA testing order). Maybe you should look into setting aside some $$$, just incase that happens...if an OC is born, he could have to pay pre-natal costs, OC's hospital costs, and back CS (while DNA is pending).
And, be prepared to take care of COM financially.
In your state, if fWH continues to be unemployed after possible OC birth, will he be required to pay some minimum CS or be in contempt & put into jail? Remind him to not assume OW's child is his either....would be so easy to get preggers & pin it on fWH, since she even likely has documentation @job that PA took place (since it was reason for his firing).
We'll be here waiting w/you...anxious for DNA if OC possibility comes about.
Take care of your M & COM, R is you choose. Worry about OC, once it's a reality.
Everyone @courthouse is likely to know you & fWH by name...with all the visits. Too bad you cannot make OW pay court costs...maybe your lawyer could suggest to judge that he tell OW that anymore stupid claims to more $$$ w/out just cause would require her to come up w/court costs out of CS/bonus $$$.
Anyway....thought you guys would enjoy a little story about Mother-of-the-Year. Since OW's BH#2 is now on shift where he goes in @3PM, OW stays up until 3am nightly, goes to bed until OC+lil sis need up for school, maybe gets up a few minutes (as OC gets her own food & BH#2 cares for lil sis), then BH#2 (who has a job & needs his sleep) has to get dressed & take OC & lil sis to school. OW is too lazy to get her butt out of bed to take them....why don't they just put them on bus??? How can BH#2 even consider giving OW another COM, when she won't even care for the kids she has.
Oh, OC's other house got a dog this week....I'm wondering if BH#2 thinks giving OW a dog will keep her from wanting another COM???? Or if he thinks OW won't run roads so much, if she's tied down...I bet not...she'll be the woman dragging a dog around, trying to sneak it into restaurants & Wal-mart!!!! I have seen people taking lapdogs into school 2 times lately....I think schools need sign that says "ONLY trained assistance dogs allowed on premesis."
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 9:22 AM, April 11th (Monday)]
I am the presumed father, because my name is on the birth certificate, and we were married at the time of birth. Up until DS is the age of 18, OM may file a claim to contest paternity. After that, he could petition for visitation.
On the flip side of the coin, if he were to contest paternity, we could nail him for back pay in CS!
There were quite a few other things we discussed, but those were the big hitters with me.
So, I don't think we're going to have to worry about any interference from OM anytime soon, if not ever, especially considering his lack of financial, emotional and intellectual resources and his history of being a pathetic father figure to his own kids.
This has been a long day. I am glad it is done.
I am glad to hear that lawyer gave you some useful information, but it's kinda sad that you cannot really do anything about him possibly contesting paternity in future.....kinda like a fear in the back of your head.
Do you guys plan on ever telling OC? I had a friend who was adopted by stepfather @very young age & when she found out she wasn't the bio child of him & mother, she was devastated. Both parents were devout Christians & she lost faith in them due to the lie and that she felt like her mother was a hypocrit because she so frowned upon premarital sex, yet she had a child out-of-wedlock.
What about family? Who knows you did the DNA & the results, anyone? Might people on your side change wills or inheritance, knowing OC wasn't your biological heir?
I hope the lawyer's visit will give you hope & allow you to try & cope with this and move on. I am glad you have a good relationship w/OC & hopefully OM's presence between that will never surface until OC is old enough to handle the information.
Yeah, it is very sad and frustrating that I have no control over this situation from a legal standpoint. I guess the only thing I can do if OM tries to interfere in the future is to make it as uncomfortable of a situation as possible for him. I think the laws were written to protect women and children from deadbeat dads who donít want to take responsibility for their own actions. Ironically, the laws work against someone in my position, who not only wants to fully financially support his son, but also emotionally protect him from outside negative forces.
We havenít finished our discussions about telling DS that he is an OC. We seem to keep going back and forth on that. Our greatest wish is that he would never know, but on the other hand, if he found out through some other means of us telling him, he would feel even more devastated and betrayed by his own parents. We do have some time on our side, considering he just turned seven, and he is WAY too young to talk to about this anytime soon. At some point we are going to seek some sort of psychological counseling to help us determine what the right choice is, and how to go about talking to him about it.
Amerasia has one family member that knows, I have two trusted friends that know, one of which is another SI member in the same boat. If other family members were to find out, I honestly donít see any resentment towards DS at all, but you never truly predict how one will react when presented with this type of information. Heck, I thought this whole situation Iím in with Amerasia would have been a deal breaker for me.
Thanks for the well wishes. I do have a GREAT relationship with DS. If and when he finds out about his biological heritage, I hope he can see the sacrifices I have made for him, not because heís of my blood, but because of my undying love for him.
one thing to think about with regard to telling/not telling...and this is just where my mind goes...an opinion....
remember how you felt when you found out about the A/OC? remember how disturbing it was, down to your core, that what you thought you knew wasn't true? for me, the cover-ups and untruths and omissions made it all seem unreal, surreal...it made me doubt my judgement, who i am, what my relationship really was, it completely rocked my foundation, and we'd only known each other seven years...
i just think it would be really, really hard to find out later, after building a life built on certain truths and expectations, to find out your parents "lied" to you your whole life. for most of us the lies are the most disturbing part of this experience, and what killed my M, really.
my two cents. you sound like a great, great dad. i hope the good karma follows you and yours
life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac
i just think it would be really, really hard to find out later, after building a life built on certain truths and expectations, to find out your parents "lied" to you your whole life.
This is something Alexa071 hit me with when we first started PM'ing each other a few months back. It is a tough issue that my wife and I are having a difficult time working through. It is also affecting me psychologically. I think my next step is to possibly get some IC with a psychologist who specializes in family matters, in order to work with me individually, and also as a couple to tackle this, with DS's best interest in mind. I started doing some research into Ph.D's in my area yesterday. Hopefully I will be able to find someone in-network that will fit the bill.
I understand what you mean. I'm not sure if I would have stayed if I had taken a DNA test the day he was born. Almost seven years of bonding with and nurturing a child, and it is a completely different ball game.
The OW in our sitch told my fwh that since she was older with no kids, she was unable to get pg/have kids. Now my fwh was a total idiot to fall for THAT old trick, but he did. So he was kinda duped (bpsince it takes 2 to tango, he only got kinda sorta duped. He shouldn't have put himself in the sitch to start...augh), whcih only adds to his resentment of OW (amongst other things). no excuses though, shouldn't have been messing around period!
Glad to hear that you got some questions answered losforwords. I think its safe to say your family is very lucky to have you!
Sooo....so far OW didn't cash the check. SIGH. I guess we are really going to be waiting for something else yet AGAIN to come in the mail. Wtf. And we did find out if she files the contempt, she COULD be responsible for fwh's lawyer's fee if he is found to be ok (which he would be, esp after his papertrail!). And we would be enforcing that. I know, she's "poor" and that would be mean, but damnit she needs to learn she can't cry foul for stupid shit, whenever she wants! she is pissed, not over just more money (a whopping $40--which if she didn't lie on the arrears stuff and scored the extra $450 we may have just stuffed a couple of twenties to shut her up...but too bad), she is dying to get her hands on my fwh's paystubs, whcih she is NOT entitled to! Oh, and we just found out she has been unemployed for OVER 3 YEARS! She used the absolute max for the unemployment, which the timing coincides perfectly with her plotting this pregnancy. Makes me wanna smack my fwh for making such a stupid, poor, life altering decision.
Time for bed, talk to everyone later.