OW and OC see stepDs less and less, but she is sure to make it to every "special occasion" (birthdays,big games, dances, graduations, etc).
StepD text FWH today and asked him if we could come to town a night early (we are having DDs bday there with my family the next day) so that she could take pictures with him before prom. Not much to ask, right? FWH told stepD they would "talk about it", then he asked me when I got home.
Well, it IS a big deal to me, as OW has done all the stepDs makeup for every big occasion in the past (including this last Homecoming, winter formal, etc). StepD posts pictures of her with her "stepmom" (meaning OW, not me ) or pictures of OW and FWH's XW, with captions that say "My two mommys" on Facebook after getting her makeup done. I do NOT want pictures of stepD and FWH on Facebook, alongside pictures of stepD and OW (especially is they are labeled "stepmom", as he is not married to that whore!!)
So, after I told FWH this, he just wants to tell her no, sorry, we can't make arrangements, but on top of that it has brought so many old resentments up for me, like seeing stepD always leave OW comments saying "I don't care who my dad is married to, you are my REAL stepmommy!" (this is after stepD knowing OW for just a few short months, and OW having come out to stepDs about her being pregnant with OC- if you read my profile, you will see stepDs actually knew before fWH did of her pregnancy).
I really want to be kind to my stepdaughter, and encourage her to have a relationship with DD and I, but at the same time I want to tell her to kiss off, go find your "real stepmommy".
Am I being unreasonable about the prom pictures? I have no idea where she wants FWH to meet her for pictures, since she lives with her mother she's smart enough to not have him there...
Also, just another situation of me being left out, especially if OW gets her fat, skanky ass in on this. I am the actual stepmom. Before the A, my stepDs used to tell me all the time how much they loved me, and what a great stepmom I was, called me "Mama Want2Help", and now I am chopped liver.
Just have fWH make up some lie about why you cannot make it a day earlier. But that you'd be happy to allow COM to get pics w/SD @b-day event.
OC called @7:30 p.m. and said "Daddy, why didnít you come to my music show @school tonight?" We knew it was coming up soon, but had no date/time for performance schedule. OC claims she texted someone (either me or fWH) - I did not get a text & OW had texted me days ago so I know I could've gotten one. OC said their house phone could not be found. OC's cell phone was dead. fWH asked why they didn't call from OW's cell & OW told her "I figured I couldn't call since they blocked me."
I blocked her from texting or calling fWH's cell directly. OC's phone & their home phone can call both places. I blocked fWH from sending/receiving texts to/from anyone except me & his male buddy. OC's phone is often left in OW's purse or @OW's home by accident & I wanted no possibility of sexting btwn fWH/OW to start again (so I blocked OC from texting fWH - so OW wouldn't use OC's cell). Anyone can call my work or text me or call the house!!! OC's granny & some visiting relatives from out-of-state were supposed to go to the performance, but only OW & OC's little sister went. OC had a solo speaking part. fWH was so disappointed for not being there for OC & it's a bunch of hooey about the phone thing. I am so mad, I want to call OW up and give her a piece of my mind.
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 10:02 AM, May 13th (Friday)]
[This message edited by tryingtosmile at 3:16 PM, May 13th (Friday)]
Sometimes, fWH are still wearing rose-colored glasses. They don't want to believe OW really are BAD people...'cause that means they weren't justified @all in what they did b/c OW is worse that what they perceived BW's faults to be.
fWH goes by his middle name. OW did not know that until he got the BC changed & had OC take his last name. fWH had no clue of OW's maiden name either (as he only knew her under married name & she kept after D). We were @Dr. office & I said "wonder if that person is related to OW?" He said, "why would you think that?" I said "b/c he/she has the same last name as OW's maiden name." I knew more about OW than he did (as I paid an online detective service to provide me every detail about OW after A#1; even b4 A#2 happened).
What really made me laugh was that OW (to be a POS) called when OC turned 1. Since fWH's name wasn't on BC, OW could not put fWH's name in the local newspaper's birth announcement column when OC was born. So, OW called us to ask fWH what his parents' names were (OMG you have had OC for 1 year & still don't know OC's grandparents' names?). She announced OC's 1st b-day in the local paper w/her new name and fWH's name & ILs names & where they live. Anyway...I thought it was very funny, even though the announcement revelation was a huge trigger. Very embarrassing. Like OW was actually proud to admit mOM was the parent of her child & she was almost like DIL for ILs!!!!
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 1:37 PM, May 16th (Monday)]
Here's our hairy schedule afterschool (I don't get off work until 4:30pm).
Pickup DS14 3pm
Meet bus 3:30pm
OC's allergy shots afterschool (3:45ish)
OC's swimming (6-6:45)
Meet bus 3:30pm
COM's lessons (5:30-6pm)
OC's lessons (6-6:45)
Pickup DS14 3pm
Meet bus 3:30pm
OC's allergy shots (3:30)
OC's swim 6-6:45
Take DS14 to work w/me
Meet bus 3:30pm for OC/DS11
DS14 pediatrician 3:15
OC swimming 6-6:45
Yay! crazy weeknights over
We've somehow gotta feed 3 kids also.
Tuesday, fWH has to pickup an extra chainlink panel w/FIL @tractor supply store. Whew!
This is last full week of school for DS11/OC10 (only 2 days following week). Now I've gotta go back to pickups/dropoffs for OC on Mondays on 5/30 (which is a holiday for me!).
P.S. OW would pick the only swimming hole in area that is barely wheelchair accessible. fWH will have to park behind the Community Ctr., wheel around to a service/delivery entrance, & wheel through entire ctr to get to the indoor pool area. Thanks OW...you aren't too bright & didn't even consider fWH's accessibility needs when picking a pool. OR, maybe you did & thought fWH couldn't possibly go see OC swim, if he cannot get into the bldg!
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 2:29 PM, May 16th (Monday)]
Sorry now I'm admitted...guess I was super spoiled with my maternity, had a private room then. Sharing now :-( boo. Don't know what time I will talk with the surgeon. This sucks, I have no sick time left, and $ is tight. But I guess s**t happens huh?
Keep me in your thoughts...I'm scared.
now about your gallbladder - good luck! recovery can be pretty quick. take it easy on you...you've got no choice right now.
life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac
Good luck w/the surgery.
Wow! Arnold...guess that's why he's dropped out of the spotlight lately, guess he knew the whole thing was about to blow up in the tabloids.
We got to swimming lessons w/OC too early yesterday...OC's little sister's lessons end 15min before OC's start. Unfortunately, b/c we got there early, OW was still there in the hallway drying OC's half-sister off. She hugged OC & such (an act for fWH's behalf or for the others standing around). OW had just seen OC that morning, but when I drop OC off @park she hasn't been seen in 1 week usually and I have never seen OC be hugged except the time OW hadn't seen her in 2 wks when OW's brother died.
Well, fWH said he'd take OC rest of week (T-Th). There was really no good choice. Either I risk running into OW 3 more times this week, or fWH run the same risk. He claims he will go in almost on-time (only 1 or 2 min b4 class starts). I hope he's being honest about it. Things aren't so great @home right now (fWH claims it's his health/pain but I have a horrible sinking feeling that it's something else). I just worry when fWH is around OW @all. I got so tense about seeing OW yesterday, that I was just a real witch the rest of evening. Snapping @everyone & didn't even do a workout.
I'm taking COM to their last swimming lesson today @5:30 p.m. & signing them up for a summer swimming class (2 wks - 4x/wk evenings).
i've seen you mention this a few times now...that things seemed a little "off." take care of you, please. ((((repeat))))
fWH broke NC yesterday. He couldn't leave well-enough alone. He felt compelled to make small-talk w/OW when she was waiting for OC's lil sis in hallway. I know it's not much, but I don't like it. He claims all he said was something like "it bothers me that parents have to sit in hallway & cannot see children during swimming lessons." And OW said "you've gotta let them go sometime." Where OW signed OC up for lessons, they have something like 10-15 kids in same class...one adult instructor & about 3-4 junior instructors (teenagers). Their classes are structured differently than @the other community ctr. OC's class is age-based (so some kids can swim & some cannot @all)...whereas our Red Cross swimming lessons are skill-based (every kid in the group of only 4-6 kids is on the same skill level basically). OC complained that they spent 30 min of the 45-min class helping a nonswimmer to try to get across the pool length on a floatie board. Anyway, OW should've just signed them up in the town closer to us all, but that'd been too easy. I just wonder if OW realized fWH would have to be around her some, since she knew COM had lessons in other town. She has weaseled extra jobs & switched to jobs closer to our home, just to be around fWH more.
Sometimes, I just don't know why I put myself through all this OW/OC drama. Is my M even worth the value I place on it? I just don't know sometimes if I stay because I don't like change & b/c the relationship I have w/fWH is the only one that went above casual dating (or lasted >3 wks). Do I cling to him, just because of habit? During HB after D-day#3, I thought things were going great & he was committed to NC w/OW and trying to be somewhat supportive (even though he allowed OW & her brood to harass me @games). Sometimes I just wanna say "me,me,me...put me first & OC 2nd." I know, I'd never put fWH first & COM 2nd, but to me...OC is secondary to COM&me. But, I know OC is the same to fWH as COM are (maybe even more important b/c he risked everything to have OC).
what do you get from this marriage? how much joy? how much do you feel cherished and important and #1? does it lift you up and make you proud?
if you feel those things enough, then you know why you stay...if you don't...then perhaps it really is the comfort...or not wanting anyone else to have him...not wanting to "lose."
i've watched you deal with so much drama...but that is expected in the OC world, right? but what about all the lifelong hypervigilance? after all this time, you still can't get him to keep solid boundaries and maintain a united front unless you watch every move he and OW make.
i wish you could feel more secure in R. i wonder what fear keeps you there after years of feeling so threatened. and is it scarier than more infidelity?
you deserve to live YOUR life, not police FWHs or OWs (or OCs). i don't know...i'm not one who's succeeded at dealing with this....all i've got for you are hugs galore. (((((repeat)))))
Okay, they were fighting when I dropped them @school yesterday...screaming @each other on the sidewalk about 10ft from each other as they walked into school.
Well, I hear from fWH last night that OC was bullying DS11 again & punching him on the bus. DS11 is much smaller than OC10 (by about 60 pounds). DS11 up & punched OC in the face on the bus! OMG. I don't think it was a good thing, but I'm not surprised either. I'm just glad bus driver didn't seen any of it, as DS11 has perfect attendance this year & a school suspension for either child wouldn't be good. DS11 has just gotten fed up with the bullying from OC & I don't blame him. fWH has threatened OC w/going back to custody agreement visitation schedule (every weekend only & a few holidays)...I know OC is fWH's responsibility & the decision isn't mine, but I wonder if COM would have an easier life w/out OC around for full weeks?