I am feeling better, much better that the infected gallbladder is gone! Have horrible gas pain, but feel fine otherwise. Waiting for breakfast and then fwh will come and get me. We haven't talked about the arnold thing yet and not sure I want to.
Gotta run, I finall get to eat real food after 36 hours!
I'm so glad you're feeling better. Has it really been 36 hours? How have you been handling lil COM? Didn't you say something about pumping milk (just for relief or storage)? You've gotta be supermom for doing that.
Thanks everyone, for your support. When I think things are a little easier, then stupid OW stuff rears it head again. I'm glad Thurs is last day of lessons. I won't have to see OW until 5/30 (my holiday day off)....and fWH did promise to take me out Memorial weekend on a 'real' birthday date (if we can find a sitter - think my mom is out-of-town @wedding). I know this is mean, but w/my b-day midweek, I'm almost relieved that OC isn't home that day. I just hate all the DS11/OC10 fighting. I am moving an old PS2 into OC's room tonight while she's @swimming & think maybe she will stay locked in there playing a singing game, while DS14 hogs HDTV in living room & DS11 plays on PS3 in bedroom.
I am so glad school is almost over....except we have to finish DS14's homeschool courses & get grades turned in by 6/30.
Oh, did I tell you? DS14's school won't order the online curriculum we wanted for DS14/DS11, so we will only be allowing them both to do on-campus school for electives & I'll be doing homeschool for both COM next fall. I'm crazy, I know. Still thinking about that pricey campus Christian school, but I just don't think we could swing >$500/month per child, as it would use almost all of COM's checks each month. It would be a dream though....that school is awesome & even has competitive sporting teams that are in our public school's district for events (even has middle school sports teams). Pray for us, that we make good decisions & GOD watch out for my COM & our M. It wouldn't hurt if you prayed OW disappear from face of earth, but that's just too much to hope for, right?
((repeatbs)), you have been going thru this for so long. But I must say something has to give, this is negatively affecting your COM in more ways than 1. Your ds should not have to tolerate bullying from anyone let alone someone who is staying in his own home.
As the OC gets older as I have warned you before it is just going to get worse. You really need to take some kind of stand here with your H to protect your COM from this kind of behavior. Going back to the previous custody arrangement might be the best idea for this situation and your own peace of mind. You have turned your life inside out trying to accomodate everyone else, something has to change.
As I told you before I feel so hurt for you that you are still having fresh fears over this situation. I don't know your H, but from what you post here, he is really not doing much of anything to help lessen those fears for you of him and the OW reconnecting. I would hope that he understands all that you do and have sacrificed and put your feelings first.
As for my h, he did come and say sorry to me last night, but he is still in the dog house fo saying it in the first place. We have a lot of work to do on our marriage and living separately is not helping. Taking one day at a time, that all I can do.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 9:14 AM, May 18th (Wednesday)]
It's getting closer to the due date and I'm just stressed as can be. The Arnold thing affected me so much yesterday. I couldn't stop crying. I'm @ the point where a handful of pills and a bottle of vodka are sounding better and better. I can't shake this hurt. I feel like not only did he break my heart he ripped it out of my chest. I know we had issues last year but even still I loved him so much. Breathing is a chore these days. I know he loves me. I can feel his hurt and guilt. I know he wishes he can go back in time and reverse this but he can't and I just don't know how to live with his mistake. I'm not perfect I've made mistakes too but not so big as to destroy everything. I wish she would disapear just go away. I wish she would get hit with the Karma bus. She is a mean nasty coniving bitch. The sad thing is she is probably happy and sleeps @ night.
[This message edited by disrespected666 at 10:53 AM, September 17th (Saturday)]
I hope OW has been watching the news and sees the affect infidelity and illegitimate children have on families. I hope she reads all the horrible things people are saying about this other woman. Somehow she'll convince herself that she is different...that she is better. In the end they're just selfish arrogant homewreckers without any real morals or conscience. What goes around, comes around.
[This message edited by disrespected666 at 10:56 AM, September 17th (Saturday)]
We've come across miracle OW here before (where fWH's semen is incapable of producing offspring for BW, yet OC just happens in the 1% of viable sperm).
Well, fWH cannot avoid the situation forever. He needs to be setting aside $$$ from his paychecks for back CS & likely some legal fees that'll fall into his lap. A judge will look more harshly on him in CS consideration, if he appears to be a deadbeat father. In many states; however, there seems to be a standard calculation formula (whether it's %-based, or using visitation & income both). He really needs to get on this, or some huge CS payment might be due/full once OW gets her ducks in a row.
And, if you're extremely lucky, maybe OC won't be his, but don't bet the farm on it.
I know this is all agonizing, the waiting. fWH knew OC was his...yet he led me down this path of elaborate lies & let me await anxiously for the DNA results. I don't know if by that time, he really hoped OC wasn't his...or it was all an act. When the results came & I broke down & had to leave the room after reading them to him (he's dyslexic)...he came in & hugged me and said something stupid like "I wish OC were yours." It didn't make that paper saying something like 99.98% probability of paternity any easier to swallow.
What would it have said if it weren't his OC, would it have said "0.02% probability" or "0% probability?"
You're right, I'll start pushing. Weird that I have to take up the cause. He's basically Mr. Mom right now, has been for a couple of years now since our business took a dive. He doesn't have a job or much income so I don't know what is going to happen. If it starts to cost me money from my paycheck, I'm out of here. I've told him so he better be ready to work at McDonalds if it comes to that.
alleged father is excluded. Based on the genetic testing results, the probability of paternity is 0%
Please pray that's what ours will say. Not likely since she planned this but I am still praying.
I had the most lovely room in partner, this little old frail lady with beginning alzheimers who fell down. Poor thing. But sweet and funny, I couldn't have asked for a better roommate!
I'm feeling real sore. Fwh took the nite off tonite to help with the kiddos, thank goodness. We had a good hard cry yesterday before my surgery. He of course was assuming the worst, blamed himself that it mustve been stress that caused it, and panicked over the thought of what if I died. It was nice to hear him say some of the stuff he did...because I was starting to question R. Just the realization of everything, OC's bday coming, etc. But this surgery (yea I know, corny and cliche) helped me to realize how short life can be, how fragile, how something unexpected can happen and poof, life and family gone. So going to focus less on this shitty sitch (as much as possible...) and more on my family.
I am off work til Monday.. I have no idea how we are going to afford it, but we are going to have to figure something out.
Going to sleep early, I hope we all find peace, no matter our decisions.
Thought I'd avoided OW altogether. Parked around back (where fWH usually parks @handicap spots) & even went in end door. Waited until OW couldn't possibly be in-the-bldg anymore. Start walking on sidewalk & guess who drives by, rolls down window, & yells across street @OC things like "love you, missed you, etc." Why didn't OW just call OC's cell while she was home b4 lessons (as OW had to wait inside community ctr for 45 minutes for OC's half-sister)? Okay, so I didn't avoid her that day...devised another plan for Thursday (incase fWH let me take OC again).
Okay, parked on same side of bldg as OW, parked VERY far away from door. Made OC sit in car until OW was inside her car (could see her). Think I'm okay, but get out of van to walk OC inside & OW pulls her car ALL THE WAY over to where we were parked, rolls down her window, & says something lame like "your sister has been bugging me all day to give you a hug."
I might just be paranoid, but I think OW does this stuff on purpose to make sure I'm as uncomfortable as possible.
What's funny is, next week OW will be awaiting OC...what will those people think who've seen me & fWH. Some are quite chatty & one even sits w/OW during first set of lessons 'cause she has kids in both classes also. Will she ask "is the handicap guy your xH & that his new wife?" I could only wish that she squirms in her seat even a little about being the OW w/OC. Or if someone asks "how long has your xH been married to BW?" And OW has to say "BW's been married to fWH for >17 years & he's not my xH." Oh well.....could only hope OW feels a little shame in what she's done.
Anyway...I have a little for you guys. On Tuesday, fWH took OC by himself & remember fWH broke NC. Anyway. He told me yesterday that OW saw OC & said "what a cute bathing suit." And OC responded with "It's one of MOMMA...I mean BW's old ones." fWH said OW kinda got quiet after she found out the suit was a hand-me-down from me! OC has 1 new suit from last year (outgrown supposedly), two from my mom (OC claims are too big), and two hand-me-downs from me. It's very hard to find swimsuits that don't have plunging neckline for a 5ft tall 10-yr-old who weights >125 pounds & has a gut like someone who's 6-8 months pregnant. The one she was wearing fit me when I was >200 lbs. & looked like a granny swimsuit 'cause it has a little skirt to hide the flab (yes, I bought it to hide the bellyroll I'd been sporting for many years). It doesn't fit me anymore because I'd lost that 35 lbs after D-day#3. Anyway...thought you could use the little funny on OW.
OW saw OC & said "what a cute bathing suit." And OC responded with "It's one of MOMMA...I mean BW's old ones."
Hahaha, I hope she was picturing how hot you must look in it.
OC said she likes seeing fWH, DS14, & me, but not DS11. Well, DS11 feels the same way about her!
We just found out that OC has been eating double lunches (we send her w/Lunchables which cost a pretty penny & she's been spending BH#2's $$$ off the mealticket @school, b/c OW couldn't pay it, BH#2 paid enough to finish out year for OC in breakfasts & lunches). She said the 400 calorie Lunchables leave her hungry!!!! No wonder she's been gaining enormous weight, she's overeating so much. And, this week, she's been eating dinner afterschool & requesting MORE food after swimming lessons. OW is going to think we are trying to make OC fat or something!
fWH is going to call OW & see what they can agree upon about visitation. I suspect OW could not afford to feed OC the extra two whole weeks, if she's there during the schoolyear! B/C she's spending every last cent of OC's $$$ on whatever she deems appropriate for that $$$.
The whole damn thing just sucks.
While I was discussing it w/fWH (I'm still @work), OW texted me for OC to call her. I don't have a clue what OC has texted OW, OW's mother, or OC's cousin, but I suspect she's boo-hooing via text about us mistreating her.
OH! and OC said she doesn't like to come home partly 'cause it's a mess. fWH asked if her other house was a mess & she said BH#2 makes them do chores & OC actually cleans up after herself!!! OMG. She is such a slob @our house, that her room is even messier than COM's shared room! And fWH & I do almost all the household chores! OC said she even gets herself up in the mornings, while we've been spending about 30 minutes daily begging her to get up & dragging her out-of-bed...and OC has no set bedtime @OW's house, but she goes to her room about 9:30-10pm on school nights & stays up however long she wants!!!!
I was basically having a good day until OC pitched a fit on fWH!!!! She does not know what bullshit we have endured to have her in our lives b/c OW isn't a fit mother, but she just sees that OW stays in bed all the time, or runs the roads. OW doesn't even COOK....she takes them to OW's mom's house for dinner most nights, plus OW's BH#2 is about to get laid off work, how does OC expect OW/BH#2 to afford her, when her $$$ is already spent b4 she even uses it for cheap-o school lunches!!!!
Whew! I had to get that out. Like I said, I was actually having a good day today...no triggers, nothing. I was happy there wasn't any swimming lessons today & we were going to have a good weekend.
I guess the NICE house that OW can afford w/BH#2 is much better than what we have...oh wait, maybe we could've had a nice house if we hadn't paid for OC's CS for 8 years (>$38,000)...and didn't have to pay for everything she needs @our home (food, diapers, formula, clothing, etc.)! OW actually OWED fWH CS, instead of vice-versa all those 8 years & we never knew it. OW was making >$70,000 by herself & we were barely making that as a couple except a few years when fWH got excessive amounts of overtime & double-time for Sundays!!!
Here we sit, fWH having so much stress over OC, worrying about her wellbeing & that ungrateful child (yes, typical 10-yr-old behavior)...could care less. fWH may not even LIVE to see OC's 18th birthday, but all OW cares about is OC's $$$$ (or taking fWH from me on a whim)...and all OC cares about is WHICH parent is more fun! Of course OC gets lots of new clothes @OW's house & can go out-2-eat frequently, what she doesn't realize is OW is squandering OC's $$$ on living above her means, while we are not. WE don't get paid to love OC or do things for her, OW treats herself to manicures/pedicures, new flooring, brand new car....all on OC's $$$. I have half a mind to make fWH go back 2 work, me be SAHM & homeschool mom, and let OW get her measly CS $$$ ('cause it wouldn't be much on fWH's income since he cannot physically work the extra 30 hours OT he was when he wasn't in a wheelchair).
UGH! wish me a good weekend. I guess I'll see what fWH says to OW & vice-versa when I get home.
fWH told OW that he's having the CS/visitation adjusted to current incomes & visitation of alternating weeks (like OC requested last fall). He said nothing about going back to every weekend for us & nothing about OC's comments about not wanting to come home to fWH's house.
fWH was so bold as to ask OW how much she receives in disability (she said before that SSD changed her to being payee for OC's $$$ b/c her check was less). Ok...guess how much less!!! Only $200/month!!!! fWH pulls in $1600 & OW $1400, so OW gets OC's $800 check, when on paper, OW only has OC 22 days more annually. SSD isn't quite in alignment w/child support calcs, I suppose. Anyway, OW hasn't had enough $$$ for things for OC, but now we find out she gets $1400 (minus what she says she has to pay for health insurance, b/c she's not eligible yet for Medicare), plus OC's $800, plus their COM's check (max of $700 - or 1/2 of OW's check). She potentially gets $2900/month even b4 BH#2 brings in any income. How can she not afford to give OC $$$ for the field trip from "her" money and BH#2 had to pay for it & also give OC $$$ for her mealticket? BTW, they are a no-share family, where you get to blow any $$$ left after 'your bills' are paid, even if other spouse's bills are behind (like in event of layoff or excessive medical bills). I don't understand how you can let your home or primary transporation be jeopardized, because of 'his' & 'her' moneypots. I am surprised BH#2 even pays for OC's food & field trips when OW has spent all of OC's $$$ on what she believes are necessities. AND, OC said that they get whole new wardrobes in fall for school....I'm sorry, when you aren't rich, you don't replace everything just because kids saw it last year...you have to outgrow it (or it be too damaged to pass down to sibling) before it goes out of household clothing rotations.
Two other things I must mention:
OC said OW leaves them alone in car (OC10 & 5-yr-old sister) while she runs into stores for 1 or 2 things. Really? They have busted multiple parents for this in our county, yet OW still thinks a 10-yr-old & 5-yr-old can safely remain in the vehicle alone????
#2: OC needed to run to restroom @Wal-mart. I told OC to wait a second & I would go w/her. She said, "why do you have to go w/me...OW lets me go across the store by myself & just come back when I'm done." We live in redneck, child molestation/abduction territory....is OW really that lazy that she cannot wheel a shopping cart across the store to take OC to bathroom? I can see if OC was DS14's age, but I suppose I'm overprotective 'cause I don't even let the kids w/cells roam around the stores alone. They must be w/in earshot & eyesight. I just think OW is taking such a big risk on something bad happening to OC & OC's little sister. I allow DS14 to watch DS11/OC10 while I pump gas, but if I have to go inside to pay, I actually make them all pile out of the car....I guess I just value their lives/well-being more than my inconvenience.
while waiting for 1 hour in Wal-mart checkout yesterday after church, we could not help but notice all the Arnold tabloid about the impending D & OC situation. DS14 said "isn't that the guy from the Terminator movie?" I said, yep...and former Governor of California. I went on to say how sad it was that he's in the news about his D & that he told his wife that he had a 10-yr-old OC. I also said "that it's very ironic, isn't it?" DS14 laughed a little, as he's old enough to know everything. OC asked me something about what I was saying & I told her that it was an article about how he had a child with another woman, while he was married to his wife and now they're getting divorced.
OC said something like
That was very mean and selfish of him, to have a child with someone else while he was married to her.
It would just kill OW to pay CS, wouldn't it????? Anyway. fWH said he'd stuff OC's CS $$$ into a savings account for her, since OW doesn't put anything away for her. I think we should use it for OC's caregiving costs, but it's not my decision to make...is it? I do not want fWH to write it off & tell courts "OW will buy all her clothes & pay for extracurriculars" because we know OW just spends OC's $$$ and sometimes BH#2 is actually paying for that stuff instead (and we certainly NEVER see OC bringing a suitcase of clothing to wear!).