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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC Thread (BS Only)
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((trying)) & ((hurt)) I am so sorry. I don't have any words of comfort right now, just hugs.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
stretch13
♀ Member
Member # 26894
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((everyone))))

today is one of those days where i want to leave SI like an ostrich sticking my head in the sand. i can't believe how many of us face this issue. it's sickening. part of me still wants to believe it didn't happen to me...enabled by the MIA OW and OC.

but like i used to tell XH - the genie is out of the bottle, the bullet is out of the gun, and a bell can't be un-rung. i'm just sad for everyone involved today...from all of the "regulars" to the JFOs i see pop up far too often with OC questions. i thought i was as disillusioned as i could be...but it grows with each new member of this club.

[This message edited by stretch13 at 10:59 AM, June 1st (Wednesday)]


http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac


Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stretch I agree, I have this horrible wave of sadness that has come over me lately. I am usually very supportive, but I feel beaten today for the pain that I feel not just for myself, but for the pain I have been reading here from everyone lately.

I know this will pass, but damn it hurts.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 12:08 PM, June 1st (Wednesday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
WasAlmostThere
♀ New Member
Member # 32298
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello ladies (and any gents), I've been wanting to post here since finding this site about a month ago due to being in a similar situation but I wasn't sure because unlike seems like all of you I'm not married. I'm going through this - if it can even be compared - with my boyfriend of almost three years. Even typing that makes me feel like I don't belong. But I did want to say that a lot of your stories have helped me in amazing ways since finding out. I believe every marriage that can be saved should be worth the effort and I love watching/reading about you ladies putting in the effort. I want to send special hugs to trying because yours is a story I really followed since you like I, have been still in the waiting phase of the baby being born. I'm really sadden to hear of the trouble between you and your spouse, I've been praying for you two. Anyway just wanted to say hello, feels kind of rude to gain so much and never stop in to say thank-you. I know I'm 'just a girlfriend' but on some level I do feel everyones pain here so hugs for us all.

Posts: 25 | Registered: May 2011
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((BS's/BSO's with OC's))

Offering hugs to everyone out here. Although I don't post often, I do read here every day. Know that you are all heard and you are all in my thoughts.

((WasAlmostThere)) - Thanks for mentioning the gents. I am one of them! The fact that you are not married does not minimize your pain in this at all. I'm glad you found the courage to find comfort in this thread and to drop in and offer support.

Losfer

[This message edited by LosferWords at 1:34 PM, June 1st (Wednesday)]


Posts: 4512 | Registered: Dec 2010
tryingtosmile
♀ Member
Member # 30979
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((WasAlmostThere))
Thank you its been a struggle yesterday I wanted to die. You are as welcome here as anyone. Although I'm sorry you are here. It's def a place you don't want to be but there are some wonderful people here


B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: TX
hurtbeyond words
♀ New Member
Member # 31772
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like my life is just crazy. After all day bawling and coming to terms with his leaving he decides to stay and claims to want to be married! What to do am I weak to believe that we can eventually work this out or will it just keep rooler coastering. He just needs to get his crud together so i know exactly where I stand by myself or with him as a team like we did before the OW

Posts: 15 | Registered: Apr 2011
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for everyone. I wish I had words of wisdom, but my marriage ended last night and I am totally shell shocked. I posted about it in general, I just can't belive this is happening.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry BMC. ((BMC)) You have been here for so many of us through our toughest times - we will be here for you. You are an amazing mom!


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
hurtbeyond words
♀ New Member
Member # 31772
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC- I am so sorry and I wish I could say something uplifting, but there are no words and you are honestly living my biggest fear right now that this is how it will end for me and if it does I hope I will be as strong as you are being. You are so wise and give such great advice. I am saying a prayer for you and sending you good thoughts

Posts: 15 | Registered: Apr 2011
disrespected666
♀ Member
Member # 30411
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC - I'm so sorry for what you have gone through and what you continue to go through. You can get through this just like you've been getting through this for so long. Stand up for yourself and remember that you don't deserve anything less than to be happy. Scream, cry, then pick yourself up and look forward not backward. I will be sending you positive and peaceful thoughts until you find your own peace. In the end, you will have your dignity and the love of your children and those are the most important things. Your WH and the OW will reap what they have sown.

Posts: 78 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: hell
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 12:45 AM, June 3rd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just found out (through Facebook, no less) that my FIL is flying in in the next week with plans of meeting OC (who is now 3).

Well, isn't that fucking nice? He has never met our DD. In fact, never even bothered to call since we had her. No congratulations, nothing. Oh, but she is nothing special. Just the child FWH and I dreamed of and talked about for 8 years before we decided the time was right to have a child. Nothing exciting. She wasn't conceived in a camper in someone's driveway during sordid fucking affair sex. Her birth didn't cause the total devastation of a family. Just a boring, run of the mill, child of marriage.

I FUCKING HATE MY INLAWS, I FUCKING HATE OW, I HATE THIS LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[This message edited by Want2help at 1:12 AM, June 3rd (Friday)]


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1944 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
tryingtosmile
♀ Member
Member # 30979
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, June 3rd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((W2H))
I'm so sorry they hurt you. I want to thank you for being such a support for me the last couple days. You are amazing and I just want you to know that.

((BMC))
How are you holding up? I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you.


B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: TX
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, June 3rd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Trying. I am more mad than I am sad this time. I am concerned about the OC as I feel that he will not be able to handle it. But I don't want to get caught up again and I know he will try to pull me in after a while. I am still in shock. I told him he has to come over and explain this to the kids. Of course he has yet to come over. My mother thinks he is talking bull and will be back. I just can't let myself think that way. I will not fight for him anymore.

((Want)), that is the most insensative thing a grandparent can do. That is one of the things I hate about my father-in-law playing favorite, but especially with OC over your own dd, very painful. I am so sorry.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
tryingtosmile
♀ Member
Member # 30979
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, June 3rd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to take the time to thank all of you wonderful peeps for all of your support and well wishes. I guess since we are splitting and I won't have to deal with the OC now I really don't belong here anymore. I wish evreyone peace love and some happiness.


B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: TX
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, June 3rd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((trying)))
I hope it isn't true for you, but even if you D you will likely be affected by the OC situation from time to time, and if so, we are here for you.

Sorry about such an angry post, I am just so hurt. My inlaws used to go on and on about how I was the "best thing to ever happen to FWH", and how glad they were that he could "finally be happy" (after marrying such a snatch of an exwife). The xmas before the A (literally months before the A) we got all kinds of cards from his whole family, still got calls on holidays, everything (I do not have a lot of family, just a lot of cousins and one grandmother who is in very poor health). The years since the A, we spend every holiday alone (just FWH, DD and I). No cards come in the mail, from anyone. No one to cook for on Thanksgiving, nothing. Not even a phone call. My daughter is growing up without a family beyond her parents, while OC has OW's family (which is huge, as they are all hillbillies with tons of kids), her new babydaddy's family (they consider OC their son's), AND FWH'S family. I cannot stand it, it is so unfair to my DD. She did nothing to deserve being treated like this.

Also, if OW can milk OC for some more drama/attention, I have no doubt she will change her mind about the adoption. Things were finally dying down over OW and OC, and it seemed like people were finally moving on with their lives.

Anyhow, I am making FWH call FIL tonight. I told him to invite him up to see us when he gets to this state (we live a couple hours from OW), and if he mentions OW and OC, ask him not to see them. I hope that if FWH explains the situation (that he is NC with OC, that OC may be adopted soon, that OW has literally tried to RUIN our lives, stalk my family, etc) that he will change his mind, but I doubt it. He is a stubborn ass when it comes to these things.

And it's not like FIL has these great morals and values, he split on his own kids when they were VERY young (FWH and his sister were toddlers) and may even have an OC with my MIL's sister! Yes, see if you can follow that twisted family tree- my FWH's cousin may be his cousin/sister.

I guess my daughter is paying for FWH being NC. FWH is NC with OC, FWH's family is NC with my daughter.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1944 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
tryingtosmile
♀ Member
Member # 30979
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, June 3rd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

W2H
Thanks I just don't want to impose on ya'll. Im sure i will have OC drama still because my kids don't want to meet her. They are so angry.
I'm so sorry your in laws are Aholes. The saying blood is thicker than water does not always hold true. WH's family made it so much harderfor us to get custody of his son. I was so amazed a family could be like that. My family fights but come hell or high water they have your back no matter what. His family helped her repeatedly. I understand your pain we are here for you.


B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: TX
disrespected666
♀ Member
Member # 30411
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, June 4th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband has the appointment for DNA testing tomorrow so I'm getting prepared for the worst. I hope I can handle the results but I know I'm going to fall apart (again).

[This message edited by disrespected666 at 8:22 AM, September 7th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 78 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: hell
anobligation
♀ Member
Member # 21445
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, June 4th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC-
I don't post often but I read here alot...I mean alot! I've always felt like you were the mother hen of this thread. You've always supported and encouraged any and all of us who have posted here. You have your own personal issues and yet you always take the time for others. You have a special place in my heart because of that.
I hate, absolutely hate, what you are going through right now. I am sending up prayers for your strength, peace and resolution. I only want the best for you because that is what you deserve. Know that this too shall pass....

Posts: 76 | Registered: Oct 2008
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Angry  Posted: 1:05 PM, June 6th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good weekend. OC has behaved rather well. I was quite surprised. No fist fights w/DS11 or anything.

One uncomfortable situation OC put me in, was that she came to tell me OW said she needed her back early tonight for vacation Bible school this week. I was giving OC all sorts of excuses (like she has to absolutely be ready b/c I don't get off work until 4:30pm & OW wanted her @5pm). I said, "let's go ask Daddy." We walked into bathroom where fWH was bottlefeeding some kittens & fWH said 5pm is kinda tough on me getting home from town & then over to park, why couldn't we do 5:15 or 5:30? Then ALL THE SUDDEN, OW's voice chimes in "5:30 is fine w/me...I don't want it to be inconvenient for repeatbs326." OMG. OC had OW on speakerphone all through our home...I thought she was just texting OW or something, so that's why she had her phone in-hand! After OC left the room, I told fWH how angry I was that she spoke w/OC on speakerphone...that I feel spied-upon when OC does that. I had even opened OC's bedroom door earlier to yell something in...I wondered if OW was on speakerphone then? I feel like OW is the invisible presence in our home when OC is home & her phone charged. I am just glad I did not say anything mean to OC about OW or fWH did not say anything when OC & I first went into our room. WHAT on earth does OW hear in our home that we don't know about? I was mad that OW yet again made plans for OC & didn't bother to text me or send note w/OC. OC said she knew nothing about VBS @church being this week. AND, OC said OW signed her up again for 2 more weeks of swimming lessons, yet OW hasn't mentioned it to us yet. What if we had vacation plans or something? I feel like it's payback for signing OC up for allergy shots, since OW has to get her butt up & take OC 2x weekly on her weeks.

OH, and for OW to be in such despirate need of $$$ & cannot pay for things for OC, its odd how OC told us that Saturday night, OW & BH#2 went to see ZZ top in Nashville, TN this past weekend. It's >3 hours drive from here plus the cost of tickets & gas! Yes, OW cannot afford a ticket to accompany OC to field trip, but her family's budget allows for concert tickets. Just burns me up. This is after OC said BH#2 might get laid off @current job. I know it's none of my business, but it somehow makes me angry nonetheless.

++++++++++

Oh, and OC is home all this week w/OW, yet they cannot go to the pool until BH#2 has a day off, b/c he's the only one who will take them. Huh? OW is SAHM...can't she take them? She spends lots of time driving here/there to stores, her mom's, & sister's homes...can't she drive 10 minutes to take OC & lil sis to swim too?


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
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