Well, looks like the freaking cOW was able to block BOTH my husband and I AGAIN from the insurance! W.T.F.?!? Again, because she has sole legal, she was able to say something to the insurance company and boom, block. So we are trying to investigate what happened/where to go from here. And this is AFTER I talked with FOUR different reps to ensure this can't happen again! At least I still have online access with this new insurance and they can tell me how the OC's visits impact my deductible, but that's it. So we emailed the lawyer and are just waiting to hear back. Augh...it's never ending I swear.
On a "lighter" note, I have really been working hard to focus on what we have/will get vs. what we have lost/will lose. My fwh gets another bonus soon so we will have to part with some of that $, but we have made plans for a family vacation with the large portion we get to keep.
Keep your heads up ladies and gents.
(((Island))) It just sucks that OW can keep getting $ from your family. I think sometimes how easy OW and BIL have it, they get CS on all 3 kids, WIC, free medical and food. I work my @ss off and would love to just be able to stay home. BIL is working some (call-in basis). OW is complaining about how she keeps LOOKING for a job, but just can't find one up to her standards
FWH is working 2 jobs trying to pay our debt down. Hopefully after a year, he can quit. I told him for sure to quit before OC turns 3 as that is when his CS is set for review. FWH hates that he misses time with us and OC visitation, but he has to do this, his 1 job is not cutting it in paying our bills. He has made about 1000 less a year the past 2 years. That is before the 3000+/yr child support comes out.
I haven't had much drama with OW, BIL. Just little things like MIL and FIL always talking about her. We went up to FIL's for MIL's Bday and OW was playing with COM. That hurt. I never thought that OW would be in our lives like this. UGH! But all I can control is me, nothing else.
I hope everyone's situation gets better.
OW is complaining about how she keeps LOOKING for a job, but just can't find one up to her standards
So we get a letter from my fwh's attorney, turns out the cOW didn't have free legal aid, she actually paid $650 for that lawyer! She actually tried to SUE for that money back!!! But HA HA HA it was DENIED! Because my fwh was "technically" not found in contempt, the judge did not order him to pay the fee. So the cOW spent $650 on the lawyer, and didn't get her $ back, so even though she "won" her $400 from that case, she ended up with a LOSS of $250!!!
Going to try and enjoy this weekend, maybe take the kids to the zoo!
[This message edited by IslandWahine at 10:43 PM, July 19th (Tuesday)]
Now I read your other post about OW threating to kill you and you going to the police. That was the right thing to do. Just because she is pregnant doesn't mean the harassment will stop. We had a member on here who had pregnant OW stalk her, fight her, and break into her home and she did this all the way up until she gave birth, and spent some time in jail I might add. So don't take this lightly.
Have you andyour H dicussed this pregnancy situation? Is he still denying that he slept with her? Right now you need to be proactive rather than reactive. There is a 50% chance tht there is an OC in your situation and you need to protect yourself. Go get a free consult with a lawyer ASAP and find out your rights. Also, if you and your h plan on staying together, you need to have a lawyer write up a letter to OW telling her no contact until after baby is born and DNA test has been performed. I have reposted the OC handbook, I think it is a page back or two. It would be good to familiarize yourself with suggestions on how to handle this situation.
This is going to be the waiting game and it going to be hard, but we are here to support you as best we can.
Hugs to you.
((altered)), glad to hear from you. I must commend you for your tremedous strength and dignity. To have the OW in your family and see her regularly, well I just don't know how you do it. Hugs to you for the difficult situation that you live everyday.
((disrespected)) thinking of you. The waiting is the hardest part and being in limbo is terrible. I am praying that you get the answers so that you can take charge of your life and family. Hugs to you.
((Island)) Mad respect for you as always. :)
I would think it would be much harder to deal with with the OW obviously pregnant and your fwh denying he slept with her. Even if he did admit to sleeping with her, that doesn't answer the question is it his child? Sometimes the A is the deal breaker, sometimes its the OC sitch, sometimes its both, sometimes its neither. I agree with BMC, no contact letter until the child is born.
I'm so sorry. And sounds like she is a nutcase too...good for you to call the cops, get them involved now. Sounds like she's the type to get worse. Poor child...
You don't have to make any decision. Give it time to sink in and plan your next step. Don't let anyone hurry you not even yourself. Get your head around this as much as you can. If your husband isn't willing to give you the details then that will play into your decisions. He's probably in shock too if he really did screw her. If he didn't, he may just be pissed off at her and at the situation. He may just be too afraid of the consequences if he were to admit any of his actions to anyone especially you.
On the other hand, she may be a nutcase. She may sleep with many guys and thinks your husband is the best of the lot so she pointed at him. If you decide to attempt a reconciliation at some point, I also agree that you should lay down the law with your husband and say no contact until birth and paternity test even if it means a restraining order against her.
Take all the time you need to make decisions for you. Don't let him suck you into worrying about him right now. Sounds like he's been caring only for himself up until this point.
It has taken me 10 months just to stop crying spontaneously at least once a day. I'm still emotional at times but the support of my WH has helped me even though I know our marriage will never be quite the same again.
[This message edited by disrespected666 at 5:53 PM, September 16th (Friday)]
Don't have much time to talk, closing out stuff...very very busy @work for everyone.
fWH broke NC Friday, as OC was speaking w/OW on phone & he butted in to tell her about bloodwork/Dr. appt COM & OC were doing. Turns out, if OC carries the genetic marker for clotting (fWH found out he is pre-disposed to clotting through genetic clotting factor testing, which makes his paraplegia more likely to cause DVTs), well if she carries the gene, she is also more likely to miscarry. OMG. When they started asking about miscarriages in fWH's family, his grandmother & first cousin & an aunt all miscarried. Something about, if OC has the clotting factor gene then if she miscarries once, then she likely will again & if pregnant 2nd time, she will be more-likely to be high risk pregnancy. If she also inherited another clotting gene from OW's side, then she is basically doomed. They said for COM, since they're male, that it only comes into play if they have to be immobile for longer periods of time (like surgery or long overseas flight) & would be put on injectible blood thinner for short periods of time, if necessary. Also, OC cannot smoke or use hormones (birth control) of certain kinds if she carries the gene.
Anyway, fWH took it upon himself to carry on a conversation w/OW. He finally blurted out "why are you on disability, OC said it's your ankle." OW said, she just told OC that. That she ALMOST had a nervous breakdown after EA/PA#3 because everything that went on btwn them, her being kicked out & then allowed to return to OW/BH#2's home, LOSING her job b/c she was fired b/c fighting OTJ btwn her & BH#2 who showed up down there, not being able to find another job for months b/c her last job was from being fired, and then BH#2 stress in M caused all sorts of havoc about 1 month after she returned home, and just life in general. She had to be put on strong meds & her Dr. suggested she go on disability until she straightened herself out. OKAY. This really pisses me off. I become a basketcase, but still keep working after A#1, A#2/OC, & A#3...but, OW screws around w/my husband & finally has consequences & she's drawing $1400/month, $700/month, $800/month (from OC's stuff) for being depressed over the crap she did to herself, her family, & our family. fWH has always had consequences for his As, OW did not until EA/PA#3!!!! She draws $2,900/month because she F*CKED my husband & in-the-process, about lost her mind! OMG. I cannot believe this. How long can OW draw disability for being depressed & whatever for her affair? And, if she's in such bad shape, should OW be caring for OC @all???? It just really pisses me off. I am glad I finally ratted her out to BH#2 that OC wasn't just ONS, but part of EA/PA#2 & that she's had 3 As w/fWH & she left BH#1 for my husband. OW seemed almost to be pitied for ONS resulting in OC...now she's revealed to be the whore that she is....of course, I've always had to deal w/the fact that fWH is a manwhore himself. I wish I'd known then, when I spoke w/BH#2, that OW had called MIL to declare her love for fWH during his hospitalization...as she was carrying BH#2's child. How would that have looked, if I'd also revealed that little tidbit???? I did tell BH#2 that OW called fWH before she M her BH, to see if fWH was getting D or S, so she would not marry BH#2, if fWH was going to be single soon. How would it feel to know your M was contingent upon a mOM divorcing his BW or not?
Another thing that pissed me off that fWH said this weekend (not OC related), was him discussing how BAD it was for a former coworker to be screwing around w/his best friend/coworker's wife? What? Didn't he do the exact thing, except he stole the wife to be his mistress & then knocked her up w/out leaving his own wife (just 4 months after BW birthed his 2nd son). How is what he did any different...oh, maybe it is okay since his BW was reluctantly putting out EVERY day, spent too much time nursing their newborn/pumping breastmilk & working 40-hrs/week & that he loves OW. Everything is okay to have A, if all that is what ur dealing with, right?
I honestly doubt he begged OW to take him back for the repeat As, like he cried/begged me to stay w/him after A#3. I hope OC told OW how much fWH cried & begged, blubbered, promised the world, because he loved me so much. OC was @home w/us during d-day#3 & aftermath for the whole weekend. Certainly w/the thin walls we have, she witnessed everything. I hope it hurt to see fWH hugging & cuddling me @ballgames, as OW was making my life miserable, why shouldn't hers be also. She was a cake-eater & she deserves any heartache threefold, compared to what she's played a part in toward me. How could someone be so cruel to a total strange, and then the woman who cared for your child (OC) 3 days/week? How could they do what they did ON PURPOSE?
OW called my house saying she was pregnant, didn't really believe her.
There is a great possiblity that fWH is lying & just trying to calm you. Unless she's a stalker, it's likely PA or ONS occurred. No matter what fWH says.
We are here for you. No matter what the outcome. I pray the child isn't an OC. But, knowing legal issues up-front before the state CS office gets involved, would be a plus.
Don't be surprised if fWH breaks NC to verify pregnancy himself & has likely already seen OW, even if PA is over.
I don't need the $4oo certified test because it's not for a minor. But I'm stuck in a triangle between my parents and my brain needs to know for sure. That way I'll have closure.
My mom insists my dad may/may not be and my dad insists he isn't my bio-father, period. And I can't take not knowing for sure. I've got my very own little trigger. He's one now, but since his preemie birth last year, it's stirred up sh*t in my family that has to be dealt with. I look at this kid and see a resemblance to my dad's sister...but fuck..wait a minute, how can he resemble her if my dad isn't genetically related to me
I just need the facts...I'm going nuts
((repeat)), wow I just don't get it. With as much as you have been thru, you could qualify for disability if that is what she is getting it for. And while I understand the medical situation, not cool for him to break contact unless he discussed it with you first. As always you have my hugs.
††Posted: 1:53 PM, July 18th (Monday), 2011
This BITCH. So bad enough she filed contempt on my fwh because she claimed he purposely withheld money. The judge ordered him to pay the money, but didn't find him in contempt (he basically just clarified what HE felt net pay was...ridiculous but whatever). She filed for her lawyer fees ($660) but the judge denied it. So as a sour grapes response, she had her attorney send my fwh's attorney an "extortion" letter.
Without going into too much detail and writing exactly what was written, here is a description--now remember we ARE NC with her AND the OC. The ONLY contact I have had with her was to send her 2 letters accompanying the insurance cards, and both letters were very dry, professional, and non-threatening (I had 3 different people review them before I sent them to ensure).
1. She is claiming my fwh has sent her threatening messages. He has been staunchy NC for this EXACT reason, because he knew if he said ANYTHING to her it would get twisted into something like this. In fact, he only wanted to talk to her via an attorney. The only phone convo they have had was with me present and he didn't even want to have it for fear of THIS.
2. She is claiming "all his family members" are sending her harassing and intimidating messages, disparaging to her employment status and her being a single mother. WTF?!? Yes, I guilty of sending a post-it message of "get a job" on the check my fwh had to pay out but that was it. Hey it was better than what I wanted to say...And none of my fwh's family has contacted her--everyone respects the NC.
----fine, we can go even more NC and only communicate via attorney or just totally not at all. Oh yea, that's great for the OC when my fwh was contemplating starting at least visitation...and THIS is why he doesn't want to be involved...
So she is saying she won't file if:
3. He gives the cOW all documentation (read = his paystubs all the way from his last bonus--it's what she was asking for before) at his next bonus which should be soon. Yea right! She just wants to try and get a recalc done because she's not due to get another one for 2 years (this order isn't even a year old!)
4. She is DEMANDING fwh's medical history and ethnicity breakdown! I guess the PCP wants to send a form to find out his medical info! WTF?!? How do we know that the PCP will put that in the record for the cOW to see? It's priviledged (just like the OC's info is, which she won't tell fwh what is wrong with him--and this now pretty much confirms something is wrong), and he isn't under any court order to provide it. You know, before you go and make a baby with someone you should ask things like that. Augh.
Soooo...my fwh is writing a response to his attorney, and chances are the cOW won't be happy with the response (because my fwh is NOT going to provide her with the paperwork and his medical information is private and protected just like the OC's, therefore he isn't going to disclose), so chances are he will be BACK in court again.
This chick is NUTS. Seriously? To say he is threatening her? She even went as to say my fwh is harming the OC with this!!!
THIS IS WHY WE ARE NC. This is why this poor OC will NOT have his biological father in his life, because this.cOW.IS.NUTS. And if she's doing this and there's no visitation or custody...I can't even imagine...
Island- this bitch is crazy. No doubt about it. Hope it's worth it, because it never will be to OC. I think you should make a copy of every paper she files, and put it in a filing cabinet you can give to OC when he knocks on your door at 18. Here, THIS is why you never had a dad, because your mom is BATSHIT CRAZY.
Well, today was FWH and OW's CS hearing (over the phone) since Ow would not agree to the reduced amount of CS that was calculated due to FWH being laid off. Amazingly, the support officer who calculated the amount that Ow is contesting was on the phone to testify on FWH's behalf! That has NEVER, EVER happened.
They began the hearing, and OW interrupted the judge to say "I just want to throw out there that he has never met OC, has no parenting time with OC, has never even seen OC outside of pictures." Evidently, the judge didn't like that, and told her "That has nothing to do with this, nor is this the time or the place to discuss it. When I need your testimony, I will ask for it!"
So, OW went on to piss and moan that she will be going to day shift and will lose a couple of dollars an hour, and OC will have to go to daycare 2 hours a day (a far cry from just earlier this year when she was claiming OC was in daycare full time!!)
The judge took both of their testimony, and OW complained that she didn't have a phone number or address for us, AFTER the judge reminded her that FWH has filled out a denial to release our information, so he will not be required to answer any questions that relate to that. Uhm, dumb bitch, we are NC. you do not need a phone number or address for us (plus, FWH's XW and daughters all have our PO Box address, and we know for a fact that OW has our number, so that was just a lie).
So, then, at the end, she interrupts the judge AGAIN to say "This support thing would all be over with if he would just let my husband adopt OC."
FWH was flabbergasted! Not only has she NEVER contacted us about OC being adopted (the only reason I knew she was talking about it was because I found her stupid "Wedding.com" profile that mentioned it), my FWH would have been more then happy to let her new AP/husband adopt OC!!! She was making it sound like FWH not only wanted nothing to do with the kid, but also wouldn't sign his rights away, yeah effing right! Also, in our state, her new husband could not adopt OC until the were married, and they have been married for 2 fucking weeks! GIVE ME A BREAK!!! So, I guess FWH told her "Send the papers!"
At the end, they asked OW and FWH if they had any ending statements, OW said no, FWH said "Send the papers!".
So, since OW is acting like she doesn't have our address, we want to get it to her, ASAP. My questions are these:
Can we just send her our PO Box? Or does she have to have FWH served with papers? He is laid off, so he has no work to be served at, it would have to be here, at the house, or make arrangements to meet a server somewhere, and then she may show up.
How should we send our address to her? Email? Certified letter?
If she doesn't get the ball rolling, can we? I mean, I know we can't start the adopting process, but can we get blank step-parent adoption papers and send them to her? Would that be a bad idea?
Anyhow, I am considering posting in General too, just to see if anyone there has any advice. Should we get a consultation with a lawyer?
Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated!
[This message edited by Want2help at 7:50 PM, July 18th (Monday)]
Bad thing is, SocSecDisab. doesn't know WHY OW draws, just that a Dr. said she has mental issues that prohibit her from gainful employment. I mean, can OW draw based on EA/PA#3 issues for 18-20 years, or until retirement age? Here fWH sits, in a wheelchair, almost feeling guilty for drawing disability...and OW sits on her behind drawing on her & OC's little sis, plus the $800/month off of fWH's disability. And, the other day, OW called OC while she's w/us, wanting to know what shoe size to get her! OMG. She doesn't even know what size her kid wears...plus, they almost lost their home again for inability to pay mortgage & homeowner insurance (maybe it's rolled in together)....and somehow escaped that (they can keep house)...but, she's out shoe-shopping for a kid who admittedly owns about 20 pair already @OW's home. OW has a shoe fetish & always has overspent on OC's shoes. She could save some of OC's $$$ back, instead of wasting it on stuff like that. And, OW doesn't even save OC's clothing for OC's sister (guess she only puts NEW on them). Her priorities are way off.
OC will be 18 in 7.5 years! Unless we have to deal w/OW concerning grandchildren, I will be free from OW. Once OC starts to drive (and if she has a car), she can just drive herself home to us anyway probably @16-yrs. Whoo-hoo. Let the countdown begin. You know, someone @work was sued for college expenses for COM after the kid was 18. I don't know exactly what the law is here, but I suppose with new insurance laws you might be required to carry OC under health insurance until they are out-of-college (or 25/26) unless they marry before then. At what point do the CS/custody things start saying you must cover OC part-way into their adulthood & fork over college costs? Isn't college a priviledge, not a right? I know my family could not afford it & I was fortunate that Pell Grant/Perkins Loans/scholarships existed....why would OC be afforded something COM couldn't? Just wondering. If OC got knocked up before 18, would you be responsible for OC's baby too?
What really pisses me off is that CS past 18 is ADULT SUPPORT, not "child" support. The "child" is able to vote, buy cigarettes, be a legal adult, etc.
What really pisses me off is that CS past 18 is ADULT SUPPORT, not "child" support. The "child" is able to vote, buy cigarettes, be a legal adult, etc.
I agree! That was one of the things that made me sick. During stepD18's visit, she "served" her dad with child support papers, due to the fact that she will be going for a 1 year certificate at community college (in our state the adult "child" has to sue the parent for it, but they automatically get it if they prove that they are in school). It was very obvious that it was filled out and signed by XW (she has written me so many inflammatory "notes" over the past 10 years I know her writing, and my stepD has VERY sloppy, childlike handwriting).
I still want stepD to go to college for more than a certificate, at least an Associate's, but jeez, suing her dad for child support when she very well knows he just got laid off, and I have been laid off for some time. Sad.
My mom could not afford to pay any of my college costs (single mom w/2 kids, 3 minimum wage jobs & on/off AWOL alcoholic husband to support sometimes)....does that mean COM could now sue for CS @18, if we refuse/cannot pay college expenses?