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Newest Member: DevastatedWH (43169)

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User Topic: OC Thread (BS Only)
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, September 28th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Feelingbipolar))), I didn't realize how awful our family court system was until we started dealing with this mess. We had to wipe out our savings and make drastic cuts to our lifestyle to afford the lawyers we have used, it's very difficult. Meanwhile the cOW gets free legal aid, has the state helping her, get reduced costs on everything, and isn't even being forced to work (doesn't even have income imputed to her!)!

Disrespected, I'm hoping I can get to the point soon where I can look at the pictures. I want to just get it over with already. My fwh offered to sit with me while I looked but I told him I was more likely to punch him so that's a bad idea. My bff offered as well, but right now I like the no-face-to-the-name. I know it's a form of denial, it's the last "stage" of it for me. I also fear that I may have even more resentment for my fwh and may ruin any R I have done up to this point. My IC also feels I should wait as well (I have anxiety disorder and mild OCD to go along with my PTSD, she wants more progress before I start dealing head-on with "demons"). I know I need to get further in my healing before I take on the task. We were going to actually meet up with the cOW and OC back in March/April, but she blew that. My fwh wants to have a relationship with the OC when the OC is old enough to speak and (hopefully) have less influence of the cOW. So we will see. It's an area of hurt for me; I work with inner city youth who have no fathers and I see the destruction that NC does to them first hand, and it breaks my heart. But as crappy as it sounds, I have also had to detach and remind myself this isn't my cross to bear, this isn't my fault (because I encouraged my fwh to have as much of a relationship as he was comfortable with, and right now because of the cOW's actions that is zero), this child is not mine. I was making myself sick and taking precious brain power and energy away from my kids.

It's really such a sad situation. Even in the best case scenario, the OC still gets less than the COM. And of course it sounds like our H's found total "winners" to impregnate.

(((to everyone))) No matter what path we are on, an OW/OC situation is tough. There are no easy answers.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
feeling bi polar
♀ Member
Member # 31086
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, September 28th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for allowing me to vent. I have worked with inner city kids and I too can see the effects of the environment and parental involvement. I just get so mad when I feel so powerless again.

Island thanks for the input. We are no longer able to deplete our savings for the custody issues. That $ was used in defending myself and daughter against OW claims of assault and personal injury. both claims were unfounded but they still required the hiring of private attorney and a PI to prove innocence. ERRRR she is just such a B@#$%.
THe other effects from my unemployment and depression has been the filing of bankruptcy.
Again Thanks to all who helped and more importantly listened to my varying rants and depressive episodes ((HUGS))


In three words I can sum up everything Iíve learned about life ó It goes on. óRobert Frost

Posts: 196 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: VA
debi9kids
♀ Member
Member # 33208
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, September 28th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel the same way about seeing the pictures... I know it will eventually help me heal and see OC as a child and not as the pawn I feel like he is right now, but honestly, I do wish I hadn't seen him yet.

I ended up being a crazy person who searched through all of my baby pictures finding pics of my babies posed the same way so I could compare... and for no reason.
On first glace, he looks nothing like WH or our kids. Why torture myself by studying the pic looking for something?
Because I am crazy.
Or, at least, I sure feel nuts.

I hid the picture in a folder, inside a folder, inside another one so that I would have to be willing to really look to find it because I was clicking on it looking at it a gazillion times yesterday. (I'm thinking OW wanted me to find the picture because she knew it would drive me crazy... she has not posted a picture of OC ALL this time and suddenly does, 1 week before OC's birthday.)

It hurts.
A lot.


Me: 42 Him: 41
OW: 43 (crazy stalker)
Married: 18 years, together 22
Children: 20 ds, 19dd, 18dd, 16ds, 15ds, 15ds, 12ds, twins: 7dd & 7ds
confirmed OC 3ds

Posts: 163 | Registered: Aug 2011
disrespected666
♀ Member
Member # 30411
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, September 29th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of the many tragedies involved here is that the event of bringing a new life into the world which many of us thought was so special and magical has been reduced to such baseness. For me, it has stolen some of the specialness with which I have always associated with children and families. I am reminded that just about anyone can produce a child at any time if they are just willing to make themselves available to it. Nothing more than that is required.

[This message edited by disrespected666 at 1:42 PM, September 29th (Thursday)]


Posts: 78 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: hell
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, September 29th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello to all - sadden to see so many new comers on here :(

Sorry have not been on here is such a long time..

Well as some of you may recall OW passed away back in December and FWH had full custody of the twins, well at the beginning of this month the ADOPTION was finalized I am now their lawfull mother. LOL Lawfull-- Guess what I saw now is the LAW!!! I only wish...

Well all has been going well, boys started Pre-school and loving it, me too!! Now I have free time again. WOW this has been something.. Becoming a full-time MOM at almost 48 yrs old, not what I had planned, but I am...

Only real big issues now is dealing with OW's family for visitations.. EEERRRR I tell you the apple did not fall far the tree. They wanted me to display a picture of OW with puckered lips in the twins room for them to see their mommy every night. NOT!!!! No picture of OW will ever be displayed in my house.... PERIOD!!! I had to remove OW's entire family from my FB page because of comments I felt unappropriate for my frineds and family to read, no ones buisness of how OW's family feels about anything.

OW family does not know about the adoption yet!!! that is gona be a bomb I will so love to drop when the time is right.. LOL But to our suptise the Adoption was all free through the county attorneys office, we only had to pay the home study person.. It was a very easy process considering OW had passsed.

Well I guess things are smoother for me now, just wished I did not have to deaal with OW family at all. Then life might be less stressful.. We did have OW's 2 biological older children come stay with us for a week back in July. Boy I sure am gald she did not have much input on how the twins were brought up.. OMG!!! Seriously her 12yr old did not take a shower for 4 days nor brushed his teeth.. EEWWW. I guess OW always started his showers for him, when I finally made him take a shower he didn't even know to put the shower curtain in the shower, flooded my bathroom and didn't say anything.... I was so gald when they went back to their dads. I don't think that will happen again anytime soon... To say the least it was just weird having all of OW's kids in my home, and me taking care of them(not to be disrespectful) but I bet she(OW) was just rolling in her grave here the BS has all 4 of her kids, when she didn't even want me around the OC's bahahaha.. Be careful what you wish for!!! Karma is a Bitch!!!!

Got to run boys are up from their naps... Wishing everyone the very best.. You all are in my prayers every night... God Bless you all :) A lot of you have helped me through this awful experience and I want to thank you soooo much.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
debi9kids
♀ Member
Member # 33208
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, September 29th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, it has stolen some of the specialness

Sadly, that's what I say to my WH all the time... he stole something so special and reserved for just us and threw it away

We were talking the other night about having a baby and WH said if it's something I really want then he will happily have a baby with me, but if I'm doing it to "get back at her or make a statement" he doesn't want to be a part of it.
And, honestly, I have to say, a part of it is of course a statement. Although maybe not in the way OW (or my family) would take it to mean.
WH and I having a baby would mean that things were "right with the world" again. That what was reserved for us and us alone is back.

Does that seem stupid or silly?

dreamer1, wow. Congrats on the adoption and good for you being willing to allow her children to all be in your home. I don't think I could stomach that (although, maybe if she was dead....)

{sick to think how many times I wished she was. }

Anyway, sorry you're dealing with her crappy family.
Can't wait until you tell her about the adoption! (oh to be a fly on the wall ... )


Me: 42 Him: 41
OW: 43 (crazy stalker)
Married: 18 years, together 22
Children: 20 ds, 19dd, 18dd, 16ds, 15ds, 15ds, 12ds, twins: 7dd & 7ds
confirmed OC 3ds

Posts: 163 | Registered: Aug 2011
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, September 30th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((DREAMER!!!)))) Its great to see you again! Glad all is going alright on your end. I had been wondering how you had been doing. Good to see things are progressing well and the adoption is final.

I'm on my phone and have to work on a powerpoint so I will talk to everyone later!


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, September 30th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of the many tragedies involved here is that the event of bringing a new life into the world which many of us thought was so special and magical has been reduced to such baseness. For me, it has stolen some of the specialness with which I have always associated with children and families. I am reminded that just about anyone can produce a child at any time if they are just willing to make themselves available to it. Nothing more than that is required.

I have to totally agree with you. My fwh felt the need to try to "reassure" me that the OC was merely a circumstance of biology at work, while our children were conceived out of love and family etc. It's like he cheapened having a child down to the most primitive state of 1 sperm and 1 egg no turning back. Now I'm a science major so I understand the cold mechanics behind it, but I always felt there was some special connection in the conception of our children. It took away some of the warm and cuddly, even some of the fantasy of the white picket fence.

I can't help but feel like my family is "ruined" or "tarnished" with the existence of the OC (as awful as that sounds--there's not exactly hate for the OC, too hard to hate a child...but I hate how he got here if that makes any sense). So many of our friends who don't know the situation look at our family and remark on how perfect we are, how beautiful and perfect our children are, and how we are living a full, good, and complete life. I feel like I'm living a lie some days. Oh yah, I'm due for my IC appt next week!


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, September 30th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi dreamer - I have been wondering how things have been going for you. Glad to hear it is pretty good. :)

Things have been fairly normal here. H and I have been getting along pretty well - our M really seems to be in a good place. I felt like we were drifting a little a month or so back so I talked to him about it and we scheduled some time together. We had just been so busy with life that we tend to do that once in awhile. We just need to regroup and refocus. :)

OW & OC haven't been too much of an issue. Of course, OW wants H to call more, see OC, put in more of an effort, etc. We are mostly NC (we live 2+ hrs away) but he does call OC every couple of weeks or so. OW through a fit this summer about them not having H's phone number. That OC should be able to call my H whenever she wants. But until COM can talk to their dad whenever they want, it isn't going to happen. He is busy working during the day and doesn't carry his phone on him unless they are driving. Also, OC isn't capable of carrying on a phone conversation without OW there to prompt her. So, as of now they still just have my #.

It is a year this week that our sweet baby would have turned 1. I am finally to a place dealing with her loss to even be able to communicate with OW at all. I just wanted to yell profanities at her so I felt it was best just to not deal with her at all. Of course she had no idea why I was upset (outside of the whole A thing), so it just made her mad that she had very little communication with us.

As for the A ruining the specialness of having a child with my H, it really didn't affect me. I know that COM were created out of love and that they were wanted and loved by both parents. I also know that OC was created because a psycho bitch wanted to hang onto a man because she knew that she didn't have his heart, just his balls. This poor child wasn't wanted by her father- not that he didn't care, but he wanted so badly for OC to be given up for adoption so that she could be raised in a loving 2 parent home. Not with the drama that she was born into. He didn't go to her Dr appointments, he wasn't there for the birth, he wasn't there to feed her at 2 am. But he was for COM. And that can never be taken away from us. We didn't just have those kids together, we raised those kids together. Even if you have C, they won't share that experience together.


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, September 30th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamer- so nice to see you. Glad you are doing well. the OW's family, ew.


As far as the wide eyed fetal alcohol syndrome OCs, yep, we've got one of those. Ow "didn't know she was pregnant" until she was 4 months (and already huge, wtf ever ) and totally admits drinking the first 4 months of her pregnancy. Calls OC her "miracle baby" because of it. Poor OC has eyes so far apart. My friend (who has her master's in psychology, especially child development) said she has all of the classic signs of mild FAS, wide set eyes that are turned downward, a totally flattened nose (OW has a huge, upturned pig snout). Very sad.

Well, update on my sitch. Haven't heard anything regarding the adoption, so we are still planning on contacting OW about it, just trying to get all of our ducks in a row, consult a lawyer, etc.

If you remember, my youngest stepD came and stayed with us, telling us she never sees Ow and OC (they became BFF's after the A), etc. Then, she went on to be IN the OW's wedding, and we never heard from her. Well, stepD text FWH the other day, after 2 months of NC since OW's wedding. She admitted that she lied, she sees Ow all the time, has been GOING OUT WITH OW'S BROTHER FOR 3 YEARS, and just told us "what she thought we wanted to hear". FWH told her he didn't want drama and liars in our life (stepD is an adult and should know better). She told him "Well OW, OC [Ow's new AP/husband] are moving to [location several states away], so they won't be in my life very much longer! That should make you happy!!"

Well, guess what?! It makes us FUCKING ECSTATIC!

OW just took a different shift at the hospital and is now making way less money (from $16+ an hour to barely $13) and her new H can't keep even a minimum wage job to save his life, so they don't have a lot going for them. Her family just moved there, and she evidently wants to follow them.

Well, bye bye bitch!


Everyone, please keep your fingers crossed for me. I keep you all in my thoughts. Hope this finds you all well.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1944 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Tired of Feeling
♀ Member
Member # 32207
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, October 1st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I found out OW moved unfortunately not out of town. Now I don't know where she is living and I am freaking out. She used to live on the opposite side of town. I am scared that she might have moved closer to where we are. It would be closer to her job. I asked my H if he heard where she moved & he didn't know(they still work for the same company). I just fear going to the store and running into her & OC.

I don't know why but my anxiety has been through the roof. We have NC with the OC but I fear that one day OW will change her mind and want OC to have C with it's father. OW is single & doesn't have family in town. I fear that taking care of a toddler would wear on her and she would want help. We were going to have C but when she found out the we were having another child she change her mind. I know that my H would want C if she offered & I would not deny him that but I would HAVE to be involved. That was one of the problems with us having C. OW didn't want me around her child.

The main thing I'm worried about is telling COM who is only 6 years old. It breaks my heart just thinking about it. I have a step-child who is 14 and knows but told me he didn't really want C with OC. Our second COM is young and would never know the difference.

Sorry for rambling. I just have so many thoughts running through my head. I know I'm stressing myself out for nothing. I should only worry about it when the time comes but lately I have been obsessing about it & I don't know why. For the past 3 days I have had so much anxiety that I can feel my heart beating in my chest and my hands are shaking.

I don't even know if this is making any sense. Sorry.


Posts: 221 | Registered: May 2011
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, October 1st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((TiredofFeeling))) It's understandable. I go through moments of extreme anxiety too. The cOW lives almost an hour away from here, but only 10 minutes from my fwh's job. I was worried for awhile of her showing up at his job...luckily she never has (that we know of). She owns her townhouse (how she is still able to pay for it with the CS I don't know...) and she lives in the town where her family lives (although my fwh thought she was estranged from most of them), so the chances of her moving is slim to none. Plus she's so miserable and pathetic no one wants her, so no chance of an adoption. Bummer. But I do wonder when we are out that way if I would run into her and the OC. There is a new shopping center near there and I've been dying to go there because they have all my favorite stores in the same complex. I just can't promise I'll be "professional". I only have seen a partial pix of her but she has seen pix of me and my family when I didn't realize my FB profile wasn't set to super private. I have yet to see a pix of the OC.

Want2bok, you know I feel the exact same way and then guilt for feeling that way. Your post really helped though. It's like I needed the reminder.

I will say it's been awful quiet since my fwh hauled her to court about the harassment. Although he didn't win his case, she seemed to take the point that she is worthless and really a non-mutherf***in' factor. That until the OC gets older, we are NC. And then there will only be C with the OC, not the OW (well, as much as that will be possible).

It's funny, the cOW said the same thing to my fwh how she didn't want me around "their" child. Don't these bitches know that when they mess with a married man it's a package deal? If the OC is ever to be around my fwh, as long as we are married that OC will be in MY home as well, with me around. She's jealous that she won't ever get to be around my COM (she said something similar like she wanted to meet my son). Not in a cold day in hell will she ever have anything to do with my COM.

The holidays are coming up, which are always hard for me. Dday is around the corner; now I have a double d-day because of the paternity date. I just hope we don't hear from the cOW...well ever again to be honest, but at least not until sometime next year (when my fwh has to pay the performance bonus $ again). She gets enough CS for Christmas--although she had the nerve to complain last year that my fwh didn't get the OC any Christmas presents, and this is after 2 months of him paying a higher CS rate until it got adjusted. We know she's still after the arrears (about $4500 now) but she will continue to get that pieces at a time according to the court order, no windfall of money for her.

You know, I can't admit it anywhere else but around you ladies, but I almost WANT this to be hard for her. She made a choice in lying to have this OC (and yes I still lay a lot of blame on my fwh's feet as well). I almost feel very guilty hoping she's having a VERY hard time being a single unemployed mother. I feel bad saying that because the bulk of my friends are single mothers who work very hard and get little to no CS. And I know it's hard for them. But I WANT it to be hard for the OW. I don't want to think of her relaxing and living it up on the OC's CS. I want her to be stressed, hurt, etc...kinda like me. I almost feel like I'm going to hell for typing that out. I know it means the OC suffers too, and I would never want a child to suffer. But at the same time I know my fwh is providing financially (on paper, not sure what the cOW is doing with the $ but thats out of our control) so I can't let myself worry about that. It's none of my concern.

Gotta run, hungry angry COM right now!


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
feeling bi polar
♀ Member
Member # 31086
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, October 1st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((everyone)) sorry to see so many of us in the same boat.

I can appreciate the wishing harm on the OP. Sad to say that I do this all the time. I secretly hope that she has something horrific happen to her, or better yet she becomes a traffic fatality while we have the child.

I too have a great deal of anxiety over the exchange of custody times. I choose to not be present at every exchange. I periodically attend the exchange show her that she cant control me and she cant deny visitation based on my presence.. yes she has tried that too.

Sometimes I wish that the child was older and able to go from OW to husband without contact or conversation between OW and husband. OW isnt interested in a neutral 3rd party exchange person.

I have been reading about FAS for sometime now. OW also claimed to not know that she was pg until she was 5 months along..(yea right).

My question is how is this diagnosed? It is hard to tell about the eyes because OW has widely spaced eyes and a flat face. As far as the large nose ??? that is also hard to tell because my husband was cursed with the large british/european nose.

on a side not before the paternity was established he sais he didnt believe OC was his because his nose was so big..I almost choked because I was laughing so hard when I asked when the last time he looked at himself in the mirror was.

Anyway back to the FAS, OC was delivered early by 2-3 weeks via C section due to failure to show in utero growth. He has been developmentally delayed in everything. sitting up, crawling, walking and now with his speech. He is 18 months old and only says 2 words...Hi and dada.
Are these symptoms of the syndrome? What are the ways to remediate the potential damage?


In three words I can sum up everything Iíve learned about life ó It goes on. óRobert Frost

Posts: 196 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: VA
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, October 1st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The OC in our sitch was 4-6 weeks early, via emergency csection (according to the cOW). She was a pot smoker, drinker, and cigarette smoker when she first met my fwh, so gosh only knows what the OC was exposed to. Since she was most likely trying to get pg, she knew 3 weeks out that she was (and most people trying are the ones who know that fast...). She claims that she quit everything as soon as she found out, but my fwh seriously doubts it. I do remember him remarking on how the OC's eyes were funny, we know she took the OC to the eye dr. recently (and the OC is barely 1.5 years old), we know that she hides the OC from my fwh now (like she did at court), we know she has been INCREDIBLY secretive about his health, has gone as far as to block BOTH me and my fwh from getting the EOBs from the insurance I supply for the OC!!! Not sure about delays, but the "pimp" photos she had of him online stop at 9 months of age. So we know something is wrong with him and we hope to find out. FAS would totally answer most if not all of our questions/suspicions.

From what I was reading, the facial features are a giveaway, but they can apparently just have the neurological problems and not the facial features. And from what I have learned it doesn't necessarily mean the mother loses custody, which is why if the cOW did expose the OC to it we wouldn't have been told about it. We actually think she's either getting or trying to get SSI for the child to get more money. She *could* sue my fwh for more CS if the OC has health issues, however then she would have to admit what those are.

It's so sad to hear that so many of the OC have problems from these OWs who just didn't really want them or care about their welfare. It breaks my heart to know a child has been brought into the world unhealthy (which could've been prevented), into a situation that will have lifelong effects on their mental health, that they are used as pawns. That pisses me off so bad.

I have a student with FAS and they have all the characteristics, social problems, mental delays, etc. This student has it very hard To think it's 100% preventable...


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
feeling bi polar
♀ Member
Member # 31086
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, October 1st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Island.
From what I can tell, OW drank and smoked until 5 months preg. She then claims that she quit. ??? don't know if that's true.
As far as the health issue, OW has been busy hauling the OC to a multitude of specialists. Eye, Ear Cardiologist etc. She claims that she has a multitude of health issues and has been trying to get on SSDI herself for the past 2-3 years. She claims to have MS and cardiological problems as well as hearing problems and something called wardenburgs syndrome. I think she will be happy if she could get the free money for her own supposed "disability" and then get OC labeled as well.

Child protective services was involved with her before the baby even left the hospital. Unfortunately the decision was to offer assistance and counseling for her. I guess the other factor in not giving my husband custody was his fear of handling a newborn alone. We (FWH & i)were separated and limited contact at the time of the birth.
I have worked with MHMR adults for the past 5 years so handling disabilities is not an issue for me. LOL I have also raised my children 2 as a single parent and then acquired 3 more in my 2nd marriage. LOL guess I just look like a competent caregiver for children. especially those with emotional baggage and environmental factors.

I am still fence sitting about custody. I am not sure that I want to take on that responsibility full time again.

I too feel that something was stolen from me with FWH's affair. I was looking forward to finally having an empty nest and just doting on my grandson. Ooops gues he f'd that up too.


In three words I can sum up everything Iíve learned about life ó It goes on. óRobert Frost

Posts: 196 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: VA
disrespected666
♀ Member
Member # 30411
Cool  Posted: 11:40 PM, October 2nd (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Want2bok,

Thanks for reminding us of the many reasons we should separate our own pregnancies, births, and families from what is going on with the current situation. For me and WS, it was truly a special time in our marriage and one we both continue to treasure. It's easy to get caught up the sadness of our current reality and let some of our horror bleed into our general outlook on life. We should regularly remind ourselves how such unfortunate events do not alter the special moments we have experienced in our lives before such devastating choices were made. My husband has tried repeatedly to tell me that but it has been hard to hear. When I look into my daughter's beautiful face, I am still truly happy and lucky at that moment.

befordevastates were ma de.

[This message edited by disrespected666 at 11:45 PM, October 2nd (Sunday)]


Posts: 78 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: hell
Tired of Feeling
♀ Member
Member # 32207
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, October 3rd (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Island thanks for replying to my last post.
I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't shake the feeling that my world is going to be turned upside down again. I feel like I just need to cry but it just won't come out. I talked to my H about it yesterday. He has not done anything to make me think he's up to something. He always tells me if OW contacts him. A few weeks ago she sent him a text & I saw it on the phone bill. I still check. That was the first thing he told me when he got home. She was asking for money again. So I don't think anything is going on with them (he did not respond to her). I just can't shake this feeling. It is making me crazy. It has been 2 years since d-day I just don't understand why I'm freaking out now. I'm wondering if I should see a doctor. I really don't want to be put on meds. I have been off all meds for almost 2 years and have been doing well until last week.
Sorry to keep complaining but I don't have anyone else to talk to about this mess.

[This message edited by Tired of Feeling at 10:16 AM, October 3rd (Monday)]


Posts: 221 | Registered: May 2011
WasAlmostThere
♀ New Member
Member # 32298
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, October 3rd (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hello everyone i know it's been a while since i've posted. just wanted to update; i lost my baby last week.

Posts: 25 | Registered: May 2011
debi9kids
♀ Member
Member # 33208
Default  Posted: 12:18 AM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((was)))
I'm so sorry


Me: 42 Him: 41
OW: 43 (crazy stalker)
Married: 18 years, together 22
Children: 20 ds, 19dd, 18dd, 16ds, 15ds, 15ds, 12ds, twins: 7dd & 7ds
confirmed OC 3ds

Posts: 163 | Registered: Aug 2011
disrespected666
♀ Member
Member # 30411
Default  Posted: 5:49 AM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WasAlmostThere

I'm so sorry too. Please take care of yourself.

Life just doesn't seem to be fair for any of us anymore.


Posts: 78 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: hell
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