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Boundaries and Consequences 101 for all new BS

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Skan posted 7/6/2013 10:00 AM

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kernel posted 7/13/2013 20:48 PM

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Skan posted 7/20/2013 12:22 PM

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pmal64 posted 7/22/2013 09:00 AM

bumpity bump.

AFrayedKnot posted 7/24/2013 20:13 PM

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confused71 posted 7/29/2013 11:50 AM

So I'm working on drafting my boundaries so I can share them with WH when we start MC. I've come up with 3 lists and am titling them Expectations, Goals, and Dealbreakers. I have 10 expectations, 3 deal breakers (which would result in divorce), and 5 goals for now. An example of an expectation would be an ongoing commitment to MC and IC - weekly sessions for each. An example of a goal would be to deal with conflict head on instead of avoiding it. A deal breaker example would be any inappropriate physical, emotional, or sexual contact with another person.

Do these categories make sense, or am I breaking things down too much? Also, do I need consequences for expectations? If so, what would those look like?

Also, just curious what the general consensus is about working on R while we're still separated. Worried about the kids with him moving in and then possibly moving back out again if he screws up during R.

HurtButHopeful? posted 7/29/2013 19:09 PM

bump for livebythesea

lordhasaplan? posted 7/30/2013 11:23 AM

confused71,

Sounds like you have a clear idea of how this might work for you. I think you need to articulate the consequences of not meeting the categories. The deal breakers are straight, but what about when an expectation is not met, what will be the result.

Skan posted 8/3/2013 12:54 PM

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kernel posted 8/9/2013 21:14 PM

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kernel posted 8/11/2013 21:49 PM

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Phoenix9572 posted 8/16/2013 11:33 AM

This is a very Christian based message but the heart of the message has been very good. I have found this very helpful as I'm learning that I have let my WH walk all over my boundaries and have not stuck up for myself in the past. I plan on taking the concepts in here to my IC and getting help with defining my boudaries and consequences to my WH.
Here's the link: http://www.cs.cornell.edu/home/kreitz/Christian/Boundaries/all.html

Spelljean posted 8/19/2013 20:28 PM

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Simple posted 9/20/2013 12:23 PM

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Simple posted 9/25/2013 16:05 PM

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hard_yards posted 10/2/2013 22:18 PM

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HurtButHopeful? posted 10/11/2013 12:26 PM

Bumping for maddmurph.

lordhasaplan? posted 11/4/2013 10:17 AM

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Skan posted 11/6/2013 13:08 PM

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Simple posted 11/6/2013 18:46 PM

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