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Boundaries and Consequences 101 for all new BS

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Chippednotbroken posted 11/7/2013 08:52 AM

Can someone give examples of consequences please.

lordhasaplan? posted 12/5/2013 08:36 AM


Simple posted 12/16/2013 18:56 PM


nowiknow23 posted 12/21/2013 08:41 AM


lordhasaplan? posted 12/27/2013 12:18 PM


Jrazz posted 1/1/2014 22:23 PM

Simple posted 1/3/2014 19:06 PM


Simple posted 1/7/2014 14:14 PM


Simple posted 1/7/2014 14:17 PM


Simple posted 1/8/2014 14:46 PM


tushnurse posted 1/10/2014 14:06 PM

bumpity bump bump

brohl5 posted 1/16/2014 08:11 AM


shatteredapart posted 1/16/2014 10:11 AM

Thank you so much for this post and for everyone bumping it for us newbies. I have been attempting to write out my marriage boundaries for a week now. After reading through this I have a clearer idea and now know I need solid consequences.

[This message edited by shatteredapart at 10:11 AM, January 16th (Thursday)]

ascian posted 1/22/2014 13:29 PM


Simple posted 1/29/2014 17:25 PM


deena04 posted 1/30/2014 10:08 AM

This is helpful! Thank you so much for it. I need to write out my boundaries. We have made them known, but I feel a concrete, on paper version would be helpful to remind and just to see it down on paper. One question: as a BS, I can see how this is hard for some BS. I have high school male friends that live 300 miles away and we talk maybe once a year or send a Christmas card, that kind of thing. Is this saying that I can no longer have male friends period? I am never alone with them as I have boundaries already without even having to think about them in those cases. It sucks that I have to change my friends because of him!

lordhasaplan? posted 1/30/2014 10:42 AM

Your boundaries are yours. They are first and foremost to protect you. many craft them different ways. I personally don't expect the expectations for the two of us to be different. If I am trying to protect myself and my marriage I have the same expectations of my behavior as my W. However, there are many that look at it that they didn't violate their vows and will continue to behave in any way they have in the past.

Example last night similar to your example. I have a good female friend from high school who is coming home. I would like to see her. she said we could do lunch. NOPE. I will see her in the evening as a group with other friends from high school male and female. Just protecting my marriage and letting my W know we are safe as well.
But in short your boundaries are yours...

deena04 posted 1/30/2014 11:08 AM

Thank you! We have set up boundaries for WH, but I am also trying to do mostly the same. The exceptions being that I would like to keep those old, barely seen friends because WE didn't do anything wrong. My husband has and is always welcome to join when my friends come back to visit; it is never just male friend and me - never! I took it as though I just needed to end friendships with them completely. Thanks for clarifying!!

Simple posted 2/19/2014 14:47 PM


Jrazz posted 2/21/2014 22:45 PM

nekorb posted 2/22/2014 07:04 AM

Great post.

Up thread someone asked for examples of consequences of boundaries. I could use some examples too.


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