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Boundaries and Consequences 101 for all new BS

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ibmovingon posted 10/15/2011 12:58 PM

I spent most of my married life brushing things under the rug and pretending it wasn't happening to avoid the "what if he leaves" issue. And in the end, he left anyway.

setting boundaries will not determine if he leaves you or not, that will be his choice 100%. If he wants it to work, he will work to get to the point where he can accept your boundaries. If he doesn't, he will use the boundaries as an EXCUSE to leave, if he was going to leave anyway. It takes all the heat off him. It is mental blackmail and emotional abuse for a WS to inflict that on the BS.

Just a word of caution...don't set ANY consequences you are not fully prepared to see all the way through. Because if you set them, and he breaks the boundary and you do not follow through with the consequence, that only gives him more power.

lordhasaplan? posted 10/15/2011 13:18 PM

Agreed, your boundarues are your. They are for you. We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us. This has nothing to do with others, we define how we are to be treated. Glad you apprecited it.
LHAP?

bufffalo posted 11/1/2011 02:12 AM

Twitchy posted 11/1/2011 06:47 AM

How about these Boundaries and Consequences:

It stops contacting the filthy puss bag or else it gets the hose again.

lordhasaplan? posted 11/5/2011 08:37 AM

bufffalo posted 11/11/2011 09:48 AM

laughagain? posted 11/11/2011 11:21 AM

I realized recently this is one of my major issues I need to work on after riding this rollercoaster for 14 months. I now realize that as long as I allow him to lie and be so disrespectful to me he will continue.
So scary though.

[This message edited by laughagain? at 11:30 AM, November 11th (Friday)]

lostsuol posted 11/12/2011 23:44 PM

thanks... didn't see this 1st time around.

annb posted 11/18/2011 18:16 PM

bump

lordhasaplan? posted 11/24/2011 21:02 PM

Bump

Lost and Betraye posted 11/30/2011 10:45 AM

Great on for us newbies

bufffalo posted 12/6/2011 01:03 AM

Lost and Betraye posted 12/6/2011 12:52 PM

bump for Twang

emptyheart posted 12/11/2011 10:27 AM

bump for geneva

sudra posted 12/11/2011 22:06 PM

bump

Twang posted 12/11/2011 22:38 PM

Bump for L&B

Twang posted 12/11/2011 22:40 PM

What a great read for the end of the day! Wow powerful. Bless you!

bufffalo posted 12/16/2011 00:13 AM

unarmbears posted 12/17/2011 22:05 PM

Lost and Betraye posted 12/19/2011 22:42 PM

bump

bufffalo posted 12/23/2011 01:05 AM

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