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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 22
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry to disappoint, but as ridiculous as my H's recent theories may be, they're not all that entertaining.

I got a bit angry last night with him. Pisses me off that he'll swear he loves me, wants to stay together, blah, blah, blah, yet hasn't done a damn thing over the past 3 weeks to show that. (The short version is he is to show me how I am a priority to him, etc. Last week as he was still struggling, I said he might just want to get to the point where he can acknowledge that some of his actions have been inconsistent with me being his priority. Still nothing. Yet, he comes up with nothing, ignores the conversation was even had an yet he doesn't need any books, professional help, etc.)
Got into a heated dispute (with me supplying all of the heat) last night. This morning I was calmer and tried to recap the pertinent portions of the conversation. In response, he seemed to still think that him showing me that I'm his priority is us acting like a "normal" married couple.
I really wish I videotaped some of this shit - like at that point I wanted to go to the highlight reel of the last 3 weeks of conversation/events and point a few things out to him.
He doesn't get it. And, I'm on my way to accepting that, it's just sometimes it is just amazing that he could think us acting like a normal married couple is possible. Maybe he meant like a normal married couple where the W just found out that the H was with the OW at a party and stayed out til 4;30am. Maybe I just misunderstood...


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest -- that's the mask he wears under the one he usually shows you but over whatever it is that made him this way. Unfortunately, it's stuck on with Super Glue so this is about as deep as you'll ever get with him.

UKG -- trust your gut. You know you have great instincts.

FWIW -- I was feeling like this not too long ago and finally managed to get to the bottom of it -- turns out WH's father is really sick and WH didn't want to "bother" me with it AND work is sucking for him now too. Verified all of it. So, it might not be an A. Remember, these LTA WS's can fall back into their compartmentalizing pretty easily.

Strong and UK -- NO THEY WOULDN'T HAVE CONFESSED IF YOU ASKED. Jeesh. Believe me. I asked. Several times over the years. WH and OW. Actually, the first time, OW was telling a story about a guy she used to date and I laughed and said "that was you, huh, I didn't know you two used to date" to WH and they were both adamant they'd NEVER dated... ugh.
AND, three days before I got OW to 100% rat him out I confronted WH with the texts, naked picture, etc. and he SWORE there had been no sex, it was all her, etc. Like a TWO HOUR conversation (that ended with me and two of my friends spending the whole afternoon at the spa concurring that he was full of shit...)
THEY WOULD NEVER, EVER, EVER HAVE CONFESSED.

Ok. Stop worrying about this. Once again, this is some form of self-blame. Just let it go.

GENIUS:
Welcome.
(1) OW is not special to your spouse. She's "porn with skin".
(2) You are the only woman who is special to your spouse. Unfortunately, you are probably not special to him in the way you'd like to be.
(3) He is completely incapable at this time of feeling the way you'd like him to feel towards you.
(4) He needs MAJOR therapy right away.
(5) If your kids walk in on him masturbating or cross-dressing that's essentially a form of sexual abuse, even if it's an accident, and since you know he does those things you're culpable to some extent so you need to think about what needs to be done to prevent that from happening.
(6) I would bet you a large sum of money that your spouse was sexually abused, possibly severely, as a child.

He needs help. Huge, huge help. But your number 1 priority needs to be keeping yourself healthy and protecting the kids.

Even if you THINK he's a great parent or the home is happy "other than this" I can assure you you're wrong. JMHO.

Miracle--

there are so many circumstance where you could understand how it happened or came to be...and some rare ones on why it lasted so long...then especially in the lta...there is no understanding....

I understand the LTA in our situation. I just do. And on one level, we can all completely understand every one of them by simply saying that healthy people don't do this. They just don't.

If YOU get healthy, then your spouse MUST get healthy to stay with you OR your marriage ends and your life is better for it. It's that simple. Yes, there can be some toughness in between, but there you go.

Folks,
I was a MESS yesterday. I must be channelling ATS's FWW because I have a uterine prolapse. Ugh. I went to get it checked out and I've been given a workout program to do for 6 months. Doc said that there's a 40% chance I won't have to have surgery if I do the workouts -- and even if I do still need surgery the surgery will be more successful.

Of course, since Paddy is nearly a year old, I also asked for a full STD screen, including blood tests. I HATE having to do that, but I am absolutely permanently conservative when it comes to monitoring my health. Still, that made me sad.

But the whole trip triggered me like crazy over all sorts of things. First of all, I'm just SICK of gyno stuff anyway. Plus, I have to drive past the hotel WH used to bang OW in to and from the doc's office, and then I started bleeding during the exam and had to be cauterized which hurt and reminded me of the time I was there bleeding all over losing one of the babies -- and then possibly needing surgery and calling WH to tell him reminded me of the time I needed emergency surgery and he refused to come because he was getting drunk with his BF and OW at an NCAA basketball game...

Too many triggers. I was a mess. Not a hot mess either, just a mess. Ugh.

But I'm ok today! That's just part of life. I (gasP!) told WH my feelings, and he was (gasp!) sweet and supportive and there you go.

baby steps...


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood

We were cross-posting.

I think your WH thinks life is a sitcom! Poor guy. He's wondering where the laugh track went. See, he's supposed to be inept and insensitive and you're supposed to be way too smoking hot for him and capable and only mildly annoyed at the insensitive ineptness! And when you ARE annoyed -- it can't last long enough to interfere with the commercials.

Does he blow accross the yard when it's windy? Because I sort of imagine him as a giant cut-out since he refuses to have any depth.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3-
I also asked for a full STD screen

Just about a year to the day that I had to ask the ob that delivered my daughter, did my amnio, etc. to do the screening too.

It is sad.
Gotta go - lunch is here!


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, they all know about it since I was pregnant and got the STD and whatnot, so no big surprise there. Still. Whatcha gonnna do?


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3 - sorry to hear you had a bad day yesterday. That trigger would be a very rough one and it's no wonder you were a mess. You sound better today and strong and I am happy you were able to get over it so quickly.
I remember when I went for my check-up and asked for the STD workup. I was humiliated. I was crying and the dr. was so nervous he was throwing tissues at me, even though he admitted he gets more requests for this test than he'd like to admit.

Well, it's 4:15 and still no word from my H.
I'm getting more pissed by the minute. He stopped home quickly but had to run out for an appointment and not a word about our A.
Miracle - since d-day we have gone out to dinner, and/or he has sent flowers and we've exchanged cards. This is a first.
I did do some "retail therapy" which makes me feel better and when I got home there was a note from the florist that they attempted a delivery. Right after my H left for his appt., they came back. The flowers are from my son and his family. I can't wait to see what my H says when he sees them.
I am more pissed than I thought I would be especially since we have been doing well. WTF????????


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Fnf))))))

I hope Mr Fnf pulls through...for his sake!

And for what its worth, happy anniversary, dear friend.

LH


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Forgive - if this would be a 1st from him, with no acknowledgment of the date, then hang in there - maybe he will surprise you!


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FNF-
I hope your husband comes through with something tonight.

M33-
So sorry about all of the horrible triggers!
Just awful how selfish these WS were during the LTAs.

Allgood-
Your husband has to realize that nothing is the same.
A LTA changes everything.
IMHO you can salvage a marriage after a LTA but everything about the marriage has to change!
All the rules change, the way you communicate needs to change etc.
But, he is not unique.
All the WS want the BS to 'get over'it ASAP and just let everything go back to 'normal' again.
The only problem is....that when things were 'normal' they had a LTA!

Nell- One of my new demands is to stay as far away as possible from those friends and family members that were not 'friends of the marriage'.
Your BIL sounds like a very toxic, negative influence.
What does your husband think of him now?

UKgirl- good luck in your class....
stay focused on the positive.

Honest- It sounds like you are beginning to see your husband in a much more realistic light.
Remember, he is a NPD.
They can be very charming on the outside...and total sociopaths on the inside.

Genius- You've gotten some good advice here.
Hopefully, your WH will get the professional help he needs ASAP.
A good book for spouses of SA is : Your Sexually Addicted Spouse by Steffens.

Dip- Hopefully, there is nothing going on with Mrs. Dip but... I would have to verify first ..then trust...


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
GeniusOrAFool
♀ Member
Member # 30940
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m334455,

(1) OW is not special to your spouse. She's "porn with skin".

-Agree! And, I love how you worded it "porn with skin".
I told him that his LTA was fantasy gone 3-D. That's all it was...just more of the same on the continuum of his secret sexual fantasy porn cd'ing mb life which he has lived parallel to his real life of wife/kids/job/etc.

(2) You are the only woman who is special to your spouse. Unfortunately, you are probably not special to him in the way you'd like to be.

-Agree! I eventually figured out a couple yrs after d-day that my WH remained in the M for many reasons...none of which was me. I was just part of the package with an intact image/kids/home/lifestyle/etc. I have come to realize lately that I have been a prop he has used to portray an image of normalcy to the world.

(3) He is completely incapable at this time of feeling the way you'd like him to feel towards you.

-Agree! He is sexually/emotionally stunted and, at this time, incapable of the correct connectedness a husband should have with his wife.

(4) He needs MAJOR therapy right away.

-Agree. We are in MC with an excellent therapist who has addictions experience. She (and I) are helping him to get to a place of acceptance that he is a SA. Next session with him will likely include discussing treatment facilities.

(5) If your kids walk in on him masturbating or cross-dressing that's essentially a form of sexual abuse, even if it's an accident, and since you know he does those things you're culpable to some extent so you need to think about what needs to be done to prevent that from happening.

I was worried sick about risk to the kids. I told he that he needed to remove his 'behaviors' out of our home. He was noncompliant, so I began the process toward D and was about to sign to file. He has gotten rid of all his cd'ing stuff and no longer does that or have his mb/porn sessions on our family computer in the middle of the night. However, until he has effective treatment, he could resume these behaviors at any time. I expect he will. I understand it is critical for him to see CSAT and/or go to treatment facility.

(6) I would bet you a large sum of money that your spouse was sexually abused, possibly severely, as a child.

-You are correct. It was not the glaring sexual abuse people envision, but a more subtle abuse by his cruel, manipulative sister.

He needs help. Huge, huge help. But your number 1 priority needs to be keeping yourself healthy and protecting the kids.

-Yup. This is what I am doing.

Thank you for your input. It affirms how I feel and helps to keep me straight about what MUST be done in my situation.

I thank everyone for their thoughtful comments! It is SO appreciated! THANK YOU!


I'm back together again.
I'm staring in the mirror
and it's been so long
since I've seen you my friend.

~Citizen Cope


Posts: 454 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: PA
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well folks, the fucktard completely forgot. He walked in and saw the flowers from my son and his family and asked, What's the occasion??
Seriously, I am beyond pissed!
Sorry, but I knew you would all understand.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FNF-
So sorry! How thoughtless of him!
Sending you a long distance hug!
What did he say to you when he realized?


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What did he say to you when he realized?

Nothing really but after a few minutes I heard the garage door open and I knew he was heading out to buy me a card. I called him and told him not to bother, I wouldn't read it so don't waste your money. Then he came back with a box of candy and said, "I thought this might sweeten you up." I wanted to sock him right then and there. Absolutely trying to make light of this and joking like I thought it would be cute.
So I fixed dinner for myself and my DD and never called him in to join us.
I will need a day or two to cool down.
Well, enough about me, how are things with you and your H? I'm assuming you two are doing well. It's just the occasional setback that can get our heads spinning.
I think that's the problem. When your are M'd and don't have the A issues to deal with, these little aggravations and disappointments aren't so terrible, but once you find out what they've been up to, everything changes and they can't afford to slip up in areas that are super sensitive.
Today is just one of those days that I want to scream out loud and run away for a while.
Hugs to the tribe!


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fnf,
I am so sorry.

njgal,
r.e. WH's evil twin: yes, he is toxic. and stupid. and horrible. and a bad influence. unfortunately, WH has a closer bond with him than anyone else on the planet, including me, because of their tight twindom. they were of the variety of twin that did everything together, wore the same clothes, were in the same classrooms, listened to the same music, participated in the same activities, had the same group of friends throughout their growing up. they're both idiots, really, when it comes to any healthy adult behaviors. WH doesn't see it much though. he had a come-to-Jesus moment a few years ago when the evil twin was doing multiple drugs (cocaine among them), drinking heavily, not going to work, schtupping a married neighbor, basically making every bad choice he could possibly make and eventually ODed on Dramamine (ODing on Dramamine is purported to achieve cheap pharamceutical hallucination... I discovered that by Googling "Dramamine overdose"... his ho called an ambulance when he ODed and the story was he tried to commit suicide... I got zero hits when I Googled "Dramamine" and "suicide" in several different ways. obviously i'm right on board with that one!) of course, the entire family flew to evil twin's bedside to straighten everything out for him (not at all co-dependent). anyway, shortly after that, when evil twin was still being a fuck-up, even WH could tell that evil twin was dragging everyone down with him and decided at that time to cut ties. when WH got involved with his own ho, he called the evil twin for his experienced insight and they've been thick as thieves ever since.

yes, WH needs to keep evil twin at arm's length. but i don't think he will unless he has yet another come-to-Jesus recolizing. *whew* that was exhausting.

WH is currently grocery shopping and i'm trying to get this out as quickly as possible.

Meanwhile, speaking of WH being home by himself and viewing online porn using the privacy setting so that i can't tell by going into his history or cookies... yeah. i don't mind the porn viewing, though i would like to have a conversation about our IRL vs. his fantasy sex life. i do very much dislike the hiding it. it goes on my list, which is not getting any shorter.

m3, I'm so sorry you had a tough day yesterday, and that you have to deal with lady problems on top of husband problems. my annual STD check is coming soon! yay! in fact, i've got to call the doc to make an appointment. from DDay on, as long as i'm having any sort of sex with any other person, i will always get STD checks.

Allgood, I'm glad you're getting closer to acceptance. it's so much more peaceful not to struggle against the stupidity, but to just hold your nose and let it rush past you.

the normal married couple thing... i get that from WH too. in fact, in this last MC session (where WH made his stunning we-must-heal-my-owie-feelings revelation) WH decided that we didn't need MC anymore, we shouldn't talk about the past any more because it makes our M seem bad; instead, we should build on the good things and move forward. i call this either trying to trick me into thinking we have a happy marriage, or trying to make me live in his marshmallow lollipop babytalk world. sorry, no.

dammit, WH is home. gotta run. yoga tonight, yay!


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FNF

Sorry to hear he screwed up. The A does make us get much more pissed over their slip ups. Missing this day is pretty bad of him. How you handled all that was pretty cool. No invite to dinner.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH - in case you're lurking I sent you a PM. It is oh so good to see you again.
Dip - thanks and I enjoyed every mouthful of my meal knowing he was banished to the basement.
So how are you? Are you still feeling uneasy? Is there any way you could approach your W about your concerns? I know exactly what you mean though about being a trusting person and it is so contrary to who we are to start questionning everything that seems suspicious. I hate living like that. It took me a few years after d-day and finally I totally gave up trying to "discover" anything. If it was going to happen, I would eventually find out - I just hoped it wouldn't be another 8 years down the road.
Hang in there and don't be afraid to lean on us.
Hugs to the tribe.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell-
I think you've read this before from me....
but, IMHO after a LTA-all bets are off!
Everything changes!
And in my house that meant no more porn-zero, Nada, nothing, never!
My husband agreed that he would never look at porn without talking to me about it first (if he suddenly had some kind of urge etc. and we would decide how to deal with it together).
Also, all of his email is an open book-he has it all on Outlook and I can see it all.
Same with his phone and the cell phone records etc.-all an open book.
He does not have a Facebook account.
And...he has dropped all of his toxic friends.
When some questionable friends from the past get in touch with him he tells me immediately.
He has distanced himself from his party friends due to his sobriety.
We have been cultivating relationships with other (happily) married couples.
In the past-he had his friends and I had mine...and then we did family things together.
I think your husband's evil twin is an example of that negative peer pressure that I notice was at play with so many of the WS.
Typically, they had friends, relatives, co-workers, that were out there partying, drinking, staying out late, having affairs, disrespecting their spouses....so, that type of negative , toxic behavior became the norm.
And, of course, the LTA partner is the biggest toxic peer...here was another person egging them on... validating this toxic behavior...acting as if it was normal to behave this way.

That was my husband's sitch.
And, that's why I think my husband acted so surprised after d-day. It was as if he just found out about the LTA too!
Seeing my reaction brought him back to reality and made him see all of his behavior in a completely different light!

So, Nell....I guess you can tell from my comments what I think about your situation.
I would tell your husband-no porn....and I would tell him that due to his brother's toxic influence in the past (he encouraged your husband's LTA!) he needs to distance himself from him.
I know you can't say that he has to break ties with his twin but....you could say that you want to be included in their visits...that you don't want your husband hanging out in bars with the evil twin!


FNF-
Sorry to see that your husband was such an insensitive schmuck tonight!
You're right... the WS does have to go the extra mile now on everything!
Stuff that might have been easily forgiven in the past-not so easy to do now.
I can't believe he's not grovelling now!
But,good for you to continue with your dinner etc.
Try to be kind to yourself.

As for me... I have been triggering all week for a variety of reasons...but, LOL...calmly triggering.
No full blown meltdowns, etc.

I have done some thinking and have a few good analogies that I have come up with.
I will try to post them later.
Maybe they will help some others on the LTA forum....



Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Tribe,

FNF, I am sorry your H dropped the ball. His joking about it to make it better was the wrong reaction, but the right reaction would have required more intimacy and self-reflection than he was comfortable with.

m334455, FWW received very different opinions on her prolapse from each of the three physicians she saw. Be sure to get second and third opinions if you are not comfortable with any recommendations you get. Her symptoms seem to come and go.

old_dipstick, sorry you are struggling. I wonder if we ever do feel safe (or are safe)?

As to the question, if asked would the WS have 'fessed up? In my sich definitely not. About May 2007, I confronted FWW with behaviors and phone records that led me to suspect an A. She said no, and with the help of a well-meaning friend convinced me I was over-reacting. She did say she was ready to leave the M, I was "broken" and that I needed IC. She refused to participate in C. Ends up she had ended her 1-year A with OM I suspected 2(?) months earlier, and 4 months later, her EA with last OM became PA.

FWW also says that she assumed I knew about A, but did not care (yet I confronted her and attended IC for 3 months). She says that she and OM talked about it, agreed I was intelligent and must know but did not care. Still, she kept her A activities hidden.

FWW is making great progress and we have some real fun together. I am still stuck on if I want to accept sex 1 or 2x a month as a sex life. Lately I am not looking forward to or really enjoying what sex we do have. I think that maybe no sex would be easier to deal with than once every 2 4 weeks; sort of like not smoking at all as opposed to infrequent smoking.

--Ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow Nell... I learned somthing new from you today... the word schtupping! LOL..

Not good to forget an Anniversary.. nope.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, January 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nell: like njgal all bets were off after d-day and still are...even tho i am on the road to divorce, we still have to cohabitate somewhat peaceably...and i would uninivite the evil twin yesterday..he could stay in a hotel....if i were in reconcilliation i would demand limited interaction between them....in my sich, if and when my in laws ever come back to the scene...all interaction needs to take place elsewhere as none of them are welcome in my home...and pfm doesn't like it....to bad....leave and do let the door hit you on the way out...pretty much how i feel now about alot of my new boundaries....he either honors them or this sham is done....


fnf: total fuckwit....this would have been a really good time to feed him some serious laxatives tho....and when the urge hits i say take a long long bath, complete with bubbles, wine and some candles...


ats: maybe its time to renegotiate sex with your fww.....and don't give it up, you should not have to, there is no medical reason for her lack of libido then go see a sex therapist...sex is important if both parties are able...


((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
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