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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 7
survivorman
♂ Member
Member # 29515
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Geez, and I'm all worked up today just because my STBWxW reminded me earlier today in mediation what an unremorseful and lying bitch she can be. Small beans in the grand scale, I guess.

Hey, it does remind me that I once saw a list of things WW plans to do now that she's on her own again. Here's hoping she takes skydiving lessons as planned -- only sooner, and preferably from one of those cut-rate operations that tend to skimp on the wages for parachute repackers.

*whistles as he goes back to work on his suicide note*

[This message edited by survivorman at 5:48 PM, January 7th (Friday)]


Me: BH; Her: Slime Mold; DS7
D-day #1 6/09; D-day #2 8/10; divorced 3/12

After what you did I can't stay on
And I'll probably feel a whole lot better
When you're gone


Posts: 489 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: survivorman
jasper
♂ Member
Member # 28168
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, January 8th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Small beans in the grand scale, I guess.

Small beans indeed.

hurts, reading your posts, I have no advice. Just prayers and understanding as a parent. I can't imagine, but it's also what keeps me awake at night.


Posts: 696 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: New York
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, January 9th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the hardest issue with me right now is that I am so short on patience. I have such a short fuse and I am just at a loss of how to manage all of it. Short strings and I am usually able to manage it, but, well so much for that.

Just blew a little a few minutes ago, over something simply stupid and of no relation to any of these issues in me.

I am just not sure of where to go or what to do. I am full.


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, January 9th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a really short temper with my kids after D-day. I'd feel so awful about it. But any time they'd fight with each other about stupid stuff, I'd boil over. After the blow-ups, I'd apologize to the kids and tell them that life was just stressing me out lately. It was really lame.

Now that I'm several months divorced, my patience has come back. In fact, I think I'm more patient.

I've got no advice. Just empathizing with you.

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 6:29 PM, January 9th (Sunday)]


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, January 9th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, I thought I was doing ok over the past years, but in the last 8-10 months I have notice an increasing stress and equall increasing frustration with life and its associated shortness. I would say that 99 percent of the time I am able to diverte or control it, but sometimes, well, you know. I am not violent with anyone, and I think I bother myself more than anything, but as they say, I am the one I have to live with without any lies.

Just kind venting, thanks guys.


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 4:06 AM, January 10th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurts,

Maybe you should look into finding some outlet for your frustration, your anger.

A lot of guys find something physically exerting to be good.

I too have also blown up at my kids when they dont really deserve it, or had a shorter fuse when theyve been acting up. When your living under so much pent up frustration and stress its normal, but i also think its our responsibility to try and mitigate the negative impact on our children and loved ones as much as possible. So try and find an outlet, chop firewood, beat the crap out of a boxing bag, smash up old furniture, run, go for a walk into the forest and then have a good 10 min raving session. but find something that works for you.


Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, January 10th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I here you about the anger.

Once or twice I lost it on the kids but don't anymore.

I just think about how I love them and how good and honest and how much they love me.

I save my tongue for WW


Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
Jnot
♂ New Member
Member # 30320
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, January 10th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it's not a long term fix, but Wellbutrin (buproprion) has helped me a lot the past month. Plan on taking it for another month to help quit smoking. I'm not a pill taker but have to admit that it's helped me sleep (fewer nightmares),and being more patient with my daughter. I've experience no side effects as well.

Posts: 21 | Registered: Dec 2010
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, January 10th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys, usually this past year I have had the physical outlet in my work trimming trees (or actually cutting them down to use up lots) of energy. But it is a seasonal job and not that much out there right now.

I am quite active with the scouts and will be snow camping this weekend. That will help, it always does. And I have volunteered for another snow camp in a couple of weeks. Hoping to get in a bunch of hours on the snowshoes with my camera.

I am trying, it just seems so much more of a challenge right now.

I am not a huge fan of meds. I have done the ADs in the past but have not had any insurance for years so it is something not in my financial reach.

It will work out one way or the other. I do find some releif in getting it out here.

I appreciate you guys.


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, January 11th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurts, I have a hard time believing a pill can solve a problem. I too was a scout leader for years and always found a smile when I was with them, it's good. Dig deep, brother, there is a smile waiting in there, it will feel like a million bucks when you find it.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
Mighty
♂ Member
Member # 26909
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, January 11th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

New realization about myself for those following my post on the wayward forums... I have no idea why I do it, but I pick losing fights based upon strong convictions. I know I won’t win, but I can’t just give it up. Sometimes I firmly believe something, can back it up, have facts, and reason and so forth.... but the “mob” won’t be swayed from their extremist worst case scenario viewpoints or hang their hats on unicorns and puppy dogs views.... they refuse to see the middle ground where the rest of the world operates. Ran across this in my stint in government. Run across it dealing with clients. And I have run across it with my WW. It always ends the same: I get frustrated, deal with obsessive “counter-point” thoughts, and never ever win. Usually I just piss the opposition off more. But some sick side of me enjoys this challenge. It’s actually become a career since I mainly now am a “expert witness” and render my professional opinion (I win all those because reason, right/wrong, and the middle “reasonable and prudent” usually prevail)...

How do you reason with unreasonable? It’s a lesson I’ve never learned. So, I keep trying. Is this why I’m in the R?


BS (me) 44 WS (her)43
Married 17yrs, Together 20 yrs
Three children (9-13)
D-Day #1 - 4/11/09 (me).. DD's stopped, she quit talking. Body count: 6 OM, 1 OW. (2 EA's, 1 LTPA, 1 PA, 3 "kisses").

Posts: 629 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Denver
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, January 11th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Random item. Anybody know what happened to toonice?

Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, January 11th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mighty:

Jesus of Nazareth told Pontius Pilate, "I am the truth." Pilate snorted, "what is truth?"

I understand your frustration. Stating truthful facts and then coming to a conclusion based on those facts alone is foreign to some people. For example; "it's cold outside, please wear a jacket and a hat" is interpreted by some as "you're trying to control me." WTH?

In most any discussion with WW, generally the type of reasoning she comes up with is "no, you're the one!" Up is down, black is white, truth is a lie. The logical response to this type of illogical person is to avoid any and all conversations with her. I must disengage and treat her as the illogical child/woman she is.

Yet I find myself, a few times a week, redoubling my efforts as if this time she will finally get it. It's almost as if we speak two different languages. In this sick game, who's the cat and who's the mouse?

How do you reason with unreasonable?

I have no clue other than silence. Let us know when you figure it out.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
shyguy
♂ Member
Member # 18281
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, January 11th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mr Kite it sounds like the conversation I had with my w before the D. She believed in shades of gray. I believed things are black and white. I am not sure what I believe anymore.
I thought honesty and monagamy were required in a marriage. She thought they were optional.


Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)

Posts: 5866 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: tulsa
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, January 11th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just got off the phone with a friend in North Dakota. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window all day. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, January 11th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been snowing here all day and night as well. Now if I can only trick her into going outside...

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, January 11th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anybody know what happened to toonice?

dunno, hope he's OK. Prolly got tired of beating his head agin the wall & filed.

[This message edited by 64fleet at 8:03 PM, January 11th (Tuesday)]


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5360 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Happy  Posted: 8:53 PM, January 11th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gents (and jjct)

just checking in, I have a lot to reading / catching up to do.....thread 7? Wow, for a bunch of guys we sure talk a lot!

Hope everyone had a good holiday and your respective situations are better, or at least tolerable. Mines still up in the air and the quarter can land on either heads or tails....


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
CaptainTal
♂ New Member
Member # 30766
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, January 12th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi gents,

Wanted to stop in and say "hi". Have been reading the betrayed men threads for months, but just joined. I've gained a lot from all of you and look forward to being part of the discussion.

Just count me as another man whose WW found a total skeeze-bag and realized that it could be lurrrvv! (I mean, who wouldn't want an alcoholic who lives with 6 sluts, barely makes minimum wage at a part-time job, was kicked out of the military, and just got off of an ankle monitor. I know that's my dream!)

[This message edited by CaptainTal at 10:56 AM, January 12th (Wednesday)]


Me: BH (31)
Her: WW (30)
3 kids: 6,4,1
D-day: 06/29/10. False R through November. Now working on real R. Or so I'm led to believe.


Posts: 18 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: United States
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, January 12th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome CaptainTal! From reading your profile it seems that you have found a very good MC team. What type of novels does your wife write?

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
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