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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 7
Cannon
♂ Member
Member # 32440
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, July 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dang, guys...

How many of us here have WW that are BP? It seems to be a common thread.


Me - BH, 41
Her - Bi-polar WW, 41

Status: Divorced and relieved


Posts: 127 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: .
countryboy
♂ New Member
Member # 30542
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, July 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW is bonified BP/ADHD. I have papers on her. WW is full blown and medicated. I found this out about 4 years into our marriage. Been married 19 years to WW. Lived through some really wild crap.

Just last night she showed her colors. My father has been in the hospital for a month in a life threatening situation. I have been by his side 90% percent of the time trying to keep up with my job and home. I spoke with WW before I left the hospital last night and told WW what time I was leaving to come home. WW said she was at her mothers and was going home this was at 6:00 pm. WW drive is Ĺ hour home. My drive from the hospital is 1.5 hours. I leave the hospital at 7:00 pm. On my way home I stopped by a friendís house to visit him before he left the country. I had been there 5 minutes when I get a phone call asking me where the hell I am at. I tell WW and ask where she is. WW says she is in town shopping. Still 30 minutes from home. I try to explain that I had just stopped to say good bye and would be home in a few minutes. I also told WW that my friend was going to be a grandfather. WW said I hope youíre having fun and hung up.

So to try and keep the peace I cut my visit short and head home. I am home 30 minutes before she arrives. WW gets home and acts like nothing is wrong. I asked WW why she was upset because I had stopped at my friendís house. WW said I should have gone straight home like I said I was. This is coming from a woman that can make a two hour shopping trip into a 14 hour trip. I asked WW what difference it made if I was home or not because she was not there when I got there. I should not have asked this. I then sat through a one hour rant about how nobody got excited about WW when she was pregnant and how sorry my friend is and she has no friends and I was never her friend and then told me she knew a lot of men that would treat her way better than I did. Then WW informs me that I cannot ask her where she is at anymore and if she wants to stay all night some where she can and I cannot ask where or who she is with.

Now here is where the BP/ADHD kicks in. She then got mad because I would not come to bed with her. Now remember WW just told me she was not in love with me anymore and did not want me sleeping with her anymore less than 2 weeks ago.

If do not agree with her every decision MY whole world is to blame. I just hope I can hang on until the kids graduate. I only have 4 more years. After that I will gladly help her find one of these great guys she keeps talking about to make her life so wonderful. Until then I will just keep my head down and keep driving forward.

[This message edited by countryboy at 11:19 AM, July 19th (Tuesday)]


BS- me
WS- her
M- 18 years
DD1- 7/04
DD2- 3/10
DD3- 2/11

Posts: 38 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Texas
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, July 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Man this thread makes me think I am not alone.

I take risks though ESPECIALLY after her affair and due to my wife's issues I no longer care one bit if she is mad or not and I say FUCK PEACE.

I never had peace. I give back 2x what I get and if I dont get my needs met I find hobbies interests and friends to fill in the gaps much to her chagrin.

I have a line in my mind that goes like this. I may stay for my kids but I am not giving up my life.

I will state this. It seems as if the worse she gets mad at me taking care of me she wants me more.

I will not live in fear ever again because no matter what happens I can handle it.


Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
Cannon
♂ Member
Member # 32440
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost Cause, the post you made long ago in this thread (I quoted it a couple pages back) about the "Two types of wives" and the one you have has been an epiphany for me.

It describes EXACTLY my mindset right now. I also am considering the fact that I am a buffer between my BP WW and my kids. I shudder to think about how bad it might be if they were with her again half the time (as they were during our first separation)

country boy:

I then sat through a one hour rant about how nobody got excited about WW when she was pregnant

I'm feeling this too. All the shit in my marriage really got going when we had a surprise third pregnancy. At the time, we had a three year old and a one year old. I was NOT happy with another pregnancy (though I love my only daughter more than I could ever imagine now) and admitted that, but she says that I hated her and blamed her for it (she was taking some medicine which counteracted the birth control pills). No matter how many times I tell her that it would be stupid for me to be mad at her, that I was just as mad at myself and that I never blamed anyone for what happened (seriously - why would I blame her?) she won't have it.

Whenever we argue she ALWAYS goes back to "You've been mad at me since I got pregnant blah blah blah.

Part of what drives me crazy about her is that she says I never give her enough attention (she's starting to subtly throw this in our discussions now and I'm REFUSING to let her blameshift). Because of her BP and her incredibly low self esteem, there's NO WAY I could ever give her enough attention. She should act like a grown up and worry about our three young kids rather than getting her self esteem filled.

It's funny that she used to think I was the cause of all her problems. I've often told her that, hey, when you get rid of this ogre of a husband, your life will suddenly be peaches and cream won't it?

She knows it's not true, because deep down...she's probably never going to be happy with herself or her life. And that's pretty sad.


Me - BH, 41
Her - Bi-polar WW, 41

Status: Divorced and relieved


Posts: 127 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: .
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine's still mad about me kicking the door in when our then 2 y/o locked me & the boy outside-I should have broken the double-paned double-strength sealed window & crawled/fell into the house thru broken glass instead. This was 3 years ago. Still bitches about it.

I told my son who is staying home all day to sweep up the house-she got into me because she does not have time to clean up the house. I said nothing to her, I had simply told the boy to sweep. It might even be taken as me helping her out somewhat, but oh Hell no...

If you ignore her outbursts she's OK. My kids do wonder why she comes home all mad.

Cannon, mine blames me for the kids even-I've been told "we wouldn't have these kids if you hadn't stuck your dick in me"

IIRC, she wanted kids & quit eating this little pill...but now they are my fault like everything else.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

64:
Mine's still mad about me kicking the door in when our then 2 y/o locked me & the boy outside-I should have broken the double-paned double-strength sealed window & crawled/fell into the house thru broken glass instead. This was 3 years ago. Still bitches about it.

I told my son who is staying home all day to sweep up the house-she got into me because she does not have time to clean up the house. I said nothing to her, I had simply told the boy to sweep. It might even be taken as me helping her out somewhat, but oh Hell no...

My WW is the same way. She can recant a endless litany of all my faults and all that I have done wrong in our M (some real, some manufactured).

And yet. When I ask her any questions about her LTA. Her first and most frequent answer is *I dont remember*.

I dont get it.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3086 | Registered: Sep 2007
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You got that right razor-she cannot recall a single word from 300 texts to OMM in 10 days, nor hours of phone calls etc, what she & OM & OMM talked abt, what happened the night she did not come home, nothing...nor did she have the respect for me top tell me abt OM-who was before OMM-& she knew I was checking phone records

But still remembers the day 15 yrs ago when she was mad at me, all her cousin's/niece's bithdays, the kids' social #, etc etc etc...

I just don't buy it...


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Part of selective memory is polished,
for manipulative tactics.
I would be berated after a long day's work while trying to go to sleep
while unbeknownst to me, she had fucked another...
Guess what she was demanding.

Reassurance.

I have decided to live with no more lies (and thus am alone).
have no idea how to tolerate any more abuse
I live in a cave
though there's light at the entrance,

my heart breaks
reading your struggles,
all I wanna say is put your foot down,
tolerate no more lies in your lives.
just me


Posts: 6026 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
countryboy
♂ New Member
Member # 30542
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, July 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes the selective memory is amazing. My WW can remember the exact time I was late getting home 19 years ago but cannot remember if she and OM #1 used condoms.

Another thing is how I am held to deferent standards than WW is. WW can leave to go shopping at 8:00am and not return until 1:00 am and this is considered ok. WW can go to Mexico with her mother and my daughter and not invite me or my son and this is ok. But if I after working a 12 hour shift stop off at a buddies house on the way home from work for an hour to help stab a transmission in his hot rod I am the sorriest SOB that ever walked the face of the earth.

Here is one that just came up this week. 15 years ago WW mother transferred all of her property and assets to WW. At the time my WW gloated it was all in her name and not mine. I was fine with it no big deal. I respected my mother in laws decision. So for the past 15 years I have paid all the taxes on this property and interest on CDís.

Last year my father wanted to do the same thing before he remarried. My father wanted all his property in my name. WW says she will get with a lawyer friend and get it done cheap. I did not look at the document close enough. After DD #2 in a heated argument WW let it slip her name was on my fatherís property and gloated again how I was not on her mothers. I told WW that she needed to get her name off the deed. This was over a year ago. I got the tax papers this week and guess who had her name still on the deed, WW. I asked WW to get it removed and you would have thought I sh!t in her corn flakes. I asked her if she thought it was fair to do this and the selective memory kicked in. WW said she did not have her name put on it that they had made a mistake at the court house.

Now WW thinks I am getting ready to D her. I told WW I was and she had four years to prepare. No use beating around the bush anymore.


BS- me
WS- her
M- 18 years
DD1- 7/04
DD2- 3/10
DD3- 2/11

Posts: 38 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Texas
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, July 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

funny how they all are the same, countryboy. I inherited $$ from Gma, WW took her part. But then her mom died, i get nothing-except I pay taxes on her mom's house now, that her sister moved into right after WW's mom died, then her sis let her own house go into foreclosure-even tho the will stated to sell house & split between the kids. I wonder why they don't observe the will-they claim to have loved her so much, but won't heed her final wishes.

jjct, my heart is so broken it will never mend, so I really don't give a shit anymore. Yeah, I'm jaded. I sure wish I could just disappear.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, July 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

64)))
If I had an answer that'd answer everything, I'd post it right quick...
64)))
I mean it.

Posts: 6026 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Dark Shadows
♂ Member
Member # 31472
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, July 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife was diagnosed with clinical depression 6 years ago. They are looking into BP and Manic Depression currently.

She has the selective memory disease going on as well. She has not been as agressive in her outbursts as some I have read here. Her issue is more of a low self esteem problem, and that she is too hard on herself.

She is an expert at putting things in boxes within her mind and never opening those boxes again. Getting her to talk through the affair is harder than breaking into Fort Knox.

On the bright side, if there ever is one, she is showing signs that the fog is truely lifting and there may even be a glimmer of sorrow and remorse for what she has done.


Husbands, Love your Wives...

Posts: 79 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Somewhere Between Misery and Despair
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, July 22nd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the reference.

What I have done to survive for fear of D and desire to be with my kids is I have an outside life.

I have hobies and friends and take a night a week for me.

I have stopped caring at all if the M makes it or not.

Wives anger HAHAHHA after what she did do you think I care?

She never earned her way back in and as thus she is simply a means to an end. A paycheck and a babysitter.

I really dont need her for anything anymore and to be honest I feel better now taht my emmotional hose is gone.

And my wife is a bit of a mess. She wont leave. She is to selfish to give me up because I still do too much for her.

And if she did leave sure the kids would kill me but I would be free and have even more happiness.

The world is full of good things and my so called wife is no longer a needed source.


Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
countryboy
♂ New Member
Member # 30542
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, July 28th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I know why WW is acting so bat sh!t crazy here lately. I do not look at cell records anymore because I donít care anymore but after a strange phone call to my WW on my home phone at 12:45 am night before last and WW deleting the caller ID with me standing there asking who it was I started looking again. It did not take long to get the number because I have a hidden caller ID out in the barn. Cell records show it also but the bad part is WW is using my 14 year old daughterís cell phone to stay in touch with him. This is low.

Turns out it is the same young guy she was chatting up on FB back on V-day when WW was sitting right next to me while I was sleeping telling him how good she could take care of him.

I also found a new application on WWís I-pod for texting that from what I can tell has no records. The application cost 2.95 a month. His number was on it also. Does not look like WW is putting much effort into hiding it anymore either or she is dumber than I thought.

I am not upset about it is what is bad. The only thing that bothers me is WW dragging my daughter in this by using her phone. Now that pisses my off. I hope this is the guy to take WW off my hands but I doughty it because he lives in a travel trailer with his daughter without a pot to piss in or a window to through it out of.

Here is the funny part. I also found on her I-pod where WW had search the web for free pictures of big d!cks. WW had went to about 25 web sites yesterday looking at big d!cks. This may be my whole problem. I may not be big enough for WW.

Same old crap different day.


BS- me
WS- her
M- 18 years
DD1- 7/04
DD2- 3/10
DD3- 2/11

Posts: 38 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Texas
hands56
♂ Member
Member # 32449
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, July 28th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thread is for Betrayed Men only.

[This message edited by NewAttitude at 8:56 PM, July 29th (Friday)]


ME WH 1993
ME BS 2008
HER BW/WW
married 25yrs
seperated AUG 2010
D 11/17/11

Posts: 58 | Registered: Jun 2011
countryboy
♂ New Member
Member # 30542
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, July 29th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hands56, I know what youíre dealing with and have walked the mile in your shoes. I stay for my kids also. I will get kicked for this by the other members but I see why you cheated. I do not condone cheating by no means. You should have left but I do understand what caused you to do it. My need for affection and someone to have a civilized conversation with does become unbearable at times. Yes we have sex but that is all it is, plain sex no love. Although I have not cheated I do worry about cheating if another woman showed the interest in me. I am no prize any more so the chances of that happening are slim to none.

The violence is another story. One year ago this month WW took an axe to my truck and then rammed it with her Honda Accord until she totaled both cars. I have been hit, slapped, bitten and worse and still have never raised a hand to the woman.

I have 4 years before my youngest is out of school so I can see a light at the end but getting there before I am burned out is going to be the challenge.


BS- me
WS- her
M- 18 years
DD1- 7/04
DD2- 3/10
DD3- 2/11

Posts: 38 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Texas
hands56
♂ Member
Member # 32449
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, July 29th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thread is for Betrayed Men only.

[This message edited by NewAttitude at 8:56 PM, July 29th (Friday)]


ME WH 1993
ME BS 2008
HER BW/WW
married 25yrs
seperated AUG 2010
D 11/17/11

Posts: 58 | Registered: Jun 2011
oftenwrong
♂ Member
Member # 27822
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, July 31st (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, I am getting pretty sick of how some women use
bi-polar as a blanket excuse.

I am bi-polar and have never compromised my integrity. Nor have I ever done the things I see as consistent behavior and attitudes that I see in BP women.

I'm not woman bashing. Just frustrated that they give those with this affliction a bad name. Honestly, I think it is an excuse for bad behavior.

On another note, I go thru extreme moods of hyper-sexuality. In every outbreak of these moods, I have always managed to turn away temptation. Chemicals in our brain make us susceptable, our character in the end makes the choice.

[This message edited by oftenwrong at 10:23 PM, July 31st (Sunday)]


ME - BSO (35 yrs old)
Her - XWSO (31 yrs old)
LTR 10 years - There can be no 2nd chances


Posts: 995 | Registered: Mar 2010
oftenwrong
♂ Member
Member # 27822
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, August 2nd (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Haven't heard much from the gents lately. Hope you guys will check in and let us know how you are doing. I find myself parting with this site more and more each day. I think I have graduated SI :)

I will post more but I think I will begin to fade in to the background.

The past month or so has been an incredible trial of pain, excitement and uncertainty. It has only made me stronger. Nearly 2 years past DDay, I have come to terms with the betrayal, the lies, and the reasons behind the infidelity. I stood my ground, never gave in and no price was too high to achieve my happiness. In 20/20 hindsight, I am so happy I did this. I have learned more about myself thru my failures and trials than I have in my whole life. I know now the difference between love and fantasy, trust and naivety, and truth and lie.

Today marks the end of my journey thru my infidelity ride. I hope I can continue to contribute although I feel that won't be the case much longer.

For all of you men that fear the worst. Who fear the reprocussions of child support and alimony... There is nothing to fear. You will be ok. You will survive and you will continue on. You will be in control of your life and destiny. That is a gift worth any price. Your child support payments won't last forever. Your scars will.


ME - BSO (35 yrs old)
Her - XWSO (31 yrs old)
LTR 10 years - There can be no 2nd chances


Posts: 995 | Registered: Mar 2010
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, August 2nd (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Often... Glad to see you doing good... As you've learned the shit storms do stop....

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5893 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
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