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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 7
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, August 18th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where did everyone go?

Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
Mighty
♂ Member
Member # 26909
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, August 18th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lol... Wondered the same. Seems like most divorced.


BS (me) 44 WS (her)43
Married 17yrs, Together 20 yrs
Three children (9-13)
D-Day #1 - 4/11/09 (me).. DD's stopped, she quit talking. Body count: 6 OM, 1 OW. (2 EA's, 1 LTPA, 1 PA, 3 "kisses").

Posts: 629 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Denver
countryboy
♂ New Member
Member # 30542
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, August 20th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No we are not all D yet but I am headed that way like a freight train.

Caught WW with OM #2 last night again. Worst part is my son (17) was with me when we accidently drove up on them. We had attended a family function and went in separate vehicles. WW left early because she did not feel well. OM#2 left 15 minutes behind WW. My son and I left 20 minutes behind OM#2. We decide to take the back road home because my son is driving and we drove right up on WW parked in the dirt road with OM#2. Unfortunately my son knew what was going on. WW took off like a bullet and ran. WW drove over 100 mph because that is where I made my son pull over and stop trying to catch her. He was so mad at WW he was shaking. I tried to get him to go to bed before she arrived home but he would not. He confronted WW as soon as she walked in the door. It was so sad to see WW try to lie to him when she got home. I had to call him down and make him leave the room. Now she is sh!t in his eyes to and that was the last thing I wanted to happen because they were very close.

At first WW said it was not her we saw. Then she said it was her but he stopped to help her because she was sick. Then it was my fault for it all again. Then she attacked me and bit me of all things because I told her she had just ruined our son for life.

I said I was not going to leave but I do not think I can hang on anymore. I thought I could make it till the kids graduated but that may not happen now. I feel so bad for my kids.


BS- me
WS- her
M- 18 years
DD1- 7/04
DD2- 3/10
DD3- 2/11

Posts: 38 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Texas
3yrwait
♂ Member
Member # 29907
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, August 21st (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy crap that sucks. I don't have any advice but hope you can both keep your son out of this.


Me: BH (early 40s)
Her: WW (early 40s)
Married 15 years
1 daughter, under 10
DDay July 2007

Posts: 450 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: 3yrwait
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, August 22nd (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dont feel bad at all that son is pissed at mom. her actions caused this.

You are the good guy here and some advice I learned from a Tool song "I have been far to sympathetic".

I believe when people get so ingrained in selfish desires taht the only thing taht ever does work is they get punished.

I for one am glad you son is pissed at mom and you should be a total asshole to her. She deserves no less.


Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, August 23rd (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Countryboy:
Please continue to talk to your son, let him know that people are faulty. This is such an important time in his life and you can bet he needs someone to talk to.

That is a terrible thing for him to see. I can't imagine.
Continue to teach him how a woman should be treated and how a woman should treat him. Dont let this be his example.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, August 24th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then she attacked me and bit me

Ummm...what do you think would happen if the genders were reversed?
Man, you do not have to put up with physical abuse.

You'd be in jail right now if you bit her.

I'd document that and report her abusive ass.


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, August 24th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with jjct... I took way too much physical crap from the ex...

I know you're more worried about your son right now to even think about her biting you but from now on... I'd keep a var on you for your own protection...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5893 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
INeedaBandAid
♂ Member
Member # 24869
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, August 24th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

damn @ country .......

This really sucks ass especially the kid part. Running up on that shit will scar him for a while.

As far as the biting goes, press charges, fuck it ...... like jjct said. You put hands on her you'd be sitting in a cell probably waiting for "her" to bail you out .......


Posts: 286 | Registered: Jul 2009
INeedaBandAid
♂ Member
Member # 24869
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, August 24th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes the selective memory is amazing. My WW can remember the exact time I was late getting home 19 years ago but cannot remember if she and OM #1 used condoms.


classic line ...... best one I've seen on here so far.


Posts: 286 | Registered: Jul 2009
Finallyatpeace
♂ Member
Member # 29570
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Countryboy, sorry about your situation. Absolutely horrible for you son!!

Just wanted to bring up a quick topic change.

Last night while talking, my SO made a unilateral decision that she was going to give me permission to do something. My first thought was 'That's interesting and since when did I need your permission for anything?'. I did stay quiet and let her finish. The sad part about the whole thing is that she really belives that she was being magnanimous, showing compromise and relationship building. All I could see was someone who still sees people as things and objects that she thinks should behave in a way appropriate to her view of reality. This is still almost a year after IC.

Sometimes I have to ask myself who has the PD? Me, her, both of us? Is there anyone on the boards who doesn't have a SO without a PD?

[This message edited by Finallyatpeace at 9:45 PM, August 25th (Thursday)]


Posts: 59 | Registered: Sep 2010
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, August 26th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The "disorder" I finally came to terms with in myself was lack of self-esteem.
My 1st wife had moved in with her boyfriend...mmm, about 4 months, D was proceeding, when I met my pet... NPD/nymphomaniac.

After a 15-year fairly stereotypical M, bargaining for occasional conjugal relations, I found myself in sexual disneyland...

Sex was the bait on her hook of unexplainable, weird behavior...I thought if I could fix this, fix her,
I would have value;
"Look at this ginormous problem I solved...I must have value!"

At this point, I'm not sure PD's can be fixed...only managed.

For me, the greatest sex in the world isn't worth the token of my soul. At this point, if I do find another, whoever pulls me out of her will be crowned King of England, that's for sure.


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
WarInside
♂ Member
Member # 31736
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, August 27th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gents,

I just wanted to say thanks for writing. I wish I had found this thread a long time ago. I've been S for three weeks now, and I think I'm nearing the end of the road.

I know it gets better. Reading your posts, I also feel lucky that I don't have kids caught in the crossfire.

Anyway, thanks again.


31-year-old X-BH
29-year-old X-WW

D-Day in October 2010.

Separated In August 2011.

Divorced in March 2012.

Happy again.


Posts: 308 | Registered: Apr 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, September 3rd (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It DOES get better gentlemen.
I've picked up my interest in things...for instance,
A Double-Wing old skool football coach moved to my area and it's a joy to watch. I used to drive many miles to see this offense in action, now it's in my own back yard - high school.
Speakin of, do any of you guys know about De La Salle in California? The HS fball team is legendary. According to wiki, they didn't lose a game from 1992 to 2004.

Uh huh. Talk about unbreakable records!

This year, rivals high has them ranked #2. Later this month, they're playing my old HS...ranked #4 (Clash of the TITANS!)
I booked a flight.
A couple of guys from the old team are gonna meet me down there...
I might not catch the return flight...
Life'll be a beach, at least for awhile...


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
reallyscrewedup7
♂ Member
Member # 30825
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, September 5th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Prenuputial Agreements to limit financial exposure wrt infidelity

I cannot seem to shake the inequity of many divorce laws regarding equitable distribution of assets for cheating spouses.

Seriously, it is as if the state thinks divorce truly is “no-fault” and well, it is so much easier to divide things 50-50 than to assign blame.

Foxtrot Tango Sierra, my brothers.

So, I realize a country boy with an M.D. ain’t changing the way the lawyers have this one locked up, because it must be good for business or someone with money/power. But the financial raping the breadwinner gets when the dependent spouse cheats really sucks. So, if you can’t beat ‘em in the State House, you beat ‘em with a pre-nup.

I have the chance to counsel a lot of young professional women and men in my line of work. And every one of them has been getting the “you have to have a prenup” speech that protects your finances from your partner’s potential infidelity. You can’t protect your heart, but at least you can protect your wallet.

There is little downside. If the potential cheating future spouse balks at negotiating a prenup, you know something is wrong. (Are they already cheating?) Once the pre-nup is in place, the potential cheater now knows the stakes are higher for their game and if they still want to engage in an affair, they do so risking real pain on their part. It won’t change their brokenness, but it will change their sense of entitlement, or at least change the real outcome of the financial game…

This is not a cure-all. But I am firmly convinced that my life is more secure following my wife’s infidelity by insisting (and getting) a post-nup as a condition for R. I see no reason why a fairly negotiated pre-nup would not have a similar outcome.

Both my kids know that if they choose not to employ a negotiated pre-nup before they get married, they will suffer if things go south in their future marriages. They’ve seen the other side, and that is a lesson I am sure they will not soon forget.


Infidelity sucks shit

Posts: 879 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Finding my way
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, September 7th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the world we live in today, reparations equals money. So it makes perfect sense to me that the one who has done the damage should pay.
When one walks out of a M in this manner, I feel they are walking away from everything, home,spouse,retirement fund,everything. It was marital assets and they left it. They broke the contract and should no longer have a legal claim to it.IMO.
but, I'm well aware that it doesn't work that way.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
countryboy
♂ New Member
Member # 30542
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, September 10th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well guys it has been a real roller coaster for the past few weeks. Two weeks ago today I buried my father. He was my personal IC. He was the rock on my head that kept me grounded through all this mess. He helped me through all of my WW issues. He never was always on my side or agreed with my actions but he always had good advice. He never got involved unless I asked and always put my children first.

Now that he is gone I feel so alone in this battle. I am 42 years old and it scares the hell out of me to not have him by my side in this mess.

WW’s colors showed through during all this. Not once has she consoled me about my father’s passing but she was up bright and early that Tuesday morning ready to go see the lawyer with me about his estate.

You guys will be my only place to vent so get ready to take up the slack.

Thanks for listening to my sorrows.


BS- me
WS- her
M- 18 years
DD1- 7/04
DD2- 3/10
DD3- 2/11

Posts: 38 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Texas
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, September 11th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW’s colors showed through during all this. Not once has she consoled me about my father’s passing but she was up bright and early that Tuesday morning ready to go see the lawyer with me about his estate.

Plz tell me there is some kind of loophole where she can't get her hands on this...please...some infinitesimal token of justice.
Sorry to hear about your dad, I can't imagine what you're going through...sorry.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, September 11th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW’s colors showed through during all this. Not once has she consoled me about my father’s passing but she was up bright and early that Tuesday morning ready to go see the lawyer with me about his estate.

That sickens me.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
countryboy
♂ New Member
Member # 30542
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, September 11th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately my father gave (sold for $10.00) me most of his real estate over two years ago because he did not want it sold off when he passed. I was verbally directed to maintain the property and use it as I want and it be left to his grand kids at my passing. WW was present when this was discussed. The problem is with it being purchased and not inherited she will be entitled to half legally. BUT WW knows that without my father to keep me grounded I can go scorched earth real fast if you know what I mean. So I don’t think WW will be stupid enough to put her finger in it. I do have a plan but I have not approached my lawyer with it yet.

Here is my plan and you all can tell me if it will work. I plan to do the same as my father and sell the property to my son with a living estate to myself. My son will be 18 next month so this could happen very quickly and remove any danger of it getting caught up in a D. As my user name states I am no lawyer so I may be just dreaming but it worked for my father.

The rest of his property will divide between my younger sister and me as his will states.

The funny thing is WW has been acting a little nicer here the past week or so because I think she has realized I have a place to go now and she knew my father is what kept me from doing some really sick stuff to OM#1 and OM#2.

So I think I will start acting as unstable as WW just to keep her on her toes.


BS- me
WS- her
M- 18 years
DD1- 7/04
DD2- 3/10
DD3- 2/11

Posts: 38 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Texas
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