It's been a while since I've posted on BM (I think I last posted on part 6!). Since then, I've gone from the R board to the D/S to the NB boards.
We had a final attempt at R this past Aprl. We spent more time together (lunch, dinner, family time, etc.), and it was going well and then it completely fizzled. WW took up with OM at some point later in the summer (I asked her why since she dumped him b/c he was a jerk to her and she responded by saying he's a changed man, being more introspective, trying to change - blah blah).
Anyway, after that last failed R attempt, we went back to our indefinite S modes but in my heart I was finally checked out and knew it was over. About 1-2 months ago, WW started asking me if I would try again (What do we have to lose, etc.), and I wasn't sure . I soon came to the conclusion "I just don't want to try again - I want to be done with this." With that, my find felt finally at peace, I felt good, etc.
Around the same time a buddy encouraged me to get on a dating site. Tried it, went on a few dates and I enjoyed it. The psat 2 weeks WW really has started putting the screws to me and constantly asking me "where are we going?", "pick a side", "I hate this limbo", etc.). I couldn't take it anymore and dating made me realize I can't continue this limbo and it was the kick in the butt I needed to tell WW, "I'm done." Told her on Monday. She was shocked at first, but then asked me questions about the why?, etc. We ended the convo by talking about kids, etc. She sent me a text the next day saying she felt like she was in a fog and that she still can't accept it. I told her that over time she will. I told myself I wouldn't call a lawyer until a few weeks after our conversation.
Anyway, I feel a mental clarity that I have not felt in about a year and a half. I know this is what I want and I feel as if it's right. In fact, during our hour long face to face, I was even keel the whole time, which further reinforced my belief that this was the right decision.
Onward and upward.
Backstory: FWW is a teacher and is always overworked and over-stressed. Pre-A, we probably had sex maybe once every two weeks, and then it was rather benign (mostly missionary-under the covers-lights out). Of course, during the A, she was a sexual dynamo. Sleeping with OM just about every other day and me every other day (she was probably getting it every day between the two of us). And with us, it was a lot more wild and passion-filled. That lasted about a month or so after the A ended. We're back to about once every two weeks.
Anyhow, I do not want to live through another A -- that was brutal. But sometimes, the reptilian part of my brain misses the increased sex. Crazy? Normal? Somewhere in between?
Hell, they still are.
My situation is still the same. WW is still bat sh!t crazy. WW still asking for the hall pass and I keep refusing. Caught WW texted OM#2 again on daughter’s cell last week. Claimed she was texting OM’s sister. I called BS and moved on. No use kicking a dead horse.
Now she is planning a sleep over at one of her trailer trash friend’s house this weekend. WW knows I will not attend any function involving this friend because the friend is assisting in A’s. I think I will go to the lake for the weekend and take the kids fishing. As you all know WW is entitled to her friends and time away because she works two days per week and travels the other 5 days chasing OM’s. This must be exhausting.
I never thought I would get this type of attitude toward this mess that I have but your skin does get thick. As long as it does not involve my kids she is allowed to live any way she wants as long as she pays her own way.
I did change the checking account so only enough goes in for bills and groceries. WW did not like this at all. WW over drew it once and had to try explain why she needed $200 a week for fuel. Now WW says she is entitled to know where I spend the rest of my check. I told her if she really wanted to know get a lawyer and we will discuss it in the divorce. WW backed off that subject quick. I just hope WW finds Mr. Right soon.
Well I was just venting a little. Not good to keep it all bottled up.
Facebook, texting, etc have made it so much easier for those inclined to cheat to act out. Ironically it also makes it easier for us BS to discover. So whoever you commit to has instant access to their first love, old boyfriends, old flames, and any other person open to fucking your wife. The temptation is often too much for many women nowadays. If they are ever caught cheating they will blame you for their cheating if they ever even admit to it.
Let me say that my experience has not led me to conclude that all women will eventually cheat. But it has led me to believe that the majority of women, given the opportunity will. Also given the fact that 50-60% of first marriages end in divorce and the percentages just go up for subsequent marriages, why on earth are we men putting ourselves thru this? Is it the sex? Really? We are willing to become financially and emotionally ruined over a piece of ass? (that often times ends up getting shared with an OM)
I dont believe in marriage anymore. I think its a foolish endeavor for any man especially ones that make more money than their spouse. During the divorce, the system will gouge you eventhough your wife was the one who cheated. For those of you who fantasize about falling in love again and marrying again please explain to me your rationale.
Id rather never have sex again in my life than to go thru what I went thru again.
[This message edited by Reborn Again at 1:43 PM, November 20th (Sunday)]
[This message edited by BrokenBadger at 2:12 PM, November 21st (Monday)]
While I am in R and it's going about as well as it could, if ever we divorced I would not get married again. The punitive nature of marriage in the financial sense is just to prohibitive. Romance, love, living together, getting a dog that farts and I tell it that I hate it but pet it and throw a ball for it when everyone else is gone, maybe, but the financial contract, I agree that it's difficult to rationalize.
Im not so jaded that im going to say that there are no women worth marrying, im just saying that the odds are stacked against us in being able to find that one person who will love and honor the marriage till death. It just doesnt seem realistic in todays society with all the added temptations and tools that make it easier than ever for someone to cheat. Movies and TV glorify cheating. You even hear adds on radio for cheating and cougar websites not to mention all the stuff thats out there on the internet now. These things didnt exist 20 yrs ago. Yes cheating has existed since beginning of time but its never been so easy and now the courts and various agencies are in the business of punishing honest men and financially rewarding cheaters.
I realize I screwed up and picked the wrong woman to marry and have kids with but she sure as hell did all the things she could to make me believe that she was the right one. Don't they all? The next one will too.
[This message edited by Reborn Again at 4:28 PM, November 21st (Monday)]
I am still with you on the less than rational position of marriage in its current form. I agree with you, it really doesn't make much sense to get married.
There are men (and women) on these boards in so much pain that they are contemplating or have contemplated suicide or they are in deep depression.
The risk reward factor just doesnt seem to balance out anymore.
[This message edited by Reborn Again at 4:43 PM, November 21st (Monday)]
Another thing that has been going on since the beggining of time; men are suckers for women.
It's got people killed, started wars, changed nations borders. Women know the power they have over us. They conspire against us as soon as they reach puberty or even before.
DDay 4/6/10 Filed DDay, smelled it coming, again
She moved to her happy place 5/2/10
D final 11/18/10
Thank God I got the dog.
My belief in karma-to-come for those who are not remorseful keeps me sane.