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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 7
Blueeyedfella
♂ Member
Member # 29944
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, October 20th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all:

It's been a while since I've posted on BM (I think I last posted on part 6!). Since then, I've gone from the R board to the D/S to the NB boards.

We had a final attempt at R this past Aprl. We spent more time together (lunch, dinner, family time, etc.), and it was going well and then it completely fizzled. WW took up with OM at some point later in the summer (I asked her why since she dumped him b/c he was a jerk to her and she responded by saying he's a changed man, being more introspective, trying to change - blah blah).

Anyway, after that last failed R attempt, we went back to our indefinite S modes but in my heart I was finally checked out and knew it was over. About 1-2 months ago, WW started asking me if I would try again (What do we have to lose, etc.), and I wasn't sure . I soon came to the conclusion "I just don't want to try again - I want to be done with this." With that, my find felt finally at peace, I felt good, etc.

Around the same time a buddy encouraged me to get on a dating site. Tried it, went on a few dates and I enjoyed it. The psat 2 weeks WW really has started putting the screws to me and constantly asking me "where are we going?", "pick a side", "I hate this limbo", etc.). I couldn't take it anymore and dating made me realize I can't continue this limbo and it was the kick in the butt I needed to tell WW, "I'm done." Told her on Monday. She was shocked at first, but then asked me questions about the why?, etc. We ended the convo by talking about kids, etc. She sent me a text the next day saying she felt like she was in a fog and that she still can't accept it. I told her that over time she will. I told myself I wouldn't call a lawyer until a few weeks after our conversation.

Anyway, I feel a mental clarity that I have not felt in about a year and a half. I know this is what I want and I feel as if it's right. In fact, during our hour long face to face, I was even keel the whole time, which further reinforced my belief that this was the right decision.

Onward and upward.


Me: BH (Mid 30s)
Her: WW (Mid 30s)
Married 10 years, together 15.
2 kids under 4.
DDay: Jan-2010
4 false Rs with varying degrees of "trying" - same result
Dec-started mediation process.

Posts: 250 | Registered: Oct 2010
etaoin
♂ Member
Member # 33270
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, October 22nd (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Blue.. She actually had the gall to ask you why? wow.

Posts: 229 | Registered: Sep 2011
Blueeyedfella
♂ Member
Member # 29944
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, October 23rd (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

eta: It took a lot of restraint for me not to say "you were schtooping some dude, for starters", so I basically answered the question with as little venom as possible.


Me: BH (Mid 30s)
Her: WW (Mid 30s)
Married 10 years, together 15.
2 kids under 4.
DDay: Jan-2010
4 false Rs with varying degrees of "trying" - same result
Dec-started mediation process.

Posts: 250 | Registered: Oct 2010
greg888995
♂ Member
Member # 29244
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, October 25th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought about posting this in general but think maybe this thread is more appropriate. Is it crazy to miss the HB period that occurred during and immediately after the A?

Backstory: FWW is a teacher and is always overworked and over-stressed. Pre-A, we probably had sex maybe once every two weeks, and then it was rather benign (mostly missionary-under the covers-lights out). Of course, during the A, she was a sexual dynamo. Sleeping with OM just about every other day and me every other day (she was probably getting it every day between the two of us). And with us, it was a lot more wild and passion-filled. That lasted about a month or so after the A ended. We're back to about once every two weeks.

Anyhow, I do not want to live through another A -- that was brutal. But sometimes, the reptilian part of my brain misses the increased sex. Crazy? Normal? Somewhere in between?


Me - BH (47)
Her - FWW (46)
Married 17 years
Together 19 years
3 kids
DDay #1 - 12/8/09 (EA)
DDay #2 - 12/18/09 (PA)
A ended - 2/21/10
R'ed - 2/19/11

Posts: 540 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Metro DC
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, October 26th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kinda miss HB, but the dirty whore feelings afterward were tough for me.

Hell, they still are.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5360 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, October 26th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still being dragged through the trenches, (now going on 10 months and divorce trial eminent in Jan. 2012), but still trying to get back to mediation.
Meanwhile, she has drained the joint account by not contributing over the past few years. What a dumb ass I am for not even looking into this matter long ago, but I just assumed she was still putting part of her pay check towards the household bills.
Turns out she must be stashing cash from her pay near the 30,000 mark by now.
I've been paying all the bills by direct depositing my check into the account. Just last month set up an on line account and looked at the previous years' statements and it turned my stomach.
What a naive, assuming person am I.
Please people!, don't make the same mistake, Never, NEVER assume that your WS is being honest or nice with you.
Especially after they enter the FOG!
GOD help us for being nice people!
MPS

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
countryboy
♂ New Member
Member # 30542
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, November 15th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to check in on you guys and see how things were going.

My situation is still the same. WW is still bat sh!t crazy. WW still asking for the hall pass and I keep refusing. Caught WW texted OM#2 again on daughter’s cell last week. Claimed she was texting OM’s sister. I called BS and moved on. No use kicking a dead horse.

Now she is planning a sleep over at one of her trailer trash friend’s house this weekend. WW knows I will not attend any function involving this friend because the friend is assisting in A’s. I think I will go to the lake for the weekend and take the kids fishing. As you all know WW is entitled to her friends and time away because she works two days per week and travels the other 5 days chasing OM’s. This must be exhausting.

I never thought I would get this type of attitude toward this mess that I have but your skin does get thick. As long as it does not involve my kids she is allowed to live any way she wants as long as she pays her own way.

I did change the checking account so only enough goes in for bills and groceries. WW did not like this at all. WW over drew it once and had to try explain why she needed $200 a week for fuel. Now WW says she is entitled to know where I spend the rest of my check. I told her if she really wanted to know get a lawyer and we will discuss it in the divorce. WW backed off that subject quick. I just hope WW finds Mr. Right soon.

Well I was just venting a little. Not good to keep it all bottled up.


BS- me
WS- her
M- 18 years
DD1- 7/04
DD2- 3/10
DD3- 2/11

Posts: 38 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Texas
Reborn Again
♂ Member
Member # 33608
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, November 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Someone please tell me why in this day and age any american male with half a brain would even consider marriage.

Facebook, texting, etc have made it so much easier for those inclined to cheat to act out. Ironically it also makes it easier for us BS to discover. So whoever you commit to has instant access to their first love, old boyfriends, old flames, and any other person open to fucking your wife. The temptation is often too much for many women nowadays. If they are ever caught cheating they will blame you for their cheating if they ever even admit to it.

Let me say that my experience has not led me to conclude that all women will eventually cheat. But it has led me to believe that the majority of women, given the opportunity will. Also given the fact that 50-60% of first marriages end in divorce and the percentages just go up for subsequent marriages, why on earth are we men putting ourselves thru this? Is it the sex? Really? We are willing to become financially and emotionally ruined over a piece of ass? (that often times ends up getting shared with an OM)

I dont believe in marriage anymore. I think its a foolish endeavor for any man especially ones that make more money than their spouse. During the divorce, the system will gouge you eventhough your wife was the one who cheated. For those of you who fantasize about falling in love again and marrying again please explain to me your rationale.

Id rather never have sex again in my life than to go thru what I went thru again.

[This message edited by Reborn Again at 1:43 PM, November 20th (Sunday)]


Me: BH
Her : XWW
Long marriage with Kids
Divorced earlier this year
Trying to start over again


Posts: 127 | Registered: Oct 2011
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely Correct Reborn Again!
Cheating has become the norm nowadays. Yes, certainly men are as guilty, but women have caught up and actually, according to present statistics, are now the majority of the Adulterers in marriages.
You get a chance, I know Halloween is already gone, but take a gander at my profile story and hopefully you will be able to sleep tonight!
Went back to mediation last week, (with the lawyers present), can we say $$$$$.
I'm now convinced that my lawyer is either inept, bored with my situation or just wants to end it and move on to the next money bag.
I'm looking into another lawyer, (pitbull),to replace this lamb.
Result of the mediation?
My lawyer and hers suggested that the property be put up for sale and use, 'first rite of refusal', ie. trick the broker to list the property, then take the offer nearest my wife's low, low, LOW buyout of me and accept that.
WTF!
I paid $3500 for a certified appraisal, the slut paid, (well her father paid), $2500.
We have two appraisals pretty close, but of course she and her Father want to low ball me and my lawyer is helping. Not in my life time buddy.
So, now I probably will have to fire my lawyer, get a new one and be ready for ESP in 3 weeks. Trail date is Jan. 31, 2012.
It just keeps getting better and better.
What do you guys think?
Mypoorboys

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
BrokenBadger
♂ Member
Member # 9278
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK Reborn, I'll take a mild swing at his: For those of you who fantasize about falling in love again and marrying again please explain to me your rationale." I'm currently on the bad end of shell of a marriage. Now I can see that she is truly broken and has been since since she was very young. I can't fix this and she is unwilling/unable to do so. If this train finally derails and we split up I somehow still actually believe that a much better match could be out there for me. Some of that "hope" stems from my good upbringing and knowing that their are many others like this as well. I can empathize with your feelings that finding that trust again seems impossible. Thought that too many times myself. But I'm a decent person and try hard. I would very much welcome a woman that I could share honesty, integrity, and trust with. She is out there. This world is way too big for that not to be true. Your mission, should you decide to accept it...

[This message edited by BrokenBadger at 2:12 PM, November 21st (Monday)]


Posts: 210 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Hell
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think the frequency of infidelity has increased, just possibly our awareness of it.

While I am in R and it's going about as well as it could, if ever we divorced I would not get married again. The punitive nature of marriage in the financial sense is just to prohibitive. Romance, love, living together, getting a dog that farts and I tell it that I hate it but pet it and throw a ball for it when everyone else is gone, maybe, but the financial contract, I agree that it's difficult to rationalize.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7118 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Reborn Again
♂ Member
Member # 33608
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im just saying, if we for a moment step back and take a look at the prospect of marriage from an unemotional perspective, it makes no sense at all in todays society. It really seems illogical for a man to risk everything (your emotional and financial well being) so that you can have a piece of paper and satisfy our need to conform to tradition or what society expects of us.

Im not so jaded that im going to say that there are no women worth marrying, im just saying that the odds are stacked against us in being able to find that one person who will love and honor the marriage till death. It just doesnt seem realistic in todays society with all the added temptations and tools that make it easier than ever for someone to cheat. Movies and TV glorify cheating. You even hear adds on radio for cheating and cougar websites not to mention all the stuff thats out there on the internet now. These things didnt exist 20 yrs ago. Yes cheating has existed since beginning of time but its never been so easy and now the courts and various agencies are in the business of punishing honest men and financially rewarding cheaters.

I realize I screwed up and picked the wrong woman to marry and have kids with but she sure as hell did all the things she could to make me believe that she was the right one. Don't they all? The next one will too.

[This message edited by Reborn Again at 4:28 PM, November 21st (Monday)]


Me: BH
Her : XWW
Long marriage with Kids
Divorced earlier this year
Trying to start over again


Posts: 127 | Registered: Oct 2011
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cheating has always been easy. You're right, these things didn't exist 20 years ago, but telephones and cars did, and the ease of communication and travel could also be viewed as a means of facilitating infidelity as well. Technological advances always have a side that can be exploited for irresponsible and dishonest use (with the possible exception of the pop-top for cans), and whether or not the frequency of infidelity has changed over time, what makes a person capable of cheating has not - our wives didn't cheat just because they could, they cheated because they wanted to, and if someone wants something enough they will take it somehow.

I am still with you on the less than rational position of marriage in its current form. I agree with you, it really doesn't make much sense to get married.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7118 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with you reborn, getting married had to be the dumbest thing I've ever done. I told WW just yesterday we should have both stayed single(yesterday was 25 yrs since our 1st date).


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5360 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
shyguy
♂ Member
Member # 18281
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

People have been cheating since time began. Women now have more economic options. Women now have more opportunities to cheat(working outside the home). I am not sure about remarriage either.


Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)

Posts: 5866 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: tulsa
jollum
♂ Member
Member # 25152
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to agree with you Reborn Again. I could never imagine a time I wouldn't be married until my FWW's A. Now I wonder why I did a lot of stupid things.


Posts: 269 | Registered: Aug 2009
shyguy
♂ Member
Member # 18281
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had the same reaction as Jollum. I never thought I would ever be single. I assumed I would die first.


Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)

Posts: 5866 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: tulsa
Reborn Again
♂ Member
Member # 33608
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I forgot to add what effects betrayal and divorce have on our mental and physical health.

There are men (and women) on these boards in so much pain that they are contemplating or have contemplated suicide or they are in deep depression.

The risk reward factor just doesnt seem to balance out anymore.

[This message edited by Reborn Again at 4:43 PM, November 21st (Monday)]


Me: BH
Her : XWW
Long marriage with Kids
Divorced earlier this year
Trying to start over again


Posts: 127 | Registered: Oct 2011
impastit
♂ Member
Member # 28951
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Next time I get pressured to get married I hope like hell I have the nads to split up with whomever it is right then and there.

Another thing that has been going on since the beggining of time; men are suckers for women.

It's got people killed, started wars, changed nations borders. Women know the power they have over us. They conspire against us as soon as they reach puberty or even before.


"Get over it." Classic. Classic sociopath!

DDay 4/6/10 Filed DDay, smelled it coming, again
She moved to her happy place 5/2/10
D final 11/18/10
Thank God I got the dog.


Posts: 569 | Registered: Jul 2010
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got both dogs.
Plus.
They're Border Collies, pastit. They're advising me. They are fixed females, but remind me from their times as biches, short as it was, how we menz are, goin after that most valuable piece of real estate and all, how stupid yet stupidly driven I was...
Not payin tention to red flags cuz I was too busy bein...physically satisfied.
Since nothing's new under the sun, I admit...
where is it a new thing? to think...I'll get married again before the public...with some kind of pastor and everthing...yet, say FU! to the state? the license...again...the state's involvement in my M has caused me nothing but pain.
the woman that cheated on me and stole my sons' inheritance wants money from me. She didn't work a day.

My belief in karma-to-come for those who are not remorseful keeps me sane.


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