I think of it as a painful life lesson that we as men can never entrust any woman with our emotional and financial well being. I can be happy without a woman in my life ever again. We hand over our heart to them and hope they never stab it simply because they promise to never do it.
I think of what my XWW did to me as an awakening that I should never again truly trust anyone else other than myself. I dont place all the blame on women as there are plenty of guys ready and willing to F any woman that allows them to whether they be married or not. I havnt lost trust just in women, Ive lost trust in humans as a whole when it comes to committed relationships.
Its odd how guys who go thru life without ever getting married are considered weird. Almost like something must be wrong with them. Maybe perhaps they are the smartest ones and figured it all out before us.
[This message edited by Reborn Again at 10:31 PM, November 21st (Monday)]
But on the bright side, If I were to die tomorrow, I would die a divorced and completely separate person from my XWW. (BTW me dying would be her worst nightmare, no more CS gravy train)
The funny thing is if I were the type that never wanted to legally marry, I think my XWW wouldnt have minded. We could have lived together and still had kids but at least Id be able to contest paternity in court. So I got screwed by trying to do things the right way.
When I caught her, I just grabbed my shit and left... No attorney, no hassle and no money changing hands except her buying my half of the house back...
I let her head off with the OM and moved into a great place and into a better life without her.... OM beat her up and dumped her and she still tries to this day to boomerage back to me...
I never believed in marriage after watching my 6 older brothers and sisters choose poorly and live miserable married lives... All but 1 of the six have been divorced at least once....
I simply refused to allow a judge and state laws determine where my assets went if things didn't work out... Although I do regret all the really expensive jewelry I bought that she got to wear to impress the OM..
Believe me, I feel for you guys and know that I dodged a big bullet... I'll never get married and will continue to live my life traveling with great friends and not putting up with shit....
The women that I date get very distant very quickly. After thinking about it for a while this may be a blessing.
If that keeps me from getting M'd again great. The pressure that is put on a man to "DO the right thing" concerning his woman is utter bullshit in my opinion at this point. It is all about putting most of your things in your life at risk for what? Commitment? Loyalty? Partnership?
Seems like a joke that our dumb asses bought into and paid dearly for.
This time I am getting a bass boat instead.
[This message edited by impastit at 2:45 PM, November 23rd (Wednesday)]
DDay 4/6/10 Filed DDay, smelled it coming, again
She moved to her happy place 5/2/10
D final 11/18/10
Thank God I got the dog.
Either that or she looked at it like a viable back up plan if she ever became unhappy in the M. I also think she veiws her/our children as CS meal tickets that pay till they are out of the nest.
She makes no bones about letting me know she is not happy what she got in the D. She got a hell of a lot more than I thought she should have. My punishment and fine didn't fit for crime she committed IMO.
I get a little reminder once a month when I write that CS check. DD9 is here at my house with me alot more than with XWW, yet I pay.
I look at it like I get more time and influence over DD9 than her and OM do. Many people still say I am just enabling her to enjoy her party lifestyle.
[This message edited by impastit at 4:09 PM, November 23rd (Wednesday)]
It's like they are driven by forces unbeknownst to them (and us at the time)
to devalue us,
our contribution and sacrifice.
Hypergamy? (whatev u wanna call it, i don't care! "Lack of being true" works for me)
They devalue our goodness, our faithfulness, our strength. For some? If this destruction was planned? Oh my brother(s)))))))))))))!
Mine couldn't plan a birthday cake or a lawn-mowin without drama. Guess that makes me lucky huh?
Why yes. Yes it does!
I'm thankful for bein able to poke these words out on a keyboard and be heard.
Thankful for SI.
Thankful for you.
We are basically useful idiots. There really isnt a downside for a WW married with kids who makes less money than you. You end up dishing out CS based on guidelines set by court. Im paying way more in CS than what I ever spent on kids per month when we were married. And we lived a comfortable life.
Now im struggling and she is riding gravy train and using CS money on herself and her APs.
There is really no longer a social stigma for adulterers. They wont admit to anyone that they cheated, only that the marriage was bad due to you being a "bad husband". No blowback from their friends or family or kids who buy into this lie. You cant go around trying to convince others of the truth because then you are the badguy for badmouthing your spouse. Its classic no win situation. You just need to quietly go away and just get over it. Nothing to see here.
All the incentives are there for your WW to cheat. The logic is 1. you wont find out, 2. if you find out you wont have the balls to go thru with D, 3. if you do D, you will be paying thru the nose and its SS and CS gravy train time.
If your WW is anything like mine, she will land another useful idiot in no time flat. This guy will shell out $, support her, buy her nice things, and enjoy the added benefit of your SS and CS payments. All in the pursuit of the almighty tail. Which in the end I think is the downfall of us all. We want an attractive woman to show off in public. It makes us feel better about ourselves and it strokes our ego. Its like driving around in a nice car, if people see us in a nice car, it must mean that we are successful and have achieved greatness.
Its all a facade though. So true that throughout time man has allowed women power over us and to control us into doing things that make absolutely no logical sense. Im hoping though that one day collectively us men can understand why we do this. Is it simply a matter of sex?
Maybe all this will continue until some smart guy figures out how to create a realistic female robot that can physically satisfy our needs, will never cheat on us, and will tell us they love us. Maybe then the cycle will finally be broken.
[This message edited by Reborn Again at 3:05 AM, November 25th (Friday)]
We are basically useful idiots.
Ok, I know that quote was from one of the most evil men who ever existed, but to hear it stated thus in OUR context?
Why o why did I NEVER think of that?
hoping though that one day collectively us men can understand why we do this
O this too!
Though I doubt there will ever be collective understanding, that's not my thrust here, because, you know - sometimes you're the bug,
sometimes the windshield...
To understand this particular why, me myself,
I imagined how adam dealt with eve's deception. She was deceived. He made a choice.
That's just how I roll, yaknow? (no collective in that, though I can wish it were till my dyin day)
The good news is, we ARE wiser now. Through the crucible, and all that. The bad news is, well...it burns dammit!
It's really hard to comfort someone who broke your heart.
I didn't want to seem callous to my children, but no longer have the same feelings for WW either.
Pretty tough for a guy to have sympathy for a cheating W.
Honestly I don't think I would care, as cold hearted as that sounds. She gave me my heart of stone BTW. Isn't the goal for us BS's to be indifferent? Indifferent means that your XWW is just like any other person out on the street. If the tables were turned I'm sure she wouldn't come rushing to my side. She would definitely go to her AP's (plural) side but not mine. Why should I go to hers?
Would it be simply to display to the kids that Im not an asshole? She's already poisoned them against me by not admitting she got caught cheating, telling them that I abandoned them and their mom, divorced her for no reason, and that Im a deadbeat dad. All of which is not true.
[This message edited by Reborn Again at 4:05 AM, November 30th (Wednesday)]
Ignore women, aquire currency.
Maybe not totally ignore, just a different mindset with the fairer sex. I like to play with girls. I also like to play golf. I just don't take either too seriously at my age.
IMO, she's making the effort for the OM, let him make the effort for her.
That said, you're probably going to be there with her anyway because you love her, and that's not a bad thing.