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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 7
dday3302011
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Member # 32043
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, March 1st (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everything isn't perfect all the time, and there are always bumps here and there, but those are bumps and imperfections. Not design. The design is for honesty and transparency.

If your wifes design is dishonesty and opaqueness and the imperfections are the occasional truth, then I think you should disengage and focus on your life without her as a factor in it, or at least as a factor bearing any more import than is absolutely necessary as regards your finances and child.

Amen SG, amen.

It's time to grow the fuck up and be realistic. Stop living in fear. What's the nature of the relationship at this point? That's a completely reasonable and rational question to ask yourself.

As a man and a husband, our instincts are to protect our family. Even if we do things occasionally to fuck it up, we're no different than most other animals. Protect the family. Period. Many WW's don't seem to have that same instinct. I know mine didn't. She let some filthy dweeb infest our M and life. Why? Because he was so great and charming? Fuck no. He was willing to pretzel shape himself with a vulnerable, weak woman in order to get in her pants, and she bought it. Comparing myself to this asshole is a waste of my time and breath, but she did it and left her whole life hanging in the balance because of him. She thought he was her "soulmate". I shit guys like him for breakfast but WW reasoned that he could help her "find her happiness", so he got full access.

Long story longer, my point is that it's not about the OM, you, your marriage, etc. It's about your WW. What is her current state of mind? As StillGoing so aptly put, what is the design? If it's to protect herself and keep pissing on you then you already have your answer. Maybe you're not willing to accept it yet, but the answer is there none the less.


BH-41 (me)
xWW-42
M 11yrs, together 14
DDay 3-30-2011
2 kids, 9 & 7
1 yr LTA w/MOM
Divorced 5-16-2013

Posts: 235 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Northeast
noescape
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Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, March 2nd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's time to grow the fuck up and be realistic. Stop living in fear. What's the nature of the relationship at this point? That's a completely reasonable and rational question to ask yourself.

Aye, live in fear I do, and irrational I am. Yet, what is a man to do when he is at his weakest and he is implored (indirectly) for mercy and for faith (when there was none)? What is he to do when all he wants is to believe that the woman he married; who sired his children and appeared to be his loyal, loving companion for a decade, could be incapable of the reality that stares him at his face?

Yet time tells otherwise and the follies of the past may yet be repeated for our weaknesses and our desire for comfort and familiarity.

I did as many here and all around us would do; we wept in the quietest places at the most hidden hours, we drowned in our shame, bereft of our honour, we were consumed by jealousy and anger we could not express. We then looked for answers and the quacks and websites told us 'the plan'.

the BH must clean up all of his shit, every mean thing he ever said, every insensitive thing he ever did and convert himself into the emotional version of Fabio in a way that precisely fits his wife's taste...and her job is to stop fucking other people. As if her fucking other people was the only thing she ever did wrong in the marriage, while *everything* he did was wrong.

We readily bought it up in a gasping last attempt to restore our sanity and a naive belief that we could be healed and restore our honour, undo shame and recover what we believed we had before this tsunami of deceit engulfed us.

She stared me in my eyes and told me outright lies she knew I wanted to believe. She played twisted fucking psycho mind games, short circuiting and defying logic because my going crazy and my agonisingly conflicting feelings were of less concern to her than her protecting her cheating, deceitful ego and her emotional or physical 'roll in the hay'. I willingly lapped up the idea that we 'could be saved' because, without any logic as I had become, I believed it would restore my sanity, undo my fear and return my confidence. Alas, I had put far too much faith in the institution of marriage (where she gets to worship herself) and too little in myself (where I started losing my own faith in god). And each attempt to regain sanity lead me to the same insane books, forums, people who were themselves engulfed in their own little hells (does that not fit the exact definition of insanity?).

Of course I wanted to believe her sincere attempts at recovering the M were going to be fruitful. Little did I realise that it was the M she romanticised and the man she wanted and was what she had been reflecting on all those OM's all along; shallow, self serving relationships, where her pride and honour had been strangulated; and her care for the repercussions of her own actions meant as little as the common housefly meant to be swatted or brushed away; that man I wasn't, this M wasn't that relationship. And I wanted to be them, and this M to be that relationship... sick, perverted and an utter failure to be a man and stand up for myself and my children-what would they ever think of me?

design is dishonesty and opaqueness and the imperfections are the occasional truth

Indeed it is and i care not for the reasons behind it. Indeed I recognise it yet wanted to disbelieve it.

I dealt with a lot of gaslighting. Someone wrote a post about emotional abuse, and it sounds like I'm a wuss for admitting it but I dealt with that for a long, long time. There was some TT for weeks after dday.

Guess that makes me wuss times 30 because I put up with the TT for a year. I've disengaged since June 2011 (exactly a year in), MC and other attempts since then utterly failed. As WAL pointed out;

but after a year as passed, it just seems to me that there's so much less impetus for a WS to come clean.

and yes, I too did give up any hope of finding out, or caring anymore. I just came to that realisation over the past 2 weeks. I've been so muddled because...

reading about relationships, about marriage repair, about understanding love-fucking languages, knowing your wife's menstrual cycle, understanding her FOO, blah, blah, blah, by about a year out, I was ready to join a monastery.

throw in the pregnancy and the added weight of struggling with hauling in the daily fucking bread (single bread winner in the family) and its been a joyride I would've surely wished on my worst fucking enemies and then some.

Point I didnt realise through all this is

If you fall into the trap that this is the case your R is doomed to fail through lack of ability to ever meet anyone elses needs particularly if that person can make the decision to fuck someone else to solve a problem and get their temporary needs met.

and hell, she may have gone and shagged a whole football team because of the fucking 'war crimes' I supposedly perpetrated on her, but I KNOW one thing for sure, that I've spent the best of the last decade fucking serving what I believed would keep her happy, protected and secure. And did she tell me that there were things making her so fucking unhappy that she wanted to nuke our entire future and that of our kids? fuck NO, she went and told someone else so he could shag her for the privilege. Whats even more unfuckingbelieavable about her revisionist history (not that I dismiss EVERY complaint) is that I've had positive validation all these years through my sister, mother and friends that she's so lucky for things they see I do for her... but on DDay and onwards, I didnt recognise

There is always a large bent toward the BH being the issue and not meeting needs. Fuck That! in fact when I look back now I gave so much of my happiness up to make her happy and meet needs.

So now I am here, at the point of

Comparing myself to this asshole is a waste of my time and breath, but she did it and left her whole life hanging in the balance because of him.

"good on you luv, hope you can get guys like them to be right beside you when you're screaming through your labour pains"... nuff said.

So, the state of the M you ask? Its a 'dry divorce' as someone else here said. We have huge walls around us, barely any conversation (purely functional), I did attempt to get her to come out of her shell recently, not conversationally, through emails (pretty much a Fail, same shit, same justifications, same denials, same lack of effort or recognition of past mistakes-'blame me wins hands down')... and to answer

I think she's unlikely to be trustworthy to any degree if she's still saying that shit.

No, she now says that she'll sign and accept anything I write out for her (and it feels like such a gaslight statement). Other than this being her PA side showing itself, it reeks of insincerity because she's had since June (8 months) to *try* showing remorse for TT/deceit or the A's themselves... nothing. She's avoiding, emotionally checked out, least concerned about R... at most, its been all about "me, me, me" - nope; lets forget that I committed equally to R as you did and then utterly failed continually to do my part.

I can 'dump all my thoughts, mind movies and speculations on a piece of paper' and she says she'll say "yes". Like thats going to solve anything. And its apparent to me and as pointed out by all the sane men here, like it fucking matters anymore. Its bigger than 'knowing the truth', its HER getting to fucking know herself and be honest about it.

I havent filed, and I havent threatened. All I've said is that the decision to end the M was made when she had her first A, and the decision to grant (us both) a second chance was reneged through the months of TT. After that, I cant allow her to try and control an outcome; its for me to find my comfort and what I want; whether to stay M or not M is not even on the table any more.

[This message edited by noescape at 9:02 AM, March 2nd (Friday)]


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
Mypoorboys
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Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, March 2nd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

noescape,
So eloquently written. Your pain,(understanding), flows through your words like lava through a flume;hot, devastatingly real, (for us sane men here), and poignant, right on spot!
I so much wish that your situation was improved, especially with a bun in the oven, (do you know for sure it's yours?). Terrible thought. I clandestintly checked my 3yr old, (2.5 yrs old at the time), with a home paternity kit. Thank GOD the results came back 99.99% mine.
That was a heavy load off my shoulders. I would do the same for sure if I were you.
It's amazing how all of us here have experienced the same
excruciating pain. Mine doesn't come close to anything I have ever experienced before, and I have injuries and surgeries. I have a very high pain threshold, but this betrayal and arrogance, disregard has been totally devastating.
Move on they say. I say move on, but always remember and go ahead, 'take your best shot'!
Remember, when the first domino falls, all others meet the same fate.
GOD Bless noescape and all other victims here.
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
dday3302011
♂ Member
Member # 32043
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, March 2nd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can 'dump all my thoughts, mind movies and speculations on a piece of paper' and she says she'll say "yes". Like thats going to solve anything. And its apparent to me and as pointed out by all the sane men here, like it fucking matters anymore. Its bigger than 'knowing the truth', its HER getting to fucking know herself and be honest about it.

That's it NE, that's it. Did she fuck other guys? Who knows? Maybe, maybe not. What I do know is that she's going to have a real hard time being honest with you if she can't even be honest with herself. The Feminist Affair Recovery Complex (FARC as opposed to the Columbian guerillas FARQ, although many of their tactics are the same, particularly taking hostages for ransom, in our case our scrotum and any sense of self) would have you believe that the only thing WW needs to do now is to better understand how you failed her, understand what she got out of her A's, and how you can be the type of husband she won't cheat on in the future. Sounds like a great deal!

Were/are there problems in your M? Of course, and I'm sure many of them you contributed to as did I. But without remorse and a willingness to find out the truth about herself, you my friend are wasting your time IMO. You're also decimating yourself in the process.


BH-41 (me)
xWW-42
M 11yrs, together 14
DDay 3-30-2011
2 kids, 9 & 7
1 yr LTA w/MOM
Divorced 5-16-2013

Posts: 235 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Northeast
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, March 2nd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree-you are wasting your time trying to figure out the whys, etc.

I finally gave up some time back, and it is very freeing. I know why my fWW is fucked up(molestation), but she doen't want to face it and never will. I can't change it, I didn't molest her, but somehow I'm paying for it, simply for procreating w/her.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, March 2nd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The whys AND whats.

The problem about not knowing the 'whats' though is I dont know whats lurking around the corner. My enemy could be my best friend or someone I just met today. He/they may have been complete psychos. I need information to not only protect myself, but my children too; from these guys and from the repercussions of what she'd been doing. Lack of that information will forever leave us exposed.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, March 2nd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way to tell what's around the corner-just be prepared, IMHO.

My biggest enemy sleeps next to me.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, March 2nd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's amazing how all of us here have experienced the same
excruciating pain. Mine doesn't come close to anything I have ever experienced before, and I have injuries and surgeries. I have a very high pain threshold, but this betrayal and arrogance, disregard has been totally devastating.
Move on they say. I say move on, but always remember and go ahead, 'take your best shot'!
Remember, when the first domino falls, all others meet the same fate.
GOD Bless noescape and all other victims here.

^^^^ can i get an AMEN.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1797 | Registered: Nov 2010
noescape
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Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, March 2nd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As said elsewhere here, State of the M=trench warfare.

"my enemy sleeps next to me" how saddeningly true.

I hear your pain, I'll tell you though... I have immense respect for you all. And a debt of gratitude that I could speak out honestly as men should without having to sugarcoat my words in the FARC psychobible language.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
StillGoing
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Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, March 2nd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, she now says that she'll sign and accept anything I write out for her (and it feels like such a gaslight statement). Other than this being her PA side showing itself, it reeks of insincerity because she's had since June (8 months) to *try* showing remorse for TT/deceit or the A's themselves... nothing. She's avoiding, emotionally checked out, least concerned about R... at most, its been all about "me, me, me" - nope; lets forget that I committed equally to R as you did and then utterly failed continually to do my part.

I can 'dump all my thoughts, mind movies and speculations on a piece of paper' and she says she'll say "yes". Like thats going to solve anything. And its apparent to me and as pointed out by all the sane men here, like it fucking matters anymore. Its bigger than 'knowing the truth', its HER getting to fucking know herself and be honest about it.

Put a post nup in front of her if she wants to sign something.

Don't listen to what your wife says, look at what she's doing.

What are you doing to get yourself steady and ready?

"Fair is foul, and foul is fair / Hover through the fog and filthy air"


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7107 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
noescape
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Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, March 2nd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SG... Wow. Blinding clarity. Thank you for that. I will.

Yes, seeing what she is doing has never been consistent with what she is saying.

I'm not decided, I'm in the wal school of thought, if this M is convenient for me, I'll stay. The kids have a full time caregiver and she is getting better at it. There is present transparency, at least about functional day to day things.

Being a SAHM, she is also homeschooling our eldest. There are other areas where I have comfort with her being around. Though not in the sexual department, whatever...

She also has no where to go. Dropped out of college after marrying me. Her father and brother could care less about taking care of her. The only responsible adult in her life was her mother and she passed away. Her inheritance is being slowly gobbled up by aunts, uncles and squandered or eaten away by others.

In short, she has no one to depend on but me ( pray tell, where are your pretty pretty boys who you call friends).


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, March 2nd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Transparency is about everything, not some things. If she's still talking about privacy or has anything barred to you access-wise then it isn't transparency, it's a selective information feed.

Don't count on you being her only source of support for anything. She already dismissed that at least once by lying to you and cheating, so don't assume she takes that at all seriously now.

Don't assume anything regarding what she's thinking or feeling about you that isn't blatantly and obviously demonstrated.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7107 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
noescape
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Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 3:59 AM, March 3rd (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry triple post

[This message edited by noescape at 4:12 AM, March 3rd (Saturday)]


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
noescape
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Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 4:10 AM, March 3rd (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, triple post

[This message edited by noescape at 4:13 AM, March 3rd (Saturday)]


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
noescape
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Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 4:11 AM, March 3rd (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Don't count on you being her only source of support for anything. She already dismissed that at least once by lying to you and cheating, so don't assume she takes that at all seriously now.

I'll say this in here defence, the she feels she has been trying. It may be just her FOO/messed up issues which don't allow her to recognise this. For instance, one of her first statements right after DDay was "I didn't realise you meant THIS much honesty". She also admitted that she thought R was possible within the dishonesty she perpetuated because she always thought "what he doesn't know won't hurt him"-called her out on that one. She has/was always doing what she believed would be the bare minimum to get her to that 'Great M', why do any more work than is required?

In hindsight, she didn't ever recognise that her A's were more than about getting unmet needs met elsewhere. That they were borne out of her crap boundaries and inherent insecurities whether they were from her past or from her current M issues.

I do not think she has the capacity nor strength of character to undertake the kind of reflection or introspection required to rethink her life and behaviours except in a cold, detached 3rd person theoretical exercise, I.e. no change in behaviour or attitudes, just acknowledgement of what's been done wrong... If that. It won't protect her or this M from sliding into those behaviours or attitudes again. It surely will not address the problems with R we've been having.

What surprises me is some of the things she said (and probably still believes), during the MC sessions, almost a year out from DDay and well into what I believed should've been the "aha" stage after reading countless books and articles on infidelity. Things like "the M was worse than the A's, A's come and go, the M is here to stay", or that there was nothing really wrong with talking to those guys in the chat rooms, it was 'safe' and 'under her control'. I mean wtf? Even after she's seen the aftermath she still believes that? What planet has she been on since DDay? It's good she was being honest, it's worrying that she learnt nothing, or at least compartmentalised the trauma of post DDAy so well that she actually was able to dissociate cause from affect.

Sorry, I feel I am journaling here. Just wanted to get that out.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
quedagh
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Member # 24195
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, March 4th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Noescape, journal away... I admit it is feeding me- and a huge part of this thread.

We co-parent very well and the littles are shielded from the conflicts (for the most part). We both have managed to put the littles first and strive to make them feel safe and secure in their new life. It is odd how this part works considering what I will tell you next...

I have been divorced for two and one half years. Since the D it has been a similar rollercoaster. My ex ww is violent. My ex ww uses her considerable hometown connections and parental wealth as a bludgeon threat to manipulate. My ex ww has blamed me for everything pre and post D. Her post list examples: her smoking, her choice of current drunk boyfriend, her yeast infections, her car problems, her money problems (she makes three times what I make), her lack of connection with the littles.

Here is the issue, Betrayed Men, and it is driving me nuts. I need input and strength.

Her anger and resentment over the mostly rewritten history (I am not totally innocent)of the marriage, my response to her affair, and my wish to protect my littles from the current drunk boyfriend has reached a point of overwhelming proportions. She lives by threat to manipulate and has included in her arsenal the boyfriend (A local DA and one of the drinking crowd she runs with) the victim services advocate (who has offered to drop an accusation of inappropriate relationship with my daughter), her parents money, her job connections, and her ability to bald face lie. She manipulates by bringing out the threats every time I ask about her plans with kids, take the kids on a trip during my time (50% custody), help out at the school because my schedule allows, call her on lies (when she uses me as the sitter during her time with the kids). These complaints are not a big deal to me. I can weather those.

However, she also uses the threats to control my life: when I do not ask her how her day is, do not wish her a good morning or a good night, when I go on a date, when I do not engage her in fights, when I refuse (which I do not do despite the anger) to do "chores" around her house (mow lawn, shovel snow, take out garbage when I pick up kids, change light bulbs, help with laundry her laundry, there is more but you get the idea), and clearly state that possible Reconciliation is not on the table in the future. This last one drives her to the most venomous anger point.

In an effort to curb this- I am tired of the threats- I have suggested we go to mediation so we can establish through the help of a third and neutral party the necessary walls a divorced couple should have. She has agreed.

Her agreement is based on the rewritten history and her belief that a mediator would simply agree with her version of history, justify that I am just an asshole, and that I deserve all her anger and venom. That I should do all those things for her. That I should never question the drunk guy's future access to my littles.

2 Parts- it is getting long


Divorced and safer, mostly.


Posts: 803 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Recovery Land
quedagh
♂ Member
Member # 24195
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, March 4th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At first I was planning on going in to just agree with her, accept all the blame, and let her exercise her anger in a controlled environment. I changed this strategy, and went in with clear goals regarding my wants and needs for this mediation. I want walls. I want the threats to stop. I want peace and my own life to be unencumbered by her drama! The MC has agreed that she will endorse the resolved plan of action be incorporated into the divorce decree and will do the necessary reports and contacts to make this so.

One of the issues is she would not agree to this mediation unless I put reconciliation as an option on the table "somewhere in the future because we don't know where we will be in five years." I agreed to this for a few reasons: the littles, my concept of family, my wish to protect them from her poor choice of boyfriend, my clandestine desire for her to seek some sort of help (has refused since d-day), and to get a third party to help us establish the walls that we can cement into the decree. i.e. she risks what she threatens when she threatens or takes action.

After agreeing to this mediation, she suggested I work on forgiving her and that she would, in the safe zone of mediation, take the necessary steps to earn my forgiveness. I have reached a stage of acceptance. I am angry, still, but not about the A so much. I am angry about the lies, justifications and blameshifting entrenched in her interaction with me. I have told her this. But I did agree that I would be willing to work on forgiveness. I know she will not do what is necessary and I am ok with this. Again, I agreed because I want peace.

Despite her expectations- the MC stated there was no blaming allowed, that the A and aftermath needed dealt with along with the M problems, that she is not a lone victim in the M and the outcome, and that we have to deal with "the whole tangled ball of wax and thread." Ugh.

MC also called her condition for mediation into question (reconciliation on the nebulous table of the future). ex ww must decide which path she wants to take before the next session so the plan of action can be put in place. She can choose appropriate wall building, or she can choose a path of R. When MC asked me I clearly stated R was not possible, then I dropped the ball and said at this time. ugh. I know why I said it- if I did not ex ww would be done and the threats and probable actions would ensue. She has stated this time and time again.

If she chooses a path of R I know that I will jump in with both feet so we can get rid of the anger, but I am certain my actions will be disingenuous. I figure she will choose walls (which she believes she is inclined to because she doesn't know where we will be in five years). I did state that wall building will be brick, steel enforced, and unbreakable. This led her to break the rule from the mediator and call me afterward to... well, the usual.

I plan to address our exercise honestly. I will make my list of what I need now to feel safe. I will also list my needs for either path. I am a bit angry I softened on the choices- but I need something to in writing with witnesses to solidify the end of the maddness. Ugh.

Help, brothers. It is a mess.

Note: I am protected to a certain degree and despite the threats and possible actions will be fine (but I am avoiding this because of cost, impact on littles, and work (even accusations will end two of my jobs and I am starting a new business). I live with a VAR in my pocked. I monitor phone calls. There is an open internal affairs investigation that collects my data (re: DA, victim service lady, etc).

I, however, do not want to go this route. I am trying to navigate around this at all costs because it will seriously affect me and my littles in a very horrid and negative way for a couple of years. After, I have no doubts I will be fine- but the littles will be scarred. I am protecting them at all cost.


Divorced and safer, mostly.


Posts: 803 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Recovery Land
quedagh
♂ Member
Member # 24195
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, March 4th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is a mess. I am still confused by this. My once amazing and supportive wife has turned into a bizarro demon. The shift was pretty instantaneous. It began with her A. When that imploded and she was tossed under the bus by him and divorced by me- I was clear, end the A or I will divorce you. She thought I was bluffing- she became a card carrying succubus trying to extract my soul. Funny thing is, I don't sleep.

She wants our littles, my destruction, and her fantasies.

I will not relinquish our littles and she cannot destroy me.

She can have her fantasies, though.

This Scylla and Charybdis has lead me to the underworld, but by golly, I will be walking out. Just want the damage minimized as much as possible.

thanks for bearing through this. It feels good to just unload it in a realm of safety among men who can understand. My male friends have little understanding of betrayal, marriage destruction, and demons. They have problems but are blessed with normal women or have never been married. My IC is not a male- a good dynamic but not necessarily for this.

2x4 if you feel it is necessary.


Divorced and safer, mostly.


Posts: 803 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Recovery Land
Solution
♂ Member
Member # 29027
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, March 4th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

two words

parallel parenting


me - BH her - FWW
one daughter age 11
Affair 2005 - Completely Recovered

Posts: 117 | Registered: Jul 2010
dday3302011
♂ Member
Member # 32043
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, March 4th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm no expert and I'm sure there are BH's on SI who can give you advice on other ways to deal, but I do know this: You are being extorted, and abused. You need a lawyer who specializes in this sort of thing. She should be declared unfit as a mother. I'm not sure how to go about that but you need to end this madness.


BH-41 (me)
xWW-42
M 11yrs, together 14
DDay 3-30-2011
2 kids, 9 & 7
1 yr LTA w/MOM
Divorced 5-16-2013

Posts: 235 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Northeast
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