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The Book Club Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Perfection by Julie Metz - trigger warnings
FeelsSoRight
♀ Member
Member # 28377
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, February 3rd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok - saw this at the bookstore and requested at the library because the story sounded so intriguing.
Didn't realize it was a true story until I actually started reading it. Anyway, here's the gist - woman's husband drops dead on her kitchen floor. Finds out thru old emails, etc. that he was having a LTA with one of their family friends...AND quite a few others throughout their entire relationship (like 13 yrs or something like that)

Now for my critique - at first I was just so mad FOR this woman. How dare her husband? But then, little by little I got to the point I dont' think I could stand this woman in real life. So I don't ruin the story, I'll only touch on the things that really rubbed me the wrong way...

1. Her H supposedly left them w/$40,000 debt. She just didn't know how she and her daughter were going to make it. BUT she took 2 and three trips a year - some overseas, spent the summer at their family house in Maine, etc. How financially devastating??? NOT

2. She recounted her earlier years before meeting her husband. She had slept with quite a few men, many just once, and had an affair with a married man. When she met her H, she knew he was seeing someone else and to justify going out with him, said, "Well, you did end it with your gf, right?" He never answered but she slept with him anyway.

3. The OW - the friend - her D and the author's D were BEST friends. She would not even let her D say hi to the OW's daughter in a public place. (I could understand not letting her go to the OW's house, but not even to say hi in a public place? It wasn't the girls' fault)

4. She went thru quite a few men when she started dating again, many she didn't even want to sleep with but did anyway. Sent her D off to stay with relatives quite often so she could have men sleep over or her go to their place and sleep over. ( And this may be guilt talking, because when H & I were separated, I went thru a period when I was seeing OM that I had my son staying at my parents way too much - so I guess I have no right to say anything here)

But anyway, I won't tell you how it turns out. But I will tell you, it is very "triggery" and might just tick you off to no end like it did me but then again, it was like a car accident - I just had to read it to the end anyway.


Me - W - 48
Him - H - 47
Together since we were 14/15
Married 27 yrs in August (renewed our vows in 2011-H's idea!)
DD-23, DS-15
Separated for 7 mos & were 3 wks from divorce when we reconciled
Happily R for almost 4 years

Posts: 1450 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: MO
FeelsSoRight
♀ Member
Member # 28377
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, February 3rd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow - I really am a threadkiller...Heck, I can't even get one started!


Me - W - 48
Him - H - 47
Together since we were 14/15
Married 27 yrs in August (renewed our vows in 2011-H's idea!)
DD-23, DS-15
Separated for 7 mos & were 3 wks from divorce when we reconciled
Happily R for almost 4 years

Posts: 1450 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: MO
Jessy1501
♀ Member
Member # 24483
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, February 3rd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually bought this book a couple months back...I haven't started reading it though! I'll let you know my thoughts once I actually get around to it...which will hopefully be sometime this year.


Attempting to give a fuck: ███████████████████] 99% Complete...ERROR!: Unable to give a fuck.

Posts: 5893 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: My own fantasy land
strength&beauty
♀ Member
Member # 30321
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, February 3rd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HA!
I read your thread!! you didn't kill it. it sounds like a great book, one i would have loved to have read BEFORE the A. what scares me is the "very triggery" part. I just don't know that i could deal with anymore triggers than i already experience.


I edit alot because i read my posts after i hit submit. i don't catch my errors until then!

Posts: 139 | Registered: Dec 2010
FeelsSoRight
♀ Member
Member # 28377
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, February 3rd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for responding. I was kind of afraid to start it myself and I have noticed that I am down emotionally since having read it. I was just "How dare him?" and still agree with that yet I can usually like an author telling their own story. I just don't think I could like this woman...she just was too cavalier with others' feelings and not to say her H's affairs were her fault, but she herself describes herself as almost a shrew to him. Maybe that part hit too close to home for me too - because before my H left, I was a controlling wife - and really did treat him horribly so he left and then started seeing OW, but while telling me he was going to come back, so it was cheating in my opinion. I saw an OM while we were S'd but I'd already filed for D a month before, so I didn't consider what I did cheating. But like I wrote in my little review, I did give the OM more attention than my son at times during that time so I feel guilty about that. But realized I was just doing the best I could at the time. I guess that was what the author was doing too - can't blame her for that I guess.


Me - W - 48
Him - H - 47
Together since we were 14/15
Married 27 yrs in August (renewed our vows in 2011-H's idea!)
DD-23, DS-15
Separated for 7 mos & were 3 wks from divorce when we reconciled
Happily R for almost 4 years

Posts: 1450 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: MO
fairyfriend
♀ Member
Member # 11208
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, February 3rd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read it, skipping parts of the book because I, too, decided I didn't particularly like the author. Yes, her H cheated, but I didn't find her to have a very strong moral compass herself.

I didn't care for the book. I didn't trigger, but I'm six and a half years out from DDay #2.


DDay 1--Feb 99
Crappy IC, false R--spring 1999
A ended around April, 2003
DDay 2--September 26, 2004
DDay 3--September 26, 2005 when I found out the REST of the truth
8/8/09--Doing very well due to hard work on my and H's part

Posts: 1607 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: far north Chicago suburbs
boudicca
♀ Member
Member # 30136
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, February 3rd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read the book when it first came out.

My husband died young and I found out about his affair after his death. I also found out from emails.

The book made me feel less alone in my situation. She had a lot of the same questions about her husband/marriage.

I felt like her story was worse than mine because her husband had several OW and one was the friend/neighbor. I really hated the OW neighbor. She was a sick, hypocritical, two faced freak. When she and her husband started to "find the Lord" and try to get Julie to come to their church, it made me sick.

I also hated the portrayal of Julie's husband. He seemed like a lazy, self absorbed narcissist.

I thought Julie made a lot of bad choices, but I did not hate her. She at least seemed to understand her weaknesses.


Posts: 2529 | Registered: Nov 2010
FeelsSoRight
♀ Member
Member # 28377
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, February 3rd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

boudicca, I knew there was someone on the board who had lost a H to an early death and found out about their A after their death, but couldn't remember who it was. I have to say, I kind of hesitated in even writing how I didn't care too much for the author, afraid it might well be that author!

Yes, I bet it did hit home for you as the story unfolded. One of the triggery things in the book was her neighbor/friend/OW had the same name as the OW in our situation except spelled differently and the OW in our sitch was not a friend of ours...thank God.


Me - W - 48
Him - H - 47
Together since we were 14/15
Married 27 yrs in August (renewed our vows in 2011-H's idea!)
DD-23, DS-15
Separated for 7 mos & were 3 wks from divorce when we reconciled
Happily R for almost 4 years

Posts: 1450 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: MO
Topic Posts: 8

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