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User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts 6
Tal
♀ Member
Member # 3300
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

COSA Online Message Boards
COSA 12 STEP is an announcement board owned and operated by the ISO whose main purpose is to help isolated COSAs connect and to support our online chat meetings.

www.cosa-recovery.org/online.html

I knew there had to be one!

I helped start up a Nar-anon group online (the "sister" group to Narcotics Anonymous)that has hundreds of members from all over the country--and some from other countries as well. I started going to Al-anon when one of my sons became a drug addict at a young age. Face-to-face Al-anon meets plus an online Nar-anon meeting made a big difference for me in keeping my sanity!!!!


Posts: 2145 | Registered: Jan 2004
Tal
♀ Member
Member # 3300
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I have been going through this with my WS for many years, but I didn't realize the whole time that there was a sex addiction/love addiciton going on.

Right now things are very hard due to employment/financial situation, but in general I am pretty content. I don't expect the sun, moon and stars from a marraige. Everyone goes through good phases and phases where you feel like you just can't stand your partner. I think your doing pretty good if you can stand to live with someone most of the time and have a basis of friendship.

I guess this is where my SA and I differ...his addiction won't allow him to ever be content. There's a skewed perception that life should look like it does in romantic comedy movies. He is always longing for that initial rush of new love/new relationship.

I would probably have divorced him a long time ago if there had been lots of infidelity--casual sex, prositutes or affairs. The porn was bad enough. One PA and one EA were the icing on the crap cake, but it could be a lot worse.


Posts: 2145 | Registered: Jan 2004
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 4:05 AM, March 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tal,

Thanks for that cosa web address. I see they have telemeetings as well.

Here's the yahoo cosa group I mentioned:

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/COSA_12_STEP/


Posts: 1060 | Registered: Aug 2010
brokenk
♀ Member
Member # 30193
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, March 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you those links will be helpful. My SAWH sponsor recommended I join a group like that as well but he didn't give us any links on where to find one.


Me(32)- BW
Him(36)-WH Evilgeek
1st Dday 11/20/09
2nd Dday 11/20/10
Successfully R`ed.
Found out we are Pregnant 12/6/2010

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Abraham Lincoln


Posts: 568 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: California
chocobcm
♀ Member
Member # 30156
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, March 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I finally got myself to an S-anon meeting today. Hurray for me!

Four months into this crappy mess with a WH who is working the SA recovery program, after swearing in our therapists office that they never actually met, I found out Sunday morning that they did. Supposedly all they did was kiss. In my car, on my seat. "barf" (I am thinking of a lie detector test to ascertain whether they did or didn't have sex)

I am so full blown mad now. I could've been four months into healing from this crap. But stupid SAWH was too scared (aka selfish) to tell me so now I have to start this journey all over again.

The sad thing is that WH is doing everything possible to make amends. He is broken to pieces. He wrote me a stunning two page letter today completely owning up to his shit, and with sincerest remorse. He really and truly is in pain for hurting me. But for me to be able to handle the pain, I had to pull back and detach. Id like to throw him a bone, but how can I do that without breaking my detachment which is what's keeping the pain at bay?


Me: 24 BS
Him: 25 WS Multiple OEA/Multiple Phone relationships.

M: 6yrs

D-day 11/14/10 (found 5 years worth of emails/chats etc.)


Posts: 75 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: NY
Nouveau
Member
Member # 1731
Default  Posted: 5:32 AM, March 30th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The porn was bad enough. One PA and one EA were the icing on the crap cake, but it could be a lot worse.

Tal, often people who have been through horrific abuse will minimize their ordeal.

I remember a few years ago when I would read a bit here at SI about SA's... and I used to think how horrific it must be to find out that your partner is a SA. I felt badly for the people in this forum and wondered how they ever coped with this crap. (little did I know that my SO was a SA too)

Tal.... but SA, porn, EA and a PA is a living nightmare. It really doesn't get much worse. I am sorry that we all have had to find ourselves in this forum. But glad that we have each other.


I sing the songs of a woman who has passed through anger and outrage to a kind of stunned resignation in the face of overwhelming human folly.....

Posts: 4895 | Registered: Jul 2003 | From: The great frozen tundra
dazdandconfuzed
Member
Member # 11692
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, March 30th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am finding myself wondering if a so-so CSAT is better than no CSAT. Things he's said according to my H:

He was being to hard on himself getting upset over the girl at the convience store. He was going to the store every day to see her, chatting her up, disappointed if she wasn't working. Having sexual fantasies about her. Lying to me about it all. But he didn't ACT on any of those thoughts, so it wasn't that big of a deal.

H stopped dead in the middle of a parking lot because he got distracted by a woman and told me "oops, thought a car was coming". I didn't think much of it until the next day when H came to me and said "I'm sorry, I lied, there was no car, I was looking at a woman". No big deal, I didn't get angry. Thought it was good he admitted to it on his own. Then he talked to his CSAT about the incident who said it was a "really minor" thing and not to worry about.

Then this latest OW crap. According to H he told the CSAT he thinks about her all the time, misses her, blah blah blah. What can I do to make it stop? And the CSAT said he had no "magic wand" to get rid of the memories and he just had to try and replace them with healthy emotions and eventually they will go away.

Am I just being a bitter BW here? After a 2 year A, 5 years of (?) NC, his IC is telling him he just has to wait it out until the obsessional thinking goes away? SEVEN YEARS isn't long enough to wait?

I sent the CSAT the following email last Thursday and I still have received no response:

CSAT,

I have been meaning to send you some general questions for some time so I think this would be as good a time as any.

I was wondering if you could give me some information about your general treatment approach. From SAWH'S descriptions, it sounds like you have been working primarily on talk therapy. I was wondering if you were planning on using any additional techniques in SAWH's treatment. Are you a 12 step proponent? Do you utilize group therapy? Do you think CBT or EMDR might be appropriate in his case? Are there other treatment paths you tend to use in cases like SAWH's?

I know you are open to my sitting in on a session but I'm just not sure if that is the best idea at this time. SAWH is a very intelligent man and is very good at figuring out how to say what he thinks it is I'd like to hear and I'm afraid at this point that might interfere with his interactions with you. I would of course defer to your professional opinion, but that is my gut thought.

Thank you,
dazd

SAWH emailed him again last night asking him to please respond to my questions. Still nothing. His web page says he practices CBT, is certified in EMDR. I found him when doing a search for CSATs but there is no number at all after his name so I'm not sure what his level is but he claims to have been trained directly by Patrick Carnes. He gives H no homework. Hasn't recommened Out of the Shadows (H has never read it). Hasn't mentioned groups of 12 step meetings at all.

We have been paying out of pocket at $150/week. (New insurance this week finally so all we had to pay was $20, yay!) But I am actually starting to feel like this guy is just taking our money. I have mentioned these conscerns to H many times, but he feels the CSAT is "helping". Helping who or what I'm not sure. He is 45 mins away, there are a couple of other CSATs in the state who are all at about an hour away, but they are all women.

I just hate this life I'm living.


Me - BW
Him - WH

Posts: 6618 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: Massachusetts
whatwentwrong
♀ New Member
Member # 8806
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, March 30th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been a long time since I have been here. I find it so difficult to think about all of this on a daily basis. My WH had major issues I found out about in 2005. We fought, we cried, we sent to counseling together and alone. He told me he would never do the chatting on any site he could find, the adult friend finder, the meets again. He said the right things to me and to the counselor we saw. Then - about a month ago, I walk by his phone last at night because I couldn't sleep and it is vibrating. I think who could it be - and of course he now is on the smart phone with all his "connections".

When confronted he said he stopped for a whle. Which is most likely bull. I cannot begin to tell you how foolish I feel. So now what? I don't feel I can leave, I am not employed, have no real family in the area and two girls that I just don't want to uproot. And I just don't want anyone to know what he is really like. I am just living a lie - every day. It depresses me terribly.

And all the comes to my mind, during all this is what is wrong with me? Why couldn't this guy that acts almost like a saint/clergy, be faithful to me. And how could I have been so wrong about him, not once but twice? What is wrong with my judgmenet? What am I teaching my girls about relationships?

I could just really use someone to talk to about all of this. Someone going through the same things. I am 52, and depression and self esteem issues are just enormous right now. Some of these "women" are just 18. That is the age of my girls (17 and 18). I just find this so appalling, I often am sick to my stomach. We've been married 24 years, but really only 14, the last 10 years have been absolute hell.


Posts: 17 | Registered: Nov 2005
copingwithdoubts
♀ Member
Member # 21431
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, March 30th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Whatwentwrong)))

I took the liberty of reading your previous posts and our stories are very, very similar. Please feel free to PM anytime you would like to talk or process any of this mess. Nothing you say could/would shock or surprise me ... unfortunately it is all too familiar :(




Posts: 349 | Registered: Oct 2008
bent44
♀ Member
Member # 31386
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, March 30th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please help...a verbal diarrhea rant and sincere plea for help.

I really need some help tonight. I am in a dangerous place emotionally.

WS met with sex therapist tonight for first time, and I happened to call him right afterwards- was returning his call and had no idea his appt. was just ending. He said he was just leaving it, and I stupidly asked how it went. He said he felt overwhelmed, hopeful...some other feelings. I asked if he felt like he was an SA (something he has denied repeatedly). His response...."that was the joke at the end of the counseling".

What does that mean? He wouldn't talk to me anymore after that. FUCK. It just feels so unfair. I have been the mature one (most of the time), have really tried to work on myself, have been denied information again and again. I am sick of being the mature one. I want to throw a tantrum until I get my way. I know, not pretty, but this is how I am tonight. I am here in hopes of getting help in not "acting out" in my own recovery...not hurting myself and not badgering him for more info.

I really get in my head these are not options, that later in his recovery (if that is what he pursues) he may be able to help me. But not tonight. And tonight I feel utterly inept at helping myself. And he sits there all smug and pleased with himself. My friends just keep saying, stay away from him, and this won't happen. All well and good, but I didn't do that today, and I am drowning in the effects.

Is it really too much for me to want an answer to this question? My head knows I need to stay away from his recovery, and focus on my healing (which, BTW, seems to consistently get knocked down by my stupid choices)- that he is unable to give what I need now, that maybe someday he will. But my friggin heart is broken.

I let him know later that I was sorry for bringing him down after his therapy, that I wished only the best for him. And that my heart was broken and it so wants to be soothed by his sharing, but that vague unanswers just hurt more, and then I act poorly. Added that I needed him to not talk to me about his feelings if he could not answer that one question. I am the type of BS that needs answers.

My head knows so much, but for tonight I cannot seem to get it to take the lead. My little heart HURTS, and I can't soothe myself. Please,anyone out there, help me. I am scared. And I don't have the adrenalin of Dday to help- just my worn out shattered heart and flippin useless head.

I just so desperately want to be held, hugged, helped. I want comfort. Please, for tonight, I don't know if I can handle 2*4's...or maybe that is just what I need?


"If you marry a chicken, don't expect an eagle."


I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.


Posts: 626 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
SabinatheOwl
♀ Member
Member # 30023
What?  Posted: 11:02 PM, March 30th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ Bent44:

Firstly ((((Bent44))))!! None of what I write is intended as a 2x4, only as information. And, hopefully, a little comfort. I apologize upfront if I get details wrong, I've not followed your story from the start & there isn't much info in your profile.

Re: what might they mean when they said, "that was the joke at the end of the counseling", could be that your SA & the IC thought it was obvious that he (your WH) is an SA? I donít know that for sure of course. And no, it isnít too much to ask for a straight answers to this question or any other questions. I donít know that youíll get a straight answer; addicts thrive on many techniques to keep their loved ones off balance (because it gives the addict power and influence over their loved one). Of course you feel like tantruming; I know I certainly have done so. Iíd imagine many of us here have done so at least once or twice. Denying sharing of information is very common, usually tied into the addictís belief that if they share the truth of who they are & what theyíve done no one could or would love them. So they are often very scared to admit what theyíve done. The other issue with not sharing information is that often the addict wonít remember due to compartmentalizing and other factors. I personally find that nearly impossible to accept (that they simply donít remember), but Iíve read several sources that say the same thing.

As for getting help not acting out in your own recovery process I strongly urge you to see both an IC and a separate CSAT (certified sex addiction therapist) for you. It isnít recommended that you share CSATs. I am only 8 months out from my WHís diagnosis of SA. The primary tools that have helped me the most (other than therapy & S-Anon meetings) are detachment, posting here on a regular basis & journaling until I thought my fingers would fall off. Iím still doing all of these things. Slowly Iím learning to cope without turning to self -harming, which is my personal demon (among other things). I too have spent many days barely treading water, nearly drowning in my own emotions. Itís still hard to focus on myself some days.

Hugs, hugs & more hugs. Iím scared too. Come here and post often, we can be scared together. We can practice detachment together. We can heal and we can support each other when needed.

P.S. Don't apologize to anyone, especially your SA, for wanting straight answers. My story is in my profile & 7yrsbetrayed's is in hers, if you want to read them.


~ Sabina

*Edited to correct spelling

[This message edited by SabinatheOwl at 11:09 PM, March 30th (Wednesday)]


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
bent44
♀ Member
Member # 31386
Default  Posted: 2:01 AM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sabina,

Thank you SO much for getting back to me so quickly, and thank you for all your words of wisdom. I will digest them more after I "come down" off this day/night.

Thank you for sharing about your demon of self-harm. You will understand when I say that the wave (ok tsunami) has run its course for this episode. I did not hurt myself. I have contracts in place to keep me safe tonight. I am blessed with love from amazing women...both old and new. Thank you!

You probably know this already, but people like you in times like this are angels. And that's not just some hippy dippy feel good blowin smoke compliment...I really mean it.

Thank you, new friend.


"If you marry a chicken, don't expect an eagle."


I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.


Posts: 626 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
Nouveau
Member
Member # 1731
Default  Posted: 5:34 AM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{{Sabina}}}}} {{{{{bent}}}}}

No words of wisdom here. Just caring and compassion. I understand. I have been in that dark place before and it is very frightening. Sometimes you feel like you are fighting to keep the wolves at bay.

Keep posting here. You have so many who care. We will all get through this together.


I sing the songs of a woman who has passed through anger and outrage to a kind of stunned resignation in the face of overwhelming human folly.....

Posts: 4895 | Registered: Jul 2003 | From: The great frozen tundra
twokids
♀ Member
Member # 23266
Default  Posted: 5:51 AM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bent44

I see a lot of strength and insight in your post. For far too long I looked to my WH for emotional support. You are smart to reach out to others for your support, including us here on this forum.

I also don't get a lot of information from my WH. And some of what he tells me is lies, so the net result at the end of the day hardly seems worth the effort.

Slowly, over time, I have come to understand and accept that I am powerless over my WH. No amount of tears can get him to support me in all the ways I would like or even just give me the information I so desperately desire.

The important thing, as you say, is to focus on your my recovery, my own healing. My latest discovery is that massage helps rid the physical feeling of low level background sickness that accompanies heartbreaking betrayal.

Through this all my CSAT tells me to remember my WH is doing the best he can with what he has.

Remember you won't always feel this hurt. This, too, shall pass.


Me: BS, 56
Him: WH, 50
5+ DDAYS; 10+ OW
Two sons, 16 & 18
M 19 yrs - detaching to divorce
In-house Separation since 7/2012

Posts: 393 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: California
bent44
♀ Member
Member # 31386
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nouveau and twokids,

Thank you both for your kindness and wisdom! Sisterhood rules.

After a little distance from last night, I have realized there were likely a combination of 3 things going on:

1. The toddler reaction of "No, mommy, I do it" and "Mine"- a dynamic you guys are probably all too familiar with.

2. The assumption that I knew what he was saying- I have been expected to correctly interpret half statements our entire relationship- a bit of gaslighting, perhaps.

3. He was being mean to control me. Another favorite.

While I get he is incapable of doing better, it still pushes my buttons. His glibness makes me want to throw things!

I guess I so badly wanted to see some accountability or willingness on his part- when what I need to be focussing on is accountability and willingness on my part.

I am doing IC (although cannot afford a CSAT) and group counseling, journaling like crazy, reaching out to friends, and slowly working through the Partners Workshop on Recovery Nation.

twokids, My DD and I will be moving soon, and I have some body work scheduled with a friend as a housewarming gift to myself. She is doing it for free. I agree this can be helpful!

Sabina, I'm sorry I have yet to get my story posted. Every time I try, things get so circular and then I get triggered. I will keep trying.

I am going to try today to focus on what I did not do last night (hurt myself or badger him) and what I did do (reach out for help) instead of focussing on his actions.

I will meditate on staying in my head, not my heart, when interacting with him. This is the only way I can protect my heart right now.

I appreciate you ladies more than you can probably ever know. Today will be better.


"If you marry a chicken, don't expect an eagle."


I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.


Posts: 626 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
SabinatheOwl
♀ Member
Member # 30023
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ Bent~

I am going to try today to focus on what I did not do last night (hurt myself or badger him) and what I did do (reach out for help) instead of focussing on his actions.

I will meditate on staying in my head, not my heart, when interacting with him. This is the only way I can protect my heart right now.

Good for you! Self care is my priority too.

You will understand when I say that the wave (ok tsunami) has run its course for this episode.

I do indeed understand indeed.


@ Nouveau~

We will all get through this together.

Thank you for your kind & caring words, I know that you, too, are struggling. It means a lot to me that you would reach out to us in the midst of your own pain.


@twokids~

..I have come to understand and accept that I am powerless over my WH. No amount of tears can get him to support me in all the ways I would like. The important thing, as you say, is to focus on your my recovery, my own healing..

I recognize this too.

Through this all my CSAT tells me to remember my WH is doing the best he can with what he has.

However, in my sitch, what my SA is doing simply isn't enough & isn't acceptable.

*sigh*

~ Sabina


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{{Hugs all around}}}}

I feel or have felt exactly the same way - that it hurts so much and I want to have my WS comfort me. It's been a 16-month journey for me to ever-so-slowly get stronger. Hang in there.

I have finally found that writing in a journal DOES let me get the raging or panic out of my head. Many times I write about stuff that is Very Important and yet I never need to go back and read the journal entry to access the information. The whole point of it for me is to GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD. I'm amazed it works, and so glad for this tool.

The other thing that is keeping me sane and hopeful is (beating the same drum here, but bear with me!) going to 12 step meetings. There are lots, if you google different things. CODA, COSA, S-Anon, Al-anon, recoveries anonymous. I feel my main issue is SA, but I can sit in other meetings and think about myself living with "an addict". He is an alcoholic, so Al-anon applies, but even if it didn't I'd still get a ton out of going. One recent meeting, everyone was talking about eating disorders. You don't HAVE to share any of your story, or even say a word, so you don't have to say your spouse is an alcoholic. Many people go because of a parent, child or other relative or friend.

The thing I get out of these meetings is that I can go in, bawling, or start bawling in the meeting, and I will be met with only one thing: Unconditional acceptance, love and caring. No one asks me how I qualify to be in the meetings. I have been so isolated from people for too long. If I didn't have these things to run to, I would be in baaaaad shape!

I'm glad you are posting here, too, because 1) you will get help, and 2) it helps me to know I am not alone.

Peace.


Posts: 1060 | Registered: Aug 2010
Compartmented
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Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WS met with sex therapist tonight for first time, and I happened to call him right afterwards- was returning his call and had no idea his appt. was just ending. He said he was just leaving it, and I stupidly asked how it went. He said he felt overwhelmed, hopeful...some other feelings. I asked if he felt like he was an SA (something he has denied repeatedly). His response...."that was the joke at the end of the counseling".

What does that mean? He wouldn't talk to me anymore after that. FUCK. It just feels so unfair.

bent44,

I know how this feels. My WS doesn't share much from counseling, and has decided he is not SA. His CSAT has told me she does not think he is one "yet". I am thinking that he must be lying some. I know he lies to counselors about his drinking.

It is frustrating and is one of the things I am learning to "accept". He is where he is with the counseling. He's either lying or not, and I'm not going to do anything about it today. I will meet her one day and I will be honest and calm and see how it goes. I know that him seeing this CSAT is not the solution to all of my problems, and I know I can only work on my own issues. As I said before, it's taken me 16 months to get to where I am, and it has not been easy, and I'm still feeling like I am a mess. A huge mess. But counselors keep telling me I am doing well, and I just talked with another person who was really impressed with what I am doing, considering what all has happened.

Just keep working on yourself, taking care of yourself and your baby, and trust that things will get better. (not as fast as we'd like, but that's again something we have no control over)


Posts: 1060 | Registered: Aug 2010
SabinatheOwl
♀ Member
Member # 30023
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ compartmented~

Hugs to you, compartmented. I had no idea your WH denies he's an SA. Mine does too. I'm sure it's pretty common for addicts to say, but I feel like it's one more thing we have in common. It seems as though our timelines are pretty close. *sigh* I love making friends, but I'm sad we're all here.


There are lots, if you google different things. CODA, COSA, S-Anon, Al-anon,

You're another person who is recommending Al-Anon meetings to me, so I believe I'll take the HINT the Universe is sending me & look one up.

~ Sabina


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
bent44
♀ Member
Member # 31386
Content  Posted: 9:30 PM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Compartmented,

I really do not know how you do it, and so admire your courage and strength.

I'm still feeling like I am a mess. A huge mess. But counselors keep telling me I am doing well, and I just talked with another person who was really impressed with what I am doing, considering what all has happened.

I really agree with the counselors here. Your wisdom and serenity shine through in all you write. I haven't just yet set you on a pedastal- only because I am having one special made for you out of marble, and they haven't finished it yet. It is a gnarled tree that has been hit by an atomic bomb, and you stand on top straight, head held high-even as your heart bleeds.

No, I am not naive enough to really put you on a pedastal and know you are human (maybe a human with super powers) , but I hope you get my drift...and even more, I hope for tonight you can feel it for yourself no matter what counselors or anyone else tells you.

Thank you for all you share.


"If you marry a chicken, don't expect an eagle."


I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.


Posts: 626 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
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