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User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts 6
Tal
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Member # 3300
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, March 7th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question: for those SAWSs whose acting out involved a lot of masterbation. Does this contribute to erectile dysfunction when trying to have real sex with a spouse?

Posts: 2145 | Registered: Jan 2004
7yrsbetrayed
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Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, March 7th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Compartmented
I'm glad you're working your recovery. Stay strong.

better2haveloved
Is he seeing a CSAT? I'm just giving you a heads up that a SA seeing a regular IC can often be disastrous. As for not calling you, it really can be any combination of things from being the distorted addict thinking to just being an ass. Unless and until he's in recovery and you see other changes there's no way to tell, in my opinion.

bent44

My WS is not in recovery.
Monitoring him or not there comes a time when you have to make a decision. You can stay and continue to be in a toxic relationship or you can move on and let him have his addiction.
I have been monitoring like a hawk, and sometimes I feel like I will end up with an addiction to his addiction,
This is concerning. If you are compulsively and constantly monitoring him, you are headed into a dangerous place. It's one thing to monitor every couple of weeks just to verify you still know what you know, while you work on your exit strategy, it's another to dig constantly and basically pain mine, while doing nothing to move your life and your recovery forward. Have you confronted him? Have you set boundaries and consequences? What are you doing for your recovery?

Tal
My rSA just avoided sex with me so I don't know if he had actual ED. But it stands to reason that compulsive masturbation would lead to ED.

7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
carnelian
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Member # 24824
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, March 7th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question: for those SAWSs whose acting out involved a lot of masterbation. Does this contribute to erectile dysfunction when trying to have real sex with a spouse?

I'd have to second 7yrsbetrayed's post - total sexual anorexia with me.


[This message edited by carnelian at 2:02 PM, March 7th (Monday)]


What are you going to do when he leaves you?

Posts: 543 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Europe
Nouveau
Member
Member # 1731
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, March 7th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

monitor every couple of weeks just to verify you still know what you know, while you work on your exit strategy

That pretty much sums up where I'm at with this right now. I've been doing as strong a 180 as I can muster. And it is helping. A lot. Seeing my IT weekly also.

I am in pain about the possible loss of my home while trying to get my exit strategy down. And the loneliness is unbearable at times. I told him last year if he should act out again with porn that he would be in the guestroom, and that's where he has been since I confronted him with it a week ago. He doesn't seem to mind 180 or the guestroom. He figures he's free of questions and emotions, which are his greatest fears.

He definitely has had ED throughout our 7 year relationship, and mostly the last couple of years. It all makes sense now.

He has agreed to stay here temporarily to help me stay afloat and to get my house marketable. I hate this living arrangement, but I see no other way right now.

Perhaps I am using him a bit. Tough shit. He used me for 7 years.

I monitor occasionally, mostly for fear of what he may bring into my home or look at on the computer. I don't want anything illegal on my internet IP that is in MY name.

In meantime, have found a few pretty sick DVD's of his left around the house. Seems of lately he's had increasing interest in movies about cannibalism and cadavers. What next???

I will be so happy when this is all just a bad memory and I can move on with my life.

Please, no 2x4s. There is not one CSAT nor any COSA groups in my state. Not one. I am doing the best I can.


I sing the songs of a woman who has passed through anger and outrage to a kind of stunned resignation in the face of overwhelming human folly.....

Posts: 4895 | Registered: Jul 2003 | From: The great frozen tundra
redsoxangel
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Default  Posted: 3:39 AM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone,

I've been lurking for awhile and finally decided to post. I have been married for 8 years and recently found out that my husband is a SA. I guess if you ask me, the signs were always there. I always suspected him cheating and even caught him talking to people online and opening secret email accounts or personals. And everytime he got caught he always assures me that it is "only chatting" and he has "never met any of them."

And of course I foolishly believed him. I wanted to believe him because I don't want our marriage to fall apart. In November of last year, I realized how severe his addiction is. I discovered at least 10 secret email accounts, countless profiles on online dating sites, and emails showing sexual encounters with women.

He is never into porn (if anything, I like porn more than him), he tells me he masturbates when I don't give him sex (who doesn't right? All guys do...I thought)but turned out his method of acting out is meeting people online then in person to sleep with. he also tells me that when he goes out by himself say to starbucks, he will start chatting with the person standing next to him for the sole purpose of having sex in the future.

He has been doing this for the past 3 years (from what I know) and he totally was able to live a double life. He always appears to be the perfect husband and father. He is very successful in his career and basically he would be the last person in the room you thought would be a SA. Is this pretty common? The two-faced kind of personality?

So now he is seeing a counselor. Not regularly though but I know they communicate. The problem is...HE DOESN'T WANT TO SHARE ANY PROGRESS WITH ME. He said he wants to only tell his counselor and he doesn't feel right sharing it with me! So basically if he sleeps with someone again, his counselor will know but not me??? I am not sure how to feel about this??

He said I can ask how he's doing and stuff but any details is off limits?? Wth!! I know he has slipped a few times (writing emails to girls) and he cannot stop lying. However, he says " Considering how I was last year, I have been making a HUGE progress."

I love him and want to help him get better to save our family but I think he is not getting enough help and not being transparent enough. I am not sure what to do here.

Sorry for the vent. Hugs for everyone. This place feels like home, unfortunately.


"Should've picked honesty then you may not have blown it"
Him: WH-33
Kids: 4 and 2 y.o sons
D Day : Nov 8 2010
Multiple lies after.He admitted to having SA.
Now: In R but blegh SO unsure.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Jakarta, Indonesia
Compartmented
Member
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Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question: for those SAWSs whose acting out involved a lot of masterbation. Does this contribute to erectile dysfunction when trying to have real sex with a spouse?

I don't know the answer to this but here's what was happening with us. My WS did have trouble maintaining erections. We talked about it a long time ago, and wondered if it was due to him masterbating or perhaps hormone issues. He felt at the time that it might have made a difference in terms of sensation - the hand can be tighter and felt more strongly than the vagina. Now I think it is more to do with the porn he was viewing while masterbating. And it could have been due to the frequency of the masterbation, but I don't know.

Then there's the intimacy issue. Sex with wives feels too intimate. My WS has also mentioned that the guilt over cheating would sometimes flash in his mind while we were together.

Hope this helps.


Posts: 1047 | Registered: Aug 2010
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Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad you're working your recovery. Stay strong.

I don't feel the least bit strong. I plan to ask my therapists to tell me the best things I can do to get strong. I need a more definite plan. I'm thinking of meditation and EMDR, but we'll see what else they come up with.


It's one thing to monitor every couple of weeks just to verify you still know what you know, while you work on your exit strategy, it's another to dig constantly and basically pain mine, while doing nothing to move your life and your recovery forward. Have you confronted him? Have you set boundaries and consequences? What are you doing for your recovery?

7, I know you wrote this to Bent44, but you should say it to me, too. I spent too much of yesterday "pain mining". That's exactly what it was. I don't need more proof today. I need to spend most of the time on moving my life forward and recovery. I'm not. I hope to change. Keep writing 7, you make a difference!

Bent44, keep reading and posting. It is important to keep tabs on what your spouse is doing to protect you and your children. I am sad to say that what I've read about the disease progressing rapidly seems to be true in my case. At the same time you are watching him, keep an eye on yourself and your well-being. Know yourself, and make sure you are taking care of yourself. {{{bent}}}


Posts: 1047 | Registered: Aug 2010
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Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please, no 2x4s. There is not one CSAT nor any COSA groups in my state. Not one. I am doing the best I can.

No 2 X 4 from me! Just lots of big hugs!

There is a good online COSA group. There are meetings online, where the normal 12-step format is followed, and then some people stay around afterwards to chat more informally. It's a yahoo group, called COSA 12 Step. I find there is good information in the meetings. It is not as much as you'd get in a real-life meeting, as people can talk faster than they can type, but there is usually something in each meeting that helps me.

I have heard of some telephone meetings as well, but I don't know where those are. I know I can find out, if you'd like.

Hang in there, Nouveau. This stuff is just so awful.

when he goes out by himself say to starbucks, he will start chatting with the person standing next to him for the sole purpose of having sex in the future.

Welcome, RSAngel. Sorry you have found a need to be here. My WS arranges to meet potential partners and prostitutes at Starbucks. I can't walk in one ANYwhere without cringing.

HE DOESN'T WANT TO SHARE ANY PROGRESS WITH ME. He said he wants to only tell his counselor and he doesn't feel right sharing it with me! So basically if he sleeps with someone again, his counselor will know but not me??? I am not sure how to feel about this??

Could be worse - mine lies to the therapists. I don't think he'd ever tell one that he was acting out now. He only confesses to what he knows I already know. Mine will tell them how awful I am in hopes that they will see that he had to cheat. I'd feel better if I thought he was actually confiding the truth somewhere.


I love him and want to help him get better to save our family but I think he is not getting enough help and not being transparent enough.

This is me, too. Mine says he is "doing everything I asked". So, yeah, he's in counseling. Two or three times a month doesn't cut it. I'm not the one to tell him what he needs to do, but I am the one to tell myself when what he is doing isn't enough for me. It has taken me lots of counseling and him getting worse to get to this point.


Posts: 1047 | Registered: Aug 2010
SabinatheOwl
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Member # 30023
DOH!  Posted: 10:12 AM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tal-

It did with my SAWH. Still happens once in a while. He's afraid of the feelings.


((Nouveau))

No 2x4's from me. Take care of yourself.

redsoxangel~

Is this pretty common? The two-faced kind of personality?

Yes this is extremely common. SAs are master manipulators to protect their addiction.

So basically if he sleeps with someone again, his counselor will know but not me??? I am not sure how to feel about this??

Is he seeing a CSAT (certified sex addiction counselor)? That would be the best case scenario. Assuming of course that he tells the truth, which may or may not be true. Sorry.

((compartmented))

You're in a tough spot & my heart goes out to you. Keep up self-care & post often.


Things with are pretty much status quo- I'm feeling more let down (if that's even possible) because I discovered he was looking for pay as you go phones back in Dec (when he said he isn't an SA). I'm detaching & this isn't as much of a devastating blow as it could have been a few weeks/months ago. I plan to start hunting for it soon. It just solidifies my plans to leave that much more. I know addicts lie & lie & lie. My gut has been whispering to me for a few weeks now. At least my suspicions are confirmed.

I'm just feeling more let down. Sad that he can talk such sunshine & roses. And he wants me to believe it. And a small part of me still wants to. A part that's shrinking fast.


~ Sabina

[This message edited by SabinatheOwl at 10:14 AM, March 8th (Tuesday)]


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
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Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just feeling more let down. Sad that he can talk such sunshine & roses. And he wants me to believe it. And a small part of me still wants to. A part that's shrinking fast

Sabina, I think my WS acts like this because he truly believes he's only acted out because of my faults, and if I'd just change, he wouldn't NEED to do it anymore. Basically, if I'd shut up and put out, he could get his fix from me, is the way I see it.

Thanks for the hugs!


Posts: 1047 | Registered: Aug 2010
Tal
♀ Member
Member # 3300
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The alien invasion cotinues: my husband came home from his SA meeting last night telling me he had asked a guy to be his temp sponsor. Said he wants me to know "Jim's" number because he'll be calling him everyday (as per their agreement) and "Jim" told him that I shouldn't have to worry about strange numbers on the cell phone bill.

SAWS also informed me that said sponsor is going to pick him up for a second meeting on Saturday and they are making plans to go to a speaker's meeting in the city next month.

OK--I'll be honest here. I thought that my SAWS would go to some meetings because it was part of my boundaries--just so he could say he did. I thought he'd just dip his big toe into recovery, then find reasons/excuses not to go anymore.

I did NOT expect him to get a sponsor and actually start working the program.

I saw my drug addict son start and stop going to meetings many, many times so I know the danger of having unrealistic expectations setting myself up for dissappointment & more resentments.

My IC also talked to me last week about being careful not to get my hopes up. IC said that the chances of my H making substantial and lasting changes, after a lifetime of the dysfunctional patterns, are NOT good.

Logically, I know IC is right. Logically, I know that the best thing to do would be to continue getting my life prepared for separation. I was doing that, but now I can't help but have some hope that I didn't have before.

More later on the chronicals of the benevolant alien invasion....


Posts: 2145 | Registered: Jan 2004
Tal
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Member # 3300
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How is our process the same and how is it different?

I am re-reading the book Mending a Broken Heart, by Stephanie Carnes.

She talks in the first few chapters about our process:
1. Pre-discover
2. Crisis (disclosure and/or investigating)
3. Shock
4. Repair
5. Growth

This seems to be the standard stuff that any BS goes through, but obviously not all BSs have SA spouses.

Those of you who are ahead of me in the healing process, how would you say your experience is different than what the "standard" SA experienced. How would you say it is the same?

P.S. I hesitate to use the word "standard" regarding BSs. Honestly, when I read the stories of some BSs, red flags for SA jump out at me now.


Posts: 2145 | Registered: Jan 2004
brokenk
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Member # 30193
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Redsoxangel
So now he is seeing a counselor. Not regularly though but I know they communicate. The problem is...HE DOESN'T WANT TO SHARE ANY PROGRESS WITH ME. He said he wants to only tell his counselor and he doesn't feel right sharing it with me! So basically if he sleeps with someone again, his counselor will know but not me??? I am not sure how to feel about this??

I'm learning there are stages that the SA goes through during recovery, and that until they hit the very later stages of recovery full disclosure to their spoouse is going to be very challneging and many can't do it. Until they can detach themselves from the addiction and mark it as that is not them and they are a different person they can't tell you the depth of their problems. Their is too much shame for them to tell their spouse how horrible of a person they think they are. Most of what you'll get now is TT or half truths and it's going to hurt more later when they do come clean.


For me this workshop is doing amazing things fo rmy recovery. I'm learning that I have to let go of his recovery process (hard to do when you are a control freak) and stay focused on my own recovery. Not that I am not planning to recover together and come out stronger but I have to first work on me and let him take control of working on him. I gave him the workshop for him and was surprised when he started talking to me about what he read last night and how this workshop is teaching him incredible things. It gives me hope. Because his attendance in the SAA meetings has dropped and he only talks to his sponsor once a week or so, so I was worried he was giving up. But he's not!

The workshop has also given me an understanding to some of his new behaviors and also given me a voice to react to them. For instance I didn't know that his new found fondness of grabbing at me and rubbing against me in a sexual manor was part of his addiction trying to satsify himself with what he has, me. When I pointed it out he realized what he was doing and apologized. He said I was 100% correct and he was going towork on it. I thought that I wanted him to direct his addiction towards me but now I realize he has to heal from this in order for him to be free of it and I have to be strong as well.

I started running again and really just trying to focus on me and it's amazing how much better I feel. my days are not filled with worry over him any more because I can't control him. I couldn't stop him from doing what he did just like I can't force him to recover. But I am happy to say he is working very on hard on that himself and I see a light in the far distance perhaps at the end of this tunnel!


Me(32)- BW
Him(36)-WH Evilgeek
1st Dday 11/20/09
2nd Dday 11/20/10
Successfully R`ed.
Found out we are Pregnant 12/6/2010

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Abraham Lincoln


Posts: 568 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: California
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Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tal,

I'm not ahead of you in the healing process, but one difference jumps out at me a lot. Where WS's had an affair, they appear at times to truly care for the affair partner. While this hurts (my WS also had an emotional affair, where he did care about someone), the big difference to me is that the person having a love affair isn't using someone the way a SA does. That objectification of women can extend to their wives. I think it does in my case.

So I feel at times that I was not a real person to my SA, just the vagina that he "owned" and wanted to control. This instead of someone whom he cared for but fell out of love with. It leaves me with the question of whether or not he ever will love a partner, me or anybody else. I think the big issue is that he can't love someone else until he starts to love himself.

Just my thoughts.


Posts: 1047 | Registered: Aug 2010
Tal
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Member # 3300
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmmm...keeping in mind that all SA's MOs are somewhat different:
The porn addiction has always been an issue but ramped up dramatically in the past few years.

The two affairs (that I know of) I believe were intended to be "exit affairs".

My H, although he is relationship avoidant in many ways, but...

both the PA and the EA occurred when we had a variety of outside stressors on our marraige AND he convinced himself that I didn't want him/love him anymore. I strongly believe that he used both women involved, but sex wasn't the main issue there. I think he was looking for a temporary soft place to fall because he expected me to end our marraige.

The sad thing is that I never was thinking about ending the relationship at the time. I just thought we were going through some of "life on life's terms" difficulties. I didn't think about divorce until AFTER I discovered the affairs.


Posts: 2145 | Registered: Jan 2004
Aisling
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Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear all,

hugs to everyone and deepest thanks for all your shared wisdom.

It's been almost 18 months since DDay and it's taken several months of IC for my WS to finally admit that not only has there been online discussions for the last two years, it's been going on for years and years. He pin-points the breakdown of his first marriage and rejection by his ex as the starting point. It didn't stop when we met.

He is being completely remorseful, though it has taken a long time for the truth, or this version of it, to emerge. We are starting MC this week. I have stated that specialist counselling for him will be a requirement going forward.

The current version of the truth is that he has been conversing (etc etc) with people online for over 10 years, that it only extended to meeting people in the last two years, that there were only a handful of those meetings and only once was there sex.

Here is my question - how likely is it that someone who has been entering into online discussions, photo swapping etc, via swingers and dating sites, has only begun recently meeting people and has only had sex once?

I have said that we are now at version 3 of the truth and if there are further versions I need to know now, because it's such a set back. He swears that this is it, but I have heard that before.

Kind regards to all.

A xx


Me-BS(39); Him-WS(42)
Together 8 yrs, (were) engaged for July 2010, 2 children (his)
D-Day 12/10/09 - attemped EAs for mths, 1(known)PA
TT til 02/03/2011 - was never faithful
May 2011 - diagnosed SA, in therapy

Posts: 65 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: London
IRN2006
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Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is my question - how likely is it that someone who has been entering into online discussions, photo swapping etc, via swingers and dating sites, has only begun recently meeting people and has only had sex once?

I don't know. What does your gut say?

My husband acted out with porn and compulsive masturbation for nearly 20 years, and it never escalated beyond those behaviors. My experience isn't the norm.

I also knew that my husband was honest with his CSAT, and in a round about way, the CSAT confirmed to me that my husband was telling the truth.


Posts: 1295 | Registered: Apr 2009
brokenk
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Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is my question - how likely is it that someone who has been entering into online discussions, photo swapping etc, via swingers and dating sites, has only begun recently meeting people and has only had sex once?

Hard to say because everyone is different. With my WH he started with porn and masturbation, then said that wasn't enough an dhe wanted someone to talk dirty to him. So then it turned into internet sex and phone sex. With his last A she pushed him further and harder, making it all about her while he struggled to get control. This turned into physical contact. Something that freaked him out, but obviously he did not stop it. He didn't know how and in his words he kept trying to salvage what he started so he could actually get his fix.

He told me recently that he thinks if it wasn't for me his addiction would be a lot worse and it would be having sex with strange women and or paying for it. In his warped mind he felt like he was bein ggood by controlling it to just masturbation, porn and internet/sexting/phone sex. This was just his addiction rationalizing it all.

So in a short answer, yes it's possible. But does it feel like that's what happened for your WH? I trust my guy when my WH talks, I've gotten the truth out of him when I do this.

[This message edited by brokenk at 2:54 PM, March 8th (Tuesday)]


Me(32)- BW
Him(36)-WH Evilgeek
1st Dday 11/20/09
2nd Dday 11/20/10
Successfully R`ed.
Found out we are Pregnant 12/6/2010

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Abraham Lincoln


Posts: 568 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: California
redsoxangel
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Member # 31280
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question for all: do you use use a condom when you have sex with your spouse? I don't but now I'm seriously considering it. I just cannot tell the difference between lies and truths anymore. I fear he is still sleeping around.

I never thought someone can lie over and over with a straight face!


"Should've picked honesty then you may not have blown it"
Him: WH-33
Kids: 4 and 2 y.o sons
D Day : Nov 8 2010
Multiple lies after.He admitted to having SA.
Now: In R but blegh SO unsure.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Jakarta, Indonesia
bent44
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Default  Posted: 2:19 AM, March 9th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Evening All,

I read all of our posts and get so sad. It seems there are so many questions and it just sux that most of us are dealing with folks that we should be able to turn to for the answers, and they are just flat out incapapble.

To 7, I have read your past posts, and respect what you share. Thank you for your warning about my behavior. I am definitely doing it too much, but can't seem to stop. I tend towards OCD in general, and especially when under stress.

A little info- Our status is currently: separated. I have sole custody of our daughter.

He is out of the house we shared, but is converting the garage into an in-law unit for my daughter and I to live in. He is around all the time, being so helpful and considerate and charming (not his usual MO).

He says that when he is done with this project, he will have time to work on himself, which he says he wants to do.

He lies consistently, but I have not confronted him. It would be like trying to talk to a drunk. That and, honestly, I don't want a big confrontation while he is working on my new space. It should be done in a couple of weeks. Perhaps a little lame of me, I admit.

As to recovery, I am reading two of the books recommended, go to weekly counseling, and have an awesome support group. I am failing miserably when it comes to eating and sleeping.

Boundries that are in place are that there is no chance at reconciliation without him seeing a CSAT for eval, and me meeting with that person too. He also has to be solidly in recovery. He does not get unsupervised visits with our daughter until approved by a CSAT or other qualified counselor.

Perhaps a 2*4 is in order, though. Please help me figure out how to stop checking so much. How do I protect myself if I don't know what is really going on? He is a master at conning me.

I just feel too weak, beat down, confused, used, and naive/stupid to see straight. The monitoring is a reminder that nothing has changed....no matter what he says to me almost daily.

If you need to use a 4*6 instead of a 2*4, please don't hesitate.

Thank you all for a safe space to own up to just how "off" I am right now.

May we each find a moment of peace in the coming day.....even if just a moment.


"If you marry a chicken, don't expect an eagle."


I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.


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