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User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts 6
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, March 9th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bent,

I'm seeing more and more of my codependency, so maybe you shouldn't listen to me, but here goes.

I monitor a lot. I can almost put that in past tense; I almost don't do it as much now. It's taken me a long time to get to this point. He finally stepped on my puny little twig-stick boundaries and I noticed. I don't need to monitor as much as I just assume he IS acting out. ( )

What the monitoring did for me was to help me to keep the reality of his SA disease in my mind. I could have gotten too hopeful otherwise. The lying he is capable of astounds me, and had I not snooped, I wouldn't have known. For me, it's as simple as that. The snooping was to keep my and my heart safe. (I at least knew enough not to trust him physically, so we weren't sexual.)

What I try to do is see when I am doing more than just verifying. I cross over into pain-mining, which is where I'm looking for details which I don't need to keep me safe.

Hope this helps.

edited to try to clarify my thoughts

[This message edited by Compartmented at 7:34 AM, March 9th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 1062 | Registered: Aug 2010
Nouveau
Member
Member # 1731
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, March 9th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't want a big confrontation while he is working on my new space. It should be done in a couple of weeks. Perhaps a little lame of me, I admit.

bent, I am still sharing my house with my SA SO (in separate bedrooms) while he is helping me get my house fixed up and ready to put on the market.

I was feeling guilty, like I was using him and acting a charade and keeping him around only until I could get enough work out of him so I could completely end the relationship.

I told my IT how I was feeling and he said, "Why should you feel guilty about this? He didn't think twice about the charade he played with you for 7 years."

You are doing what you feel you have to do to get through this whole nightmare. And so am I.


I sing the songs of a woman who has passed through anger and outrage to a kind of stunned resignation in the face of overwhelming human folly.....

Posts: 4895 | Registered: Jul 2003 | From: The great frozen tundra
bent44
♀ Member
Member # 31386
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, March 9th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What the monitoring did for me was to help me to keep the reality of his SA disease in my mind. I could have gotten too hopeful otherwise. The lying he is capable of astounds me, and had I not snooped, I wouldn't have known. For me, it's as simple as that. The snooping was to keep my and my heart safe. (I at least knew enough not to trust him physically, so we weren't sexual.)

What I try to do is see when I am doing more than just verifying. I cross over into pain-mining, which is where I'm looking for details which I don't need to keep me safe.

Compartmented, thank you so much for your reply. If I had half a brain these days, your words could have been mine.

I honestly don't think I do it to cause more pain, but to keep myself from getting too hopeful, as you said.

The concerning part of my behavior is that it is taking away time from my own healing. I wish I was strong enough to blanketly accept that he is, of course, acting out so I could focus on my own recovery. Perhaps that will come in time? Perhaps I need to give myself some boundaries?

If you don't mind my asking, how long have you been snooping? I guess I am just looking for some hope that time will help me balance out with all of this.

Thank you all again for your help. SI has been invaluable these last months.


"If you marry a chicken, don't expect an eagle."


I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.


Posts: 626 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
bent44
♀ Member
Member # 31386
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, March 9th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was feeling guilty, like I was using him and acting a charade and keeping him around only until I could get enough work out of him so I could completely end the relationship.

I told my IT how I was feeling and he said, "Why should you feel guilty about this? He didn't think twice about the charade he played with you for 7 years."

Nouvea, thank you for your experience. I can't imagine the pain of having to share the same house knowing what you know, and am sorry for your situation.

He is getting some money for his work, and has said that it makes him feel good to take care of us this way seeing as he failed so miserably in "other ways".

I have been clear about boundaries regarding our relationship, so I don't really feel like I am using him. I just am not being honest about what I know (his continued porn use). Aside from not wanting the fallout while he is around so much, it seems pointless to me to confront him until he chooses to seek help. Like I said before, it would be like talking to a drunk....while they are at the bar with a Scotch in front of them.

The twisted thing about all of this is the garage was his acting out haven when he lived here. I am going to have to burn some sage on move-in day!

I hope your house is finished soon and that you are able to create a haven of healing for yourself! Let's send each other housewarming hugs when we each get there.


"If you marry a chicken, don't expect an eagle."


I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.


Posts: 626 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
Tal
♀ Member
Member # 3300
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, March 10th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm feeling a lot of confusion lately. I posted that my H is taking to recovery.

I thought I had a clue who I was married to for all these years. It turns out that he had a whole double life.

So was he the imperfect but sweet man I thought he was? Was he that guy who had a dark secret I didn't know about?

Or was he really a selfish, deceitful bastard who wore a good-guy mask most of the time?

And who the hell is this new dud who is remorseful and putting effort into both his own recovery and our marraige?

I could use some help from those of you who are farther along in this.

I have no idea who I am married to anymore. I don't know what to trust and what not to.


Posts: 2145 | Registered: Jan 2004
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, March 10th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The concerning part of my behavior is that it is taking away time from my own healing. I wish I was strong enough to blanketly accept that he is, of course, acting out so I could focus on my own recovery. Perhaps that will come in time? Perhaps I need to give myself some boundaries?

If you don't mind my asking, how long have you been snooping? I guess I am just looking for some hope that time will help me balance out with all of this.

I found out in January 2010, and he trickle truthed terribly, so I dug out much of the sordid mess by looking at his old computers and phone bills. I've been staying and snooping too long. Too patient for the few efforts he put in. I'm trying really hard to stop the codependence. I'm tackling it head on, through EMDR next week, and lots of al-anon, s-anon, cosa, etc. meetings. I asked my CSAT to help me craft my own "intensive" since the scheduled ones I found were in the future and I am needing help so badly right now. She is going to do some things with me next week, but she also challenged me to do "90 meetings in 90 days", so I am searching them all out! Some are online meetings, as there are NO meetings near me and I can't drive all the time. I have other self-care things to do! I was sorta' shocked by the 90-in-90 thing. I had hoped to hit it hard a week, and see where I got. I know I need a lot of long term therapy, but wasn't thinking I would need 90 days of this much intensity!

I'm really a mess. I know it. She's absolutely right.

I had to blanketly accept he is still acting out because he lied again. There's no trust. None. It's very very sad. So, it's not a good thing at all. Reality is just in my face. I worry so much for my children. I am so so sad. And just anxious as hell. The whole NPD thing is just scary as hell to me, to divorce a person with NPD traits, with sociopathic tendencies? It's scares me.

All I can say, for advice bent44, is to make yourself do the self care things. Make yourself do certain ones FIRST before you spend time on the snooping. I think that would have helped me. I know when I get around to doing my selfcare stuff, it WORKS. (Finally)

Hang in there. It breaks my heart that ANYbody feels as bad as I do, and for so long.

Remember, in the end, there will be peace.


Posts: 1062 | Registered: Aug 2010
SabinatheOwl
♀ Member
Member # 30023
Concerned  Posted: 8:07 PM, March 10th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ Tal-


So was he the imperfect but sweet man I thought he was? Was he that guy who had a dark secret I didn't know about?

Or was he really a selfish, deceitful bastard who wore a good-guy mask most of the time?

I don't know that I'm further along than you are, but my SA admits to #3. He told me point blank that he 'made up' a version of himself he thought I'd stay with, which goes to the core belief that no one would love the REAL SAWH. Speaking for myself, I feel duped and incredibly naive. I feel dirty.

And who the hell is this new dud who is remorseful and putting effort into both his own recovery and our marraige?

I hope you intended to say dude, not dud?! Regardless, it's funny. I don't have an SA who is working a program or who wants to be healthy for himself. So I can't answer this one.

I have no idea who I am married to anymore. I don't know what to trust and what not to.

I can't answer any of these either. I totally agree with what you wrote. I do, however, know much more about myself & what makes up my character.


@ compartmented-

I'm really a mess. I know it. She's absolutely right..make yourself do the self care things. Make yourself do certain ones FIRST before you spend time on the snooping. I think that would have helped me. I know when I get around to doing my selfcare stuff, it WORKS. (Finally)

Thanks for the reminder, compartmented. I really need to remember the self care comes FIRST.


About me & us

Late last week I found a way to check the cookies & history on my SAWH's work computer. I discovered he searched for pay as you go phones online back in December. I can't get into bank records because he removed me from our joint account in January. My gut has been whispering to me for weeks & weeks that things aren't as they seem, but I can't decide if searching for it is worth my time & emotional energy. Part of the reason is because I just want to bury my head in the sand, but the other reasons are that he has been home sick two or three work days since then & I can't very well hunt while he's here. Secret phone or no secret phone, I'm not really overly distressed, truth be told. I'm sadder & more disappointed, but not shocked or anything.

*sigh* So that's what's new with me. I'm thinking the "us" is dissolving in my heart. The hope is slowly fading away. I'm becoming comfortable with the thought that I'm leaving him eventually. Shouldn't I feel sadder about that??

~ Sabina

*edited for formatting

[This message edited by SabinatheOwl at 8:14 PM, March 10th (Thursday)]


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
Tal
♀ Member
Member # 3300
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, March 10th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I did mean "dude".
Freudian slip???

Posts: 2145 | Registered: Jan 2004
SabinatheOwl
♀ Member
Member # 30023
Wink  Posted: 8:37 PM, March 10th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ Tal

ROTFL

I have a 'dud' I think.

~ Sabina


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
Tal
♀ Member
Member # 3300
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, March 10th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Sabrina, for the input.

I don't know that I'm further along than you are, but my SA admits to #3. He told me point blank that he 'made up' a version of himself he thought I'd stay with, which goes to the core belief that no one would love the REAL SAWH.

If I had to hazard a wild guess, I'd say my H isn't complex or creative enough to do what your husband did. I still feel deceived duped and confused none the less.

Maybe those whose husbands have been in recovery for awhile can tell me their experience in a way I can make sense of it.

I need to make decisions for myself. I don't feel like I have all of the information I need to make informed decisions right now.


Posts: 2145 | Registered: Jan 2004
copingwithdoubts
♀ Member
Member # 21431
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, March 10th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Tal))) You trust yourself. Time will tell you who this new dude is. My rSA is now someone I have come to like, admire and respect. Almost three years after my initial discovery and a solid two after his complete emotional collapse and disclosure, I have a real, live version of the sweet imperfect man I thought I knew all along.

His honesty, transparency, remorse and willingness to discuss even the most difficult of issues, without the old defensiveness and blameshifting, is my sign that he is truly healing and in recovery.

I found empathy for him when he dicussed what drove his desire to control, to degrade and hurt himself; when I understood how his FOO issues drove him toward any hint of validation and when I understood acting out was a way for him to both punish and deprive himself of the intimacy he felt he couldn't risk and didn't deserve.

I also understand that this new dude is fragile, and there is risk in trusting him. I now also know I will be OK if he relapses and causes me to end our relationship, albeit terribly hurt.

There is no crystal ball Tal. If you really loved the old version of the dude you thought you had, maybe you should give the new dude a chance to reveal himself. Co-exist a while and take good care of yourself while he figures it out. Now that you are savvy, you'll soon know if he is serious about it. I'm really glad I did, and even if it blows up in my face, I wouldn't trade the last two years for anything. They have been solid and true. The man I've loved so long is healing and becoming whole again.

I have learned so much! I trust me! I know that the signs of his illness were there all along ... I didn't want to see them, and I ignored my own misgivings. Not anymore! I will not settle for anything less than true intimacy with my partner, ever again.




Posts: 349 | Registered: Oct 2008
SabinatheOwl
♀ Member
Member # 30023
Concerned  Posted: 9:30 AM, March 11th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ copingwithdoubts

I found empathy for him when he dicussed what drove his desire to control, to degrade and hurt himself; when I understood how his FOO issues drove him toward any hint of validation and when I understood acting out was a way for him to both punish and deprive himself of the intimacy he felt he couldn't risk and didn't deserve.

I'm so happy for you that your SA is doing well & actively digs into his issues & tries to help you. I think I could learn empathy too, if only my SA would work a program & dig into his issues. The fact that he can't/won't saddens & grieves me.


If you really loved the old version of the dude you thought you had, maybe you should give the new dude a chance to reveal himself. Co-exist a while and take good care of yourself while he figures it out. Now that you are savvy, you'll soon know if he is serious about it.

This is what I'm working towards. Actively practicing self care & getting my ducks in a row, financially & emotionally.

Thank you so, so much for sharing part of your journey with us, it is tremendously helpful.

~ Sabina


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
hatelying
♀ Member
Member # 31234
Concerned  Posted: 10:03 AM, March 11th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, been reading the thread. I haven't wanted to post because it seems so intensely personal and I'm terrible confused about EVERYTHING! I don't even know what to think about my SAWH. So maybe someone can help me sort through this.

I found out about everything in December 2010, when my WH told me everything he had done (after I caught him with someone) and that he was a "SA." My response was not positive, but I did the research. I realized my WH had PTSD (he did share his childhood experiences) and was, indeed, a SA. It helped me not file for divorce right then, but we did separate.

Here's where it gets complicated and confusing. He has had numerous affairs (too many to count) in the past (which shocked me...I had no idea!) But for the first time he said he wanted to fix himself. But he claims that therapy won't help. He's reading and trying his best, and he needs to resolve this in his own mind.

So what is his solutions? He's only going to have one girlfriend and not cheat on her. Then once he doesn't cheat on her, he'll dump her and just stay with me. I don't even know what to think of that. (Which is why we're separated.)

The good thing is that, for the first time, he is talking about his childhood with me. He's also being very open about his actions. That's good, but not making me feel happy when he still has a girlfriend.

He is still totally focused on himself. He understands that he has messed me up, but he feels that it's not as bad as what he is dealing with right now.

I struggled with serious self-esteem issues, and I did admit to flirting with a guy on a plane (something I had never done in 18 years of marriage until now). It made me feel good that someone felt I was attractive. It was one time, and, although it felt good, it was only temporary. I realized I couldn't really feel good about my self indulging in that kind of behavior. I needed to feel good about myself by working on myself. However, now my SAWH says that my behavior is worst than him cheating on me for 13 years because he only cheated because he had to. Huh? Now he is accusing me of being "easy" and "cheating." It doesn't make any sense. I flirt with someone for several hours on a plane and feel bad, but he's now accusing me of getting ready to cheat on him. I don't even know what to think.

He further backs up this argument because I have lost 10 pounds and work out every day. Therefore, I must be trying to look good to go out and find a new man. I tried to explain that I've lost weight because I'm so stressed I don't eat. And I exercise frantically every day so I can get my rage under control so I can deal with my kids each day. Exercise is the only thing keeping me sane. It's not so I look great for a new guy. It's my sanity and my self-control.

This is all terribly confusing for me. I'm working through the workshop on www.recoverynation.com (thank you for the link . . . it's a lifesaver). I try to communicate only via email when I feel like I'm getting sucked into his emotional vortex. I am doing the 180 as much as possible so I can feel some control. But I still love him, and I know he loves me. We are still having sex occasionally (and it's good sex and makes me feel good). But I don't know what to think about his "recovery". I am glad he is opening up, but I don't know how I feel about his "methods". It's all just a big, fat mess. His actions are crazy in how he deals with his kids and me (the kids stay with me full-time), and my emotions are all over the place. I'm just trying to stay sane, and he's on the attack lately. He purposely tries to hurt me. It's like he is having a huge pity party for himself, but I don't want to join in. I want my marriage, but I don't want him back until he's committed to it. But is he committed to it? Is he trying to recover? Does he even really love me? I am so terribly confused.


Married: 18 Years
D Day 1 - OW #1: 12/18/2010
D Day 2 - OW #2: 03/29/2011
D Day 3 - OW #3: 04/15/2011
Filing for divorce

"I'm the kind of woman that when my feet hit the floor, the devil says, "Oh crap, she's up!"


Posts: 259 | Registered: Feb 2011
SabinatheOwl
♀ Member
Member # 30023
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, March 11th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi ((hatelying)). First of all, no matter what your SA says none of his behavior is your fault- none. Repeat that as your mantra as often as you need to. Second, he must go to a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT) to be properly diagnosed- he can't simply decide one day o I'm an SA. IMO, without regular therapy sessions with a CSAT & attendance at a 12 step program, recovery will be very long & slow if at all. This is an addiction that can't be fixed by themselves. Go to page 1 of any of the Spouse of SAs threads & read 7's post for newbies. Find a CSAT just for you & see them regularly, regardless of what your SA does or says. Take a few hours & read completely through one of the older threads. It will help you understand what happens in this type of relationship.

Try to remain focused solely on you & your feelings & your healing. You can only control yourself. Your WH controls his words and actions. Neither of you has control over the other. Let go of him & what he says. Watch what he does. Easier said than done, I know. But completely worth it. Be aware that if he's an SA, sobriety begins when he abstains from sex with anyone including himself (ie: masturbation). No matter what there can be no M if he keeps an OW on the side.

This is a very personal thread, the issues down here may be viewed a little differently than on other forums here at SI. My story is posted in my profile, 7's story is in hers. Recovery is possible with huge amounts of hard work by both of you. For me, the pain is incalculable, the fallout hits our children, the list goes on & on. Come & post frequently, we can offer you support & a friendly ear.

~ Sabina


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Frustrated  Posted: 11:32 PM, March 11th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like I abandoned you guys. I'm trying to read but I'm really sick (have been since Monday night) and my eyes actually hurt so I'm not keeping up well. I'm not positng much either cause fever makes me stupid.

I'll be around when i'm feeling better
7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
SabinatheOwl
♀ Member
Member # 30023
What?  Posted: 11:45 PM, March 11th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((7)))

Take care of yourself, better to rest in bed than squint at the computer in your fuzzy jammies with a box of tissues & some hot soup. I hope you're well soon, we'll muddle along until then.

~ Sabina


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
bent44
♀ Member
Member # 31386
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, March 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7- I am sorry you are not feeling well, and am sending you a virtual pot of chicken soup. Be well soon!

Wanted to share a small success today with boundaries. WS lives on a boat and his harbor was hit hard today with the tsunami waves on the west coast. He and his boat are both fine, but it is unlikely he will be allowed on his boat tonight. He has had a couple of offers of places to stay, but was at my house working on the garage conversion project. I said I was glad he had some options tonight, and he said he would like to stay at my house. I didn't respond. He fished for an invite a second time, and I held my tongue. Flat out saying no to him would have given him the negative attention he is looking for to justify acting out and well, saying yes would simply be....gross! It is a small win, but these days I take the small ones to heart.

Thank you to all for the continued help. I feel like a baby learning to walk amongst a bunch of olympic long distance runners.


"If you marry a chicken, don't expect an eagle."


I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.


Posts: 626 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
copingwithdoubts
♀ Member
Member # 21431
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, March 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sabina,

I think I could learn empathy too, if only my SA would work a program & dig into his issues. The fact that he can't/won't saddens & grieves me

Whatever it is that causes someone to adopt such poor coping skills, you can bet it runs deep and is very painful. I know that my H pretended to fall in love with OW, rather than have me discover his painful secrets and addiction. He even tried to convince himself! It took several concurrent personal crisis (some SA related) and a real emotional collapse to get him to seek help. All extremely painful ... he literally hit rock bottom and our children were not spared the terrible display.

The best favor you can do for your SA, until he is ready to change, is to take care of yourself and set a healthy example of coping skills for him and your children. My older son models a lot of my H's manipulative behaviors ... I think that is a big motivation for my H as it sickens him to see what repercussions his behavior has had on our family. It has been a real eye-opener for him.

We are actively working together to teach our children how to express emotions and handle conflicts in a healthy manner. And we are making good progress ... my sons are both very proud of their father's recovery and love him more than ever. They see now that living honestly with yourself, and loving others honestly, is key to emotional health and personal happiness.





Posts: 349 | Registered: Oct 2008
brokenk
♀ Member
Member # 30193
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, March 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question about boundaries....

I set boundaries after Dday2 but how capable are SA's at sticking to them? My SAWH admitted to me he turned on soft porn twice while being asked to sleep on the couch. He swears he only watched for a few minutes before realizing it was not good and shut it off. Watching porn was a deal breaker but part of me wonders if these little slips are going to just be part of him working thorugh his recovery. He also deleted the browser history which was another deal breaker. Now I know what he deleted was not anything at all, just him panicking thinking I'll think something fishy was going on but he still did it. And he did not confess doing it to me I had to drag it out of him.

I just feel like this is all part of recovery and he's trying but it's going to take some work to mature to the point he can handle himself accordingly. I just don't know where my boundaries need to be since this is different then dealing with a typical WH because he's a SAWH.

Any advice?


Me(32)- BW
Him(36)-WH Evilgeek
1st Dday 11/20/09
2nd Dday 11/20/10
Successfully R`ed.
Found out we are Pregnant 12/6/2010

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Abraham Lincoln


Posts: 568 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: California
hatelying
♀ Member
Member # 31234
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, March 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH told me he broke it off with the OW. (Although he didn't tell her he was getting back together with me. Is that wierd?) We'll see if that is actually true over the next few weeks. But I am hopeful, and it would really upset me if I found out stuff all over again after allowing some hope back in.

I also asked WH if he was going to replace OW with random other people. And he said, "no." He said that he wants to work on our marriage, even though we are currently separated. Here's hoping.


Married: 18 Years
D Day 1 - OW #1: 12/18/2010
D Day 2 - OW #2: 03/29/2011
D Day 3 - OW #3: 04/15/2011
Filing for divorce

"I'm the kind of woman that when my feet hit the floor, the devil says, "Oh crap, she's up!"


Posts: 259 | Registered: Feb 2011
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