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User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts 6
DrivingPast
♀ Member
Member # 32984
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, August 17th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone here read this one
"Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal" by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means ? I have it, but not opened it yet. Im a little scared.

I know I mentioned this before... and its off topic, but... I have these really strong paranoid fears that my SAWH is going to "learn" new things or get ideas put into his head from reading more about other SA's. Part of the reason is, he is totally and completely easy to manipulate and plant ideas into. One sa example of this is his "friend" suggested one day they go to a strip club sometime. They didnt go, but it sparked an idea in his head and he looked up local strip clubs, how much they cost to get in, etc. He says until that point (and again this was earlier this year. He has been into SA stuff for 3 years) he hadnt thought about strip clubs (he hasnt really ever gone before- hes from a different country/culture). He has always been this way though, even in non SA ways. I foolishly let him know theres a show on TV that shows full nude breasts and he didnt know that till then. He admits I should not have let him know that!

Second he is/was naive (and gullible) though he "learned" quite a bit in his "research" but I still think he doesnt know about all of it. He JUST found one local prostitute webstie back in march (darn darn darn). I dont think he knows others are out there (some stupid whote pointed him to that). Im sure he could easily FIND them now, especially that he knows they exist, but honestly I dont think he realized they existed at that point. Another point... he doesnt know that sites like AM and all are actually good for meeting these 'women' using the term loosely. He thinks they are spam accounts and such. He didnt pay for the sites. But if he reads he will find out if he had only paid he may have gotten lucky.

Soooooo. How can I not be terrified about him finding out more? I feel like its similar to when people say they learned how to be better criminals in prison.


BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2011
DrivingPast
♀ Member
Member # 32984
Concerned  Posted: 1:22 PM, August 17th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mind is such a mess, I hope Im not taking up too much space here... Not sure where to post but I feel like no one but you guys understand!

I just wondered has this SA stuff totally screwed your head like it has mine? I feel like my innocence is gone in a way. I dont like it.
Ive read his emails, and unfortunately researched them all, even ones he didnt meet, and seen c/l ads and prostitute websites, etc. I ve seen a lot of pictures now. Sometimes I think I recognize people on the street!!! Two specifically and one Im almost positive is the one in the picture (he didnt meet her- she works in a MP). In starbucks of all places. Twice! (She must live near me - great). Another was a person who cut my hair.
I am always looking out for the person he met
I cant DRIVE PAST (hence the username) certain motels, streets, parts of town that I once didnt know about, but now I do without triggering. I actually trigger when I know he is driving near them. I also wonder if cashiers at walmart or anyone has some secret evil life. Either as a hooker or a homewrecker. I think about the men too..... What they do when they are online. Have I seen their pics before? Its bad.

I even dream about things or wake up thinking about them.

Then theres the questions. The endless questions. I dont know if I should stop asking them or not.
Thats enough for now.


BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2011
DrivingPast
♀ Member
Member # 32984
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, August 17th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uhh one more thing. I looked up the 12 step program and a lot of it seems god centered and about "giving it to god". He is not at all religious. And I kind of feel "giving it to god" doesnt take enough personal responsibility. Is there a non religious way to get through this?

DO all csat follow these guidelines?

Oh one more quesiton.
Do csat allow me to sit in on the therapy session, when Im not there to participate much (basically his IC). He wants me there because he says otherwise it will feel like hes hiding something from me (whatever he would say there).


BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2011
MySonshine
♀ Member
Member # 32252
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, August 17th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Again newbie here but I will share on my experiences if that helps. As for the crazy part um yeah I'm right there with you. We were at the mall one time and there was this REALLY young blonde girl that I swear said "Hi *WH*" and laughed with her friends as we walked by. I never confronted him about it because the kids were with us and at that time I couldn't handle anymore new news so I let it go and forgot about it till your post. Now if I bring it up he will just look at me like I have two heads and tell me he has no idea what I'm talking about. My other situation that didn't help the crazy train was his wonderful OW sent him a lovely email telling him that she had run into me while I was out grocery shopping with the kids. The timing was right and details were right so great I was standing right beside OW with my KIDS and had no freaking clue!!!!! I guess in the long run it was a good thing I didn't know because I don't know if I could have been the proper mother if I had realized what was going on. So yeah now I freak whenever I see a jeep and I constantly look over my shoulder wondering if she is there. I also don't like going to the same grocery store or any store in that general area now for fear I might run into her again. So yup sign me up for the crazy train on that one!

As for the 12 step programs when it mentions God it does not mean a specific God, more the concept that there is something greater than ourselves out there.

My fear about my husband going to group therapy is that he will find a female SA and that will be it. I just have to have faith that he will be serious about his recovery and learn how to use the tools they teach to be able to make the correct deciscions. If not well then I move on. I can't change him but I can change me!


BS-me 28
WH-28
Too many DDs to count.

Posts: 87 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Colorado
sager
♀ Member
Member # 173
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, August 17th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DrivingPast, You need to breathe, just take a deep breath and let it out slowly.... One thing at a time.

First, don't believe the innocence of your H. That may sound harsh, but I doubt he is as gullible as he makes himself out to be. Addicts will find a fix one way or another... my H didn't know how to find a prostitute. No one told him how. He figured it out without any help. Sexually explicit material and information is EVERYWHERE. If he looks he will find it. Period. And there is just no way you can spend the rest of your life covering his ears and eyes. He needs to use his recovery to support his NOT LOOKING FOR THE SEX FIX.

SA does mess with your head... for as long as you let it. Any betrayal, especially infidelity, does take your innocence. I never, never would have expected my balding, overweight, short, quiet husband to cheat on me. Not in a 1,000 years. But he did. So you know what, I had to put my big girl panties on and deal with it. I just could not give myself the luxury of panicking (but I did a little), or to be sad (which I still did a lot) or to get stuck. I had no choice. And i still don't have a choice. The reality is, my h is a SA. Can't change it. Can't undo it, can't change the past, can't predict the future. I only have now.

So that means you just can not drive past the places that make you feel bad. It means you can not control where your H goes or what he does. You CAN focus on getting the support you need for you. What can you do that will be just for you that will give you some peace? A massage, a walk, a visit with a friend???

In terms of the 12 step and God thing. There are many, many non-religious people that belong to 12 step groups. The term "god" has often been replace with the term "higher power". That higher power for some people is the 12 step group. For others it is an energy source greater than themselves. Your H should not let the god-thing stop him from getting involved in the fellowship.

I'm not sure I could explain how the addict is still responsible when they turn it over to a higher power. It has to do with the fact that the addict has not control over the past, no control of the urges to act out... but until they realize that, they will try to control the things they cannot change (like urges) and not take responsibility for the things they can have control over (like calling a sponsor when they have an urge).

It is also up to the CSAT to decide if and when you should attend your H's therapy sessions. But if you do, be sure you understand what the purpose of the session is before you go. Is this something you want to do? What would you hope to get out of it?

I hope I haven't been too harsh. You are strong enough and brave enough to go through this. Just keep telling your self that, because we all believe in you.

Sager


married 21 yr.
d-day #1 8/17/01
d-day #2 7/9/11
3 children - 20, 18, and 16
H in addiction recovery
"Well-behaved women do not make history."

Posts: 1192 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: Upstate NY
sager
♀ Member
Member # 173
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, August 17th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MySonshine,
You sound really good! What a great strong attitude you have. A good reminder that what is in my control is ME! Thanks.
Sager


married 21 yr.
d-day #1 8/17/01
d-day #2 7/9/11
3 children - 20, 18, and 16
H in addiction recovery
"Well-behaved women do not make history."

Posts: 1192 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: Upstate NY
DrivingPast
♀ Member
Member # 32984
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, August 17th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Sonshine. I guess those are the events we have to put behind us because theres no way to prove or figure out now. I have some of those. Of course its not that easy to forget. Hugs to you and your kiddos.

Sager, I know you are right... I cant shield him. I dont have to give him extra clues either, hehe. Kidding. I know you are saying that if he wants to/cant stop himself then nothing I do will stop him.

What can you do that will be just for you that will give you some peace? A massage, a walk, a visit with a friend???

I have to figure this one out. When I visit friends, I feel empty. The thought of a massage completely skeeves me out now :( This is so sad because Ive never had a professional massage even though I have back problems and would probably be theraputic, and now I cant stand the idea (He had a 'massage' in my house!!!). Actually I feel odd having a pedicure or haircut. It feels odd to pay people to touch me in anyway. Maybe Im really screwed up. Does anyone else feel that way? Does anyone else imagine everyone around is a hooker or cheater?

Im not even pretending to be strong. I guess I sound pitiful and ridiculous... maybe its even hard to take me seriously. Guess I am letting everything out here, anonymously. Not always making sense.

Sager I always appreciate your replies, and you can be direct with me. talk more later hes home.


BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2011
MySonshine
♀ Member
Member # 32252
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, August 17th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Sager for the wonderful compliment! S/Alanon really does work if you work it!
Driving I know what you mean about having a different view of people now. I love SI don't get me wrong but it had a lot to do with wondering what people were really like after reading soooo many different betrayal stories from soooo many people. That and one of the girls I first started to friend out here in CO and share my story with told me she was a WS herself! Still working on trying to get past that and realize she is the same friend that has been so nice to me. I guess its strange for me because it was like a veil lifted from my eyes and I could see evil for the first time and I thought I new what evil looked like after being a paramedic for so long. However that evil was sort of confined to general areas where as the evil of infidelity knows no bounds. It doesn't care about race, religion, wealth, or looks it strikes us all the same- bastard! Ok so moving onto something productive! I had a hard time at first focusing on caring for myself because I mean come on my WH and kids were my life and that's all that mattered for so long! A few things helped me 1 I joined the Y. They have 2 hours of free child care a day (you have to stay there) and I just really needed some time to think by myself. I was getting to the point of snapping at my kids because my mind would just be going like crazy and if they were trying to talk to me well that didn't give me enough time to work through the worlds problems that were going on in my head. So I started going to the gym to think. Then I realized hey wait a minute I can take a shower in peace! No little heads popping around the shower curtain asking for more juice or telling me the woes of having a sibling but a shower from start to finish by myself! Do you hear the angels singing? Then for some reason I thought hey why the heck am I waisting my me time on thinking about other people and crap? This is my time to be happy. I downloaded some upbeat music and some comedy clips to listen to while I worked out. Then Amy. My crazy ass friend (not the same one as mentioned before) got it in my head that we should try some classes. Ok let me tell you a little secret- when you have 2 kids back to back that resulted in over 100lb weight gain, belly dancing class in front of a huge ass mirror is not the first class you should chose. However we laughed our asses of at ourselves! BTW step and hip hop were not much success but we are rockin the water aerobics! What I am trying to say is just take it slow. You will start to get used to doing things for yourself and not only enjoy it but not feel guilty about it either. Another thing that helped me get my mind back was to think of 5 things I am thankful for. The first time I heard this I honestly thought I couldn't name 5. Then I started with baby steps. 1- I have two amazing kids! 2- I have shelter. 3 I have wonderful parents that love me. 4 I have a car. 5 I am breathing and here. When my mind starts going down the why me my life sucks I make myself do this but now I have to find 5 new things to be thankful for.


BS-me 28
WH-28
Too many DDs to count.

Posts: 87 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Colorado
SabinatheOwl
♀ Member
Member # 30023
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, August 17th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To drivingpast~
Yes, Iím currently reading

"Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal" by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means ?

But Iím not done with it. Itís very empowering for the spouse, so far. Very supportive. I donít blame you for feeling scared, though, I was really scared and in shock in the beginning too.

I have these really strong paranoid fears that my SAWH is going to "learn" new things or get ideas put into his head from reading more about other SA's.

I thought that most SA 12 step meetings donít allow sexually explicit discussion, however, my SAWH doesnít go, so I donít know first hand. That wouldnít stop him from asking other folks at the meetings. Not very encouraging for me to say so, but I thought I should put it out there.

How can I not be terrified about him finding out more?

Only through lots of therapy for you and detachment (aka doing the 180). Detach from your SA. Let go of him and his recovery. Actually the Means and Steffens book says that Ďchecking upí behaviors are the spouseís attempt to feel safer- but that we canít control them and the spouses must learn new ways to cope with how we feel. Itís really hard not to be afraid, heaven knows Iím afraid of what my SAWH is doing- on work computers no less.

I feel like my innocence is gone in a way.

Mine too. I misplaced my trust for a long time.

Is there a non religious way to get through this?

I think I remember that 7yrsbetrayed posted a secular version of the SA 12 steps somewhere in the Spouses of SAs thread #5. Maybe earlier in this thread, but Iím pretty sure it was in thread 5. Canít remember exactly. I've seen books in the recovery section with 'rational recovery' in the title, maybe those are secular? I don't know, but you could try.

Do csat allow me to sit in on the therapy session,

Mine wouldnít, but I donít know for sure. I wouldnít advise doing this even if the therapist is ok with it because your presence is likely to hinder the work the therapist tries to do with your spouse. Your SA wouldnít be able to do the deep work he needs to do to uproot the source of his addiction because he'd be likely to censor what he says. The excuse he told you is BS IMO. Therapy is difficult and scary and intense once you really get into it. I wouldnít get any deep work done if I took my SAWH with me. Besides, theyíre supposed to do a full disclosure, and he can share with you then. And Iíd ask whatever questions you need to, bottling up leads down dark paths.

To MySonshine~

Hi! Hope you're doing ok, you sound good.


~ Sabina


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
MySonshine
♀ Member
Member # 32252
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, August 18th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning all! Being a partner of a SA has its ups and downs and right now I'm up so I'm holding on to that up for all its worth! I was reading in "One Day at a Time in Al-anon" this morning and today's reminder really struck me so I thought I would share.
Storing up grievances is more than a waste of time; it's a waste of life that could be lived to greater satisfaction. If I keep a record of oppresions and indignities, I am restoring them to painful reality. I've found they're suprisingly easy to forget, once I start using the Al-anon program each day. "The horror of that moment," the King said, "I shall never, never forget." "You will, though," said the Queen, "if you don't make a memorandum of it." (Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass)

When I read this my first thought was that this was one of the things that related to alcholism and not sex addiction. How could I possibly let go of the wrongs my WH has made against me? If I let go then that means I could let my guard down and once my guard is down then that's when he will act out again. Well really, what is so bad about him acting out again? If its with an OW well then that means he crossed one of the boundaries I stated would result in divorce. So I would be free to move on with my life. If he acts out with porn then he is either faced with 1 chosing more therapy to help him avoid/handle triggers or 2 he choses not to seek more help and I'm gone. Going over and over the grievances in my head doesn't make it better. It doesn't change the fact that they happened, it won't make it hurt less and the more I think about that crap the less time I have to think about the positive things in my life.


BS-me 28
WH-28
Too many DDs to count.

Posts: 87 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Colorado
PeedlePom
♀ New Member
Member # 33105
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, August 18th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's early days for me, but is anyone of the opinion that SA is actually curable?

Anyone with a SA spouse where they got to a point in the relationship where they DON'T feel the need to check up on them...? Got the trust and the love back?


Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just an idiot wrapped in tin foil

Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Limbo
sager
♀ Member
Member # 173
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, August 18th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PeedlePom,
SA is not curable, but it is managable with proper therapy and support.

Yes, trust (and love) can be re-established over time. However, it requires the SA to be in a true recovery, to continue to work their program and for the spouse to get support and probably therapy to recover from the betrayal and to reach the point of forgiveness.

It is not a straight road in the best of circumstances. You need to expect set backs and disappointments.

Keep reading and posting!

Sager


married 21 yr.
d-day #1 8/17/01
d-day #2 7/9/11
3 children - 20, 18, and 16
H in addiction recovery
"Well-behaved women do not make history."

Posts: 1192 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: Upstate NY
Notmetoo2011
♀ Member
Member # 32912
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, August 18th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand acting detached from the SA but if you don't check up on them how will you know if they're acting out again? My SAH managed to hide his acting out from me for the best part of 25 years. He swears he wants to give up all that and is going to therapy and doing all the right things at the moment but he's lied for so long I'm afraid he'll slip back into it. He knows if there are anymore OW that's it for us. I just don't want to be months or years finding out because I've not been checking up on him. I want to be out of there and moving on the minute he steps out of line.


Me-BW 47
SAWH 48
Married 25 years.
4 children
D-Day 26/07/11
Multiple PAs, ONS,

Posts: 262 | Registered: Jul 2011
PeedlePom
♀ New Member
Member # 33105
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, August 19th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Notmetoo,

Ditto! I don't want to spend the rest of this relationship living in paranoia, checking emails and snooping in phones... It's exhausting and it makes ME feel like I'm doing something wrong, ie snooping.


Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just an idiot wrapped in tin foil

Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Limbo
Notmetoo2011
♀ Member
Member # 32912
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, August 19th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can anyone tell me what I should be looking for in a IC? I saw one today for the first time and I just didn't find the session helpful at all. I realize that the first appointment was taken up with alot of details about my situation but I just felt like the counsellor didn't know what to say. She didn't have any recommendations for what I should be doing. I have never been to a counsellor before so don't know if this is typical or not. I was hoping for suggestions or steps I could be taking to start on the road to healing. Advice please.


Me-BW 47
SAWH 48
Married 25 years.
4 children
D-Day 26/07/11
Multiple PAs, ONS,

Posts: 262 | Registered: Jul 2011
sager
♀ Member
Member # 173
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, August 19th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

peedlepom and metoo,

On snooping.... we probably have all done it. I used to read stuff of my h that I shouldn't have. It really didn't tell me anything I didn't already know or sense and it made me feel creepy. So my advise is that if you are feeling creepy, uncomfortable, sneaky or anything else that is negative, then you need to stop immediately. Don't ever do anything that makes you feel badly. It's just not worth it.

My h and I have been doing this for so long, if I get a sense that he is acting out, then i ask him. 8 times out of 10 he comes clean at that instance. Besides, he has a "tell" when he tries to lie. When i ask him a question, if he is trying to lie there is a 2 beat hesitation before he answers. Gets him every time. I just need to be quiet and keep looking at him. He caves in an instant.

This is one of those cases that you have trust your instinct, your gut. It is only when I doubt myself (what I am sensing and feeling) about whether or not he is acting out, that I have been wrong. My first instinct has always been right.

I justed to feel badly when i doubted his recovery. Was I looking for trouble? Had I truely not forgiven him? Was i just plain paranoid? Sadly, so far, it hasn't been any of those things. It has been because i have been right. So for me, no need to snoop. I just need to assess our relationship and his behavior and I have a pretty good idea what is going on.

This is why it is so important to learn all you can about addiction and about SA. The more you know, the less possible it is for him to hide things from you. You start to know what questions to ask. you know what steps are necessary for a real recovery. You understand the danger signals.

So, the bottom line is, you don't have to live the rest of your life snooping with your h. However, you will need to spend the rest of your relationship, "checking in" with your partner and communicating clearly and regularly about the addiction.

Sager


married 21 yr.
d-day #1 8/17/01
d-day #2 7/9/11
3 children - 20, 18, and 16
H in addiction recovery
"Well-behaved women do not make history."

Posts: 1192 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: Upstate NY
sager
♀ Member
Member # 173
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, August 19th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

notme,
RE: finding a counselor... I've been in therapy off and on for about 35 years. I've had all kinds: men, women, old, young, established, new to the field.... Lately I've had a real bad run of luck. Of the last 3, one moved, one retired and one died. Can you say "abandonment issues"

With all of my shopping, I can honestly say it has to do with "clicking" with me. I'm not sure i can explain it. But usually within the first 10-15 minutes I just know if this is the right person for me or not. Even when the first session is more "intake" in nature, I still had a feeling that this relationship would work.

My feeling is that if you are asking the question, the person you saw was not really well suited to what you are looking for.

I'm sure that there is a website that lists the types of questions you should ask a counselor to judge the "fit" for you. It will be interesting to see how other here have found the right couselor for themselves.

Sager


married 21 yr.
d-day #1 8/17/01
d-day #2 7/9/11
3 children - 20, 18, and 16
H in addiction recovery
"Well-behaved women do not make history."

Posts: 1192 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: Upstate NY
sager
♀ Member
Member # 173
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, August 19th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm feeling really, really sad in disheartened tonight. Things started turning south on Saturday. I came in from outside and my H clicked of a website he had been looking at. I said, "When you click off a website when i come in, i fell suspicious because that is behavior you do when you are acting out." (Using my best "I" statement.) Long story short... he's been on erotic websites for about 10 days. Told him that he had to call his sponsor, see his therapist and get back on the wagon immediately....

Now, I don't know how to check the history on my new computer. But last night I accidently found it. Guess what??? He had continued using Monday-Thursday. I was furious!

So I have told him that he has to pick up the pace on his program (whatever that means) and if I ever see a porn site on my computer history, I would not be discussing it, he would just find himself being served with divorce papers. I saw an attorney a few years ago. Since we have not had sex since he slept with the prostitues I can get an expediated divorce (no waiting a year after a formal separation). Told him he would be out on the steet in 24 hours.

Okay, so I talk tough and he's really scared. Good! Now I'm really sad because I'm afraid he cannot get into a strong recovery and I will have to divorce him. I just feel so badly about that. I know that he is a good man with a huge sickness. 90% of the time I enjoy his company, his intellect, his compasion. The prospect of losing that is so, so, so painful.

I am saying so many prayers that he is able to find his way to the freedom that comes with recovery. It's a selfish prayer, because i really want this broken man to be healed and to stay in my life.

Sager

[This message edited by sager at 6:21 PM, August 19th (Friday)]


married 21 yr.
d-day #1 8/17/01
d-day #2 7/9/11
3 children - 20, 18, and 16
H in addiction recovery
"Well-behaved women do not make history."

Posts: 1192 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: Upstate NY
DrivingPast
♀ Member
Member # 32984
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, August 19th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((sager))))))

I know how badly you want him to change and stay straight.
I read your profile... was he completely off porn for the past 9 years? Do you know what triggered the return?

I dont know what to say, since this relapse is my worst fear.

I really hope he gets help to stay clean.


BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2011
DrivingPast
♀ Member
Member # 32984
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, August 19th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wanted to add that your strength has been a big inspiration to me.


BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

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