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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 24
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats - I'm so sorry about your rough night...but I'm very glad that you were able to get through it without the scotch. The meditation sounds like a good alternative. This is a long and painful ride, isn't it? I'm thinking of you.

Miracle - Just thinking of sleeping in a box has me turning on my electric blanket to get ready for bed tonight! (Yes, I live in TX and I have an electric blanket.) Hooray for your DD for making such a huge sacrifice! And another hooray for DS's grades!! I hate, hate, hate to have to nag my DS17 about his grades. What a joy it is when they finally start to self-motivate.

Allgood - He's an idiot. Plain and simple. How many times does he need to learn the same lesson.....and.....
THIS SUCKS FUCKING MONKEY NUTS. (No questions...this is my new mantra!)

For those who asked, the workshop I'm looking into is Onsite Workshops located in TN. (I hope I'm not getting into trouble here by posting the name!)

Gotta go! DD calling from school!


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats.

You mentioned that you thought several different things could be causing your W this latest problem. I have to say that it is all of those things and more. Her job, her sis, the graduation, the BIL, the past and so on.

Two nights ago I had the worst night I have had for months. My W was set off in a rage by me simply saying something she took wrong. Paranoid thinking! This was a fuck this, fuck that, this is shitty, this sucks, and so on. A childish fit that is hard to describe. I said a few things to try and smooth things over but all I said was just being turned into a "you don't give a shit about me or any of this fucking stuff" etc. I did the smart thing and walked out of the house. Yesterday she said she was sorry and all that. She is under some pressue at work, worried about a project I am working on, worried about two of her siblings that have some problems, and upset about who knows what else.

The point of this long winded ramble is that like your W, things have built up until something is the last straw. Your trigger story probably just helped give her a way to turn this away from herself and put it on you. I feel my W does this with me. It is sort of venting to the extreme. You may be dealing with this for quite some time. Again I have to say that your W is working pretty hard at overcoming many things and this is a real plus for her. My W has been trying to change and has been fairly successful at times. She is using the Charlie Sheen self help approach. No IC for her.

I guess I should complete my story about the shit fit my W had a few nights ago. I believe it was the lovely Mrs. Allgood who said we do not like to be left hanging.

When my W got home from work I was a man of few words. I listened as she told me about a few things but did not comment or start any conversation. She said the I am sorry I was so shity stuff over and over. I told her she needed to be sorry about these things before she does all this crap. Think about what it causes. I did not feel very good yesterday. My BP was high. I have a monitor and it showed high. I knew it was before I took it. I take BP meds try to be careful about this stuff. I told her I was ill all day and still felt like shit. I asked her if she was trying to kill me with stress. She offered to move out if I needed her to. She has no where to go but to a motel. That should really relieve my stress. Her off alone in a motel. That worked out really great before.
I just told her to stay and try to control her temper. I ended the discussion as I did not feel like talking to her anymore.

My time is up for now. I have to be somewhere.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryn,

I know I can see Extended Stay Hotel and if think hard about what has happened to me... I don't let that happen. I force myself not to go back to that place.

I can think about what happened, read my journal entries, and for the most part (very most), I am OK. I accept it. I will never D over the A. My focus is now on the current reality and what behavior is acceptable to me, and how long I am willing to wait for that behavior.

I really beleive you move on quicker in D.

I too believe that would be true.

I think part of the reason I have been able to resolve most of the A crap in < 2years is because the present reality requires focus and effort. The reality of her issues is in many ways a bigger issue for me than her A's. I think D would be the same way. All of the struggle to re-establish finances, family relationships, and romantic relationships would distract from worry about the A. I also think being able to take an active action, D from the person who betrayed you would be more soothing than passively waiting for that person to become a healthy partner.

iwam, thank you. You are right. There are going to be many more periods of her struggling as she works through her stuff. I wish she would let me in, but I understand that is part of what she is trying to learn to do.

Nell,

I stopped buying the stuff because my pours got more and more generous and I didn't need the temptation.

For me it is a price problem (Talisker and Laphroaig) . One of the things I hate my father for is introducing me to single-malt scotch, but not ensuring I had a wealthy lifestyle.

Thanks Dip. You make a good point, it is probably all of the issues and the shame she feels when she thinks someone else thinks she is not who she should be or doing what she should be doing.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3968 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats,
I didn't like Talisker as much. Too smoky. But when paired with the right (strong) cheese... oh, yeah.

DAMMIT! Now I need a little something. And it's 9:30 a.m. Thanks. Thanks a lot.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whoa.
It's all quiet and scary in here.
[Nell tiptoes back out...]


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Halloooo????

(Strongish goes back to drinking her chardonney....)


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Nell and Stongish,

I have a flashlight. After 5pm, time for a drink. FWW has to work until 7 this evening. She texted me she is taking DS out to run errands when she gets home, so I guess I have an evening to myself.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3968 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've got Boyo1 skulking around behind me asking when I will be done so that he can play games on my computer.

ats, s'okay?


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for asking nELL, I am doing fine for the most part, I have been since this morning. I did spend part of the day going through the hurtful parts in my journal, but really I am OK. This is her issue, her "shame spiral" to deal with. Fortunately she has IC tomorrow.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3968 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe her IC can help FWW put this in perspective. As angry as I get at all our WS's, I feel for your FWW. She has such a tough journey. Don't get me wrong...that doesn't excuse what she's done and God knows, I don't think I could be as patient and understanding as you've been, ats, but I do feel a little bit bad for her. Having said that.....keep your spirits up. You deserve to be happy.....keep repeating that.

Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWW just came home and headed out with DS. She told me about her day, and then said she is getting up extra early to head to IC tomorrow. The last session we had a couple of bad wrecks in the region and she got held up in the traffic. She arrived late, so she did not get her full hour. That pissed her off, and I guess she feels like she needs her full session tomorrow. I won't disagree.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3968 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some good news to report: I gave the helping your spouse book to WH and he read some in it right away, gave me a hug and thanked me for getting it for him and then said that he does want to "make this right." So I'm not displeased.

ats,
I can't tell you how happy I am that your FWW recognizes that she needs help and gets it. It's farther than many people get, and I think that has got as much to do with you as it does with her.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG Nell - I'm so excited....way to go Mr. Nell. I wonder if my H would read this book? My H doesn't read.

I heard it was a good book. Did you read it?


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell and Fun

My H doesn't read either I bought a book and started reading it but left it at home (I'm at the kids place). Seemed pretty good. Is it the one that is only about 100 pages? Forget what it's called but ordered it because it was short

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YAY for MR Nell

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hopin mr nell sticks to it...


hi laura!!! (waving at ya)


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wrote a long post and it went *poof*!!!!

Just hugs to everyone for now and I love you all.

(x)WH is leaving tomorrow, thank God.

{{{{tribe}}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest,
Good riddance to Mr. Dishonest. Here's hopin' the airplane door hits him in the ass.

The book is like a starter's guide to SI. It's pretty good. Yes, it's the one that's 100 pages. I read it in about an hour but I'm guessing WH will take about a week to get through it. He's on page 24 now. (The difference between WSs who "get it" and those who don't.)

I should probably go to bed. Good night, all.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 2:26 AM, April 15th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dip - if your matching socks to underwear forget the WW issues you have major issues
Socks match trousers & shoes match trouser. Jocks dont have to match anything.
Gota go!


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 2:47 AM, April 15th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Books who mentioned books.
M - yes I have the book (Ive started) but Im a slow reader since Dday. Just too many distractions in my mind but having said that since finishing woork at the end of March I am very relaxed lately. About 2 interviews a week hopefully one of these will work out.

Ats - sorry for the renewed pain.
Nell - its a start; I really hope he follows thru & delivers - he has much to be thankful for.
Honest - take care sweetie
Fun - retraining a man - cant be done can it ?
Laura - enjoy the time with your kids.
((tribe))

[This message edited by deeppurple at 2:49 AM, April 15th (Friday)]


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
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