Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: remembering (43168)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 24
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

... is mercury in retrograde or something?

Umm, yes. Since March 30 and until Saturday.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats,
Don't worry... I have no idea what that means. It's something an astrology lover once said to me and it lodged itself in my brain, as random bits of useless information are wont to do.

ETA: ARE WONT to do... not IS WANT to do... yeesh. I think I got a whiff of stupid while typing.

[This message edited by ImNellNow at 11:53 AM, April 21st (Thursday)]


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sigh. I was going to bitch about something and now it seems totally unimportant. ATS doe your WW need different medication? If I acted like that it would pretty much equal an instant medication change. Just sayin'.

Nell - if mercury is in retrograde, is it a good time or a bad time to read my tea leaves?

Miracle - bless you for staying up to help others.

Nofun - randomly had a nice thought of you that brought a smile to. My face this morning - I was playing with the kids in the sunny yard and for some reason I just suddenly thought that you would enjoy it if you were here. Think this is kind of. Weird but I wanted. To let you know that someone is thinking of you and smiling today. Stink in iPad keyboard...


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Double Stupid iPad and double post.

[This message edited by m334455 at 12:44 PM, April 21st (Thursday)]


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allgood: i think you really hit the nail on the head with how you feel about mr nogood perfectly...

Makes no sense


and the good news....its not you, he really does not make sense to most of us either....

and you really need to step back and let it go, let alot shit go....you cannot control him, his reactions, his inactions...his anything...and trying to understand him will only serve to drive you insane....and i will give you 2 guesses why i know this to be true....


find humor anywhere and everywhere you can...when the world feels like its spinning of this mercury in retrograde....realize that for your ws and mine as well as few others this is a permanent affliction...the sooner we accept their disease of their minds the happier we will be...

"surrender"....i think that is a part of letting it go, surrender to that which we cannot control nor understand...


(nell just for the record i don't get the mercury thing either and i never heard of it til you posted it.. )

how are you today ats?

(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood,
You're not crazy so you can't understand crazy; if you try too hard to understand crazy, you will become crazy. It's a horrible cycle. Instead, practice the surrender thing that miracle talks about. Let Mr. Nogood carry his crazy bundle himself. Give your head a shake and let the crazy go.

I swear to you, I have no idea what mercury in retrograde means. I'm a Protestant... and from the Midwest... I understand Jello salad and the importance of the opening of deer season. I do not understand planets in the house of other planets.

ats,
I think FWW was having a few "poor me" moments. Let her have them but don't let them bring you down. You'll notice she's feeling badly because of what's going on in her head... but she's working on that. So, good news. Sorta.

BTW, I thought of you yesterday when I heard a news story about fishing boats (in the Gulf of Mexico... but close enough).


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Alex CR
♀ Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi....I lurk here and have never posted but the retrograde mercury lured me in. Once upon a time I used to teach astrology - they actually gave credit for it at a college.

When Mercury is retrograde, it means that the planet 'appears' to be moving backwards and communications are affected. How it affects each person depends on each individuals' chart, but basically it's a time when there can be misunderstandings, lost letters or calls, any kind of disruption to communications and perceptions.

A retrograde mercury is a time when you need to just be aware that communications and perceptions may be a bit off.

Hope this isn't TMI.......


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1592 | Registered: Mar 2010
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alex,
Hello! I've got way too many half-baked thoughts spinning out of control... but there's something in there about my marriage=mercury in permanent retrograde. I can't wait for this thought to gel!


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWW spent the night in the spare room and was still asleep when I left for work. She sent me an email about her lunch plans with gf's, running errands for DS and change in schedule for tonight and questions about our plans for going out for dinner. Not sure how she is doing, I emailed back that I may not be able to accommodate the schedule change to leave earlier, and that I did not want to go out to dinner if she is still feeling withdrawn, unable to connect, or would prefer to be alone.

All in all, I am feeling fine. Not happy, but fine. I am also getting tired lately of riding on HER roller coaster. It is still about her. How her perceptions of my attitude make her feel. How awful she feels about her involvement in her A's. How she does not know if she can ever get past her shame, and if she would be better off alone.

I think the key phrase from her was in her text last night:

Sorry for never being what I have perceived as what you wanted

She still does not get it, she is still trying to be the person she thinks I want at the time. Trying to chameleon her way through our relationship. Unwilling, or unable, to be herself.

Am not able to connect beyond suface

This is an issue too. With a superficial connection, there is nothing there to carry her through the difficult parts. It is, as she has said, all love or hate. All good or bad, no middle, no grey between the black and white.

The problem for me is that these episodes are becoming more common. She is also prioritized work back to the first claim to her time. I have pointed this out, but it just evokes more shame. Maybe it does have to get worse before it gets better. Maybe she is at the wall she had to break through.

I think I am taking DS15 with me this weekend to go camping and then pick DS18 up at college on Monday. It is hot, but we can go it the springs in north Fl to go swimming and tubing.

ETA: Nell, Thanks for thinking of me. That boat recently lost in the Gulf was north of us. It sounds like they were not at all prepared, and stern anchored in the storm. I do not know how else waves would come in over the transom of an anchored boat. We lsot some pro football players from the same area a couple years ago and in the same way. We are much more sea-concious on my boat. Including an EPIRB if the sh*it really hits the fan. My boat is not going far offshore just now, I have an electronics problem that will be very expensive to repair.

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 1:30 PM, April 21st (Thursday)]


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi alex....welcome to our corner...glad you came out of hiding for an astrology lesson....not tmi in a way, just greek...


seriously though, glad you posted...welcome


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Made myself unavailable today at 3pm knowing that 4pm was his designated time to apartment shop.
He said nothing. Then calls me at 3:45 to see if I'm almost done shopping.

In fact, I was around the corner, I didn't want to screw up his plans, but it also pisses me off that I asked him yesterday if he had any plans today and he said "no", which I knew was a lie at the time. So, I did find it amusing to make him sweat it out.
I come home & he just says he's going out to "see something". Upon further inquiry, he shows me the apt ad. I looked at him & asked him if what he thought of the "no kids" portion of the ad.
He said....
"Really? No, that's for the other apt above that."


No, not so much.
It's a 10 word ad including "no kids" and he still somehow missed it.
LMAO!


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood,
Oh. My. Gah. Mr. Nogood is such a frickin' child. WTF?!?!?!?!?! He can't possibly be that stupid. Can he dress himself? Remember to wipe after poopies?

My eyeballs hurt from all the rolling.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell -


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
brokenpromise
♀ Member
Member # 28859
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Alex

I am a constant lurker myself. Good to see you here

and hello to the tribe...


BW- Me 60 FWS - 65
M 43 years
DD June 9, 2010
On and off LTA with dept secretary
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal Matt 6:20

Posts: 413 | Registered: Jun 2010
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood: Now is the hard time, the transition from being M and becoming D. It is hard to let go of what you are so used to doing for so many years.
The only thing I could suggest is that you can sit and talk with Mr. Allgood and let him know your concerns about where he is getting an apt because of the kids. Let him know it is up to him, but since you are coparenting, it does concern you and the kids.
It is hard not to continue to check and be involved. Any change is hard, whether it's good or bad.

Keep venting here. We have your back.

Ats: It seems your FWW has reached a plateau. She has been working very hard. I think it would be good to do your good plan : give it a few months more and if no change, you know what to do.

Nell: you have such a good sense of humor and a wonderful way with words. I'm glad to see that you are writing a book!! I hope we can all get signed copies when you are published!

{{{{Miracle}}}}


Posts: 1900 | Registered: Jan 2010
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M333- It's really weird that you thought of me today. The weather has been so dreary this week that this morning when the sun peeked out for just a bit, it made me smile.

I love when the sun is shining and I love watching kids play and I also love just gazing at the stars on a hot summer night. It's those things that make me smile and make me appreciate that I am alive.

Thank you for thinking of me.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Alex, Certainly not tmi. I was always interested in astrology.

So basically when Mercury is in retrograde our spouses are more fucked up than usual.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allgood: i probably wouldnt have been available....you asked and he said no he had no plans...so i wouldn't have been available...

and i don't know if its good to see he is still doing "stupid" so well...he's taken it another level....


Remember to wipe after poopies?

wouldn't this be a bit tmi..


honest: glad to see you posted...i worry bout you when you don't at least post something daily when mr dishonest is not here....well, actually even when he is here....i think you need to post as much as possible....you are dealing with so so much....and you need to keep some of that anger...not all, just a bit...


hello promise, glad you peeked out..


ats , ats, ats....i disagree with honest, i don't think she is at a plateau, but i do think you might be....i think the constant struggle gets to you, rightfully so....its not easy being married to someone who has issues up the wazhoo....but the bottom line for you ats is that you love this woman, and right now you know in your heart that you are not ready to go anywhere...sure its nice to dream about it in a fantasizing way....but as we all know life is no fantasy...(damn, damn, damn...i was really hoping it was) not easy getting these revelations while im typing...

seriously, i am glad you came here and vented here and i saw you even vented in general....don't you love this place...all the support 24/7....

and always remember, when the mini crises hit...they always pass ats...they always pass....and you almost always feel better the next day....


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, April 22nd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats-
It sounds to me like your wife is more depressed than in the past.
It must be so hard for you to continue trudging along and trying to reconcile, forgive,and forget
when you get this attitude in return.

I still have moments every single day when I think of the LTA and have fleeting thoughts of just running away and chucking it all.

But, what brings me back is my husband attitude. He is doing everything he can to reassure me of his love and commitment.
He is always happy to see me, wants to spend every minute with me, etc. etc.

I understand that your wife has issues that she is trying to work on but, still it must be so difficut.

Do you think she would benefit from AD meds?
I know she's in IC and she likes her IC but....sometimes a change of ICs is needed to get a new perspective on things.

Just some thoughts.

Otherwise, my advice would be for you to begin doing more of what you have planned.

Detach from her dark mood.

If she doesn't want to spend time with you...you go ahead and find fun things to do on your own or with friends.
Hope you enjoy your weekend activities with the kids.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, April 22nd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Alex! Hi BP!

Lurking kind of creeps me out. I hope you are all benevolent lurkers.

ATS -- I like njgal's idea of her thinking about changing IC's. Remember how much progress I made when I did that last August? And that was in only 4 or 5 sessions. And now, my "IC" right now is a social worker and we're working on life stuff, scheduling a large household, and then once M3-land is running more smoothly better ways to discipline kids but she's been a huge help too


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.