SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out
Before You Say Reconcile...
Weekend Bumps for Newbies
Thank you for bumping this thread up, I was looking for it this morning.
I have some questions about the 180 -
is there a minimum length to make it impactful i think this is a forever thing?
secondly - how do you handle a slip up?
I have been trying it naturally since DDay, i genuinely couldn't take any more talking about the future plans questions, lists of how to make things better, shouting at him for not giving me the reassurances that i needed.
so i got up and started living my life. i couldnt argue any more, neither of us could. i just wanted him out of my space and didnt want to hear from him. for the first two weeks he was desperate to talk to me. i spoke when he needed was cool as a cucumber, and then one time, i cried for two hours on the phone, asking did he want to try. he hadnt thought trying was an option until that point.
then began a week of 'pretend' n/c (hes moved out)we'd talk on a tues but he was tired (genuinely he had an interview) then wed, then thurs (ten mins each) he said ill ring you tomorrow because i cant talk about this now.
shock horror - He didn't phone when he meant to and i phoned him in a rage, asking why he wasnt trying when i had opened a line of communication.
I could KICK myself!! there was no need.
so now were back to two more weeks of n/c and im dying for him to contact me which he does intuitively every time im very down. my replies have been cool "im fine hope you're well talk on 23rd" etc.
how do u handle a slip up like that?
Thirdly - how do you encourage WS to want reconciliation if youre doing a 180?
I'm concerned that he now interprets this as me wanting it to finish for good. he has said he cant even ask me to forgive him, he wouldn't forgive himself and i deserve more than him. I told him for three weeks since DDay that i dont love him anymore etc.
So i dont want him to start backing off,protecting himself, running away like his usual behaviour. i want him to bring something to the table in terms of trustworhiness and a desire to reconcile.
maybe im treating the 180 wrongly...
This is exactly what I was looking for and needing to answer my questions.
It is hard learning to trust and rebuild a relationship and I often have wondered lately what are some indicators that Reconciliation is true.
Thank you, thank you. I know my WS and I still have a long way to go to heal, but at least by the indicators, I know there is hope on the horizon!!
[This message edited by LovingFool at 5:47 PM, April 28th (Sunday)]