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Newest Member: madattheworld (45057)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Before You Say Reconcile...
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, March 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weekend Bumps for Newbies


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Nov 2010
cdnmommy
♀ Member
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, March 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1732 | Registered: Nov 2010
heartbrokennlost
♀ Member
Member # 37500
Content  Posted: 2:47 PM, March 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for bumping this thread up, I was looking for it this morning.


Me-44
FWS-41
Son-18mnths
Son-18yrs
Son-22yrs
Son-18
Son-22
Son-17
Son-21

Posts: 87 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: heartbrokennlost
Rella
♀ Member
Member # 21136
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, March 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


Happily Divorced- final in Oct. 2009, Engaged to my True Love in Dec. 2012

When his family jokingly tells you of how "spoiled" HE was as a child, RUN- It doesn't change when they get older!


Posts: 2206 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: New England
Luvlyla
♀ Member
Member # 38692
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have some questions about the 180 -

is there a minimum length to make it impactful i think this is a forever thing?

secondly - how do you handle a slip up?


I have been trying it naturally since DDay, i genuinely couldn't take any more talking about the future plans questions, lists of how to make things better, shouting at him for not giving me the reassurances that i needed.

so i got up and started living my life. i couldnt argue any more, neither of us could. i just wanted him out of my space and didnt want to hear from him. for the first two weeks he was desperate to talk to me. i spoke when he needed was cool as a cucumber, and then one time, i cried for two hours on the phone, asking did he want to try. he hadnt thought trying was an option until that point.

then began a week of 'pretend' n/c (hes moved out)we'd talk on a tues but he was tired (genuinely he had an interview) then wed, then thurs (ten mins each) he said ill ring you tomorrow because i cant talk about this now.
shock horror - He didn't phone when he meant to and i phoned him in a rage, asking why he wasnt trying when i had opened a line of communication.

I could KICK myself!! there was no need.

so now were back to two more weeks of n/c and im dying for him to contact me which he does intuitively every time im very down. my replies have been cool "im fine hope you're well talk on 23rd" etc.

how do u handle a slip up like that?

Thirdly - how do you encourage WS to want reconciliation if youre doing a 180?

I'm concerned that he now interprets this as me wanting it to finish for good. he has said he cant even ask me to forgive him, he wouldn't forgive himself and i deserve more than him. I told him for three weeks since DDay that i dont love him anymore etc.

So i dont want him to start backing off,protecting himself, running away like his usual behaviour. i want him to bring something to the table in terms of trustworhiness and a desire to reconcile.

maybe im treating the 180 wrongly...


When he's your Romeo,
and you're not his Juliet,
it means you are Rosaline
- and you survive the play.

Posts: 202 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7569 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
thisissogross
♀ Member
Member # 30294
Default  Posted: 2:55 AM, March 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


"A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love." -Friedrich Nietzsche

i edit frequently because i have to


Posts: 237 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: southern us
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Nov 2010
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, March 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


If life is just a series of ridiculous attempts to be alive, you're a hero. - J. Winger

Posts: 17533 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, March 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 856 | Registered: Jun 2012
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, March 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4856 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, April 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bbbuuummmppp


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5189 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7569 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, April 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5189 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
AttemptStrength
♀ Member
Member # 27947
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BS me
WS him x2 A's
1 autistic DS

I'd never have spent the money on a wedding dress if I knew I was just going to a costume party.


Posts: 1992 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Wisconsin
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7569 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5189 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
LovingFool
♀ New Member
Member # 39090
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is exactly what I was looking for and needing to answer my questions.

It is hard learning to trust and rebuild a relationship and I often have wondered lately what are some indicators that Reconciliation is true.

Thank you, thank you. I know my WS and I still have a long way to go to heal, but at least by the indicators, I know there is hope on the horizon!!

[This message edited by LovingFool at 5:47 PM, April 28th (Sunday)]


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married almost 15 years
Kids- 5
D-day - March 2013 and trickle truth for a few weeks after
Currently in R - I hope

Posts: 32 | Registered: Apr 2013
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7569 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7569 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
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