Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Before You Say Reconcile...
hurting35
♀ Member
Member # 32322
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for posting this. My WH never did any of these things when he was trying to work on our marriage. Instead he blames me, laughs and tells me I'm crazy.


WH- 45
ME BS- 35
Together 16 years, married 12years
Dday 1- October 1995 sex with ex wife. WH wasn't sure about his feelings.
Dday 2- June 2008 with co-worker, 3 others from school/ craigslist
Dday 3-Nov 2010 Volunteering to have sex w/ client.

Posts: 153 | Registered: May 2011
mamabekay
♀ Member
Member # 32295
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My what is most of the way there...but he can't remember all the details. Rather, what he remembers doesn'tmatch up with the phone records. Our mc (whom neither of us really like; working on finding a new one) tells me that wh may really believe he's telling the truth, and that scares the hell out of me. How can I R with someone who believes his own lies?


Me-BS-28
Him-SAWS-30
four kids (mine & ours) 9,5,3,15months
Dday 13 May 11 and the TT keeps coming.

Posts: 297 | Registered: May 2011 | From: the Rockies
Fighting2Survive
♀ Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
55forwardfocus
New Member
Member # 32305
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Excellent! I plan to share with my wife and require she become an expert in all phases of R. The phrase, "Lies of omission" struck a chord with me. Great wisdom.

Posts: 1 | Registered: May 2011
SabinatheOwl
♀ Member
Member # 30023
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, June 28th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump for newbies


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
ThereWereNoSigns
♀ Member
Member # 27922
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, June 28th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately, after reading this post...I realize he is rugsweeping. i think he thinks doing dishes and calling me when he is coming home from work is "hard work." His transparency is only on things that he feels need to be transparent...don't tell me if he strikes up a friendship with a woman while on travel for work for 2 weeks...He "knew I would think he was fucking her."
Defensive...check
Angry...check
Makes jokes about it...check
Continues secret relationships...check
Not transparent...check
Rugsweeping...check, check

The more I type the more I see he is a bigger ass than I thought. He wants to work on our relationship...but I swear he wants to have his cake and eat it to.

[This message edited by ThereWereNoSigns at 2:35 PM, June 28th (Tuesday)]


Me: BSO (34 yrs)
Him: WSO (35 yrs)
DS: 4 1/2 years DD: 2 1/2 years, DS: 1 year
DDay #1: 3/6/10 (3 weeks before our now cancelled wedding)
DDay #2??? 6/23/11- he denies
Polygraph inconclusive on 6/26/11 due to purposeful non-cooperation
DDay

Posts: 187 | Registered: Mar 2010
LadyBlackbird
♀ New Member
Member # 32607
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, June 28th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for that great explanation of the the 4 pillars! I keep thinking that maybe there's something wrong with me because sorry just isn't enough, but now I feel much better seeing that my WSO doesn't meet any of the R criteria. I've seen the pillars referenced many times here, but it was nice to have good descriptions.

Thanks!!


Together 5 years, not married. one child (3)
D-day: 6-8-11
Status, unsure

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jun 2011
september7
♀ Member
Member # 29929
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, July 1st (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump!! Great post!!


D-Day September 7, 2010
NC ended December 22, 2010 and I kicked him OUT! WH dumps OW July 2, 2011 and wants to R! Now he has been living with me in not the best circumstances, but we're paying for medical school for one kid and college the other.

Posts: 156 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Florida
2ndbest
♀ Member
Member # 32446
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, July 1st (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for bumping this thread. I'm so sad to realize how far H and I are from honest reconciliation. Thought we were making progress but he met OW for lunch yesterday.He's been rugsweeping everything. I was so desperate to believe him, I let myself fall for a load of crap.


In limbo
Il ne faut pas toucher aux idoles: la dorure en reste aux mains. - Flaubert



Posts: 145 | Registered: Jun 2011
isadora
♀ Member
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, July 2nd (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 12 yrs
2 DDs and DSs all under 10
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4521 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
LadyBlackbird
♀ New Member
Member # 32607
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, July 7th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Together 5 years, not married. one child (3)
D-day: 6-8-11
Status, unsure

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jun 2011
Fighting2Survive
♀ Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, July 11th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
SabinatheOwl
♀ Member
Member # 30023
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, July 13th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
betrayedandnumb
♀ Member
Member # 24903
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, July 13th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just seeing this.. and worthy of a bump!!


BW- me
FWH-him
3/28/09 The day he started skiing down the slippery slope
4/26/09 The day it turned PA
Dday #1 7/13/09, #2 7/16/09, #3 10/23/09, Major setback- 8/13/10
In R

Posts: 852 | Registered: Jul 2009
Baffled
♀ Member
Member # 21089
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, July 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thankyou for posting this. So much advice was given to me at the beginning, and at first I blinded myself to it. Now nearly 3 years on, I so clearly see the difference.My WH is firmly in the righthand pillar.

mamabekay: How can I R with someone who believes his own lies?

That is exactly what I went through.


"The despair I can cope with, it's the hope I can't stand"

Posts: 182 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: uk
Fighting2Survive
♀ Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, July 18th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
Fighting2Survive
♀ Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, July 23rd (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, July 27th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5884 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
brokenfairy
♀ Member
Member # 32818
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, July 27th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is really interesting, and sadly for me in black and white proves that my partner has chosen to 100% rugsweep.

Mind you, I don't think he really knows what he wants tbh...he says he doesn't want OW, but also isnt prepared to wait up to 5 years for me to completely recover either. I think something inside him has said that at 53 years old, he is just maybe not cut out for relationships.

He doesn't want to fight for me, or his kids... he seems to be happy just to let it all slip through his fingers. My last cry out to him, explaining that i was throwing him a lifeline, ended up with him telling me to "fuck off"...

Wont be wasting any more time, but i have to admit that his extreme lack of remorse and unwillingness to fight for his family has actually been as painful as the A itself, if that makes any sense.

We are only 5 weeks since DDay, but already there is nothing to work with, to hope for, so I have just switched off and we co-habit silently...its a living hell.

I just want to be happy


ME: BGF, 40 (was 37 on DDay)
HIM: XWBF, 56 ~ not worthy
CHILDREN: D17, S13
D-DAY: 21.06.11
A DURATION: 18+M

Posts: 416 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: UK
purplefinch
♀ Member
Member # 32471
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, July 27th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wont be wasting any more time, but i have to admit that his extreme lack of remorse and unwillingness to fight for his family has actually been as painful as the A itself, if that makes any sense.

I am in a similar situation. From the beginning, except for a brief few days of fake behavior, my Stbxwh has shown nothing but running for divorce as fast as he can. At first it broke my heart but now I see he doesn't have what it takes to even try to reconcile. It is hard but it is my reality now. I agree that It is, in
some ways, more painful than the a itself. He's tossing it away like our marriage was trash.


Married 28 years, together 32; DD age 23
Me BW: 52
XWH: 54, liar
DDay 6/3/2011
skank-a-saurus: 48 yo FORMER friend of 30 years.
status: Divorced January 25, 2012!!

Posts: 674 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 407
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.